NeverarGreat said:
And another not-so-slight edit to the crawl, because why not 😉
EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS
It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to restore the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.
In Luke’s absence, the
evil FIRST ORDER has
risen from a stronghold
of the fallen Empire to
declare throughout the
wretched New Republic
that anyone seeking the
Jedi’s return shall face
obliteration.
Appalled by this decree,
a few faithful Senators
have secretly lent their
support to the mission
of a brave RESISTANCE
to find the last Jedi and
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…
This has some vocabulary, but hopefully it’s not too much. The intention is to give the First Order a plan that doesn’t contradict canon or the film yet also makes them maximally threatening. The idea of them having a vendetta against people who want Luke back fits the film since all three of their major attacks occur on those in support of the Jedi.
The relationship of the New Republic to the Resistance also threads the needle between keeping the Senate in a minor role and explaining why they are not taking public action against the First Order, namely that the First Order has presumably only threatened violence against pro-Jedi factions before the start of the film and not directly attacked the Republic itself. The final paragraph also lends some tragedy to the Republic.
The only thing I wish were included in this crawl was a reference to the Imperial base being hidden, but that can be presumed.
You know me and my crawl-writing lol. I tried to add “hidden” and make it a little less wordy but with the same points as above.
EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS
It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to restore the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.
In Luke’s absence, the evil
FIRST ORDER has risen from a
hidden stronghold of the fallen
Empire, declaring annihilation to
anyone in the wretched New Republic
who seeks the lost Jedi’s return.
Appalled by this decree of violence,
several Senators have secretly lent
support to a growing RESISTANCE, whose
mission is to find Luke, and restore
peace and justice to the darkening stars…