Here is a final list of all the changes
Goals of the Edit:
- Present it in a classical Star Wars movie format - Opening crawl, opening pan shot, wipe transitions, iris out to credits.
- Stick to a three-act structure with a slower-paced middle act.
- Focus on Wim as the primary protagonist.
- Fern is framed as the secondary protagonist, with Neel and KB supporting characters.
- Removal of the deal between Jod and the kids. They stay together because of mutual benefit, rather than having a formal deal.
- Alter Jod’s character arc so that his betrayal of the children is very much an act of last resort.
- Remove the civil war plot on At-Acrin.
- Retain the parents’ B-plot as it provides essential spacer sequences for the A plot.
- Trim any fat to protect the runtime, but not at the expense of the pacing.
Specific changes
Runtime 2h 50mins.
Logos
Opening crawl with Star Wars logo
“In the aftermath of the
EMPIRE’s collapse, peace
has been restored by the NEW
REPUBLIC. But due to its
limited resources lawlessness
has taken root in the OUTER
RIM.
Amidst the chaos crews of
PIRATES, bound by an
unyielding code and led by
daring captains, vie for
dominance over the galaxy’s
most lucrative trade routes.
Driven by the legend of AT-
ATTIN, a mythical world of
eternal treasure, they unleash
mayhem in their quest for the
galaxy’s most coveted prize.
Cold, hard credits….”
Episode 1: [41mins cut to 31mins]
Pan down to New Republic vessel using music from “Galaxy’s worst boarding party” to extend the opening crawl music.
Cut Pirates running through the boarding tubes to add suspense.
Cut the external part of the battle where the New Republic ship destroys a boarding tube.
Cut the pirates rounding up passengers - kills the pacing of the scene.
Wipe from opening scene to external shot of an At-Attin street (it’s a repurposed shot of Fern’s house, but works well as Wim’s street). Cut to Wim and his cereal with a sound J-cut.
Cut Neel getting something in his eye - I have given Neel’s character a slighter tougher tone.
Trim school bus journey.
Cut Runa’s answer and Neel staring at her - the Neel-Runa plot goes nowhere, especially given that Hena has also been cut.
Cut Wim mentioning his dad’s job.
Cut Neel and Wim talking about Runa.
Reduce the pause before Neel says “like what?”
Cut Fern’s speeder breaking down.
Cut Wim and Neel walking home.
Cut Fern and KB fixing their speeder.
Cut Wim and Neel walking home.
Cut scene of Fern at home with her mum.
In the edit we transition from Fern and KB speeding through town to Wim studying. This cut provides a great juxtaposition for the life Wim wants and the life he currently has, which is the driving force for the whole movie.
Cut Wim’s dad “bedtime stories, aren’t you a bit old for that?”
Cut Wim looking at the toy starships on his ceiling - the relevant focus here is his obsession with jedi stories.
Trim Wim’s speeder journey to the ravine.
Restructure the “taking a shortcut” sequence so that Wim discovers the buried ship before we cut to Neel in the exam hall.
Trim time Wim spends looking around the ravine.
Cut Neel talking to the droid in the exam hall.
Cut Wim “how much longer?”
Cut droid “the proctor will be with you shortly”.
Cut long pause during Fern/Wim conversation outside the proctor’s office.
Cut Wim calling at Neel’s house - we transition from Wim walking away from Fern to Wim and Neel opening the garage door.
Cut Neel asking what his com sign should be. It’s edited so that Jedi 1 and Jedi 2 are established call signs which cements them as best friends and Jedi-obsessed.
Cut Wim “this is mine”.
Cut Wim & Neel talking about calling claimsies for the inside of the ship - they never do and I wanted to reduce the claimsies references.
Cut Fern talking about a power converter - her broken speeder has been cut.
Cut Wim “what’s she doing?” And Fern “Quiet”.
Trim crew looking inside the ship before entering.
Cut Fern “and he did it anyway”.
Trim crew banging on the door after it closes.
Cut Wim “this is so great, it’s exciting, we’re exploring”.
Cut Fern “listen, all we’ve got to do is find the power before we run out of air”.
