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The Cloak of Evil. (Clips available) (Part-Finished project)

I recommend, if you are to change Dooku’s sabre colour, I recommend that the colour be either blue or yellow. Blue would work, because it implies that he spends his time developing his swordsmanship, green implies that he is more scholarly and uses more force powers. Yellow is somewhat of a middle ground, which works best with Dooku in my opinion

<strong>The Star Wars - Star Wars Retold</strong>

Oooo… Thank you for the idea BlackHawk. Very interesting idea, which I think you’ve sold me on.

I think that the way I’d use this idea would be mostly to flesh out the main characters - primarily Anakin, Luke, Han, Leia, and Obi-Wan - along with the ethical questions and themes, rather than just the story. And so, something with Boba would be a bit out of place. But the idea is something I feel myself falling in love with.
Switching time frames would definitely work with Star Wars’ back-and-forth style of storytelling.

With the idea of Luke going to Obi-Wan’s home would work well, with Luke building his lightsaber there, learning from Kenobi’s journal as you said - could reveal much more than Obi-Wan would openly say to Luke - and finding Kenobi’s old Jedi armour - which I will have him wear in the last part of the Saga

<strong>The Star Wars - Star Wars Retold</strong>

Thank you, friend. For the most part things are what I come up with, though I do keep other sources in mind. I write most this whilst watching the movie on my second monitor, which I use as an overall layout for what to put in. Some stuff will be me going off my memory, some will be from deleted scenes or the scripts, some will be exactly the same as what was in the film.
The first two “Episodes” will be near identical to the films, but after that, more drastic and story based changes will be made

<strong>The Star Wars - Star Wars Retold</strong>


Chapter One - Entrance of Vader

As the smoke around the docking bay began to disperse, and the rear stormtroopers checked for wounded, their leader walked through the doorway.

Gargantuan, clad in an all-encompassing jumpsuit, a control box on his chest, with a silver striped gorget and a belt, with his flowing robe and cape, and shining helm, which was domed, and had a skull like mask, which was lopsided, with bulbous lenses. His name was Darth Vader.

Chapter One - Leia and Vader

'Darth Vader, only you could be so bold. Your irrational actions have caused even more mindless destruction! The senate will not sit still for this, when they hear how you attacked a diplo-"

‘Don’t dare feign surprise, your highness, you’ll not trick me into believing your mercy mission story, Antilles already tried that. I want to know what happened to the plans!’

The Princess showed a face of shock and disgust toward the Dark Lord, whom towered over her immensely.

‘I can see you have no reason. You are a cruel mo-’

‘And you are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor! Take her away!’

With that he marched off, followed by his commander.

Chapter Two - Luke and Owen

Owen and Luke looked at the droids on sale, Owen speaking to the Jawas, and Luke searching for the right droids.

He saw many dull, scratched and banged up droids, all in disrepair. Then he saw the shining 3PO and clean R2.

‘Uncle Owen, what about that one?’

The aged Owen looked at the droids, looked back at Luke, and nodded.

‘Make sure he speaks Bocce.’

Luke was a fine young man. The adolescent had shaggy, honey-coloured hair, and tanned skin, with fair, round eyes of a strong shade of blue, he had a strong jawline and a dimpled chin.

<strong>The Star Wars - Star Wars Retold</strong>

Thank you for the kind words, Collipso.
I must admit that I wasn’t entirely sure about the Obi-Wan idea, though I’d certainly like to show him as feeling guilt and being a little… off come ANH.

I must also say that the Skywalker name and Padme being from Alderaan ideas came from this video:
Though those ideas are quite good, the rest of what the video has to offer is pretty silly to me.

Also, it might be good say that the Hal 9000 edits were what inspired me to start this and are also what I’ll use as a base for my PT stuff rather than the theatrical releases

<strong>The Star Wars - Star Wars Retold</strong>

Changes and Story Tweaks

PT Era

  1. While the Jedi remain unchanged, the Sith are far more numerous. Sidious is one of three high Sith leaders, the other two being the merciful, ex-Jedi, political idealist known as Darth Clemence, - real name Yoss Vetter - and the cruel and vengeful Darth Grievous.

