Trident

So when I got paid I had just enough to cover the rent and about a week's worth of groceries. I hate only working part time like this. Gonna lose some weight I guess. ;-)

This sort of reminds me of someone. I mean I'm not saying who or anything. But I guess I'll say sorry for it anyway. Sorry guys for my recent crazy. Watching this was kind of instructive in a way. Front row seat really. 

Peace guys. 

DuracellEnergizer said:

Trident said:

Sorry I don't know much about those movies. I haven't watched anything like that in years. 

You're saying you've never been acquainted with either The Demolitionist or Suburban Beat? That's absurd!

 Yeah. I guess I've sorta been out of things for a bit. 

Thanks man. I appreciate that. I appreciate the understanding. 

Peace Ender.

Lol! Thanks for that. I guess that's how that reads. 

Peace Possessed. 

My new job is only part time so I have too much time on my hands. I need to keep busier than this. 

Sorry I don't know much about those movies. I haven't watched anything like that in years. 

And yeah. I'm back for a bit. Come and hang out with your multiple buddy Trident. Where you never know who you're going to be talking to from one day to the next. Will I beg you to hang out with me at 3am? Will I be a total ass and call you names? Or will I just sorta nod at everything you say and agree five times a minute? Who knows? Tune in this week and find out! 

That's about the size of it though. But I'm getting better. At least now I can sort of figure out when I'm going off the rails. Mostly. 

Peace. 

Ok. So here it is. This is the plain deal. As a recovering substance abuser I am going to have odd episodes. Usually it's anxiety or paranoia. Sometimes it's worse. So guys. Could you please be patient with me? I don't mean to do this stuff. I'm just a bit outside myself sometimes. I mean sometimes I find I'm on the outside looking in. And I can see the keys on the counter but I can't get them. I can't get them and get back in. Sorry guys. I really am. I'm not very good at this. I'm not good at being so screwed up. 

Peace guys. 

Lol. Thanks for that. But we do most of our best business on Monday morning. Early. So how about?

[GONE FISHING]

Deal. 

[CLOSED]

Yeah. Ok. I get it. And I mean I'm no hero so you do whatever. I did my bit. Take care of yourself as you know how. 

And you too Ric. Nice to have seen you again. 

Peace out. 

Yeah I don't think so buddy. I don't think I'm gonna stay long. I mean this place is really dead. It's not really the way I remembered it. Well whatever. Nothing ever is.

TBH I'm sort of sick of the other place too. I think I'm gonna have to see what else is out there in the big wide world. 

Peace guys. Wherever you are. 

Hey buddy pretty cool stuff. I have no musical talent. None. So this all sounds pretty good to my ears.

Peace.

Yeah ok. Well it's like this. I'm back for a little bit here. I mean I don't know how long but I might as well open shop while I'm here. So go ahead and take a swing while I'm in. 

Peace buddies. 

I'm gonna bitch about the fact that you guys filled over 20 pages in this thread since I left. I don't know. I mean that's a lot of grief. Are you guys ever happy? ;-)

I'm going to pretend I didn't read any of this. And you're all gonna pretend you didn't read any of my posts on that other site. If we're on the same team with that then I'm gonna say I'm back for a bit. But some of you guys really deserve to get kicked in the nuts. I mean really hard.  :-p

Peace buddies. 

Possessed said:

I can't afford counseling, at least not now.  Maybe when my raises and benefits all fully kick in (don't ask me why it's on a time table)  And actually I'm part of management now, it would be extremely inconvenient for anybody to go a step higher than me and I really don't see them doing that, because they really need me in that place.  (not being egotistically, they really truly do).  I am confident that nobody will go over my head and do something like that.  I could see them possibly getting together and asking me to go, but I really don't see them *making* me.  For one reason, they aren't stupid.  They need me and they know I need them, they aren't going to do something that would force me to be cut off from them.  I may indeed go to rehab at some point, but not so soon after getting promoted into management.

 Ok let's see what we've got here buddy. We've got excuses. We've got a bit of denial going on too. Then some more excuses. Yep. You make a pretty good addict. Top points. Look. As one pill popping drunk to another your time is running out on this faster than you think. Once you start to think you're in control instead of the slave you are you're on the way down. There's no two ways about it. At least you have the sense to talk to us about it. But buddy you're in big trouble here. And putting it off until you have another excuse is just stupid. I mean you've got the bucks to buy your daily fixes right? Well that's where you're going to get your counseling  money. Besides there are community groups that'll do it free so that excuse is pretty lame. Strike one. Is that the best you got?

