logo Sign In

The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!) — Page 75

Author
Time

DZ-330 said:

For the Senate scene, I also think Eddie’s line needs to be a little louder in the mix.

I would agree. Specifically the word “launch”. I first viewed it on my phone where I completely missed that word. Just now watched it on my pc and just barely heard it.

hinventon said:

I feel like Leia is talking before she actually says her line, is there something that can be done about that?

I believe Nev said he was gonna remove that once everything else is nailed down.

SSWR’s YouTube channel

Attack of the Clones: Alternate Timeline Edit Thread:
https://originaltrilogy.com/topic/SSWRs-Attack-of-the-Clones-Alternate-Timeline-Edit/id/66888

Author
Time

That’s correct. And I’m sure we can manage to make the line volume work, but no need to worry about that until we have a recording that Eddie is completely happy with.

Focusing now on the surrounding scenes, I have had a bit of a rethink about them. I was never too happy with the Kylo update scene where he says ‘put every hangar on lockdown, she’s going to steal a ship to escape’, because he is immediately distracted by Han’s presence and then in my edit he goes to the Falcon and ignores the lead on Rey. Essentially all of the dialogue in that scene would have to be removed except for his ‘Han Solo’ moment. It is also weird to have a dramatic establishing shot in that scene which would come after another establishing shot of the mountain or of Rey in the halls. Essentially there’s nothing about the first part of the scene that works here.

So I deleted it, and replaced it with another cut scene. I think this has much more promise.

“Sir, I saw the damage to the cell block. Is she really that dangerous?”
“She’s just beginning to touch her power. The longer it takes to find her, the more dangerous she becomes.”

That Kylo update scene was originally cut for several reasons. One, it feels like Kylo oversharing, and two, it increases the stakes in the wrong direction - we should be feeling like the villain is a greater threat at this point, not the hero. Now, however, Kylo’s dialogue is well-motivated and his warning about Rey is really a thinly-veiled threat directed at his underlings. And now that he has no lead on Rey, he is free to pursue the only lead he has, which is Han.

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

Author
Time
 (Edited)

I think the new dialogue works, though the stormtrooper’s dialogue feels a bit chatty rather than actually discussing security strategy. Also, it might be a little funny (maybe at a time when it shouldn’t be) to have the trooper bring up the damage that Kylo himself caused with his tantrum. The audience would know that and chuckle. I wonder if you could give the trooper a line that feels more like an update on the search for Rey.

“Sir, we’ve redirected all troops to find the prisoner, but this could neglect security elsewhere on the base.”

Then Kylo rationalizes the effort, and it could help explain how Han and Finn were able to sneak around the base with little resistance.

Or something in the middle, like:
“Sir, we’ve reassigned nine squads to search for the prisoner. Is she really that dangerous?”

This feeds into Kylo’s line well, but still hints at this idea that security has been shuffled around a little bit.

I also kind of liked how in the theatrical version, Kylo cuts himself off when he senses Han. Don’t know if it could still work well with the new line. I’m assuming you didn’t do that since it plays into that idea of Kylo redirecting his focus from Rey to Han.

Author
Time
 (Edited)

All good points! Kylo’s line getting cut off when sensing Han sounds fine to me, but several people have identified it as an editing mistake even though I didn’t change it at all for V1. This time I figured he would say his entire line so people don’t get confused.

I did intend the dialogue to be a bit funny, but it could be more mission-oriented.

Since the scene of Rey looking startled comes right before this, perhaps I could place the sound effect of a blast door closing. Then:

“Sir, prison level is on lockdown, and Phasma’s troops are searching every cell. Is she that dangerous?”

This could fix a lot of issues. It separates Phasma from her troops and relocates these forces in a locked-down area, shows that Rey has already escaped this area, gives Finn justification for believing that Phasma’s troops won’t bother them, and gives him a reason to be scared when he finally does attempt to blow up the blast door leading to the prison block.

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

Author
Time

Oh, so people thought it was an editing mistake? That is interesting. Did you add a subtle force sound when he turns around or was it already there? I think that helps with the flow of the moment.

I like that new line!

Author
Time

This new structure idea sounds pretty nice! Whenever you come up with a finalized line for the trooper, I’ll get to work on dubbing him instead of the officer whose scene has now been cut out.

My preferred Skywalker Saga experience:
I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX

Author
Time
 (Edited)

Sounds good! I’m trying to shorten the line while keeping all the meaning, so perhaps:

“Sir! Phasma has ordered a lockdown search of the entire cell block. She won’t escape us.”