  2. The Clone Army is already used by the Republic, having seen action in the “First Clone War”

  3. No Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan is trained by Yoda.

  4. Anakin is Anakin Lars. The name Skywalker is a nickname / call sign, fitting with his borderline-celebrity status implied by the PT Novels and with Obi-Wan’s description of him; “He was the best star pilot in the galaxy…” He is literally “The Skywalker”

  5. Padme is a Noblewoman from Alderaan, as opposed to Naboo. After the end of the PT segment she raises Leia for a time with her close friend, King Bail Organa.

  6. The Jedi aren’t good. The Jedi in the PT were quite evil in many ways, but it was somewhat ignored by Lucas and they were painted in a kinder light than what I think was needed. Instead of the Jedi being good, and the Sith evil, I’d like to depict them both as extremes, neither better, nor worse than the other. Both Orders are just as cruel and dangerous.

  7. Anakin isn’t evil. In ANH we see a very evil Vader whom supposedly killed the good Anakin Skywalker. In ESB we realise they are one in the same. In ROTJ we see a sad and tragic figure whom became evil under unknown circumstances.
    I would like to depict him as a good man, striving for justice. Fighting for a corrupt Republic and an unjust Jedi order, with a family that he wishes to protect and provide a perfect and peaceful life for. On top of that, he wants revenge and wants to right wrongs.
    When the Jedi make the first move, he takes matters into his own hands, joins up with his mentor, Palpatine, and creates the Galactic Empire, believing it the best way to provide justice and peace to the galaxy. He then kills the Jedi, and the Sith - Palpatine betrayed his Sith allies. He brings peace and order in a time of war and instability. He is then punished for his actions by his closest friend and brotherly/fatherly figure, Obi-Wan.
    For his troubles he rewarded with the loss of his family, the amputation of limbs, full body burns - likely causing the loss of his genitals, the loss of all round health, and loss of all happiness.

  8. The Death Star isn’t in construction stages until long after the Jedi Purge begins.

  9. Anakin doesn’t kill Padme directly, but rather harms her health enough to significantly shorten her life - ala Hal 9000 edit.

  10. Obi-Wan exiles himself on Tatooine primarily for guilt. He has his hair in my version of the Padawan hairstyle as to show him thinking he made a mistake, feels guilt, and thinks himself to know less than he thought.

<strong>The Star Wars - Star Wars Retold</strong>

Here is chapter one, I’ll every now and then be posting pages and chapters so that ye guys can get a feel for what I’m going for.


There was silence. Silence was all there was above the backwater planet that was Tatooine. There were no ships coming and no ships going.

Absolutely silent.

Then, the silence was broken. The sound of blaster cannons rang out through the vacuum.
A corvette, damaged and old, ran from a pursuing vessel, the Imperial Star Destroyer named “The Devastator.” The Imperial Star Destroyers were oddly shaped, like a stout dagger, a flattened pyramid, the tip pointing toward its adversary, its adversary wouldn’t last long.

The red blaster bolts of the corvette struck the Devastator, but did no damage. The green bolts of the Star Destroyer could barely find its minuscule target, but had no trouble once it did.
Aboard the corvette were two droids, the protocol droid C-3PO, and the astromech droid R2-D2.

The protocol droids were as humans in form, yet rudimentary in design, with clunky bodies and limbs, which had limited movement, the faces of these droids came in seemingly random styles. C-3PO had the likeness of a shocked man, and was plated in gold, save his lower left leg, which was silver.

The astromechs were stout things, coming to about the navel of the average man. These droids had cylindrical bodies, on either side of these were stiff arms, attached to the frame just below the start of the neckless head. These arms ended with trapezoid wheel protections. Underneath the body was a third wheel, which could hide inside the droid’s frame. R2-D2 was white, his head was silver and bore a blue colour scheme.

The two hurried to the front of the ship, as dozens of rebel troopers rushed to the rear of the ship, they conversed as they did so.

‘Did you hear that? They’ve shut down the main reactor, we’ll be destroyed for sure!’ Spoke C-3PO.

The astromech replied with the usual bleeps and bloops, though, their translation was different, with a higher form of speaking, and held an air of confidence and wisdom.

The noise of metal hitting metal echoed through the ship, the sound of boarding clasps attaching to the ship.

