DuracellEnergizer

Jeebus’ latest avatar fills me with existential dread.

Possessed said:

Whatever you guys are yapping about it hasn’t made its way into my phone’s cache yet, so it’s not in my personal Cannon.

But once it is, you will fire it, correct?

CHEWBAKAspelledwrong said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

CHEWBAKAspelledwrong said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

a flacid Willy Wonka bar.

Is this some weird pop-culture references I don’t get?

Obviously you’re not a golfer.

Actually i am. And what’s that got to do with anything?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5QGkOGZubQ

darth_ender said:

(Scene)

(Song)

I’d suggest this in the “Revenge of the Ridiculousness” thread, but I’m afraid it’s probably too late in the game for that.

Well, this is strange.

[JEDIT]

Evil, misleading avatar, is Evil, Misleading.

Yes.

CHEWBAKAspelledwrong said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

a flacid Willy Wonka bar.

Is this some weird pop-culture references I don’t get?

Obviously you’re not a golfer.

I must be one of the blurry figures in the background. 😛

…

DuracellEnergizer said:

Did I ever mention that I hate that goddamn character? He is Star Wars’ answer to every stupid looking rubber forehead alien that has every shown up in Star Trek. Does he wear some kind of concealed antigravity harness to keep that ridiculously long neck upright in Earth-type+ gravity? Seriously – that damn thing should be broken sixteen different ways and flopping around like a flacid Willy Wonka bar.

About sums it up.

TV’s Frink said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

moviefreakedmind said:

Burger King sucks so hard.

Take it to the “Icky Sex in Restaurants” thread.

REPORTED FOR MAKING UP A THREAD

It’s only made up until I create it.

Since this has already been bumped. . . .

I would disregard Leia as Luke’s sister – not because of twincest*, but because it’s universe-shrinking bullshit. Alas, too much of the post-ROTJ EU I accept as canon predicably runs with the revelation, so, as it is with the Death Star II, I accept it but only with much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

*Consenting adults can do what they want.

moviefreakedmind said:

Burger King sucks so hard.

Take it to the “Icky Sex in Restaurants” thread.

I canna handle MacFarlane, Cap’n! I just don’t have the power!

Never nuke a Whopper. It just comes out gross.

DuracellEnergizer said:

I’m exhausted for the night, so I’ll leave things here for now. I’ll go into more detail about where I’d take the series storywise in a follow-up post tomorrow.

Damn, if that wasn’t a long sleep. 😉

I’ve revised some of the ideas I had for a re-written Rebels since I created this thread.

• The show would last five seasons, consisting of thirteen hour-long episodes each.

Not anymore. In fact, I wouldn’t make it a series at all. I’d make it a trilogy of feature-length films. Why? Because the Rebels Trilogy would serve as a mirror of the OT. The number and types of characters, their motivations, their trials and tribulations – they would all parallel those of the OT, only approached from the whole opposite direction. Whereas the OT was fundamentally optimistic, the RT would be fundamentally pessimistic. Luke began as an optimistic kid, went through some low points, but completed his Jedi training and lived happily ever after? Ezra starts as a pessimist, evolves into a cautious optimist while running with the Ghost crew, but ultimately fails as a Jedi and does not have a happy sendoff. The Rebels won at the end of the OT? They do at the end of the RT, too, but their victory is joyless. A villain redeemd themself at the end of ROTJ? Happens in the RT as well, but a hero also succumbs to the darkness, rendering that small triumph moot. Etc, etc, etc.

• Dispensing with the incompetent stormtrooper garbage, I’d do a complete 180 with the troopers; I’d make the stormtroopers as deadly and formidible as possible – crack shots with their blasters and skilled hand-to-hand fighters – to make them credible threats to our heroes.

I’d like to amend this a wee bit. In the first episode of the RT, the stormtroopers on Lothal would begin as incompetent – a cowed backwater slave world isn’t exactly a place the Empire’s finest troops would be stationed – but by the second episode, those jackasses would be replaced with the formidable killers mentioned above.

• The Pau’an inquisitor would look like this

and weild a standard-hilt lightsaber with a blue blade.

• The Fifth Brother would wear a different uniform and wield a green lightsaber which can be re-configured into a razor-edged flying disc when in bladeless mode.

On second thought, I’d just combine the two characters. That’d bring the dark side characters down to three: Jerec, the Pau’an, and Sariss – a perfect unholy trinity.

• Ahsoka would remain a part of the series, but she’d be a Sith instead of a former Jedi (in keeping with my personal canon) and she’d wield her green and chartreuse lightsabers instead of white-bladed replacements.

I’d jettison Ahsoka altogether. I like her, but her presence would only bog the narrative down.

Tantive3+1 said:

A proper continuation after T2 would have been a backstory film showing in the beginning Skynet being developed and then becoming self-aware launching nukes to Russia and then Russia retaliating by launching nukes to the US.

The few human survivors that are left are gathered up by the machines to work in camps branded by laserscan. John Connor saves the humans from the camps and they form the human resistance with John Connor being their leader teaching them how to fight back against the machines.

The war rages on for years until near the end, as depicted in the draft of the original opening to T2, the resistance smashes Skynets defense grid and the machines become inactive winning the war for them but as a last ditch effort Skynet sends back two terminators

The resistance learns of this and capture’s the lab complex with the time displacement equipment and after Kyle Reese “volunteers” and is ready to go through John tells him to give his mother a message for him (as depicted in T1). After Reese is sent back John finds the room with the unactivated terminators and see’s the one from T2.

This. And it would’ve been released on 29 August 1997 to coincide with the date of Judgment Day (Too late for that now, though.).

