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Imhotep

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Post
#1444887
Topic
The Force Awakens: The Starlight Project - (WIP) <strong>WORKPRINT V4 RELEASED</strong>
Time

I finally got around to watching this edit (version 105 I think). You’ve made excellent additions to the film. It’s great to see an edit not only trimming things away, but adding elements in a thoughtful way. Amazing work!

Some notes from my viewing:

  • The drawing of the island in Rey’s hut is a beautiful and seamless addition.
  • Your restructuring of scenes to space out events over a longer period of time works well, given the constraints of the available material. It always bothered me that the majority of TFA seems to take place over just a day or so.
  • I enjoy the new placement of Kylo’s meditation scene, but am unsure about making this a prayer to Snoke. I prefer to keep separate his submission to Snoke and worship of Vader. Though, his worship of Vader was an element that should have been paid off in Episode IX, but wasn’t. So it doesn’t really go anywhere, except for brief dialogue from Snoke at the beginning of TLJ.
  • I miss Rey’s dream sequence on Jakku from a few versions back, what are your thoughts on removing this?
  • The shots of the Falcon entering and exiting hyperspace after leaving Jakku are excellent.
  • I wonder if Leia’s deleted scene with Kor Sella could be placed after the Resistance learn of Starkiller base, as this would clarify the sense of urgency in the deleted scene.
  • Rey’s extended mind trick scene is great.
  • Great use of voiceover from the stormtroopers, where Rey climbs down to hide in Starkiller base. This really helps give context to the scene.
  • I’m keen to see how the restored scene with Kylo in the Falcon worked with the child voice over, would you mind reposting this? I feel this could connect well with Snoke’s line in TLJ, ‘you’re just a child in a mask’.
  • If you can add in the dice scene, that would be amazing! Unfortunately I can’t think of any shots that would help in that regard. It sounds like a difficult shot to add, but it would be a fantastic addition.
  • The binary beacon is a great addition.

The edit is in a great place. It looks like you’re on the finishing touches at the moment, but then you always seem to find ways to improve the film that I never would have expected! I look forward to watching it again when you get to the final version.

Post
#1444884
Topic
The Prequel Radical Redux Ideas Thread
Time

Monster Mash is spot on! 😆 This bothers me as well, but Hal’s edit seems to me the most this ghoulish bit with Palpatine can be reduced.

The more I think about your idea the more sense it makes. It should be simple enough in terms of edits, but it’s a radical cut in terms of plot. Especially by removing the child killing, since up to the confrontation on Mustafar the audience should still believe (with Padme) that Anakin can be redeemed.

If it’s ok with you, I may give this idea a shot when my editing setup is running again? Won’t be soon, but I’ll let you know.

Post
#1444405
Topic
The Prequel Radical Redux Ideas Thread
Time

NeverarGreat said:

I just thought of a change to ROTS here, but I was wondering if it was at all possible to do in an edit, and if anyone had tried it before.

It seems like it would be possible through cuts. Here’s what I’m imagining - The end of the film is changed so Anakin never murders the Younglings or even goes to the temple. He leaves directly for Mustafar to end the war, and Order 66 happens en-route. Obi-wan then concocts the Youngling killing lie to get Padme to go to Anakin, whereupon they have their tragic fight.

This is an excellent idea! I am not aware of this having been done, but it does sound like it would be achievable with cuts.

It would make for a more tragic ending, as you say, and I am all for Obi-Wan turning a little villainous at this point in the film. The audience should feel a sense of betrayal with his character here, since he failed to prevent Anakin from becoming Vader.

Though I’d miss the shots of Anakin marching with the 501st on the Temple, this change would make Anakin’s character arc flow better overall. For me, his tragic turn is too sudden in the original film, for Anakin to go from being tempted by the dark side to killing younglings. Some edits attempt to alleviate this by removing the scene with Anakin in the Temple, but your idea addresses this in terms of the plot, and so would be more effective.

Post
#1443630
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused [THREE episodes upgraded to v2.0, 3/5 seasons released to v1.0]
Time

I’ve missed so much! It was good to read through your posts, and I’m glad to see the project still in motion. I’ll be back with more episode notes when I can!

I am sure there are others who suggested to focus along the lines of emphasising the villains in your Season 1, but thank you for the mention.

I’ll miss Bail from Christophsis, but it will make the episode flow better overall. The new ordering sounds good, and well thought out.

Renaming Strike at the Heart 2 to Future of the Force sounds good to me, to emphasise elements that will be picked up later in the Saga, as you say. Consider also, ‘Destiny of the Jedi’ for the title.

Resistance on Ryloth is a great title, an improvement over Blockade of Ryloth I think.

I eagerly await your cut of the remaining Ryloth episodes. Given Bad Batch, I’d say they fit in well with the continuity tier.

The follow up Ryloth episodes could be promoted to continuity, but I don’t think they need to be in the quality cut.

Visions is a good title, for your Assassin episode.

The new intro is fantastic! The ordering is great, and ending with Vader is chef’s kiss

Tales of the Lost Clones is a good title, but Tales of Captain Rex is also good, and the latter is perhaps more useful in signaling to the viewer the importance of the character throughout the show and beyond.

For the crawl kicker in S3E1, I’d suggest ‘the Republic needs more soldiers; the people need peace…’

Paja’s logo for CW03 is good, the revised spacing makes it fit well.