‘We’re doomed.’ Sighed C-3PO.

At the rear of the corvette, the rebel soldiers rallied, their blasters aimed at the docking bay door, their bodies pressed against the white corridor walls, crouching and proning, hiding behind door frames and loose crates, they steadied their breathing, and gripped their fear tightly.

The clattering stopped… silence.

The white docking bay door lit up, with a pink flame and sparks aplenty. The door exploded, shooting debris toward the defenders, and covering the corridor in smoke.

Blaster fire came from the obscured doorway, as did the Empire’s dreaded stormtroopers. They were clad in white armour, which covered them from head to toe. Their shortrange, quick firing blasters and their swift and brutal tactics were employed to storm locations of importance quickly. Hence their name.

They came out quickly, firing upon the defenders. First two came out, then four, then six, then eight, soon there were twelve, then twenty. The rebel troops fired back, striking the Imperial troops, but not striking them enough. Unable to keep the fight even, the rebels had to run, lest the stay and die.

They retreated, often firing back at their pursuers, but they took losses aplenty.

As the smoke around the docking bay began to disperse, and the rear stormtroopers checked for wounded, their leader walked through the doorway.

Gargantuan, clad in an all-encompassing jumpsuit, a control box on his chest, with pauldrons and a belt, with his flowing robe and cape, and shining helm, which was domed, and had a skull like mask, which was lopsided, with bulbous lenses. His name was Darth Vader.

He stood still, hands on hips, and saw the losses. From him came the sound of raspy, rhythmic breathing. He took in the sights and continued walking, followed by his soldiers.

In the escape pod bay, C-3PO searched for his troublesome friend.

‘R2-D2 where are you?!’ He surveyed the area.

He tilted his body and saw, around the corner of the hallway, his companion, standing upright, receiving a memory card from a white robed woman. The Princess.

The rebel soldiers had been rounded up, their numbers now in the twenties, their weapons confiscated and hands tied, they were now in the hands of the Empire.

In the board room, the dark figure held in his hand the rebel captain. His own commander, his white armour bearing a blue design came up to him.

‘M’lord, the Death Star plans are not in the ships main computer.’

The Dark Lord turned his head back to the captain.

‘Tell me, Captain Antilles, where are those files you received, what have you done with those plans?!’

The Dark Lord’s voice unnaturally was deep, and sounded akin to a radio receiving a poor transmission. It was brassy and rough, with reverb, and clipping levels as if it were the noise of someone too close to a recording device. The voice pattern itself was odd. His vowels were elongated and weirdly accented, he rolled his Rs, and he too often emphasised words.

He grabbed the officer by the throat with his left hand, and slowly but steadily raised him.

‘I don’t know what you speak of! This is a consular ship, we’re on a diplomatic mission!’ He forced out, gasping for air.

The Dark Lord tightened his grip, and spoke with a harsher voice.

'If this is a consular ship, where are the ambassadors?!"

There was a crushing noise as the rebel died, the Imperial had crushed Antilles’ wind pipe. Vader threw the corpse at the wall and turned to his soldier.

‘Commander, you will tear this ship apart till you’ve found those plans, bring me the passengers, I want them alive!’

In the pod bay, R2 and 3-Po climbed aboard a pod as several rebels stood by the pod doors. Once inside the door shut, and each rebel began launching the pods.

‘Why did they do that?’ Asked 3-PO of R2.

The astromech beeped in answer.

‘None of my business, what are you talking about? Are you sure this pod is safe?’

Their pod fell toward Tatooine, as did the others. They were safe… for now.

Aboard the corvette the stormtroopers had finished rounding up the rebels. They escorted the Princess to Vader. She was first to speak.

'Darth Vader, only you could be so bold. Your irrational actions have caused even more mindless destruction! The senate will not sit still for this, when they hear how you attacked a diplo-"

‘Don’t dare feign surprise, your highness, you’ll not trick me into believing your mercy mission story, Antilles already tried that. I want to know what happened to the plans!’

The Princess showed a face of shock and disgust toward the Dark Lord, whom towered over her immensely.

‘I can see you have no reason. You are a cruel mo-’

‘And you are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor! Take her away!’

