DuracellEnergizer

narwhal

Thoroughly gorgeous — every page, every panel.

Making the Starkiller Base the creation of some long lost civilization the First Order appropriated would’ve solved all the in-universe problems.

It would still be the Death Star 3.0.

ysalamir

There’s a spot open in my new wave/grunge band if you want it.

CHEWBAKAspelledwrong said:

SilverWook said:

The irony is that you can get BOAN on Blu_Ray, but not Song Of The South.

You have greedy capitalist parasites to thank for that!

ITFY

It’s not an original idea, but it’s what you do with it that matters.

I bet you could get similar results with less cerebral hemorrhaging if you’re a metalhead.

Mark’s Down’s been MIA for seven months, Bingowings for six, ray_afraid for five.

Possessed said:

RogueLeader said:

But the better answer is that it’s just Star Wars, the same galaxy where starships fly like there is air friction, where you can hear sound in space, and giant worms live in asteroids. Did I forget to mention the space wizards with laser swords?

It’s this

It’s true. All of it. From a certain point of view.

canofhumdingers said:

“bleeding crystals”

The name of my emo band if I ever start one (which I won’t).

suspiciouscoffee said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

The Witch is up there with the best of this decade’s horror films.

Is that the one where the title is often stylized as The VVitch*?

moviefreakedmind said:

Also, are you opposed to the American Revolution? How is the flag not just a symbol of violence to you? Washington should’ve just gone on hunger strike according to your logic.

I’d like to visit that universe.

The Witch is up there with the best of this decade’s horror films.

I think about how many angels from the Moons of Iego can dance on the head of a lightsaber.

Terrible to hear that. Hopes she turns up safe.

paja said:

a marijuana joint that’s been laced with PCP and then soaked in formaldehyde.

It’s an inventive way to commit suicide, but is it efficient?

Warbler said:

paja said:

I wonder if anyone has replaced an Silent Films music with Heavy metal/hard rock.

Somehow, I just don’t think the two would go together.

I can see it working for a German Expressionist/horror film.

CatBus said:

Warbler said:

Puggo - Jar Jar’s Yoda said:

I’m no fan of religion (well, except the FSM). However, is the abuse rate any higher in the catholic church than in other religions? Or even when compared to large secular organizations? I haven’t seen any such statistics, and I wonder if it is just an unfortunate aspect of humanity in general.

FSM?

Flying Spaghetti Monster. IIRC he has difficulty keeping his noodly appendage to himself.

That’s the #2 reason I bit it off.

Handman said:

Dahmage and Possessed’s rapport with one another always makes me feel like a coven of Gen X witches.

Possessed said:

kill the cow or chicken or pick the vegetables but I’m cooking them and seasoning them. They will be quite spicy.

RogueLeader said:

Worst to Best: Explained

8. A New Hope

"I was utterly underwhelmed by “A New Hope,” impressed solely by the world-making of the script—the delivery of a ready-made but minor mythology—but neither moved nor fascinated nor at all delighted by the filmmaking. Rather, I was shocked—that the director of “American Graffiti” could have constrained himself to create such a turgid, stilted, flat, and textureless movie.” - Richard Brody, The New Yorker

The palette of Hollywood in the 70s, that had for the past few years been introducing avant-garde storytelling to a wider audience, now was doomed with the release of Lucas’ original space-fantasy. Being one of the first blockbusters, it became such a phenomenon that it laid the groundwork for all of the mind-numbing films that we associate with the term “blockbuster movies” for the next 40 years. Lucas, ironically, played a part of the banality of modern Hollywood, filled with dull stories, like seeing the same superhero plot with a new coat each year, and actions films that try to numb the mind with the overstimulation of the senses.

7 & 6. The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi

“Empire” and “Jedi” had nothing parodistic; their absurd earnestness and the bombastic banality of their direction (by Irvin Kershner and Richard Marquand, respectively) are a perfect match for the oppressive, hectoring John Williams scores that accompanied them. If there was nostalgic, faux-naïve whimsy in Lucas’s inaugural installment of “Star Wars,” it was gone from “Empire” and “Jedi,” replaced by a hegemonic bellow for devotion and belief.” - Brody

ESB can’t decide if it is a serious movie or a silly one. It is sort of a mess with no solid conclusion, making a film that can’t really stand on its own. I tend to agree with the thoughts here if you’d like to know more: http://www.simplysyndicated.com/why-empire-strikes-back-sucks-gundark-poodoo/

ROTJ, while repeating many of the same mistakes as the original Star Wars film, this is really where the idea of Vader as a sympathetic character is developed.

