What about John Williams soundtracks?
Snooze-fests.
you do know you are on a Star Wars forum, right?
I thought this was an anime board!
WYSHS
Probably.
What about John Williams soundtracks?
That’s fine.
I know this is all seems trivial to you, but I want to see if I have writing talent. I want to know if the last months of my life thinking about stories were wasted. I mean, come on, I don’t mean to be annoying. I’ll look at as many alligator pictures as you want if you just give the third draft a quick read and a 1-10 rating.
My consensus:
Some okay ideas, hampered by atrocious dialogue and iffy character moments.
How do I improve the dialouge? Why are the character moments iffy? I get the impression that the actors are what makes the dialouge work well. Just look at this line from Revenge of the Sith where Palpatine kills Mace Windu:
PALPATINE
POWER!It sounds cheesy as hell on paper, but Ian McDiarmid is such a masterful actor that he sells it perfectly. Who the hell just screams out “Power!”?
No, he doesn’t.
Mace Windu death scene: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cXjT6Dg4E68
In actuality, Palpatine screams out this:
PALPATINE
POWER! UNLIMITED POWER!
I meant he doesn’t pull it off well.
Now I know what type of music Warbler likes.
It depends on the state.
Who is as cray-cray as ImpScum or HansiG?
Darth Id.
That is all.
You’re dead weight, WANX.
You’re dead weight, DICK.
I take issue with the a_____________ comparison, but no one is surprised by that.
I TAKE ISSUE WITH YOUR INSENSITIVE USE OF THE A-WORD!!! YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!! TAKE IT BACK NOW!!! A-WORD! A-WORD!!!
F&%$#(!#$(!($%&$(!(!!!
Abortion is something that can be a touchy subject for some.
Who is as cray-cray as ImpScum or HansiG?
Darth Id.
That is all.
My favorite.
I didn’t think it was possible, but I’ve reached my limit with you. I used to think impscum was bad, but you’ve reached the point where you’ve justified everything he’s ever said of you.
You’re a bully – better than Darth Id, perhaps, but still a damned bully – and from this moment on, I’m not going to read a single post you make ever again.
Enjoy living in that small, Frink-centric universe of yours.
I just gotta bump this epic butthurt soliloquy.
And not just cuz I get a mythic namedrop from DerpaSmell, but cuzza TEH SERIUSNESS!!!
And also cuzza the awesomely Shonenesque allegiance realignments that go on in this chat bored:Reaching his last straw with the vile TV FREAK, our hero DERPYDERP ENEMIZER was seduced by the DARK SIDE of the FROTH, and joined forces with the nefarious IMPSCUM! Forming the upstart FIRST ORDER of BRAIN LESIONNAIRES, ENEMIZER and IMPSCUM began plotting their campaign against TV FREAK and his lascivious consort YWHX.
And the battle now begins for title of SUPREME GEEK of the GALAXY…
I love dis cray id post.
I know this is all seems trivial to you, but I want to see if I have writing talent. I want to know if the last months of my life thinking about stories were wasted. I mean, come on, I don’t mean to be annoying. I’ll look at as many alligator pictures as you want if you just give the third draft a quick read and a 1-10 rating.
My consensus:
Some okay ideas, hampered by atrocious dialogue and iffy character moments.
How do I improve the dialouge? Why are the character moments iffy? I get the impression that the actors are what makes the dialouge work well. Just look at this line from Revenge of the Sith where Palpatine kills Mace Windu:
PALPATINE
POWER!It sounds cheesy as hell on paper, but Ian McDiarmid is such a masterful actor that he sells it perfectly. Who the hell just screams out “Power!”?
No, he doesn’t.
Episode VII
The Fiery Fall of Kylo Ren and his Knight Battle
Kylo Ren: If only I had
out of ideas, come to this section later
Rey kneeled down and choked on Kylo Ren’s lightsaber.
Kylo Ren: Now you know the power of dark side!
Kylo Ren smiled as Rey took off her robes, only for Luke to pop up from them.
Luke Skywalker: Why Ben, why? Why did you go to dark Sid?
Kylo Ben: DARK SID IS WAY COOLER YOU TWAT
epic lightsaber battle ensues
Luke strikes but is has win
Kylo Ren: nooo why
Luke Skywalker: This is what you get for killing Han Solo (OMG I STILL DONT BELIEVE THEY ACTUALLY KILELD HAN D: 1 like 1 respect for han)
Shivered Kylo Ren cried on the floor like a baby
Luke takes a sip from Kylo Ren’s foutain and becomes young again
Luke: So, Rey, how about we go to Coruscant?
Luke grabbed Rey and they ran away on in a in Millenia Fall
Snoke: But you dont not winning (dun dun dun!!!)
roll credits
Type your criticism BUT IF YOUR’RE A HEATER THEN DONT’T WRITE NOTHING ITS MY STZORY I YO DONT LIKE DONT READ!
Constructive criticismCompliments only plox 😉 :^* :^* :^* :^* □I liked when it ended.
And now you know how we feel.
Except that it doesn’t end.
I will not stand for this. My image will remain.
A little bit.
Just heard a barrage of firework-sounding things at 11 in the morning. Not reassuring.
I guess New Jersey isn’t all that bad.
the southern half isn’t bad at all.
Ah, so it’s just up north. Makes sense.
Fireworks regulations.
I know, and we have the anime thread for talking about those. The good news is that there are just as many positives in the world. Sunshine, long walks outside, building a bookcase, living in the First World, ice cream, fast cars, freedom, hot dogs, air conditioning, above- and below-ground pools,
Daft Punk, firearms, space, small animals, vegetables, Star Wars, sliced and unsliced bread, shredded cheese, lifting weights, hot cocoa. I’m probably missing some.fixed.
We didn’t even invent a lot of those. Makes it all the more American.
I guess New Jersey isn’t all that bad.
I guess that won’t happen because the fireworks companies must be making big bucks.
Mine is important.
Is this fan fiction?