With that he marched off, followed by his commander.

His commander was now unmasked, showing a middle-aged, brown skinned face, with charming features and afro textured hair and beard which was greying.

‘Lord Vader, I must say that holding her is dangerous. If knowledge of this were to spread it could cause sympathy for the rebellion.’

Vader turned to him.

‘She is my last link to the rebel base, Fordo.’

‘She’ll never talk.’

‘Leave that to me.’

As they turned around a corner they were approached by an Imperial naval officer.

‘Lord Vader, my men have notified me that they spotted escape pods leave the ship, and disperse themselves, landing on Tatooine. When your men checked the pod bay, they found that no pods remained, there were no lifeforms aboard the pods.’

Vader turned to each of his officers.

'She put the plans on one of those pods. Commander Fordo, take a detachment down to the planet and search for those pods. There will be no one to stop us this time!"

<strong>The Star Wars - Star Wars Retold</strong>


Collipso said:

Holy cow I do want to read this. Are you still going to make Luke and Leia siblings? If so, how do you plan to deal with this in the prequels?

I’m interested in knowing what you have in mind for the PT.

And do you plan on writing TFA/TLJ ones too?

As for Luke and Leia, yes, they’ll be siblings, I’d also like to lessen the incestuous stuff a bit, just because.
For the PT section I’ll mostly be playing with political-ethical stuff, though hopefully in a more mature and entertaining way than Lucas.
As for the Disney films, I’ll most likely stop after BA/ROTJ, having that be the “Happy Ending.” With Luke redeeming Anakin, Luke destroying the remnants of the Sith, becoming Prince Luke, and creating a Jedi order that teaches balance in the force. Essentially, have all things become happy and dandy, and the story is finished.

I’d also like to add that the names are practically place holders till someone can give me some more Star Wars sounding titles

<strong>The Star Wars - Star Wars Retold</strong>

A novel series of great ambition.
Written in the machete order, with changes ranging from subtle to grand, this retelling may be controversial or confusing.
I will approach this project as if I were a fan-editor, except with endless possibilities, not being limited to assets or footage. My outline is as follows:

A New Hope - The Story of Luke discovering his heritage and the mythical power of the force. Mostly retains the story of the film.

The Empire Strikes Back - Three years following A New Hope, Luke is a rebel hero, and soon becomes a Jedi Padawan. Retains the story of the film

Before the Dark Times - Having learnt of his true lineage, Luke confronts Obi-Wan and asks to learn the truth. The novel tells the story of Anakin, Obi-Wan, and the Jedi, set 29 years prior to A New Hope

A Menace Revealed - Set 4 years after BDT, Anakin is now a Padawan under Obi-Wan. The plot is akin to AOTC but drastic changes are made, including showing numerous Sith Lords and raising moral and political questions that may change one’s interpretation of the saga.

Shroud of the Dark Side - Set 6 years after AMR, the Clone War is coming to an end, the plot remain mostly unchanged from ROTS, except Anakin is more of a tragic figure, selflessly striving for justice, rather than acting unjust and selfish.

Return of the Jedi - Return of the Jedi with minor changes.

Seeing as this is a fan project, I will happily take recommendations and am eager to discuss this project. If anyone has ideas and concepts they’d like to share, or experience with writing or art, I would be most grateful for any help of any kind.
Thank you.

Anakin, Father of the Empire - A More Intellectual Prequel Series


Short Story – Temple of Lies:
Through the crime ridden down town of Coruscant walk Jedi Knight Qui-Gon Jinn and his Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi. There they come across a gang of street urchins led by an orphaned adolescent Anakin Skywalker.
Qui-Gon brings Anakin to the Jedi temple and begins his training. Anakin and Obi-Wan begin to become friends and Qui-Gon leaves the Jedi order for unknown reasons, leaving the training of Anakin to a now Knighted Obi-Wan.

Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker,

Novel – The Phantom Strikes
Five years after Temple of Lies we see Obi-Wan and Anakin, they have become very close, akin to brothers. The Republic is at war with the Separatist Kaleesh-Neimoidian alliance once again, but this time the alliance is far larger and has very much different goals and tactics.
They are called to the planet of Naboo to help defend against an incoming attack by the Separatists, there Kenobi insists that the Princess of Naboo, Padme Amidala, goes to a highly defended, secluded palace. She is sent there with Anakin and a large detachment of Clone Troopers. There she and Anakin begin to form a bond, as the youths engage in deep, developed, and open conversations.
Meanwhile, aboard a large Separatist vessel is Darth Clemence. A dark lord of the Sith, and apprentice to Lord Sidious. He engages in a holoprojector call with Darth Grievous. The two speak of their plan to capture the Princess and leave the planet, and use her as leverage later on.
Anakin and Padme spend more time speaking of the war, and why Padme didn’t leave her planet. Obi-Wan has his Clones setup the planets cities for defence. He has them train and arm the citizenry and recruit the Gungan army, led by General Jar-Jar Binks.
In the early morning – of where the Jedi are located – the Sith attack. Darth Clemence leads his Sith soldiers in their black and grey armour. They and the Clones engage in brutal combat.
Meanwhile, a Dark Lord closes in on Anakin and Padme. He is called Darth Maul. He leads a large regiment against the defended position. The Clone Troopers fight bravely to defend the position, holding back the Sith Troops, but not Maul. He quickly slips through the defences and into the palace.
Anakin senses the danger and readies himself. He and Padme try to reach a safe room, but are cut off by the Dark lord. He pulls out his sabre, as does Anakin. The Sith attacks the Jedi, whom defends the Princess.
Meanwhile, Kenobi battles the Sith warriors, leading a speeder charge from the city plaza. He and Clemence come into contact and duel. Clemence draws a long Sabre with a cross guard. The two fight furiously, until an explosion goes off close to them, they are sent flying, and Clemence is unmasked, his identity is revealed to be Qui-Gon.

Back at the Palace, the duel between Skywalker and Maul is still going, it is fast paced and one-sided, Maul strikes Skywalker with his fists, feet, knees, and head, but is unable to kill him with his sabre. Whenever Padme tries to go somewhere, Maul follows and Anakin mirrors him, defending the Princess.
Eventually Maul becomes angered and his target switches from Padme to Anakin, he begins to go berserk and attack him with ferocious barrages of strikes. Eventually Maul has him down and is about to kill him when Padme fires upon him with a Clone Blaster, hitting him in the back many times, just saving her protector.
Meanwhile, Kenobi and his Clones hold the capital plaza bravely against the Sith, they are surrounded, when the Sith are themselves surrounded by the Gungan army led by Binks. The Gungans make quick work of the Sith, with the exception of Clemence who escapes.
The Gungans, Naboo, and Clones rejoice. The Clone army, Gungan army, and Jedi are all given praise and medals by the Naboo people and a great celebration is had. This is where this part ends.

Characters: Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padme Amidala, Sheev Palpatine, Count Qui-Gon Jinn/Darth Clemence, Darth Grievous, Darth Maul

P.S. How does one post an image?

Anakin, Father of the Empire - A More Intellectual Prequel Series


The characterisation of Anakin should be at first a young Jedi, dealing with his own hormonal and intellectual imbalance, and trying to understand the politics and righteousness of; the Clone War, the corrupt republic, and the extremist cult of the Jedi Temple.

With his relationship with Padme he begins to learn of proper love and sexuality. Through her he also learns the proper politics of the Clone Wars. She teaches him much, and, for the first time, he understands humanity, this even further pulls him from the teachings of the Jedi Code.

Come the time he begins to turn, he feels the teachings of the Jedi are entirely unjust. This however does not make him become a proper Sith. After he slaughters the Jedi, he goes straight to slaughter the Sith.
When it comes to him and Obi-Wan they should be depicted as friends, with a brotherly bond. They share many jokes and are often on the same level of thinking. Their separation does not start until after Anakin has turned.

The ultimate fear for Padme needn’t be due to having dreams of her dying, but instead the Jedi - led by Master Windu -attempting to kill the couple, punishment for attachment. In reaction to this attack, Anakin should go to Palpatine and begin his attack on the Jedi temple.

