Nightmare Scenario Special Edition

In a world where George Lucas never lost control over his and two dead director's movies...

What would be the worst possible special edition changes George would probably actually make that you can imagine?

Here's my checklist:

Star Wars:

-Make there be twice or three times as many Jawas in the canyon, two thirds of them don't do anything but stand around

-New scene where Vader's TIE gets rescued by a Star Destroyer, all CG.

-CG new droids into the Lars homestead (why would they need so many droids?)

-New scene that shows the stormtroopers burning the homestead

-Establishing shots on Alderaan's surface before its destruction

Empire:

-Vader has a NoooOOOooo moment when the Millennium Falcon jumps to lightspeed.

-The Emperor outright states that Vader is Luke's father during the hologram scene, not a shred of mystery left.

-CG Yoda

-New scene of Boba delivering Han to CG Jabba

-New scene of DSII under construction

Jedi:

-Gungan added to Jabba's palace

-CG Yoda, Jabba, Rancor

-New scene of Boba escaping Sarlaac

-Jedi Rocks AND Lapti Nek

-Luke/Leia "sister" scene changed to remove references to their mother, or mangle together new dialogue describing in too much detail how she used the force to see Padme right before she died.

-Ghost scene shows Qui-Gon putting his hands on Anakin's shoulders and smiling to Yoda and Obi-Wan

WedgeCyan said:

-Ghost scene shows Qui-Gon putting his hands on Anakin's shoulders and smiling to Yoda and Obi-Wan

 ...which means that ghost Anakin is now Jake Lloyd.

Other changes:

-Deleted footage of Luke training with a lightsaber on Dagobah is included, as well as inserting a CG Yoda wielding his ROTS baby lightsaber.

-In order to make a more 'kid friendly' movie, the burnt corpses of Owen and Beru are now obscured by digital rocks, and a CG ronto now conceals the bloody severed arm in the cantina.

- The movie is color corrected again, this time turning each scene into a sea of teal and orange.

I'm shocked he didn't add a bunch of ships flying around when Luke looks out into the sunset. 

TV's Frink said:

WedgeCyan said:

-Gungan added to Jabba's palace

 This actually happened on the Blu-ray.

 Really? I thought it was just a dug (Sebulba) that was added

moviefreakedmind said:

I'm shocked he didn't add a bunch of ships flying around when Luke looks out into the sunset. 

 Maybe he did. That scene is now so dark that it's hard to tell!

SilverWook said:

WedgeCyan said:

TV's Frink said:

WedgeCyan said:

-Gungan added to Jabba's palace

 This actually happened on the Blu-ray.

 Really? I thought it was just a dug (Sebulba) that was added

 It's actually the dug that was in AOTC. They didn't change the model at all.

 I'll have to admit I didn't know that. I knew it probably wasn't Sebulba but it's just easier to skip explaining what a "dug" is.

That's pretty ridiculous that they used such an old model. That's probably a big part of why it looked so out-of-place.

I'm actually genuinely shocked that Lucas didn't replace Bossk with CGI. I love him, but his costume always did look pretty rubbery. I mean, if you're going to """modernize""" your movies (or whatever the hell he was doing), why replace perfectly good VFX shots with CGI, but not replace rubber lizard suits with CGI?It makes no sense. 

Fang Zei said:

moviefreakedmind said:

I'm actually genuinely shocked that Lucas didn't replace Bossk with CGI. I love him, but his costume always did look pretty rubbery. I mean, if you're going to """modernize""" your movies (or whatever the hell he was doing), why replace perfectly good VFX shots with CGI, but not replace rubber lizard suits with CGI?It makes no sense. 

Probably because it would be too difficult to do seamlessly. I'm sure it's crossed his mind, but the time and effort and money that would be required probably made him go "meh, I'm just glad I can make the Ewoks blink now."

I don't know though. All of the CG in the SE's range from, at best, out of place, to appallingly distracting. Also, George never even bothered to correct real errors, such as Luke's jump cut on the Death Star when the door closes. He didn't care about fixing errors (which was originally the purpose of all this sh*t, or so I thought), but he adds in extra garbage that ruins the movies. I don't think it'll ever make sense to us; it's like wondering why Howard Hughes did the things that he did. I think we could also make the argument that the CG eyelids on the Ewoks are infinitely more distracting/disturbing than most of the other added SE stuff. 

The more of these I read, the more I'm reminded how little Lucas changed the films from 2004 to 2011 (compared to the previous two "improvements". It's like he looked at the DVDs, and decided that pile of slop was, like, 95% there in terms of his "original vision." The movies just needed a few more poorly placed rocks, eyelids, and screams of anguish.