“Sir, Phasma has ordered her troops to search the prison block until the girl is found.”

“Sir, Phasma’s elite unit has been deployed to the cell block. Are we facing a Jedi, sir?”

This is if I want to cram as much exposition as possible into the scene in order to help justify Finn’s plan. The other option is to go into the personal place that Kylo’s lines imply. Something like this:

“Sir, about the girl. They say that she’s dangerous, that she has powers like yours.”
“She’s just beginning to touch her powers. The longer it takes to find her, the more dangerous she becomes.”

This feels more natural to me, since it frames Kylo’s words as a de-escalation of the trooper’s fears along with a threatening encouragement to do their job. It also speaks more directly to the overall theme of the edit, that of implying a similarity of Force between Kylo and Rey. And keep in mind that the reason this scene was originally cut was due to the perceived escalation of Rey’s power, so any lines would have to reframe this somehow.

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

Author
Time

Loving these ideas, Nev! For the officer and Kylo, I would personally avoid them sounding too chummy. Like, “They say that she has powers like yours” sounds like something someone would casually say to Leia, not to wannabe Darth Vader. Everyone was terrified of Vader, and kept their reports short and factual.

RL made a good point that redirecting the troopers kinda explains why Finn and Han got around so easily. Maybe the messenger could say something like “Sir, Captain Phasma has redirected all troopers to search the detention level. We will soon find the prisoner.”

Also, regarding the new “Senate message” clip - it sounds like it’s more in the left channel than the center channel, although that could just be placeholder mixing. I also think there’s slightly too long of a gap before Leia responds, but that’s just me.

Just a random aside, but I still think it would be helpful for TLJ continuity to namedrop Holdo somewhere. Doesn’t even have to be a big speech or important moment like this one; maybe just some background chatter at some point. Like when they return after destroying Starkiller, someone could call out “Vice Admiral Holdo is en route.”

The Rise of Skywalker: Untold - A “Rey Nobody” edit of Ep. IX | Looking for voices and VFX - Please reach out if interested!

Author
Time
 (Edited)

Fine ideas! I had placed some chatter in the Rey deleted scene at the end of the film, so it would only be a matter of recording another line to reference Holdo.

And you’re right, nobody was ever chummy with Vader, but did Vader ever discuss his fear about the Force power of his rivals to his underlings? I only ever recall him sending his concerns up the ladder, so to speak, to Tarkin or the Emperor. And no underling would voice their private fears to Vader because he was a genuinely terrifying figure.

I actually see this as an opportunity to reveal the difference between Vader and Kylo. Kylo is the pretender operating in the shadow of Vader, so I imagine people don’t so much fear him as they merely try to avoid him. He’s like an unpredictable, toxic manager who (to take an example from my own ex-boss) flies into a rage when the office printer doesn’t work quite like he wants and he throws it into the dumpster. The farthest we see him go against an underling in this film is when one gives him terrible news and he chokes the poor guy. But he doesn’t actually kill anyone that works for him, unlike Vader.

All this to say, Kylo is already breaking the Vader image by speaking at all about the Force to his underlings. At least if the trooper initiates the subject it would feel like an actual scene and not just another info dump, which we have just had with the Senate Response scene.

Maybe I could change the trooper line to be less familiar, though.

“Sir, all troops are converging on the cell block. But if the rumors about her are true…”
“Sir, all troops are converging on the cell block. Are the rumors about this girl true?”
“She’s just beginning to touch her powers. The longer it takes to find her, the more dangerous she becomes.”

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

Author
Time

Here’s an idea: what if we could split the difference? Give a formal report, but make it about the Force? Explore what makes Rey powerful, while also hinting at her underlying darkness?

What if her mind trick on Daniel Craig was even stronger than she realized?

“Sir, we’ve found FN-1824. Somehow, the prisoner shattered his mind. Phasma has sent all troops to recapture her.”

The Rise of Skywalker: Untold - A “Rey Nobody” edit of Ep. IX | Looking for voices and VFX - Please reach out if interested!

Author
Time

NeverarGreat said:
“Sir, all troops are converging on the cell block. But if the rumors about her are true…”

I agree most with your first line. It stills inheret the feeling of the troopers and there commanders to be on the lower chain of command and bush telegraph around these rangs.