Cut Wim walking around the ship alone.
Cut Wim pressing the button - works better if we don’t see him do it.
Trim sequence where Wim nearly falls out of the ship, otherwise the taking off sequence feels too long.
Cut Neel “is that the barrier?” - unnecessary exposition.
Episode 2: [24mins cut to 17mins]
Trim hyperspace screaming - makes it less comical.
Cut KB “if that was hyperspace we could be really far away”
Cut Wim “what is that” and trim SM-33’s approach.
Cut Ferm “but it’s true” and “right” to SM-33.
Shorten long pause between SM-33 saying “stowaways” and “captain”.
Cut SM-33 searching through his databanks for At-Attin.
Cut rat running out of SM-33’s eye hole.
Cut Wim “it’s not all my fault”.
Cut SM-33 “shall I throw him out of the airlock for insolence captain”.
Remove safety droid “what was that…. Primitive life form… scans normal’ and replace with ambiance - creates a better transition.
Cut Wim and Neel exploring the ship - I really like this scene, but ultimately it isn’t needed for story or pacing.
Trim approach to Port Bogo.
Cut the crew paying the ferry pilot and Wim hiding his credits.
Cut KB and Fern exploring the port and their interactions with the hooker.
Trim Soup serving.
Cut Neel “his dad gave it to him for lunch money”
Cut the shot of Wim and Neel running where they are going really slowly.
Trim SM-33’s approach to defend the crew.
Cut Fern “I’m not leaving without KB…… and the boys”.
Cut the SM-33 - Fern back-and-forth about whether they are pirates.
Cut Fern shouting at Brutus - way too bratty.
Trim the rat-key sequence.
Cut KB talking about the legend of At-Attin’s treasure.
Trim Jod’s approach.
Episode 3: [31mins cut to 23mins]
Opening scene with the parents is placed during the crew’s journey from Kh’ymm’s observatory to At-Acrin.
Cut Jod “it’s easier to hide in a crowd than an empty corridor” and the crew walking through the port.
It’s edited so that Fern chooses to go the quiet way with a hard cut (after Jod says “the force resides in us all”) to the crew on the ferry ship - implying that they went the quiet way.
Cut Fern “I thought the jedi never left a man behind” and Yod “Thats not a thing… the jedi say”.
Cut Jod “you stay here, where it’s safe”.
Cut Jod switching on the CZ droid.
Cut Jod encountering his old shipmate.
Cut Fern “like really good string”
The Port Bogo escape sequence is tightened significantly.
Cut Jod “ok, I’ll try to snap it” and “I have an idea”.
Cut Neel “sir, look out for the…”
Trim the port escape sequence.
Cut Brutus “and those pups”.
Trim Jod eating soup.
Cut Scene where SM-33 threatens Jod.
Cut Neel feeding the rat.
The scene where Jod looks through Wim’s bag from episode 4 is added here to occur whilst the children are asleep - The editing of Episode 4 meant it had to be moved and here was the best place as it adds to the passage of time for their hyperspace journey.
Trim Approach to the moon.
Trim walk to the observatory and cut chat about back-stabbing. Kh’ymm’s betrayal doesn’t need foreshadowing and I much prefer the observatory to feel like a sanctuary as it allows us to focus on the most important exposition scene of the movie.
Cut Yod “they’re from At-Attin.
Cut Kh’ymm’s warning to the children about Jod.
Cut Jod “I told you she was a back-stabber”.
Cut scene where the children stop Jod from entering the ship and they agree to a partnership. The deal and partnership have been removed so that Jod’s betrayal is less telegraphed.
Cut reference to SM-33 during the moon escape.
Cut Yod “once we see daylight we’re gone” and “hands off”.
Cut final scene where the X-wing pilots land and chat with Kh’ymm.
The Parents’ scene is moved to this point to create a spacer scene for the crew’s journey through hyperspace.
Episode 4: [30mins cut to 11mins including the scenes inserted from Episode 5]
Cut Jod “Yes captain Fern, I’m so sorry”.
Cut autopilot landing sequence.
Cut sound of explosion as the crew get off the ship.
Cut Fern ordering Jod to remain on the ship and SM-33’s “baby” dialogue.
