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szopman said:

The way the opening is edited is beautiful. But, I think the opening crawl text is too long. Star Wars openings are never this long. Plusz a lot of those things is just repeating on detail what we saw in Part I.

I would truncate it a bit if I were you, like for ex:

"After facing a powerful Dark Jedi BAYLAN SKOLL,
a former Padawan AHSOKA TANO finds herself between life and death.
In consequence of this showdown, her apprentice SABINE WREN has been captured by the enemy.

GENERAL SYNDULLA, with the aid of courageous pilots decides to go against New Republic’s orders and
assist her friends on a unapproved mission.

The sinister Nightwich of Dathomir, MORGAN ELSBETH, has discovered a secret path leading to a distant galaxy.
The countdown has begun. THE EYE OF SION, an intergalactic vessel secretly developed by the remnants of the GALACTIC EMPIRE,
is on its way to PERIDEA, a legendary world far, far away…"

Thanks for your advice, I wrote another one crawl based on your suggestion, let me know what you think about.

« The countdown has begun. After facing former Jedi BAYLAN SKOLL, Ahsoka Tano is between life and death. Following the confrontation, SABINE WREN is given the opportunity to find her long lost friend EZRA BRIDGER after having no choice but giving the star map to the enemy.

GENERAL HERA SYNDULLA, with the aid of courageous pilots decides to go against New Republic’s orders and assist her friends on an unapproved mission.

The sinister survivor of Dathomir, MORGAN ELSBETH, has discovered a secret path leading to a distant galaxy. THE EYE OF SION, is on its way to PERIDEA, a world far, far away…"


WtarSars said:

Love what you’ve done so far. I do have a few ideas that may elevate it.

1.Sabines Stabbing: theres a clip someone made of a slice rather than a stab this is a bit more believe-able and would not add another reason why qui-gon should’ve lived. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jobwstylkI

2.The Forgotten Droid: When the droids are raiding sabines place. She destroys one of them in the process. Instead of ahsoka going back there and catching a droid who stayed behind for some reason we do this:

  • sabine says that she got one of them to ahsoka
  • ahsoka tells her to get some sleep transition to morgan and assassins activating the map
  • once that scene ends cut back to a wide shot of lothal and cut to sabine examining the droid head as ahsoka asks her if shes up for it and let the scene continue as you have structured.

3.Ahsoka Space Combat: I would recommend cutting the space combat sequence entirely and have morgan fire on them when she asks if they are destroyed the droid replys “they are off our scopes”. Her face says it all. We cut to them just entering atmosphere skimming the surface of the planet and cut a segment of hu yang coming back online saying “what did i miss” (cropping the frame to exclude the other two who have changed seats) and cut to the ship landing. No exposition required. He already scanned the ring and we can assume he gave them the run down.

Thanks for you feedback, I’m happy you enjoy it.

1 - I know the good job 21C Peasant did on the scene where Sabine is sliced rather than stabbed, but my version don’t include it because I WANT to follow the narration of the original version to avoid future continuity issues.

Besides, I would like to return to the Qui-Gon Jinn argument… in TPM Qui-Gon remained alive long enough after he get stabbed to speak to Obi Wan and ask him to train Anakin, if Obi Wan had the possibility of bring Qui-Gon back to a medical center quickly enough, I’m sure he could have been saved too. On the other hand, for the case of Reva in OWK, I can agree that it is completely ridiculous.

2 - It’s not a bad concept, but this scene is important for Ahsoka to understand Sabine’s obsession with looking at the message left by Ezra.

3 - I love the idea of what this could look like but if I remove the sequence with the space whales I lose the credibility of the story when Ahsoka is looking for a way to find Sabine in part 2 of my project.

Asokha Radical Redux Ideas thread

Peter Pan said:

Today I tackled the training sequence and tried to tighten it up. I cut some superfluous dialogue as well as repetitive action and eliminated odd pauses during dialogue.


Let me know what you think.

It works quite well, the pace of the editing is very good IMO.


Peter Pan said:

I like the shortened dialogue between Baylan and Hayle. In fact, I played around with the same scene today. I was struggling with the loose “Sakris…” line because, without the rest of the line about the empire, the shot of Hayle is very short. I ended up removing that piece of dialogue too and reduced the line to:

“Scan these imposters for identification.”