The only redeeming quality of these films are the elements of Darth Vader’s redemption the introduced to the saga, a twist that made the films grow beyond mere “adventure films”. They really have nothing else to offer beyond this, save for some of Yoda’s philosophical preaching.

5 & 4. Force Awakens and the Last Jedi
With The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi, they’re both just okay. No strong feelings either way about them. They are not as imaginative as Lucas’ prequels, but there is considerable effort to address the legacy of a character like Vader. Even though that twist allowed for the beautiful tale Lucas created in his prequels, they did present a problem with the idea that only one family could really effect the destiny of this galaxy. But with the new character of Rey, we have a character who is clearly a nobody in Episode 7 and we get to see her come to accept that she has no destiny. But, it is a strong message that she has to make her own destiny, and Rey, just like anyone, can make a real difference. The story of Rey and Kylo Ren are the most interesting aspects of these new films, with Finn and Rose being my second favorites if they can conclude their arc in 8 appropriately in the next film. I’m sure IX will fit into the middle of my list as well, especially if they can devise a conclusion with Ben Solo returning to Leia that reflects Anakin leaving his own mother at the beginning of this saga.

3. Revenge of the Sith

"The labyrinthine opening shot of “Revenge of the Sith”— of Anakin and Obi-Wan giving chase to Dooku through the space vehicles on the planet of Coruscant—is a mighty and audacious gauntlet-throw, the digital equivalent of the opening shot of Orson Welles’s “Touch of Evil.” It wheels and gyrates and zips and pivots with a vertiginous wonder that declares, from the beginning, that Lucas had big visual ideas and was about to realize them with a heroically inventive virtuosity. And the rest of the movie follows through on that self-dare.

If I had seen “Revenge of the Sith” in real time, in a theatre upon its release, in 2005, I think that, at the moment when Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid), sizzling in the blue lightning that Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson) reflects back at him, cries out to Anakin (Hayden Christensen), “Power! Unlimited Power!,” I would have leaped out of my seat yelling with excitement. The entire movie is filled with an absolute splendor of the pulp sublime, and that moment is its very apogee. Lucas reaches historic heights in the filming of action: the martial artistry of Anakin and Obi-Wan’s double duel versus Dooku, the gaping maw of outer space and of the airshaft into which the heroic duo drops, Obi-Wan’s light-sabre fight with the four-armed Grievous, and, above all, the apocalyptic inferno of the confrontation of Obi-Wan and Anakin (which, regrettably, cuts back to Yoda and Emperor, a much duller battle). I watched these sequences over and over—happily, with the sound off to get rid of the musical score—and was repeatedly and unflaggingly amazed by Lucas’s precise, dynamic, wildly imaginative direction.

The scripted politics of the conflicts have a grand imagination to match. What Lucas brings to the script of “Clones” and Sith” is a quasi- (or pseudo-) Shakespearean backroom dialectic of power-maneuvering. The dialogue is just heightened and sententious enough, just sufficiently rhetorical, to convey the grave moment of ideas in conflict and the grand mortal results of that dialectical clash—the making of a villain and the unmaking of a republic.” - Brody

Also, see Camille Puglia’s thoughts on ROTS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ibkmh72_1pw

2. The Phantom Menace
   Phantom Menace evolved the franchise in a way that other franchises seem to fail at. Unique and imaginative, instead of giving us more of what “the fans” wanted, George decided to tell a story that grew beyond what the original Star Wars was meant to be. Instead of being a Flash Gordon-ripoff that tells an over-simplistic fairy tale, George set out to decontextualize this saga as a tragedy on the scales of Othello or Faust. He planted the seeds of a “Citizen Kane” in space. A young Anakin, bright-eyed and full of optimism, is taken away from his mother. The Jedi Order was nothing as fans had expected, instead, Lucas decided to portray them as a flawed order that practices non-attachment and have them represent a very unhealthy version of masculinity that inevitably leads Anakin to give in to his own fears and turn to evil.