Anakin, Father of the Empire - A More Intellectual Prequel Series


Anakin Skywalker – Youthful Jedi Knight. He was brought into the Jedi Order by Obi-Wan Kenobi. At this time the Jedi council considered him too old to become a Padawan – past a certain age a child is too old to be indoctrinated into Jedi beliefs. This was ignored, mostly due to Obi-Wan’s standing in the Jedi Council. He was trained by Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, whom came to be his greatest friend. Soon Anakin came to love a Naboo senator, Padme Amidala, whom had also taught him much of the galactic politics, republic history, and the renowned injustice of the Jedi order.

Obi-Wan Kenobi – Middle Aged Jedi Master. Raised from childhood to be a Jedi, he was once the Padawan of Qui-Gon before the latter was excommunicated. Due to him being taught by the more progressive Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan came to be more progressive also. Unlike most Jedi, Obi-Wan was compassionate and understanding. This also helped Anakin’s journey from the Order’s teachings.

Padme Amidala – Young Naboo Senator. The youthful, beautiful, and intelligent Padme Amidala was a Galactic senator hailing from Naboo. She is extremely passionate about her views. She is an egalitarian whom understands that both sides of a war will be hurt. Her main motivations are; disbanding and freeing the Republic “Clone Army”, which she thinks of as slavery, and ending the war diplomatically.

Count Qui-Gon Jinn / Darth Clemence – Aged Sith Lord, ex Jedi Master. The merciful and progressive Jedi and Sith lord Darth Clemence – named for his merciful nature – born named Qui-Gon Jinn, was a Count of the House of Jinn on Serenno. He was abducted as a child by the Jedi order, and, during his thirties – whilst training Obi-Wan – he decided to leave the Order and return to his home. He became Count and eventually joined the Sith order. He is a great force user and great swordsman. His lightsabre and armour are unlike that of the Jedi and Sith, instead his gear takes great influence from his ancestors. For example, his sabre hilt is extra-long and has a cross guard.

Sheev Palpatine – Effectively unchanged

Yoda – Effectively unchanged

Anakin, Father of the Empire - A More Intellectual Prequel Series

The focus of the films should be on:
1. The morality and duality of the Jedi and Sith Orders.
2. The politics of the Republic.
3. Effects of the Clone Wars.
4. The beliefs of Anakin.

For the first, the Jedi and Sith should not be seen as wholly good, nor wholly evil. The beliefs of the orders should be depicted as extreme and arrogant. Anakin will realize this and be on the way to attaining balance upon his turn. He is the first Jedi to attain proper balance. His poor treatment at the hands of Obi-Wan will cause him to lean toward the Dark Side.

For the second, we should see a once noble and just system of government on its last leg, on the verge of fulfilling its usefulness. The Republic should be corrupt and inadequate, the Empire should be borne of Anakin’s political ideals, not Anakin’s stupidity. Padme should be depicted as an intellectual who effects Anakin’s views drastically.

For the third, we should the Clone Wars as three wars fought between the Republic and three different factions. The first war was between the Republic and the Kaleesh-Nemoidian alliance, the second between the Republic and the CIS, the third between both of these powers, but led by the Sith. The effect these wars have on the Republic and its citizens should be depicted as extreme.

For the Fourth, my ideal Anakin is a very moral and ethical person. Someone who strives for justice and decency above all else. At first, he hates the Jedi for its lack of freedom and adores the Republic for its freedom. Eventually, he will become fed up with both of these inadequate powers and help Palpatine create the Empire.

Anakin, Father of the Empire - A More Intellectual Prequel Series

Hello all, let me introduce myself, I am Joshua, 16-year-old from Australia. Ever since I can remember, I’ve adored Star Wars, and, for the longest time, I adored the PT. Then I got smarter.
Something that I dislike most about the PT is that it has such little substance, and more importantly, such little morality. Now, black and white morality works for the OT, that’s kind of its thing, but the prequels are supposed to explain things. Not just WHAT happened before the OT, but WHY it happened.
This is something I hope to focus on.
Whilst I tend to try to avoid overdone topics, I keep feeling drawn to this topic. At first, I will not so much re-write the prequels but rather brainstorm and explain my ideas and concepts. The first thing I shall focus on is just that… The focus.

Now, I would appreciate any of feedback or suggestions. I will likely to come back to this topic and give more written stuff, as well as my costume and character designs.