Cut Wim “Ew, gross”.
Cut scenes with SM-33 and Jod on the ship - it’s implied that they leave the ship with the kids but lag behind.
The whole civil was plot has been removed.
The barrier access code scene on At-Attin has been split into 2 parts and used as the spacers between the different At-Acrin scenes.
Cut the child soldier hiding behind the debris as the kids walk towards the statue. The scene is cut just before the missile appears.
Cut Wim’s dad “I don’t remember any surges”.
I added a reversed external shot of the Supervisor tower from Episode 8 as a pointer shot to the crew’s location before we see them access the lift.
Cut Neel “Here is where Hena said there would be co-ordinates.”
Added modified Neel line “On At-Attin noone is allowed up here”
Cut Jod “Yeah, they’re gone”.
Cut Jod “good luck with that”.
Trim Wim & Fern’s window scene to remove the repetition of “I have no idea what I’m doing” and references to the battle.
Episode 5: [36mins to 23mins]
Transition from Neel on the floor to Wim’s dad and Fern’s mum in her office. Cut Fern’s mum “something’s wrong”.
Transition to the Crew aboard the Onyx.
Cut Fern & Jod’s back and forth about being scared.
Cut Fern “Do you remember where At-Attin is”.
Cut Jod “this ship is the Onxy Cinder. You don’t appreciate how incredible this is”.
Cut Jou “crew, ship, all”.
Cut the first part of SM-33’s story about Rennod including reference to the concubine.
Trim Jod’s walk towards Wim.
Cut Wim “nothing”
Cut Wim “it’s scary and confusing”.
Cut reference to Wim’s mum. This plot point goes nowhere.
Cut Jod talking about Wim’s vivid imagination.
Cut sequence where everyone mentions the name Lanupa. Only the welcome message states the planet name.
Cut “children are not permitted” - unnecessary as “adults only” has already been stated.
Cut Jod “you can trust me you know, stay on the ship”.
Cut the security check at the Spa entrance.
Trim spa tour including cutting reference to the Banking Clan and high security and activation of SM-33’s restraining bolt.
Cut Jod asking for an upgrade and a banquet.
Cut Pocket talking about trying to find Dash Zentin - we know it’s a fake name, no need to spell it out.
Cut Pocket “hey kids, don’t trust this sleemo”
Cut hotel room scene.
Cut KB mentioning Rennod’s symbol.
Cut Wim, Fern and SM-33 searching for Rennod’s symbol and finding Cotthalops. The two chase scenes with the guards are combined to form a single sequence ending with SM-33 appearing and telling them to come to the caverns below.
Cut Cotthalops opening the entrance to the lair - we cut to the crew already within the lair, implying that SM-33 and Fern found it off screen.
Cut Fern talking to Jod about their deal.
Cut Jod “this is a good one isn’t it” and “look for a lever”.
Trim pause between Jod throwing the credit into the acid and the acid disappearing.
Trim the crew looking at the treasures in the lair.
Trim SM-33 searching the data port.
Cut Jod asking SM-33 if the treasure is real and on At-Attin. - we know this from Rennod’s message.
Cut Neel “what’s wrong with the picture”.
Cut Fern talking about their deal with Jod.
Episode 6 [25mins to 16mins]
Scene where the crew exit the slides is cut immediately after Neel asks for help with KB - the sub plot about KB’s augs has been removed.
Cut Jod “hello, I’m glad you’re here”.
Cut Pocket gloating to Jod - her initial wave is all that’s needed.
Cut Fern talking about Wim fighting her about climbing the cliff and Neel not being able to do it. - this all plays out in the group disagreement that leads to them separating. It doesn’t need foreshadowing.
Cut KB “maybe we should consider some other options”.
Cut Neel’s negative rant.
Trim Wim and Fern’s argument.
End the scene immediately after Fern says “I guess we should split up” and transition to the pirate vessel exiting hyperspace.
Trim pirate cheering before equal time.
Trim Jod’s speech to shorten long pauses, reduce repetition and cut reference to the glow weed plantation.
