Good point, I hadn’t considered that.
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
With Hal’s TFA Restructuring version 2 coming out this weekend, I’d love to see his fanedit and your fanedit combined.
“The Ziggy Edit” — A Conceptual Fanedit of Return of the Jedi
https://originaltrilogy.com/topic/Episode-VI-Return-of-the-Jedi-The-Ziggy-Edit/id/17844
With Hal’s TFA Restructuring version 2 coming out this weekend, I’d love to see his fanedit and your fanedit combined.
That’s the idea. The plan was to use TFA:R V2 as a base, which is why he’s focused his efforts on helping get that one done first. I’m looking forward to checking this project out, too!
Starlight uses Restructured as a starting point, so it already is a combination! 😃
JEDIT: Argh, I’m always just a couple minutes too slow!
With Hal’s TFA Restructuring version 2 coming out this weekend, I’d love to see his fanedit and your fanedit combined.
That’s the idea. The plan was to use TFA:R V2 as a base, which is why he’s focused his efforts on helping get that one done first. I’m looking forward to checking this project out, too!
True, but I also like collaborative projects more than working alone. It’s like working on a real movie, and the back and forth is just more fun 😃
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
With Hal’s TFA Restructuring version 2 coming out this weekend, I’d love to see his fanedit and your fanedit combined.
That’s the idea. The plan was to use TFA:R V2 as a base, which is why he’s focused his efforts on helping get that one done first. I’m looking forward to checking this project out, too!
True, but I also like collaborative projects more than working alone. It’s like working on a real movie, and the back and forth is just more fun 😃
I can pretend to be helpful so it feels like a collaboration. 😉
“Because you are a PalpaWalker?”
I can pretend too, if needed. 😉
No, I need someone who can pretend to emphatically disagree with all my ideas and argue with everyone else, otherwise it all falls apart. 😛
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
That’s a terrible idea. What’s wrong with you? Do it the way I want or it’s gonna be the worst edit ever!
…how’d I do? 😄
I fundamentally (empathically) disagree!
Well, I’m not convinced by all your ideas. Like removing Snoke’s name for some reason and removing Rey’s plan to leave and such. But that’s why I’m making my own edit, to make it to my own taste (and to have a Duel of the Fanedits).
It may be enough to simply remove Leia’s lines about Snoke, even though it’s a cringey name no matter who says it, and that whole Maz’s Castle section has problems that won’t be solved simply with the ‘leaving’ change, so everything’s up in the air at this point.
I think we both know how a duel of the edits would end up - my edit would probably have more crazy ideas, and yours would be more professional. 😉
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
Is there enough pieces of dialogue from relevant characters to perhaps change his name to ‘Snokehouse’?
Is there enough pieces of dialogue from relevant characters to perhaps change his name to ‘Snokehouse’?
The new extended special edition.
“Because you are a PalpaWalker?”
How have I been so blind?!
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
I think we both know how a duel of the edits would end up - my edit would probably have more crazy ideas, and yours would be more professional. 😉
Surely I’ll borrow a few crazy ideas though! I’m more technical than crazy so having someone else come up with the crazy bits helps… 😉
While the crawl of Restructured is an improvement over the original and looks fantastic, It feels a bit cluttered when viewing it in a completed form. It lacks that…romantic feeling of the original, for lack of a better word. I feel like there should be more emphasis on Leia for my version, and less name-dropping, since the original Star Wars crawl only had four(!) names in it: Rebel, Galactic Empire, Death Star, and Princess Leia. TFA has eight, and Restructured has seven. I’ve managed to get it down to five:
The galaxy is in peril.
Far from the complacent
New Republic, a sinister
FIRST ORDER is building
a weapon that can devour
the very stars.
Haunted by visions of
this impossible weapon,
the disgraced General
Leia Organa and her
covert Resistance scour
the stars for allies to
forestall this impending
doom.
Arriving on a distant world,
one of her pilots has found
a clue to the location of
Leia’s long-lost brother,
the last of the Jedi Knights
and the First Order’s
ancient fear…
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
I can be the yin to your yang 😃
I think that crawl is a bit too theatrical in it’s word choice. Far from the complacent; devour the very stars; this impossible weapon; forestall this impending doom; ancient fear ( the way this reads is confusing as if Luke is their ancient fear). It just feels like it’s trying to be academic. Star Wars flirts with dramatic but never becomes polarizing to those who struggle with reading. The lexile score of this crawl is a bit steep for the general population. Remember, the crawls should be able to be read and understood by children. I’m a bit exhausted after reading this and perhaps frustrated because it is flying by and I’m wanting to rewind in order to understand.
How’d I do for disagreeing in a productive manner?
Fair enough 😃
It is quite theatrical, I’d argue not any more than this paragraph though:
Pursued by the Empire’s
sinister agents, Princess
Leia races home aboard her
starship, custodian of the
stolen plans that can save
her people and restore
freedom to the galaxy…
You’re probably right that I should make it more readable. How about this:
The galaxy is in peril.
Far from the worlds
of the New Republic,
a sinister FIRST ORDER
is building a weapon that
can devour an entire star.
Haunted by visions of
this devastating weapon,
the disgraced General
Leia Organa mobilizes
a covert Resistance in
an attempt to stave off
this impending disaster.
While on a daring mission,
her most trusted pilot has
found a clue to the location
of Leia’s long-lost brother,
the last of the Jedi Knights
and their only hope against
the evil First Order…
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
The galaxy is in peril.