Can you upload that scene individually here on the thread, to compare the result? If not, can you send me a PM?

PM sent!


AHSOKA - a two-part miniseries

The principal changes made are very important in terms of color correction.
I also remade the audio mix including Kevin Kiner’s soundtrack, the music is now a little more audible during action scenes, also there some tracks from OST who had not been added in the original edit of the episodes.

PART I: “Master and Apprentice” (CHAPTER 1 to CHAPTER 4)

Running time: 02:10:23


  • The opening scene is now faster, Baylan & Shin assaulting the Republic Cruiser without Captain Hayle scenes. Inspired by @WitchDR.

  • The scene when Sabine is chased by the E-Wings on the Lothal highway for not being present at the ceremony is now removed.

  • In the original cut, after Sabine returns home and feeds her lothcat, she opens a chest containing several things including a holoprojector with the message left by Ezra, I found it pointless that she decided to watch it “only” because it’s the day of commemoration of the Battle of Lothal, I find it more interesting that Sabine watches the recording like it was an obsession.

  • Cut the line “So that’s what I did to defeat Thrawn.” of Ezra’s message, at the time of this recording he did not know that he would defeat his enemy or even that he would have to be forced to follow him and his entire blockade which would be led by Purgills to an unknown location.

  • Added deleted lines from the trailer, when Ahsoka and Sabine see each other again on Lothal after all the time has passed.

SABINE: “It’s been a while.”
AHSOKA: “Things have changed.”

  • In the Lothal hospital, I cut the dialogue involving the heroes taking the risk of blowing up the building with people inside all to try to potentially find information in the HK droid’s memory.

  • The first scene on Seatos with Baylan and Shin walking through ancient ruins to find inflexion point is now deleted, I really don’t understand how they can find this place without Elsbeth telling them the precise location.

  • On Corellia, the entire sequence on the carrier with Hera, Ahsoka and the factory supervisor was cut, once he leaves the landing platform, they arrive directly in the control room.

  • When Hera chases and orders the ship carrying the hyperdrive to return to port, her third line “I repeat, CT-05, return to port” is cut off.

  • Once the enemies have left Corellia with the hyperdrive, the scenes with Sabine allow time for her to be fully recovered from her confrontation with Shin but also to give time for the reinforcements of the New Republic before they arrive on Corellia to deport the workers and the factory supervisor to be questioned for treason.

  • Cut Baylan’s dialogue with Elsbeth in the Eye of Sion control room about Ahsoka.

BAYLAN: “To kill her will be a shame.”, “There are so few Jedi left.”
ELSBETH: “Sentimental?”
BAYLAN: “Truth.”

  • After the scene with last hyperdrive installed on the Eye of Sion, Hera tries to convince Chancellor Mothma and the senators to open an investigation into a possible plot around Thrawn’s return.

  • Sabine’s training with Ahsoka is fast paced.

  • The scene with Huyang and Ahsoka discussing Sabine’s ability is cut.

  • The space battle around Seatos is fast paced and reordered.

  • Once the shuttle is landed, Ahsoka and Sabine analyze the data collected by Huyang about the Eye of Sion, then outside they discuss the plan to adopt to prevent the enemy from reaching Thrawn. Huyang begins to repair the shuttle.

  • The Jedi shuttle is not assaulted by Elsbeth’s soldiers since she earlier indicated to Baylan that her troops would be no match for their opponents, which is why Baylan only sends Shin and Marrok to their encounter.

  • Sabine’s line “I’ve got this.” when she tell to Ahsoka to get the map is cut.

  • During confrontation with Baylan, Ahsoka take his lightsabers when he said that Thrawn wil start another war instead of when he says “One must destroy in order to create.” in the original edit.

  • Added Ezra’s lines from the holographic message to hear what Baylan read in Sabine’s mind this also shows the conflict within her over having to destroy the map.

  • There is a problem with the shuttle that Baylan, Shin and Sabine take to get to the Eye of Sion, in the original cut we see them heading towards the ETA-Class shuttle, but in the shot showing us the ship heading towards the Eye, it is Elsbeth’s personal shuttle that appears, I had to delete this shot for some continuity.