Cut KB collapsing and the first Fern/Neel climbing the cliff scene. We transition from Jod in the airlock to the second scene on Fern and Neel climbing the cliff.
Trim the crew reunion scene to a minimum.
Trim Onyx Cinder start-up sequence - it’s ridiculously long.
Cut Wim aiming the turret.
Cut “one last surge”
Cut Neel “its not working”
Cut KB “33 said never ever touch it”
Trim lead up to Fern pressing the button.
Cut KB fanning the engine.
Cut Wim “claimsies on the new ship”.
Episode 7 [26mins to 21mins]
Trim “did you hear that” and “probably a tree sucker”.
Trim the buoy release scene so that the parents get neutralised quicker - makes the droids seem more threatening, which adds to the feeling of control on At-Attin.
Cut Jod’s speech to Brutus.
Cut the fighters being sent into the nebula.
Cut Jod “the crew loves me”
Cut Brutus “I said Surrender”
Trim Buoy message so that it just includes essential information given by Wim’s Dad and Fern’s mum.
Trim barrier penetration sequence.
Cut Neel “just like on Hena’s planet”
Cut Fern “my mum totally lied on that message”
Trim Jod stomping around the cockpit.
Cut Jod “At-Attin is on the inside, exactly like I told you”
Cut Jod “you’re all weak” and “weak, sheltered, spoilt children” - his distain for the kids is removed in this edit to soften his character.
Cut Jod explaining his plan to the children. Unnecessary exposition. The scene ends with Jod “let me think” and we cut to the parents and the safety droid.
Cut Jod “Yes” - “Of course I am” is a sufficient response.
Cut Wim’s dad and Fern’s mum approaching the ship across the grass - it makes no sense for them to appear here.
Cut Jod “quite the operation you have here” and droid “we hoped you would be pleased”. Unnecessary dialogue and too similar to lines from Attack of the Clones.
Cut Jod “the supervisor yes, better than dealing with a droid. Well go and fetch him then and some of your finest refreshment”.
Trim descent into the vault.
Episode 8 [31mins to 25mins]
Cut Fern’s mum “thank you again, we don’t want to interfere with your offloading duties”.
Cut Jod “and report back to me on their behaviour”
Cut Jod “I insist” and “I got to see how troublesome they can be on our little adventure home, didn’t I Wim.
Cut Fern “yes, we were way too troublesome”.
Cut Jod “I’ll take special care of both of you”.
Cut scene back at Wim’s house. Adds nothing and kills the pacing.
We transition from the vault to Fern, Jod and Fern’s mum in the tower lift.
Cut Supervisor mentioning Fern.
Cut Jod “and start the invasion”
Trim Pirate ship arrival.
Cut Neel’s family responding to the laser fire.
Cut KB warning her parents.
Cut pirates entering KB’s house.
Cut Neel saying he’s going to find cover.
Cut Neel heading to the school roof.
Cut Fern and her mum talking about the barrier and their plan to grab a droid gun.
Cut Fern “Wim found the crystal a long time ago….” Nothing can make their story believable, but this at least makes it less ridiculous.
Cut Jod “you brought your dad?”.
Cut KB’s parents “KB how are you flying that thing: and KB “Oh I’ve got help” - to maintain the tension
Cut SM-33 “hold my head steady girl” - we don’t know SM-33 has been revived until right at the end.
Cut Neel firing the rooftop gun.
Cut KB talking to her parents as the ship plummets towards the ground.
Trim pause between KB crashing and Fern screaming.
Cut Jod hesitating to use his weapon as Fern tries to pull the barrier handle. Fern’s move is now smoother and Jod fires without hesitation.
Cut Wim’s dad “just do what he says”. Wim now makes the decision himself.
Cut Fern telling Wim to go get the lightsaber. He now does this spontaneously. These last 2 cuts are essential to complete Wim’s character arc.
Re-edit the barrier deactivation sequence so that Fern’s mum pulling the lever is a bigger surprise and she does it without Fern asking her. It’s far more powerful if the undersecretary does it spontaneously.
Cut Wim shouting “Jod”
Cut shot of the smoking roof canon.
Iris out to The Main Star Wars Theme.