Now go haul ass to the nearest internet site run by alchoholics anonymous and dig deep into your schedule and figure or when you can meet with someone. I'll be here for you man. I'll always be here if you need me. But you've got to make the first move. No one can do that for you but you. 

Peace.

Possessed said:

darth_ender said:

I know you don't believe in God,

Actually, I do.  Sortof, anyway.

Please, I've said this before, you must get help.  Obviously your work is important to you, but you need to take the time off and get to the hospital. 

I agree that that would be helpful, but it just really isn't in the cards right now.  I just got this promotion, so I'm not taking time off already.  The odds of me getting the time off to get help (which I couldn't afford anyway) are pretty slim.  Even if I could get time off from work, which I couldn't, I wouldn't be able to afford any help.

 I do appreciate the thoughts guys.  And woah, Trident.  Good to see you came back.

 Yeah well I'm not sure if I'm really back. But what the hell. While I'm here to beat some sense into you I might hang around for a bit. I mean I missed you guys. And now that my word's not worth shit I may as well doll out on a couple other threads. But whatever. 

Possessed said:

I tried to kill myself the other night.  I took 15 vics, it didn't work, for which I am somewhat thankful.  I don't even know what is wrong.  All I can think about is suicide.  I got a promotion at work a few weeks ago, and I got a raise for it today and I'm due for another raise on October 1st, and yet no matter how well things might seem on the outside, on the inside I'm crumbling.  I'm getting a lot of respect and praise at work, but people don't see that I carry a couple one shooters of tequila in my pocket and drink them in the bathrooms periodically.  They don't know that I get high on all my breaks just to keep from breaking down and crying in front of everybody.  Sure there's a few people that know I get high and that I drink, but with the exception of one (aforementioned) they don't know how bad it is.  I'm not sure what to do.

 What the fuck man? We don't need more than one of us on that path. And I mean at least I had the sense to finally stop drinking. What do you need to get you off that shit you're swilling? Do you need your buddy Trident to bitch slap some sense into you? Because game on pal. I'll do it. I mean yeah ok I figured I'd just sort of ghost this site today on a whim but man your pain made me break my promise to not come back. And it's not to insult you. That part's because you are so me it's stupid. Except I'm dealing with the consequences of being you at your age. And buddy it's not fun. It's not a pretty thing to be starting everything over after losing everything you had. Everyone you loved. Fuck I'd do anything not to have done what I did with my life. So now I'm here for you pal. I know what it's like so I'm not going easy on you. You know how this is. This is truth talking. Get that shit out of your life fast. I'll hold your hand the whole way if you want. I'll be here for you buddy like no one else. Just take the first step. That's all you have to do. The rest comes easy. That first step to get help. You've got to go outside yourself for that. The rest you just do one bit at a time. The rest you just do with your pals by your side.

Peace buddy.

Shit guys. I am so sorry for leaving that impression. You guys are the world to me. I would not leave you with that kind of despair. I will not do anything permanent OK? I tell you what. I've got some of your emails and I'll give you an update sometime.  Peace.

Well this is my last time here. I've avoided my problems my whole life and this weekend I've finally decided how to deal with things. I just wanted to say thanks for giving me something to look forward to every week. I hope you all have charmed lives and I hope you take care of each other like you took care of me! I love you guys!

Peace to those I was lucky to meet here:
Leonardo, I hope you are doing better, you gave me a welcome lifeline when I needed it
Danfun, thanks for making this place interesting, I wish you the best luck with your hard situation
Duracell, I wish I'd had more time to talk with you and explore your very different imagination
Frink, thanks for keeping us all from getting too serious
Ender you're always good at making a guy think
Warbler you are the mainstay of this place so don't ever change
Neglify, you will always be my favorite rogue
Imperial Scum, I think I understand a bit of where you come from
Post Praetorian, sorry for the miscommunications, I think we got our wires crossed more than once
Ryan McAvoy, you have some good principles
DomicCobb, I think you and I could have been good pals if we'd had the time
Possessed I wish I could have known you better--you seem like you'd be fun to hang out with
dclarkg, I didn't talk with you nearly as much as I would have liked
Hairy Hen, I think you must be a real card in RL
Mrebo, I think you have a good moral compass--I envy you
Puggo, I wish we could have talked more because you seem to know which end is up
moviefreakedmind I think we only really talked once. I wish we could have said more together.
Handman, you don’t say much, but when you do it is spot on
Jetrell Fo, I found you pretty insightful
NightStalkerPoet, I hope you get the money you need someday.

and most of all Ric, thanks a bunch man--I know I leaned on you a lot so I want to say that you really made this place work for me.

And if there is anyone I missed, thanks for hanging out with me for the little while that I was here.