#1 Attack of the Clones

"This peculiar contradiction began to resolve itself with the pleasures of “Attack of the Clones.” There, Lucas’s force awakens. The movie’s rich-hued palette alone is a jolt from the start, and the movie’s action scenes have an alluring, entrancing kinetic vigor and texture. The speeder chase with the paid assassin, with its swoops and spins and drops; Obi-Wan’s fight with Jango Fett; and the serial duels with Count Dooku—all of these display balletic gracefulness and dazzling rapidity along with closely-textured compositions in depth, surprising pictorial imbalances, and angles that are as expressive as they are surprising. The colossal scale of the assembled clones toward the end of the film has an awe-inspiring power greater than anything in any of the four films that preceded it. My hypothesis is that digital technology caught up to Lucas’s imagination. Finally, by 2002, digital technology, which he had begun to use in “The Phantom Menace,” liberated him from the limits of optical effects and, by means of C.G.I., could create the fusion of live action and animation that was implicit in the project, and in his vision, from the start.” - Brody

This film is the epitome of what George Lucas always wanted, being able to tell a story that his completely his own, separated from Hollywood and with technology that was finally able to bring his wildest dreams to life. With it being the first major feature film completely shot on digital, it paved the way to the democratization of filmmaking, and now anyone can make a movie and find an audience online. Lucas was never able to successfully create his American Zoetrope he envisioned, a place for filmmakers to tell their stories away from Hollywood, but in a way, he succeeded through the breakthroughs that truly began with this film.

My nipples aren’t sensitive, but this post is almost enough to make them change their mind.

Possessed said:

Anybody seen the new predator movie? I haven’t, nor have I seen any predator movie, but I heard it’s real bad and I like watching people complain about movies.

Discuss.

I haven’t seen it and have no inclination to see it.

INT. KENT HOME/LUMA’S BEDROOM — NIGHT

While most everyone else in the household sleeps, Luma remains wide awake. To pass the hours, she reads from the weightiest text the Kents keep around the house: the Bible. Reclining atop her bed, she holds the tome between thumb and forefinger, handling it as if it were no denser than the thinnest paperback.

Luma rises from bed. Absorbed in the text, she absentmindedly crosses the length of the room. Upon coming to the wall, she doesn’t stop. Indeed, she continues up it, against the pull of gravity. Striding the length of the wall, she continues onto the ceiling, still reading. Reaching the centre, she stops. Standing on the ceiling, suspended upside down with her hair and clothes inexplicably still in place, she turns a page. Leaving the ceiling, flipping over in mid-air, she floats down as softly as a feather back to the mattress.

INT. KENT HOME/DINING ROOM — DAY

Clark has already departed for school, leaving Jonathan, Martha, and Luma at the table. As Clark’s parents finish their coffee, Luma reads through a fashion magazine, taking particular interest in the models’ hairstyles.

LUMA

(touches hair) How wouldst you outline mine own hair?

MARTHA

Outline?

LUMA

Describe.

MARTHA

(envious) Lush … baby blond….

LUMA

You surmise not t hast poise?

MARTHA

(half-smiles) Two out of three ain’t bad.

LUMA

(shows magazine to Martha) Notwithstanding, this hairstyle wouldst not beest phenomenal on me?

MARTHA

You want a makeover.

LUMA

(hopeful) T’s viable?

MARTHA

You could do worse than a qualified hairdresser … (looks to Jonathan)

Jonathan shakes his head.

MARTHA

(cont’d) but I’m no fledgling with the scissors. I could see what I can do.

LUMA

Splendiferous, Martha. Thank you. (beat) Jonathan?

JONATHAN

Hmm?

LUMA

Your family hast alotted me bountifully this month. I’d assisteth in your errands, if’t be true you’d give license.

JONATHAN

(shrugs) Sure thing.

INT. BARN/STORAGE AREA — DAY

Jonathan and Luma enter. Crossing to a chopping block, Jonathan pulls loose an axe.

JONATHAN

(points to firewood pile) Fetch a piece, Luma, would you?

Crossing to the pile of unchopped firewood, Luma takes up a round and carries it over.

JONATHAN

(cont’d) On the block.

She sets the round down on its side. It rolls off the block.

JONATHAN

(chuckles) Upright.

She sets the round, upright, on the chopping block.

JONATHAN

Stand back.

Luma steps away. Bringing the axe down, Jonathan cleaves the round in twain.

JONATHAN

And that’s how it’s done. (beat) Another.

They continue the process, Luma gathering wood, Jonathan chopping it.