  • The first part ends like episode 4 “Fallen Jedi”, Ahsoka is in the WBW and Anakin appears behind her, but before the WBW scene I added the shots of Seatos and the broken stellar map from the beginning of episode 5.

PART II: “Toil and Trouble” (CHAPTER 5 to CHAPTER 8)

Running time: 02:05:51


  • New opening crawl to resume the first part.

“The countdown has begun. After facing BAYLAN SKOLL, Ahsoka Tano is between life and death. Following the confrontation, SABINE WREN is given the opportunity to find her long lost friend EZRA BRIDGER after having no choice but giving the star map to the enemy.

GENERAL HERA SYNDULLA, with the aid of courageous pilots decides to go against New Republic’s order and assist her friends on an unapproved mission.

The sinister survivor of Dathomir, MORGAN ELSBETH, has discovered a secret path leading to a distant galaxy. THE EYE OF SION, a hyperspace ring secretly developed over several years by the last loyalists to the fallen EVIL GALACTIC EMPIRE, is on its way to PERIDEA, a legendary world far, far away…"

  • Arrival of the Eye of Sion on Peridea

  • Slightly trimmed dialogue with the witches and Elsbeth.

  • No discussion between Baylan and Shin at the top of the fortress.

  • Hera searches for Ahsoka and Sabine but only finds Huyang.

  • The title “Star Wars: Ahsoka” and “Part II: Toil and Trouble” is red
    to match Thrawn’s “victory” at the end.

  • WBW scene with Anakin and Ahsoka, only one Clone Wars flashback is cut,
    we only see Ahsoka’s first mission on Teth and her last mission on Mandalore, no scene on Ryloth.

  • Jacen and Hera’s interaction regarding hearing the sound of the waves is faster.

  • Right after the first Clone Wars flashback, Jacen tells his mother that Chopper detected something.

  • After Ahsoka’s rescue, we return to Peridea with Sabine in prison and the arrival of Thrawn.

  • When the device Sabine uses to find Ezra is destroyed by nomads, the scene is followed by Ahsoka waking up.

  • Mon Mothma’s order given to Hera is that she and Ahsoka must go to Coruscant, without mentioning that her command may be suspended.

  • Some scenes with the space whales on Seatos are cropped or reordered, the intervention of Captain Teva to save time is faster.

  • After the space whales jump into hyperspace, new transition with Baylan and Shin leaving the fortress.

  • Slightly trimmed the Howler following Sabine.

  • When Thrawn talks to Elsbeth about Ahsoka, there is no longer any question of orders her to shoot the whales that approach the planet.

  • No scene with Huyang and Ahsoka who talks about Sabine’s decision or the stories still present in the droid’s memory bank, instead we have Ahsoka’s training with Anakin’s hologram.

  • No magic trick with the witches to find Ahsoka, when Thrawn knows from Elsbeth that the jedi is Skywalker’s apprentice the Eye of Sion starts shooting into the last perimeter zone where the Jedi shuttle was being pursued.

  • No Jedi force link, Ahsoka finds Sabine with her instinct or by luck.

  • The pursuit of the Noti convoy in the valley as well as the duel with Shin and the nighttroopers are now more faster.

  • Thrawn recalls his troops without mentioning to Elsbeth that cargo loading into the Star Destroyer is almost complete.

  • Ezra builds his new lightsaber.

  • Once the cargo fully loaded into the Star Destroyer Thrawn orders Enoch to bring the Eye of Sion, no mention of sending TIE fighters against the Jedi shuttle.

  • Ahsoka, Sabine and Ezra arrives on a cliff and see the Eye of Sion which is already there. They must hurry.

  • The nightroopers rising scene is slightly edited.

  • Rearranged final battle.

  • Added a shot of Home One and unused dialogue with a protocol droid and Captain Hayle, before Ezra’s shuttle approaches the New Republic fleet.

Proof of concept:

Part I: https://vimeo.com/870409091
Part II: https://vimeo.com/875688892

Of course, it’s very complicated to give all the changes made, but I think I’ve described the most important ones to you.