Life can be such shit sometimes, but with the right support a guy can get through almost anything. It was great to have that support for once, even if just for a little while.

Peace.

Thank you Darth Ender, Ryan, DominicCobb, and everyone for your very interesting conversation here. 

Obviously this affects me personally so I might as well take a stab at offering my POV.

The first thing I want to think about is if it was ever right to call homosexuality a psychological problem?

It almost seems like when people used to think psychological problems were all just caused by demons. It was a messy way of solving the unknown to people and everyone was for a while right on board.

I sort of think that the declassification of homosexuality as being a psych problem is the same thing. People are kind of realizing that it is maybe not so much an abnormality as it is a different branch of normal thinking. 

It is kind of like if conservative people might have created a psychological condition for being a liberal and then been surprised when there was pressure to remove it.

What I am trying to say is that while I think homosexuality (or bi-sexuality) probably is a psychological situation, is it or is it not a disorder rather than just a different branch of normal? I mean is it any more a difference in psychology than people who like to watch horror movies might have from those who couldn't bear the sight of blood? Isn't everything we do that is different from another one of us just a difference in psychology at some point?

So to get to the main question, were they right to remove it from a diagnostic handbook? Probably. But then I completely agree with Ender that they should then remove Pedophelia and Zoophila. I don't think the deep-seated longing to reach out and touch another is necessarily an illness. I think it is normal. What I think they should study instead is why one goes down one path instead of another.

In other words, I think they should stop labeling people as having a disorder, but instead have tools ready to explain to people why they are attracted to the things that they want to have a relationship with.

For example, if someone came to me and said I had a disorder I would say fuck you buddy, but if that same person came to me and said, "Science has found that the reason you like other men your own age is because when you were an early adolescent you had a really close friend and that relationship was ended in trauma with unresolved feelings so you keep trying to re-create it in order to have closure."

I would say, wow, that is really interesting. I've never thought of that. Let's see if I am interested in going where that leads. I might then come back to them with the theory that having had a really close relationship with someone your own gender as an adolescent can be one of the best things a guy can experience and so I'm glad I had that chance and would never want it any other way. The feelings are resolved now because I know what they are, and I'm glad that path and way of thinking and feeling is open to me where it is closed to so many others.

I mean I don't see that as any different from getting old and dressing up a dog in human clothes to stand in for a child I might have lost or never had. If someone says I have a mental problem they are not going to be invited over as often as the one who says, hey I know what you're doing there and it is really interesting that not having a child can make you be so much more in love with your dog. It shows that people need to feel needed in one way or another. It is something a lot of us share.

Same thing with a Pedo. I mean, if a guy gets infatuated with another kid his age when he is young (let's say he really has a rousing sexual adventure with a neighbor when he's 8) is it really so surprising that he might pine for that same kind of pure experience later in life? I mean isn't that what a lot of us do on other fronts? Don't we all re-imagine what it was like to be young from time to time? Well what if that imagining might bring you back to your first slumber party where things were getting naughty in an innocent kind of way? Can you really recreate that experience with adults? It is not possible so is it so surprising that some might still want to do it anyway even though having an adult at that same slumber party would have removed the very thing (the innocence of the moment) that made it a thing to remember fondly to begin with (which is why it doesn't actually work to actually re-enact it in real life)? Kind of like when an older woman tries to force herself into clothes she wore when she was in her twenties. It is not a pretty sight and society will want to talk you out of it.

So in other words, if I am labeled as being sick I will push you away, but if you just explain why I think the way I do I'd be more OK with that. The one suggests a sort of judgement and the other is simply a fascination exploration into what make all of us different. Both mean that the topic has to be studied though, and both mean that there need to be words to describe the set of symptoms that might lead us down the same path. Just only one way does not approach the topic with a view to cure the patient, but to instead just give him insight.

I mean in human sexual relationships aren't we all just trying to get close to someone else (I know the biological urge is for procreation, but if we are able to just isolate the basic feeling from the natural imperative doesn't it suddenly just make sense)? Sometimes the motivations are different but the bottom line is the same. We're all in the same boat, but we might be using different oars to get to where we want to go.

Peace buddies. And by the way I love you guys for wanting to talk about this. I sometimes think we have made the very topic a taboo because we don't want to offend, but really guys I am as interested in finding out why I like chocolate over vanilla as the next guy so carry on!

I see this thread's been hijacked. Well I'm taking it back so there.

Hey OT buddies, I'm back for a little while again. I don't have much time today so I'm not going to really sign in cause Neglify will chew my ass if I tell you when I'm going to bed later, but I'm back in the forum right now so I will see what I will see until tomorrow night. Hope everyone's been good!