Anyways, I thought of a few more.

SW:

-New scene added where Emperor warns Vader of Obi-Wan's impending arrival

-Cantina creatures GL wasn't pleased with in the originals are changed to PT aliens: The devil becomes a Zabrak (Darth Maul), etc.

-Han finally shoots first again, but Greedo still manages to get a shot off by being ludicrously fast and firing before Han's blast hits him. 

ESB:

-far shot added showing Vader's arrival on Cloud City, being greeted by Lando, eliminating the big surprise at the dinner party

-When the door opens, revealing Vader at the dinner table, Han doesn't manage to get a shot off before Vader force-grabs his blaster (this is to make it more kid-friendly so there aren't as many scary gunshots)

-Yoda tells Luke about Midichlorians

ROTJ:

-Nien Nunb (Lando's copilot) gets subtitles

-Jabba's guards are replaced by robot guards with electro-staffs

-Shots added to end show celebrations on every planet shown in all the films that haven't been shown yet: The Geonosians celebrate by sacrificing stormtroopers in the arena, the Kaminoans break all the cloning facilities, Mustafar and Hoth are shown to host thriving metropolises celebrating like it's New Years, Utapauans and Cloud Citizens celebrate generally, and the Wookiees on Kashyyyk celebrate an early Life Day. No attempt is made to maintain consistency in the music, which is horribly and tragically butchered.

ANH: Vader kills Obi-Wan and screams: 'I HATE YOU!!!!!!'

ANH: Yavin replaced by Naboo. Rebel base is now located on one of its moons.

ANH: New CGI Shot: The center of the Rebel Base marks the grave of Padme. The writings on the tombstone: 'She just wanted to fix up the baby's room. But in his anger he killed her.'

ESB: Wampa yells 'What the?!?' when Luke cuts off his arm.

ESB: Vader watches Luke jumping down the Bespin shaft and says: 'I hate it when he does that.'

ROTJ: The Emperor screams his last words as he falls down the shaft: 'WE WILL  DISCUSS THIS MATTER LAAAAAAAAAATER !!!!!!!!'

ANH: All original effects shots recomposed lazily. Terrible looking CGI creatures sprinkled throughout. The cut Jabba scene reinstated with terrible looking CGI. Censor the Imperial officers deaths when Luke, Han and Chewie blast 'em. Crush the blacks and alter the colors to the point where nothing looks real or normal or good. Ruin the original sound mix.

ESB: All original effects shots recomposed lazily. New shots of the snow monster but make him look different than the other two designs that already conflict in the film. Remove the original Emperor and add in the goofy monster face version from ROTS. Luke screams while falling in Cloud City. Crush the blacks and alter the colors so that nothing looks real or normal or good. Ruin the original sound mix.

ROTJ: All original effects shots recomposed lazily. Add a Vegas style musical number in Jabbas palace. Make the sarlacc look like Seymour from Little Shop Of Horrors, except use crappy looking CGI. Replace Sebastian with Hayden. Crush the blacks and alter the colors so that nothing looks real or normal or good. Ruin the original sound mix.

Oh... wait.. All of that happened and more..

Damn, man.

*clears away cobwebs*

Well, I guess the thread isn't getting any younger... I don't wanna be that guy who dominates his own topic, but you've given me no choice! 

SW:

-CGI AT-ATs and chicken walkers added to sandtrooper search in dune sea

-All scenes with stormtroopers are fleshed out with additional CGI troops

-A Jedi is added to the blockade runner, who is killed by stormtroopers.

Empire:

-Lucas loved this idea of the flying manta rays, and finally used it in both AOTC and ROTS,so why not shove 'em in cloud city now?

-More than one probe droid searches Hoth, so it doesn't look like the Empire only sent out one. (CGI Dewback reasoning)

- Tentacles/horns, etc. added to space slug

Jedi:

-New scene where Yoda tells Luke about the "Chosen One" prophecy.

-Lucas didn't think everyone blinked enough, so he gave people CGI eyelids if they went a while without blinking.

-Speeder bike scene made "faster and more intense" by inserting new CGI footage of them doing many of the stunts and tricks from the TPM podrace. "It's like poetry, they rhyme."

Darth Id said:

This thread gets my seal of approval.

I'm quite impressed that WedgeC manages enough imagination to think of ways the SEs could be even worse.  I, unfortunately, am nowhere near that imaginative.

 Hey thanks! I think... 

They... just turn the whole thing into CGI. There's a lot to go wrong there.