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Banning Canadians....and Astronauts

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It has come to my attention that there are a lot of Canadians that are members here…and even worse, I am led to believe there might even be an astronaut or 2 lurking here. These evils must be routed out, exposed…and destroyed.

Canadians, as you are fully aware…come from a frozen tundra way up north. They all have mullet haircuts…watch hockey (AND CURLING…wtf!!)…only listen to the band “Rush”…they only have MOUNTED police (which is evil because they have to put skates or ski’s on the horses just to travel…ever seen a horse on skates? evil!)…they produced Justin Bieber (nuff said). The list goes on. Do we really want the human gene pool cluttered with people who have to utter the word “eh” after every sentence, like some stuttering retard? I think not.

Even worse is Astronauts. There is nothing more vile in existence than astronauts. They can only sleep in zero-gravity fields…they cant consume regular food, it must be in paste form, stored in a tube…hell for liquids they can only drink “Tang”. Think about it, do you want YOUR daughter hooking up with one of these freaks and producing some Moon Cheese Baby? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

We need to stamp out these genetic freaks, and immolate them, for the good of the species…
Who’s with me??!!??

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 (Edited)

Sounds like someone has been staring into the Bucket of Truth a bit too much.

Just throw the astronauts into a Space-Coffin 2000 and be done with it.

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Canadians aren’t all bad. After all, we wouldn’t have “Trailer Park Boys” without those Canucks.

Don’t do drugs, unless you’re with me.

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 (Edited)

towne32 said:

Sounds like someone has been staring into the Bucket of Truth a bit too much.

I have my Bucket on a pedestal, right in the middle of the living room…Couldn’t afford the “hot chicks room” tho’ 😦

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I keep my Bucket of Truth right outside the bathroom. Well, I need something for emergencies.

Army of Darkness: The Medieval Deadit | The Terminator - Color Regrade | The Wrong Trousers - Audio Preservation
SONIC RACES THROUGH THE GREEN FIELDS.
THE SUN RACES THROUGH A BLUE SKY FILLED WITH WHITE CLOUDS.
THE WAYS OF HIS HEART ARE MUCH LIKE THE SUN. SONIC RUNS AND RESTS; THE SUN RISES AND SETS.
DON’T GIVE UP ON THE SUN. DON’T MAKE THE SUN LAUGH AT YOU.

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I’m a big fan of hockey AND curling, and Ric2 is cool despite his lame user name.

MOTION DENIED

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TV’s Frink said:

I’m a big fan of hockey AND curling, and Ric2 is cool despite his lame user name.

MOTION DENIED

Note to self: Put on list. Obvious Canadian.

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 (Edited)

*slowly backs out of the thread and considers calling a padded truck for Finnis*

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Canadians gave us Bieber

I’m in

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TV’s Frink said:

I’m a big fan of hockey AND curling, and Ric2 is cool despite his lame user name.

MOTION DENIED

You just gonna punk DuracellEnergizer like that?
DuracellEnergizer, You gonna let him punk you like that?

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Finnius said:

they produced Justin Bieber (nuff said).

As a consul of Canada on these forums, I must argue that Canada only provided a powerful platform (Bieber), while US used that platform to do horrible things (making him do horrible modern US pop music). Since Canadians are an exceptional material they will exceed at anything. And since modern US pop is all about how horrible music you can make, of course a Canadian can beat Americans at their own game.

真実

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That’s like the Unibomber saying “Hey I just made the mail-bomb and sent it off…i didn’t trigger the explosion”

Culpability is the issue here…

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 (Edited)

Finnius said:

That’s like the Unibomber saying “Hey I just made the mail-bomb and sent it off…i didn’t trigger the explosion”

Culpability is the issue here…

Really not an issue when some damned hippy spills his bong water all over the bomb.

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Finnius said:

That’s like the Unibomber saying “Hey I just made the mail-bomb and sent it off…i didn’t trigger the explosion”

Culpability is the issue here…

You can feel free to ignore anything impscum says. It saves a lot of aggravation…or so I’ve been told.

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I’m going to drown this hoser in a vat of maple syrup and slice him up into Canadian bacon, eh.

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DuracellEnergizer said:

…and slice him up into Canadian bacon, eh.

Do I get a slice?

Army of Darkness: The Medieval Deadit | The Terminator - Color Regrade | The Wrong Trousers - Audio Preservation
SONIC RACES THROUGH THE GREEN FIELDS.
THE SUN RACES THROUGH A BLUE SKY FILLED WITH WHITE CLOUDS.
THE WAYS OF HIS HEART ARE MUCH LIKE THE SUN. SONIC RUNS AND RESTS; THE SUN RISES AND SETS.
DON’T GIVE UP ON THE SUN. DON’T MAKE THE SUN LAUGH AT YOU.

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towne32 said:

Finnius said:

That’s like the Unibomber saying “Hey I just made the mail-bomb and sent it off…i didn’t trigger the explosion”

Culpability is the issue here…

Really not an issue when some damned hippy spills his bong water all over the bomb.

“Damn you, BongBoy!”

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I am Canadian

My name is Bob, and I am Canadian.

I am a minority in Vancouver, Banff, and every casino in this country. I was born in 1972, yet I am responsible for some Native’s great great grandfather who screwed himself out of his land in the 1800’s.

I pay import tax on cars made in Ontario.

I am allowed to skydive and smoke, but not allowed too drive without a seat belt.

All the money I make up until mid July must go to paying taxes. I live and work among people who believe Americans are ignorant.

