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Jokes thread : Reloaded
The Italian Tomato Garden...

An old Italian man lived alone in the country.

He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able

to plant my tomato garden this year.

I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.

If you were here my troubles would be over.

I know you would dig the plot for me.



A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Don't dig up that garden.

That's where I buried the BODIES.

Love ,


At 4 a.m. the next morning,

Special Agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.

They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.

That's the best I could do under the circumstances.


Could live action SW TV show look like BSG??
starkiller - I think the external space flight shots could well ending up resembling those from BSG - though from Lucas' recent work I don't think he could acheive the lofty levels reached by Moore and Co on the new BSG so far (relevent story to world around us, consistant plot, a character driven show, inspired casting, solid acting, SFX when needed, few story inconsistancies, a continuing arc, seperate events being woven together, etc etc)
Jokes thread : Reloaded
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to
testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the $10 million you embezzled from me?"

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the $10 million is hidden.

The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, pulls back the trigger, and says: "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

Have taken the plunge and ordered the region 1 series 1 boxset from to the UK - not bad for £24.99 delivered - unlike the region 2 set I'll get the miniseries and commentaries in there too

Roll on the 20th September...

"thread of shame"
Positives for DigitalFreakNYC too (once upon a time was the only guy who'd send SW stuff to outside of the USA) - along with some young flash-in-the-pan upstart named 'Rikter'

Also 'praise be's' to MagnoliaFan, ADigitalMan, Darth Editous, OCP, Moth3r, Dr Gonzo, Cowclops, Metallaxis, HotRod, Davidian, & Jambe Davdar.

Sorry for changing the thread dark_jedi - I don't have any minuses for you yet - suppose 'cos we're all great people here
terror in london
I agree with many things you have to say Warbler - but from the terrorists point of view ramming planes into buildings has been 'the' answer - it has got the West involved in a situation where they have lost many middle-eastern friends and allies, invaded a country with no links to terrorism - yet call it part of the war on terror (well, it is now), made martyrs out of those who have died already in the fight vs the West and has acted as a magnet for the some of the young, impressionable and disillusioned Muslim youth into extremism and then terrorism.

It is difficult to believe that Bush was not advised by his military that invading countries would have had this effect, let alone what do we actually do now that we are 'in control' of these countries - the new members of the government that we have set up for them are being assasinated nearly every week - along with Iraqis serving in the police - the fear of the people of Iraq and Afghanistan must be as high as ever...

Shimraa is correct in saying it is battleground where the West and the insurgents and terrorists can engage - but sadly it's not us doing the engaging. The situation there seems lost - and if it then the 'war on terror' - ineffective as it has been so far - will seen to be also lost. What do the West do now? Hopefully looking at the reasons as to why we are hated and reviled in the middle east, begin to understand the actions of the past and present and form a dialogue with these extremists will be a start - though I don't see this very likely...
Star Wars DVD Covers
Senator_Polk_of_NJ - very, very cool covers you have there m8

Sort of like an alternative to the 97SE covers - in a similar stylee
Printing out DVD Labels
^ "I hope to get a continuous ink system" - a bit like Tartan paint?

Seriously, there is another option other than the 6 individual slot catridges? Any links m8?
Jokes thread : Reloaded

30 things your girfriend will never say (but you wish she would)

1. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.

2. The new girl in my office is a real beauty, and a stripper, too! I invited her over for dinner on Friday.

3. Honey, did you leave that skid in the toilet bowl? Good one!

4. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.

5. Bar food again!? Kick ass.

6. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.

7. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.

8. Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.

9. I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want 'em?

10. It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.

11. Honey come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare ass!

12. My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.

13. I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.

14. Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and beer. You passed out before brushing your teeth again, you big silly guy!

15. You are so much smarter than my father.

16. If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch football.

17. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?

18. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.

19. You're so sexy when you're hung over.

20. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.

21. Let's subscribe to Hustler, my treat.

22. I'll be out painting the house.

23. I love it when you ride your muscle car; I just wish you had more time to ride.

24. Honey, our new neighbor's 18-year-old daughter is sunbathing in the nude again, come see!

25. No, no, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.

26. Your mother is way better than mine.

27. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself something.

28. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you take time off to relax?

