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HAN
It’s true. All of it.
Not enough people read the EU.
What do you want to happen in the the rest of the ST? — Page 8
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REY
But why can’t we stop someone from posting fanfiction outside of the subforum that it is supposed to be contained in?
LUKE
[sad shrug]
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BillionaireHobo287 said:
SNOKE
I laugh at how pathetic your life is. You are weak!KYLO REN
I AM GOD!
I can’t even lol
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Agreed. His dialogue is worse than that in Attack of the Clones.
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I have officially lost my writing ability.
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I have officially lost my writing ability.
Writer’s block?
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I have officially lost my writing ability.
REY
Do you think he ever had it?
LUKE
[shrug]
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I have officially lost my writing ability.
REY
Do you think he ever had it?LUKE
[shrug]
REY
And why is he “BillionairHobo287?”
LUKE
That, no one can answer.
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I think I need to make it clearer that Kylo Ren was brainwashed, and maybe cut out the Knights of Ren scene so that they are more menacing. Then I need to improve the dialouge somehow, or remove as much of it as possible. Any more feedback?
EDIT: I’m realizing the screenwriting tips I followed were totally pretentious lol
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Why can’t Kylo just be evil? lol
Also you should stick with your original act one and then write it from there.
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I tried writing the bullying scene, but I can’t write good uncliche bullies, and the only aspect from it that matters is that it sets up his reactive attachment to Snoke and the brainwashing. Considering I can implement the brainwashing into the first scene, and the reactive attachment isn’t enough to keep Kylo as Snoke’s pawn, I’m keeping it cut out.
EDIT: I’m open to a cowriter because events in real life have destroyed my writing ability.
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Why can’t Kylo just be evil? lol
Also you should stick with your original act one and then write it from there.
The brainwashing aspect is very logical considering the way he acts and was designed (similar to religious crusader knights)
Ok, I’m kind of confused. Do you mean brainwashed as in convinced to be apart of something to the point of having little to no free will? Or do you mean brainwashed as in mind control?
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Why can’t Kylo just be evil? lol
Also you should stick with your original act one and then write it from there.
The brainwashing aspect is very logical considering the way he acts and was designed (similar to religious crusader knights)
Ok, I’m kind of confused. Do you mean brainwashed as in convinced to be apart of something to the point of having little to no free will? Or do you mean brainwashed as in mind control?
It’s more like intense emotional and mental manipulation since childhood alongside indoctrination. For example, Ben was taught by Snoke that Darth Vader (not Anakin) was a good person, Snoke alienated Ben from all of his friends so that Snoke would be the closest thing to a friend (Rey was the exception), etc.
It’s really sad stuff that feels way too dark for a Star Wars movie. I thought the “I am God” line would be enough to convey the brainwashing, but apparently it ended up cheesy and laughable out of context.
Call me a weakling, but I can’t take it when a movie is all sadness, or isn’t actively trying to be as happy as possible (it can still have depressing stuff). If I portrayed all the brainwashing, the movie would start out extremely bleak and depressing with constant drama.
EDIT: I think I’ll hint at the brainwashing instead of showing it, and instead show how it affected Ben as a person.
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Deleted because it will not be updated here and instead here: http://originaltrilogy.com/topic/BillionaireHobo-Sequel-Trilogy-and-more/id/50736
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Why can’t Kylo just be evil? lol
Also you should stick with your original act one and then write it from there.
The brainwashing aspect is very logical considering the way he acts and was designed (similar to religious crusader knights)
Ok, I’m kind of confused. Do you mean brainwashed as in convinced to be apart of something to the point of having little to no free will? Or do you mean brainwashed as in mind control?
It’s more like intense emotional and mental manipulation since childhood alongside indoctrination. For example, Ben was taught by Snoke that Darth Vader (not Anakin) was a good person, Snoke alienated Ben from all of his friends so that Snoke would be the closest thing to a friend (Rey was the exception), etc.
I’m fine with that so long as he was actually seduced to the Dark Side like Leia said and not tricked like Anakin was or had his mind dominated like Revan and Malak
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Why can’t Kylo just be evil? lol
Also you should stick with your original act one and then write it from there.
The brainwashing aspect is very logical considering the way he acts and was designed (similar to religious crusader knights)
Ok, I’m kind of confused. Do you mean brainwashed as in convinced to be apart of something to the point of having little to no free will? Or do you mean brainwashed as in mind control?
It’s more like intense emotional and mental manipulation since childhood alongside indoctrination. For example, Ben was taught by Snoke that Darth Vader (not Anakin) was a good person, Snoke alienated Ben from all of his friends so that Snoke would be the closest thing to a friend (Rey was the exception), etc.
I’m fine with that so long as he was actually seduced to the Dark Side like Leia said and not tricked like Anakin was or had his mind dominated like Revan and Malak
Yeah, in my opinion, this was one of the problems with the prequels. Someone should not be hoodwinked to the dark side.
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Why can’t Kylo just be evil? lol
Also you should stick with your original act one and then write it from there.
The brainwashing aspect is very logical considering the way he acts and was designed (similar to religious crusader knights)
Ok, I’m kind of confused. Do you mean brainwashed as in convinced to be apart of something to the point of having little to no free will? Or do you mean brainwashed as in mind control?
It’s more like intense emotional and mental manipulation since childhood alongside indoctrination. For example, Ben was taught by Snoke that Darth Vader (not Anakin) was a good person, Snoke alienated Ben from all of his friends so that Snoke would be the closest thing to a friend (Rey was the exception), etc.
I’m fine with that so long as he was actually seduced to the Dark Side like Leia said and not tricked like Anakin was or had his mind dominated like Revan and Malak
EDIT: Any feedback on the third draft?
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Shouldn’t this be on the Script Writing and Re-Writing board?
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Shouldn’t this be on the Script Writing and Re-Writing board?
Yes.
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EDIT: Did my second script suck too much for anyone to comment?
REY
Why won’t he stop?
[Luke hangs himself]
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EDIT: Did my second script suck too much for anyone to comment?
REY
Why won’t he stop?[Luke hangs himself]
LMAO
Prequel Fan-Edit thread: http://originaltrilogy.com/topic/Yet-another-series-of-prequel-edits/id/17329
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Shouldn’t this be on the Script Writing and Re-Writing board?
He’s been dissuaded from posting there due to the lack of active participation.
Of course, refusing to actively participate does nothing to correct the state of affairs.
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EDIT: Did my second script suck too much for anyone to comment?
REY
Why won’t he stop?[Luke hangs himself]
That’s a question, and not confirmation. Did anybody read the second script first scene?
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Shouldn’t this be on the Script Writing and Re-Writing board?
It will be when somebody gives positive feedback.
EDIT: Here’s the script of the first scene if anybody wants to give it a rewrite or dialouge: http://pastebin.com/kA9Ty9E0
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Shouldn’t this be on the Script Writing and Re-Writing board?
It will be when somebody gives positive feedback.
EDIT: Here’s the script of the first scene if anybody wants to give it a rewrite or dialouge: http://pastebin.com/kA9Ty9E0
It’s fantastic!
Now go away.