These same people cannot name this country’s new Territory.

Although I am sometimes forced to live on Kraft Dinner and don’t have a pot to piss in, I sleep well knowing that I’ve helped purchase a nice six figure home in Vancouver for some unskilled Chinese refugee.

Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec still provides my nation’s Prime Ministers. 95% of my nation’s international conflicts are over fish.

I’m supposed to call black people African Canadians, although I’m sure none of them have ever been to Africa, or east of Halifax for that matter.

I believe that paying a 200% tax on alcohol is fair. I believe that same tax on gasoline is also fair. Even if I have no idea what happened to that old rifle my grandfather gave me when I was 14, I will be considered a criminal if I don’t register it.

I DO know Jeff from Toronto.

I often badmouth the United States, and then vacation there three times a year. I’m led to believe that some lazy ass unionized broom pusher who makes $30 an hour is underpaid and therefore must go on strike, but paying $10 an hour to someone who works 12 hour shifts at forty below on an oil rig is fair.

I believe that paying $30 million for 3 stripes (The Voice of Fire) by the National Art Gallery was a good purchase, even though 99% of this country didn’t want it, or will ever see it.

When I look at my pay stub and realize that I take home a third of what I actually make, I say “Oh well, at least we have better health care than the Americans” I must bail out farmers when their crops are too wet or too dry, because I control the rain.

My National Anthem has versions in both official languages, and I don’t know either of them.

Canada is the highest taxed nation in North America, the biggest military buffer for the United States, and the number one destination for fleeing boat people.

I am not an angry white male. I am an angry broke taxpayer. My name is Bob, and I am Canadian.

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Trivia aboot Canadians

Most Canadians prefer to mate “doggy style” so no one misses the hockey game.
Snow shallow enough that you can still move your legs is considered mild weather.
A group of Canadians is called a “Gang” or “Herd”, or occasionally when three get together, a “Rush”.
Canadians are drawn inexplicably toward shiny reflective objects, this is due to their desire to be home amongst the snow and ice of Canada.
Canadians score 10 points higher on IQ tests than Americans but generally score worse on a breathalyzer test. There may or may not be a correlation.
Margaret Trudeau has a map of Canada tattooed on her ass. When she sits down, Quebec separates.
During the spring thaw, a Canadian can swim for up to two hours and as far as twelve miles.
Other than beer, maple syrup is a commonly consumed drink in Canada. It sells for $0.50/gallon in US Dollars there but they can make a good $5.00 on the same amount here.
Canadians do not even bring their guns to the mall.
They treat curling just like it’s a real sport.
Canadians are often oot an’ aboot but Americans are usually just out and about.
Canadians like to use phrases like “surfs up dude!” and “man look at that wave” when referring to going out in the snow.
The Band Plague Crawler are Canadian.
Almost any word in the Canadian language (Not understandable by many) can be substituted for the english word Fuck or fuckenEh?.
Canadians start letters with ‘Hey Hoser,’ as opposed to ‘Dear Sir’.
Canadians are perhaps the only nationality (except americans) who wear clothing with their own countries flag when visiting other countries. It is because they don’t want to be mistaken for Americans and get hated by everyone else. The Canadian flag has actually been referred to as “the I am not American flag”. Foreigners like Canadians wear the American flag when traveling to the US so they are not interrogated and physically/mentally abused by the TSA.
The “There’s Gotta Be Something Wrong With That Guy” hat is considered commonplace in Canada. It is commonly worn in combination with rapist glasses and a pedophile beard, which are called Regular Glasses and Lumberjack Beards respectively in Canada.
Newfoundlanders are embarrassed to be lumped in with Canadians, and apologize for any confusion their accents may account for. Often when you see a Newfoundlander with a Mainlander (typical Canadian), the Canadian will end up doing something that will embarrass the Newfoundlander for being seen in public with the nice but slow Canadian.
Canadians worship beavers-beaver gods-and give them Stanley Cups as offerings. They’ve got so many Stanley Cups that Canadian hockey players can wear them during their games.
The RCMP likes to play tag with tasers. Thats how real men play tag.
Canadians are by large, intoxicated on various psychotropic substances. Notoriously using alcohol (in the form of beer, moonshine and absinthe), cannabis, magic mushrooms, peyote, and opium. All of the said substances will not land you in jail either.
Canadians just don’t know how to make anything. Other than maple syrup, Epic Hot people, Canadian beer, anything taxidermy related, igloos, the CN Tower and those annoying Canada Geese.
Most Canadians live close to the border, either because they are plotting to invade the US or because anything too far north is too damn cold. There is no actual warmth in Canada itself, because it is a frozen wasteland. Thus Canadians crowd the border to absorb the warmth of their fatso American cousins.
Canadian lumberjacks and truckers chug maple syrup and eat flapjacks in Alberta diners when they aren’t on the job. Some will drink maple syrup mixed with stimulants such as meth in order to drive further.
Pamela Anderson is Canadian, once again proving how hot and sexy Canadians are. Tommy Chong is pretty damn sexy too.
Canadians are capable of chugging antifreeze without dying or suffering severe poisoning. This is because they have had to find ways to cope with the extreme cold and because it makes them look tougher than the nearby Russians.
Canada’s national pastimes are hockey, eating poutine with duck fat, saying “sorry” to everyone that they bump into, and complaining about their health care system. Their main health care debates include “When should we kill the elderly?” and “How much better are we than Americans?”.