29. You need your sleep, you big silly guy, now stop getting up for the baby's night feedings.

30. Look! My ass is fatter than yours!
***The Cowclops Transfers (a.k.a. the PCM audio DVD's, Row47 set) Info and Feedback Thread***
^ Cowclops

Did you use the chapter markers from the original lasrerdiscs in the end?

Any easter eggs we should know about on these discs?

Is there an option for English subtitles (other than the alien subtitles)?

Can you tell us about what was used for the Bonus Materials disc(s)?

there is an info thread on your v2 set on page 23 - hoepfully we'll get it copied to page 1 so that everyone can see the info and will stop asking repetitive questions. If you can fill in in any the gaps or correct any if the info that'd be great m8.

Episode 3: DVD - Released november 1st
Good stuff - hope there a lot of extras and deleted scenes on there for our resident Editors to com up with something special like they have doen for Eps 1 & 2.

Cover wise I suppose it ties in with the other Prequels, but I'll probably use one of the fine covers that the many talented lads on have and will come up with in the cominmg months...
Jokes thread : Reloaded

An oldie, but a good 'un...

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so St. Peter has the unenviable task of deciding which of them gets in. The angel asks Dolly if there's a particular reason why she should be favoured over HRH, whereupon she takes off her blouse, undoes her bra and releases her enormous breasts.

"Look at these" Dolly says proudly, "they're the most perfect breasts that God ever created for a woman, so I should be the one to enter heaven."

The angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into the toilet, and pulls the lever.

St. Peter bows slightly and says in a quiet voice, "OK, your Majesty, you may enter."

Dolly is outraged and asks, "What the h*ll was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations, and you turn me down. She simply gargles, spits and she gets in. Would you explain that to me?"

"Sorry, Dolly," says St. Peter, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush always beats a pair, no matter how big they are."

terror in london
"jason i'm not going to argue with you. but you cannot deny that since they have invaded they have for the frist time been able to engage and kill terrorists with military personal. the terrprist have bases in iraq which can be attacked."

I can't agree with that m8 - the terrorists do NOT have bases which can be attacked - and the chances of finding and killing terrorists are remote, and before invading Iraq there were no terrorists even there. They will operate in small cells probably living life as 'normal people'.

Shim m8 - we'll have to disagree on this subject.

Skipper - it seems the West once again invade parts of the world without a long term plan or thought on what it will really acheive (not a lot, other than spurring it's enemies into action) - and now they are stuck between a rock and a hard place, which will get a lot worse before it gets better. It seems we just cannot learn from our mistakes of the past.
terror in london
"tony blair is a very smart man and i dont hink he would have had britian invade iraq just to take out saddam when there the intell was so sketchy, and it was sketchy."

I'm sorry - I'm pro Labour but that is the most ridiculous thing I've read in this thread. Obviously you are oblivious to the fact that intelligence used for going to war was taken from a student's thesis study, others made up and misinterpreted - Blair came out and said he has seen evidence which proves Iraq has weapons of mass destruction - which have never been found, and ignred Dr Blix' search team whose reports say that Iraq had no evidence of mass destruction.

In Iraq now there are insurgents and terrorists that will not be engaging the Western armies in battles - they will bobbytrap, entrap, bomb and spread fear - they will NOT engage in open warfare. It is an occupying ary's worst fear - being terrorised by people they cannoit fight & cannot see. Iraq isa training ground for experince for these terrorists that will eventually end up in the West targeting people and infrastructure.

These people were not there bfore the West invaded - so that was a fairly uselss exercise going to invade Iraq - wa it not - they had NO links to terrorism. Politicians may have wanted you to believe otherwise, but there it is - may as well have invaded Luxembourg for the good of stopping terrorism.

As for England only having it coming for invading Iraq & Afghanistan - I suggest you open a history book on the middle east and look up Britain's part in it - didn't exaclty cover ourselves in glory there - a LOT of resentment has been building against the West for many years.

Before you post more I implore you to get yourself down the library or start reading literature on how terrorism can rarely be defeated by military means, what leads someone into the life of becoming a terrorist, and the feelings of those on all sides involved. Would recommend you start at the troubles in Nothern Ireland and mainland Britain, then go on to the history of the middle East.
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