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sean wookie

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Join date
11-Jan-2004
Last activity
28-Jun-2025
Posts
9,875

Post History

Post
#304340
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/304340/action/topic#304340
Time
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.
Post
#303861
Topic
Merry Fucking Christmas and Happy Holidays
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/303861/action/topic#303861
Time
Originally posted by: ADigitalMan
My first reaction to the thread title was to be upset. My second reaction is "what the hell, I'll play ball."
I heard there is no Christmas,
In the silly Middle East..
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus,
They have different religious beliefs...
They believe in Muhammad,
And not in our holiday...
And so every December,
I go to the Middle East and say...

Hey there Mr Muslim, Merry Fucking Christmas
Put down that book, The Koran
And hear some holiday wishes
In case you haven't noticed,
It's Jesus's Birthday
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
And fucking celebrate.

There is no holiday season
In India, I've heard..
They don't hang up their stockings,
And that is just absurd..
They've never read a Christmas story,
They don't know what Rudolph is about...
And that's why in December,
I'll go to India and shout...

Hey there Mr Hinduist, Merry Fucking Christmas
Drink eggnog, and eat some beef
and pass it to the missus
In case you haven't noticed,
It's Jesus's birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu ass,
And fucking celebrate.

Now I heard that in Japan,
Everyone just lives in sin...
They pray to several gods,
And put needles in their skin...
On December twenty-fifth,
all they do is eat a cake...
and that is why I'll go to Japan,
and walk around and say...

Hey there Mr Shintoist, Merry Fucking Christmas
God is gonna kick your ass you infidelic pagan scum.
In case you haven't noticed,
There's festive things to do
So lets all rejoice for Jesus
and Merry Fucking Christmas to you.

On Christmas Day, I travel round the world and say...
Taoists, Krishnas, Buddists
and all you atheists too...
Merry Fucking Christmas to you.


Technically Christmas is more of a secular holiday nowdays. But I believe you should celebrate it how you want to.
Post
#303806
Topic
Indecision2008 Name Your Canidate
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/303806/action/topic#303806
Time
Originally posted by: Tiptup
Christianity was spread by warfare, Sean?

The times in history that Christendom went to war for Christianity were the worst in terms of spreading Christianity's influence. It's largest spreading has been, time after time, accomplished through the opposite of warfare, if anything.


According to my history teacher. And it looks like Jay is voting for John McCain.
Post
#303736
Topic
Indecision2008 Name Your Canidate
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/303736/action/topic#303736
Time
Originally posted by: C3PX
Originally posted by: Dug
Stoning a young woman for just going out on a date with a guy of a SLIGHTLY different variation in the islam religion, threatening to kill a school teacher who just asked the KIDS what name they wanted to give their teddy bear, raping a woman who was with another man who wasn't her husband--and even anally raping the guy who was with her---and then have her whipped for daring to entice any of these men into these actions. Declaring global war against anyone who is even slightly different in the views of your own religion.


Jeez dug, what is with all the conservative droning zombie talk? They must really have you under their spell man, you know none of those things really happen, it is all made up so the right can steal the worlds oil supply. Islam is a religion of peace, and global warming is a real threat. If you don't believe that then you are just heartless and uncaring and not fit to be called human.


It's hard to ignore the facts about Islam. But then again which of the 3 can be called a peaceful? Christianity was spread by means of warfare. And the old testament probably isn't anything peaceful either.
Post
#303639
Topic
Indecision2008 Name Your Canidate
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/303639/action/topic#303639
Time
Better to have a lunatic that doesn't want to kill anyone for oil, take away your rights, torture prisoners (we imprisoned Japanese for water boarding in WW2), give people the right to marry, not reduce carbon emissions, Oh yeah and lie about reports on Iran. Bush is a murderer. Rudy won't be any better. Lunatics that want peace are better than Nazis that want war. And about Cheney I think Keith Olberman says it best "An unapologetic warmonger who has long been seeing a world visible only to himself". I can't see any mentally-stable person with a positive image of bush. I just want to see the way he tries to "Wags the dog" out of this one.

Groovy, just copy and paste that from the Democratic Underground?


No, Wikipedia. Seriously, I wrote that myself.
Post
#303559
Topic
Rankings
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/303559/action/topic#303559
Time
Originally posted by: ADigitalMan
In 2005 we saw Roger Waters take the stage with Pink Floyd.

Last night we saw Led Zeppelin reunite.

I hold out a candle of hope that Protestants, Catholics and the Orthodoxy will one day all reunite into one true Apostolic Church.

So I'm optimistic all our old friends can indeed return and get along just fine.

Except AWK. Fuck him.


AMEN!!