LUMA

“But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you. And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloak forbid not to take thy coat also. Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again. And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them. And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same. And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful. Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.”

JONATHAN

Luke 6:27-38.

LUMA

(cont’d) “And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying, ‘Avenge the children of Israel of the Midianites: afterward shalt thou be gathered unto thy people.’ And Moses spake unto the people, saying, ‘Arm some of yourselves unto the war, and let them go against the Midianites, and avenge the Lord of Midian. Of every tribe a thousand, throughout all the tribes of Israel, shall ye send to the war.’ So there were delivered out of the thousands of Israel, a thousand of every tribe, twelve thousand armed for war. And Moses sent them to the war, a thousand of every tribe, them and Phinehas the son of Eleazar the priest, to the war, with the holy instruments, and the trumpets to blow in his hand. And they warred against the Midianites, as the Lord commanded Moses; and they slew all the males. And they slew the kings of Midian, beside the rest of them that were slain; namely, Evi, and Rekem, and Zur, and Hur, and Reba, five kings of Midian: Balaam also the son of Beor they slew with the sword. And the children of Israel took all the women of Midian captives, and their little ones, and took the spoil of all their cattle, and all their flocks, and all their goods. And they burnt all their cities wherein they dwelt, and all their goodly castles, with fire. And they took all the spoil, and all the prey, both of men and of beasts. And they brought the captives, and the prey, and the spoil, unto Moses, and Eleazar the priest, and unto the congregation of the children of Israel, unto the camp at the plains of Moab, which are by Jordan near Jericho. And Moses, and Eleazar the priest, and all the princes of the congregation, went forth to meet them without the camp. And Moses was wroth with the officers of the host, with the captains over thousands, and captains over hundreds, which came from the battle. And Moses said unto them, ‘Have ye saved all the women alive? Behold, these caused the children of Israel, through the counsel of Balaam, to commit trespass against the Lord in the matter of Peor, and there was a plague among the congregation of the Lord. Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.’”

JONATHAN

Numbers 31:1-18.

LUMA

The Bible impels much … ambivalence.

JONATHAN

It does at that.

LUMA

You art a votary of the Hebrew god?

JONATHAN

I don’t put too much stake in being a churchgoing sort, but I believe in Jesus.

LUMA

How doth you harmonize the charity of Christ Jesus with the vehemence of his deity?

JONATHAN

When the Lord commands Israel to do the Midianites wrong, that’s the Devil in disguise. When Jesus commands his disciples to turn the other cheek, that’s the true God breaking through the Devil’s lies. But I’m sure Pastor Nilquist would say different. (beat) How about you give it a try?

Setting down the axe, Jonathan switches places with Luma. Retrieving a round of wood, he places it on the chopping block.

JONATHAN

You don’t need the axe. (nods) Go ahead.

Clenching her fist, she brings it down on the round. Instead of splitting in two neat halves, it bursts into kindling.

JONATHAN

(smirks) Splendiferous.

INT. KENT HOME/KITCHEN — DAY

Luma sits in a chair, a towel draped around her shoulders and over her chest, looking through the same fashion magazine from before. Martha stands behind her, scissors in hand.

MARTHA

Ready?

LUMA

I am.

Taking a lock of Luma’s blond hair in hand, she takes her scissors to it. The blades snap clean off.

MARTHA

Heavens!

LUMA

(frowns) Something the matter?

MARTHA

(irate) I asked if you were ready.

LUMA

(frowns) I am.

MARTHA

(holds out broken scissors) These speak otherwise.

LUMA

(confused) I apprehend not.

MARTHA

You don’t know how to dial back your invulnerability?

LUMA

Dial back my invulnerability?

MARTHA

Clark can make it so scissors won’t break against his hair.

LUMA

Hast Clark did delineate the processth?

MARTHA

“Pulling it into himself”.

LUMA

I’ll tryeth….

Closing her eyes, Luma concentrates.

LUMA

Attempteth again.

Retrieving a new pair of scissors, Martha takes a lock of Luma’s blond hair in hand and cautiously takes her scissors to it. The blades shear through the strands effortlessly.

I had some really surreal ideas to go with the concept — Kylo Ren kills Lor San Tekka & Han by opening his helmet, releasing a blinding white light which causes fatal seizures; Ren is actually Rey’s evil twin, also played by Daisy Ridley; Luke is Snoke — but have absolutely no idea how any of them could be implemented.