Far from the worlds
of the New Republic,
a sinister FIRST ORDER
is building a weapon that
can devour an entire star.Haunted by visions of
this devastating weapon,
the disgraced General
Leia Organa mobilizes
a covert Resistance in
an attempt to stave off
this impending disaster.While on a daring mission,
her most trusted pilot has
found a clue to the location
of Leia’s long-lost brother,
the last of the Jedi Knights
and their only hope against
the evil First Order…
I like this one a lot better. I suggest changing it to “entire stars” at the end of the first paragraph. Also changing “weapon” to “power” & “stave off” back to “forestall” or even “thwart.” “Disaster” implies Leia foreknows a specific event, perhaps reword to “threat” or something.
Third paragraph could begin with, “On a daring mission to a distant world…”
EDIT: Posting whole crawl for effect:
The galaxy is in peril.
Far from the worlds
of the New Republic,
a sinister FIRST ORDER
is building a weapon that
can devour entire stars.
Haunted by visions of
this devastating power,
the disgraced General
Leia Organa mobilizes
a covert Resistance in
an attempt to forestall
this impending doom.
On a daring mission to a
distant world, her most trusted
pilot has found a clue to the
location of Leia’s long-lost
brother, the last of the Jedi
Knights and their only hope
against the evil First Order…
Fair enough 😃
It is quite theatrical, I’d argue not any more than this paragraph though:
Pursued by the Empire’s
sinister agents, Princess
Leia races home aboard her
starship, custodian of the
stolen plans that can save
her people and restore
freedom to the galaxy…
You’re totally right about that 😃
The galaxy is in peril.
Far from the worlds
of the New Republic,
a sinister FIRST ORDER
is building a weapon that
can devour an entire star.Haunted by visions of
this devastating weapon,
the disgraced General
Leia Organa mobilizes
a covert Resistance in
an attempt to stave off
this impending disaster.While on a daring mission,
her most trusted pilot has
found a clue to the location
of Leia’s long-lost brother,
the last of the Jedi Knights
and their only hope against
the evil First Order…
Nice! Now that is Star Wars 😃
Stave off might be difficult for some to understand, but I think comprehension would come without frustration. Excellent mix of simplistic and poetic language!
TIP: Remove Rathar sequence entirely. Proof of point, this took me five minutes to edit:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=736lH16Szns&feature=youtu.beIt does nothing to the story, it destroys pace, it gives us deus ex machina’s, it gets Chewie shot within his first five minutes back into the movie, we are introduced to two silly gangs that serve nothing to the story or the characters and the CGI for the rathars is not particularly good or interesting.
Just watched it and its going to create some problems if you cut the complete Rathtar sequence. For one, why would Rey be copilot when Chewie is perfectly healthy? There is no way Chewie would just lie back, on the bunk, while Han is trying to escape. Then later why does Chewie suddenly have a bandage on his arm if he wasn’t injured? You also have Finn following Han with rey and then he is suddenly back in the hold area. Why did he just suddenly stop running along with Rey and Han when he is obviously after some answers? (you can also see that they run right past the cockpit). It’s a very harsh jump cut that doesn’t work i’m afraid.
TIP: Remove Rathar sequence entirely. Proof of point, this took me five minutes to edit:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=736lH16Szns&feature=youtu.beIt does nothing to the story, it destroys pace, it gives us deus ex machina’s, it gets Chewie shot within his first five minutes back into the movie, we are introduced to two silly gangs that serve nothing to the story or the characters and the CGI for the rathars is not particularly good or interesting.
Just watched it and its going to create some problems if you cut the complete Rathtar sequence. For one, why would Rey be copilot when Chewie is perfectly healthy? There is no way Chewie would just lie back, on the bunk, while Han is trying to escape. Then later why does Chewie suddenly have a bandage on his arm if he wasn’t injured? You also have Finn following Han with rey and then he is suddenly back in the hold area. Why did he just suddenly stop running along with Rey and Han when he is obviously after some answers? (you can also see that they run right past the cockpit). It’s a very harsh jump cut that doesn’t work i’m afraid.
I agree 100%. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t love the Rathar sequence, but it has too many important elements necessary for the story.
The ONLY change I would make to the sequence is to shorten the amount of time that Finn is being dragged away by the Rathar. I always thought that was a little far fetched because all the other dudes were eaten almost immediately.
“The Ziggy Edit” — A Conceptual Fanedit of Return of the Jedi
https://originaltrilogy.com/topic/Episode-VI-Return-of-the-Jedi-The-Ziggy-Edit/id/17844
Good points, everyone. As I’ve said, the Rathtars will be reduced but not eliminated.
On the subject of the crawl, here’s another attempt, taking into consideration the previous suggestions:
The galaxy is in peril.
Far from the worlds
of the New Republic,
a sinister FIRST ORDER
is building a weapon that
can devour entire stars.
Haunted by visions of
this devastating weapon,
the disgraced Republic
General Leia Organa
mobilizes her remaining
officers to form a brave
resistance to this deadly
threat.
As evil gathers above him,
Leia’s most daring pilot has
found a clue to the location
of her long-lost brother,
the last of the Jedi Knights
and their only hope to save
a galaxy from war…
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
NeverarGreat said:
On the subject of the crawl, here’s another attempt, taking into consideration the previous suggestions:The galaxy is in peril.
With this first line you don’t acknowledge anything about Episode VI, which ends with the galaxy saved from the Empire and the Sith.
I think your crawl is far too complex and contains too much information (a first time viewer wouldn’t understand half of it, especially in a movie which is a sequel to an episode where everything seemed to be resolved).
Good points, everyone. As I’ve said, the Rathtars will be reduced but not eliminated.
DigMod tried a reduced version that was almost totally convincing (he might have cut a little too much but overall it was better than the theatrical cut without creating continuity issues).