Ok, I’ve finished my “breakdown” of your second edit, A new threat, which is quite a ride to watch (I think it’s better than the first one, fun and action packed with great editing ideas). Like I remembered there are no real plot issues that need to be corrected, but here are however a few suggestions that could improve some parts (I’m in nitpicking mode, don’t worry 😃).
I would change the title and take a similar title of one episode you’ve used for your edit, like “Shadows of the Malevolence”, because “A new threat” sounds like a slasher movie.
The crawl could be improved to be clearer (in its current state I don’t really understand the link between paragraphs). Suggestion:
In a bold move, the Clone Army has won a striking victory on the planet Rhodia, by capturing the vice-Roy of the TRADE FEDERATION, Nute Gunray.
In order to stop the REPUBLIC forces to advance further, the SEPARATIST ALLIANCE has built a new weapon, the MALEVOLENCE, a warship with the ability to annihilate entire fleets.
When the senate captain betrays everyone, the late clone reaction is weird. Maybe removing it could make the scene work better?
0:18:49
what are you doing?
The first Malevolent appearance (around 0:24:00) should be moved before Anakin and Mace are told to help to seek it (around 0:23:00), and not after. That’s way it’s more logical there is a “slight change of plan”, and also you’ll get a full sequence of them leaving the Dug homeworld and arriving on board of the ship where cadets are (it’s easier to follow). Or just remove Palpatine’s “slight change of plan” ?
About that, during the Dug homeworld action sequence, I would also remove the dugs attacking the droids, because the point of joining the Republic is to let the republican army to do the work.
At 00:33:50, there is a desynchronization between Anakin’s lips movements and the dialogue: “navigation wasn’t the target”.
About Nute Gunray: you should remove a little bit more than that you’ve already removed, such as:
00:34:55 to 00:35:05
I know they are close [etc] they’ll never let me go. Do something, kill them !
Maybe the droids could shoot at the Jedi directly when they spot them?
When the Slave I arrives, I would suggest to remove a few shot of the cadets talking about it. The following dialogue isn’t helpful nor necessary I think:
0:48:34
It’s too early
Then, a few seconds later:
00:50:07 to 00:50:09
that guy [you defended] left us for dead
In your edit the scenes of friendship between Boba/Lucky and the other clone cadet aren’t there anymore, so this line (“you defended”) seems to come out of nowhere. It’s a very very) small issue, I just try to be exhaustive 😄
I’m not sure about the Grievous over-the-top laugh at 01:08:56 (I assume you’ve used it to produce a better audio transition?). Overall I would suggest to remove/trim as much “Grievous laughing” as possible 😄
At 01:13:13, when Mace and Anakin are in the Jedi Temple sick bay (sort of), Anakin’s happy reaction face at “we have received a transmission from our fleet along the Hydian Way” is inconsistent with the change you’ve made. You could try to cut a few frames before he smiles at Mace and let the rest of the dialogue during the close up on Mace Windu.
During the Jedi Council meeting (01:14:00), I would remove “Prepare my ship” and only keep “I will go. We shall leave immediately”. Because I don’t understand why he would say “prepare my ship” to the other Jedi members. It’s more something he would say to a clone commandant.
Over-the-top Master Plo’s dialogues to make him a super good guy towards the clones are very awkward, especially at 01:18:47 (“I value your life more than finding the weapon”: it’s stupid since finding the weapon means less clones killed…) and at 01:27:54 (“Not for me”).
The meeting with the Chancellor. After the wide opening shot of Coruscant I would suggest to directly cut to Obi-Wan delivering the info to Palpy when asked, and so to remove Yoda and Mace dialogues (which are repetitive at this point of the movie: we already know the secret weapon is an issue for the republic).
01:26:03 to 01:26:11
We must destroy [etc.] Dooku [blablabla]
Then the scene could flow as follow:
Palpatine: “Tell me, have we received any word from Master Plo Koon or his fleet ?”
Obi-Wan: “I’ve just received word that Anakin has found the remains of [etc]”
There are audio glitches at 01:32:32 and 01:38:20.
There also may be a few other lines to trim but nothing that really harm your edit. Maybe you should cut half the inner ion cannon shooting (you use the exact same shot at least 5 times).
Here is a french subtitle file synchonized to
SW TCW Episode II-ANT: https://mega.nz/#!s8sChbgQ!Vk8zkNILFCCQDDZqv-VcGkSMD5oNXPHbpRcxtyeQ88w
and here the refreshed one for SW TCW Episode I-AOTR: https://mega.nz/#!YxNQFYoZ!ttoywXccOSs3AVgEATFbAZS_9VcsT9Y1oNseHAO0PAg