EXT. ROAD — PASTURE — DAY

Some number of weeks have passed and Jonathan is currently behind the wheel of the Model T, driving out into town alongside a large pasture. Just as he rounds a curve, he spies Clark — returning from one of his jaunts with his friends — crawl under the fence enclosing the pasture and take off into a run through the long grass. Hitting the brakes, Jonathan leans over and puts his head out the passenger side window.

JONATHAN

Clark!

Running remarkably fast for a boy of his short stature, Clark is already out of earshot of Jonathan’s cries. Returning to the wheel, he hits the gas and makes a U-turn.

JONATHAN

Clark!

Hearing Jonathan for the first time, Clark halts in mid-stride and turns around.

JONATHAN

Clark, I’ve told you before — don’t cut across old man McCulloch’s pasture!

CLARK

But Pa —

JONATHAN

No “but pa’s” from you, boy. McCulloch’s prize bull is likely out and about this time of day. Now come here; I’ll drive you home.

Jonathan hits the breaks, waiting for Clark to obey him. Sighing loudly, Clark throws his arms up in resignation and begins making the trek over to the side of the road where Jonathan is waiting. Unfortunately, it is at that very moment McCulloch’s prize bull makes its appearance. Noticing the small intruder in its pasture, the ornery ungulate breaks out into a full charge towards Clark.

JONATHAN

(mortified) Clark!

Jumping out of the truck, Jonathan hops the fence in a mad dash to save his son, but he is too far away and too late. As the bull comes upon Clark, the boy can’t even so much as turn around as the animal brings its hooves down on his small back, driving him hard into the ground before finally trampling him underfoot.

JONATHAN

(screaming) No!

As the bull disappears into the distance, Jonathan runs up to Clark, tears streaming from his eyes. He is fully expecting to see Clark crushed and bloody, on his way to death’s door if he isn’t there already. Remarkably, Clark is alive, conscious, and completely unharmed. His hair is mussed, his skin dirty, his clothes torn, and an expression of absolute shock etched into the features of his face, but physically, there isn’t a single scratch on him.

CLARK

(terrified) P-pa‽

JONATHAN

Cl-Clark? (beat) You’re … you’re alright?

Dropping to his knees, Jonathan scoops Clark up into his arms. Hugging the boy close to him, he begins weeping with extreme joy.

JONATHAN

Oh God! Oh thank you, God!

INT. TRUCK/CAB — DAY

Jonathan and Clark are now in the truck, headed back home.

JONATHAN

Son, what happened in McCulloch’s pasture … we’re gonna keep that between us right now, alright?

CLARK

We’re not gonna tell Ma?

JONATHAN

I’ll tell her, son … but only when the time’s right. Right now … the time’s just not right. You understand?

CLARK

No….

Reaching over, Jonathan rests his hand on Clark’s shoulder and gives it a short rub.

JONATHAN

(half-smiles) It’s alright, son. It’s alright….

EXT. KENT FARM — KENT HOME — DAY

Pulling up beside the Kent home, Jonathan and Clark get out of the truck and head up the front steps. Martha, who has been sitting out on the front porch reading a novel, leaps up out of her seat when she sees the condition Clark’s in.

MARTHA

(shocked) Land’s sake, Clark! What happened to you‽

Crossing over to her young son, she begins feeling him over for injuries.

JONATHAN

He just got into a little rough housing with the other children.

MARTHA

(nonplussed) A little rough housing‽

JONATHAN

(shrugs) Boys will be boys.

MARTHA

(to Clark) I don’t see or feel any injuries. Do you hurt anywhere, Clark?

CLARK

I feel fine, Ma.

MARTHA

Alright. (beat) Head on inside. You need to get out of those clothes and into a bath right away.

Obeying, Clark heads on inside the house. Exchanging one, short, questioning glance with Jonathan, she follows in after him.

INT. BARN/STORAGE AREA — DAY

The next day, Clark enters the barn. Pulling one of the big wooden doors open as far his small frame will allow, he slips inside. Taking one quick glance outside to see if anyone noticed him, he then pulls the door closed. Stepping deeper inside the barn, past the tractor and a pile of wooden boxes, Clark comes to the ladder which leads to the loft above. Looking up, he nervously wipes his sweaty hands off on his pants and takes hold of the rungs. Cautiously ascending the wooden ladder, he looks down upon reaching the midway point — and immediately regrets it.

CLARK

(closes eyes) Don’t look down. Don’t look down….

Fighting his fear of heights, Clark resumes the climb and in short order reaches the top.

INT. BARN/LOFT — DAY

Stepping onto the loft, he looks down; the distance between him and the ground floor is great enough to make the boy swoon. Walking backward, Clark works his way to the back of the loft.

CLARK

I can do this. I can do this. I have to do this. I have to know.

Tensing his muscles, gritting his teeth, young Clark takes off in a sprint. Crossing the length of the loft in seconds, the boy launches himself off.

INT. BARN/STORAGE AREA — DAY

Thrown clear into the air, gravity takes hold and Clark plummets — plummets straight down, hits the tractor, caroms off, and crashes hard into the pile of boxes. Completely unharmed, Clark picks himself up. Dusting his clothes off, he looks himself over.

That’s when a fiendish grin comes to his face.

suspiciouscoffee said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

You magnificent bastard! I salute you!

Did you read my book?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1W7c8QghPxk

[JEDITED DOUBLE POST]

dammit_ender

Yeah, if you keep in mind the backstory it falls apart.

You magnificent bastard! I salute you!

TV’s Frink said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

Wait, it’s a two-parter? And the second part won’t be available on regular TV?

Sometimes I think Paramount wants to fail.

I was hoping someone’d catch the reference.

[JEDIT]

Forget it.