Author
Time
 (Edited)

File this under ‘weird ideas’ but I wanted to see if it was possible to combine both Kylo update scenes into one. The answer: maybe! I think it’s pretty fun, especially the unintentional zolly effect at the end that makes it feel extra intense, and with some effects work may even be a viable scene.

It gets me thinking, of course, whether such a scene could be used in this edit. It would need officer voiceover like before, basic stuff like ‘Sir, Phasma’s troops are converging on the prison level’. I like the idea that Kylo senses Rey’s intentions on the base rather than his father many miles away, but it would require some other scene where he goes after the Falcon. With repurposed Stormtrooper dialogue in the other update scene, they could say something direct like ‘Sir, the Falcon has been found in the mountains above the base.’ without Kylo responding at all, or just his quiet ‘Han Solo’. This would send him off for his scene on the Falcon like before. Having a specific line of dialogue about the Falcon also explains why Kylo goes directly to the Falcon rather than intercepting Han, whom he can apparently sense from miles away in the theatrical cut.

So perhaps the scenes would go:

-Falcon Crash
-Senate Update
-Base Establishing Shot
-Combined Kylo Update
-Rey Roams the Halls
-Trooper Alerts Kylo to the Falcon
-Han and Finn move to the base

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

Author
Time

To me it feels a little odd, and I prefer the current implementation in V1. But perhaps that is the point.

“You will find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view” — Obi-Wan Kenobi

Author
Time

I’d be interested in hearing what specifically makes it feel odd. Keep in mind the music and integration of the scene will be changed, but really I’m wondering if the basic premise of the scene works, the dialogue and progression of the shots.

-Mountain establishing shot

-Troops marching down the corridor

“Sir, Phasma’s troops are converging on the prison level, and all sectors are on alert.”
“She’s just beginning to touch her powers. The longer it takes to find her…” (Distracted by the Force)
“Um, sir?”
“Put every hangar on lockdown! She’s going to steal a ship to escape!”

-Rey runs furtively down the corridor

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

Author
Time

Well the reason I flipped it was because it would just cut from a shot of Kylo to a slightly different shot of Kylo from the same angle. I realize it breaks the 180 degree rule, but that’s really the only thing I could do to put enough footage in the scene to cover the dialogue. Of course I could cut the reversed shot of him turning his head back, but that breaks the continuity of action which is an even more noticeable sin.

The question is whether the idea survives with those shots in that configuration, so if it’s a dealbreaker perhaps not.

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

Author
Time

Felt odd to me because of all the quick camera changes, mainly at 17 seconds. But that could just be me feeling weird seeing something new.

“You will find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view” — Obi-Wan Kenobi

Author
Time

Definitely feel like you shouldn’t keep the 180 break in. It also looks weird to jump cut from Kylo looking back to him looking straight. You would have to reverse the footage to have him turn back around or something.
And yeah, “escape” trailing off is definitely a problem too.

Author
Time

I’ve fixed the voice trailing off issue, and I have a potential fix for the jump cut head turn, but I’m drawing a blank at replacing the 180 shot with something else, simply because there’s only two shots in that scene.

I’ve been going back through deleted and BTS material and I can’t find anything remotely about the Starkiller Base hallways. This is weird because I distinctly remember watching someone talk about how they built the Starkiller hallways to be filmable from many directions, but I don’t have any idea where I watched it.

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

Author
Time
 (Edited)

BrotherOfSasquatch said:

So, seeing as this is the premiere TFA edit thread pretty much, I thought I might as well ask this question here.

With each movie in the ST, I know that there’s been a pretty extensive Behind The Scenes documentary for each one on the Blu-Ray that has some alternate takes or cut scenes being filmed or what not. I know with TROS, some footage from that was used to great effect in Hal’s Ascendant edit (mostly just because of the lack of actual deleted scenes). I wonder if there are any scenes from TFA’s documentary that could be used as well alongside with the deleted scenes?

Just wanted to respond to this again, since I’ve just been going through the BTS footage.

In the feature length documentary, there’s about four minutes of behind the scenes footage that could potentially be used for edits. Of course, most of it is highly situational and almost all would require added cleanup and/or VFX. I have a standard quality version in my resources folder if anyone wants to take a look.

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

Author
Time

I’d be interested in taking a look at it.

Might be a dumb thought but could you just flip that shot? I also would probably cut the previous shot (that you reversed), and potentially reverse the head turn close up shot if it wouldn’t look weird with the way the camera dollies in.