The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)

krlozdac said:

I know Vader’s voice talking to Kylo has already sorta been nipped in the bud I think I’ve been able to improve a little bit the Vader clone. I’ll share the proof-of-concept in case it inspires any interest: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1d3QH003H8McevbQt8RRX0-qh3ufiZrgs/view?usp=sharing

The reverb, EQ or even dialogue can be toyed with.

It’s sort of a way to create a tenous link between the Wayfinder and Vader given that it’s his and it’s in his castle. Also reestablish who Kylo’s grandfather is before the Emperor brings him up and adds a little bit more of set up to the reveal of “I have been every voice you have ever heard of inside your head.”

I think it might be interesting to add a line like “You will find the power you seek” when Kylo holds the Wayfinder in his hand to complete an interaction with “Grandson”.

The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)


"Vous avez heurté la vitesse de la lumière ? »
“Vous ne pouvez pas heurter la vitesse lumière avec le Faucon !”

“Ses partisans ont cachés quelque chose depuis des années.”
“Une énorme réserve de Star Destroyers provenant de l’Ancien Empire.”
“Chaque navire a été modifié avec des canons laser de type Dreadnaught.”

“Il est trop dangereux.”

“Un Jedi a besoin de son arme.”

“Ils ont payé pour ta protection.”
“De plus d’une manière.”

“Quel travail fastidieux.”
“Ce dont nous avons vraiment besoin, c’est d’un mécanicien, idéalement une unité R2.”

“Je pars avec Maîtresse Rey pour une mission très importante.”

THE MANDOVERSE (The Mandalorian Season 1 to 3 & The Book of Boba Fett) | 10 Feature-Length Chapters

aleccaruana said:

Wow, I love this edit. Chapters one, four, and seven in particular are amazing. I love the pacing and the way it hits the story beats in a way that doesn’t drag on but keeps the dramatic moments intact. My main issue is in chapter three, the flashbacks for how Cobb Vanth got his armor are very jarring since we don’t stay with the character for that long. I would rather watch an abridged Krayt dragon fight than a guy monologuing on a speeder about how he got his armor. If you could somehow keep the important dialogue and move it to their discussion in the bar without actually showing the flashbacks maybe that would improve it? It’s just a very odd change in focus on a new character. The way you get around the spider egg arc is super smooth though.

Thank you for the feedback I’m very happy to know that you had a good time watching some chapters, for the others I completely agree with you, I watched the first chapters and most of them deserve a restructuring which will be done in the next few weeks

THE MANDOVERSE (The Mandalorian Season 1 to 3 & The Book of Boba Fett) | 10 Feature-Length Chapters


I recently did a fan edit of Roland Emmerich’s film STARGATE and during the process of this project I felt like I was progressing on some things which let me consider changing some cuts and color corrections for Chapters 1 to 4 as well as the two chapters of The Book of Boba Fett which I have already released and which will soon be modified.


This chapter contains the episodes of TBOBF (Chapter 5 & 6) whose story I consider to be Season 2.5 of The Mandalorian,
I’ve also included the full flashback of Grogu’s rescue during the purge of the Jedi Temple.

This chapter chronicles Din & Grogu’s journey on Mandalore showcasing the rise of Lady Bo-Katan Kryze. (Chapter 17,18,20), it also includes a portion of chapter 19 (Leaving Mandalore + Tie Interceptor attack), I kept the introduction scene from chapter 21 (The Pirate) with the arrival of the Pirates corsair which concludes this chapter on the destruction of the village on Nevarro.

The story begins on the New Republic pilots’ outpost on Adelphi with Greef Karga’s distress message sent to pilot Carson Teva. Follows a first part of the history of Pershing on Coruscant which serves as an introduction to present the New Republic and the Amnesty program until the arrival of Captain Carson Teva to Coruscant, then follows the story of chapter 21 (The Pirate) with the release of Nevarro then that of chapter 22 (Guns For Hire). The chapter concludes with the discovery of the wreckage of the penitentiary shuttle that carried Gideon to a tribunal in the New Republic.

It will be the story of Chapter 23 (The Spies) + Chapter 24 (Unknown Title)


After the broadcast of the last chapter, I decided to keep from this one only the attack of Gorian Shard on Nevarro, the rest will be rearranged for the next chapter “Chapter 7: Dawn Of A New Age (Part One)”.

I finalized the editing of Chapter 6 for those who are interested in viewing it send PM