With Kalani, while the Rebels connection is a nice easter egg, it is a bit far off to be useful. A reference internal to the Clone Wars would be more effective, as you say. Maybe Cato Nemoidia, to link with your ‘Ahsoka’s Fall’ episode, would be good? If you can find the dialogue for it.

The Anakin/Qui-Gon dream in CW03 is an odd scene, for sure. I’m keen to see how you can make use of those lines for Mortis.

I like the idea of the original Mortis arc, but not the execution. I’m keen to see what you come up with for it. The Vader mask is a little much, and this vision so overtly details Anakin’s destiny that the Father then removes his memory of it, which undoes whatever foreboding was achieved by that scene. I wonder if by making that vision less overt, or the context of the scene less literal, the forced amnesia could be removed too?

I’m not sure if cutting all of the Mortis gods is necessary, but this arc is a difficult one to crack. There are some great moments there, like Ashoka’s scene with her future self, it’s just that the good parts don’t string together well.

If Mortis can be cut into something good, then I can see your ordering of Season 4 coming together well.

Yeah, Bounty could be demoted. Though it is great to see Ventress running with a crew before her part in Ahsoka’s Fall, it’s perhaps both not enough content to justify its inclusion and too much for what little character development we get here.

I don’t mind Citadel, it’s just too long for what it is. With Echo I feel it’s at least continuity tier. If you’re not happy with the episode, then I don’t think you should promote it to quality just because it’s relevant for Bad Batch. Or, are you keeping Citadel as quality in order to balance out the season as a whole?

For the Liberation of Maul, I wonder if it could be demoted to the continuity tier? I am keen to see it in the context of your Season 5, but suspect I’ll find the difference between animation and audio-comic too jarring. From just reading the comic, it seems to me an action packed but unnecessary addition, since the end of ‘Maul Rules Mandalore’ could be interpreted as a political assassination by Sidious, in order to weaken a dangerous rival. Maul being captured and then liberated feels like a digression, though I may have missed a plot detail somewhere. If ‘Liberation of Maul’ is demoted, this might free up the structure of your Season 5?

Looking over old episode titles again, I’m not sure if ‘Dissent on Umbara’ captures the arc as well as it could; consider instead, ‘Betrayal on Umbara’? Also, for ‘The Politics of War’, I like the title (it reminds me of the Clausewitz quote ‘war is a continuation of politics by other means’), but consider as possible alternatives: ‘A War of Words’ or ‘Senate at War’.

With Delpheas’ excellent take on the relation between the SOM arc and ROTS, I was persuaded that this relation is a problem, and that an edit like theirs is a workable solution. Though a combined edit might not be the best way for your project, dividing ROTS into the episodic form of Clone Wars would be an interesting approach, as you suggest. Definitely worth pursuing I think. Then, if the stylistic difference is too jarring, the animated and live action episodes could be separated, if you’re willing to forgo exact linear continuity in the timing of the episodes. This would also extend the episode count of your Season 5 way up, but since it’s the finale of the last season I think it’s a fine exception. Unless you want to split SOM & ROTS into a Season 6, and have Bad Batch be the Season 5 finale?

Also (since Burbin and sonofabindi would prefer to keep ROTS separate), having your finale episodes keep separate the ROTS and SOM content (if possible) would let viewers skip ROTS if they prefer.

How would you do a 12 episode Season 4 + SOM/ROTS finale? Would you drop the Ventress and Younglings episodes down a tier?

In terms of including ROTS, would you use the original film, or an edit like NFBisms (as Delpheas does)?

Post
#1436827
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused [THREE episodes upgraded to v2.0, 3/5 seasons released to v1.0]
Time

I’m back with more notes! Wanted to get through at least all of Season 1, but moving house really gets in the way of things, so I’ll post what I have for now. I’ll try and keep commenting in the same way, so correct me if I’m going in a direction that’s not at all helpful for what you have in mind. Otherwise, I’ll keep doing what I’m doing.

I’m glad to see your inclusion of Forces of Destiny content, I imagine they’ll be served better in a chronological grouping like this, but I’m yet to view V2 of this episode.

EddieDean said:

And only the CG Clone Wars had such a radical range of tones. Tartakovsky’s CW had the humour in the animation and some ludicrous power scaling, Rebels was a little childish, Resistance was a little ‘HEY KIDS YEAH WOO!’, but only in TCW did you have a beheading during a military coup in one episode, and Jar Jar pretending to be a bombad general the next.

I’m going to eventually put some thought into what polish Rebels and Resistance might need, but IMO it’s always been TCW that REALLY needed a good tightening.

You summarise my thoughts about Resistance exactly, nothing against the show but it’s a little too on the childish side for me. I’m keen to see your thoughts on Rebels when you get there. Though I agree Clone Wars is in more dire need of a substantive restructure.

Delpheas said:

Here’s my sample of four edited Obi-Ani scenes in Dark Force Rising:
https://vimeo.com/560526924
(pass: restuctured)

In the first I cut almost all of Obi-wan’s objection to appointing Anakin to oversee the space forces.
In the second I cut Obi-wan saying anything other than “May the force be with you.”
In the third I cut Obi-wan repeatedly ordering Anakin not to follow Ventress and Anakin cutting him off.
In the fourth I cut what I felt was the most egregious of of Obi-wan’s Lecture.

My reasoning:
In the first and second scene, by cutting Obi-wan’s interjection and his explanation to Anakin that it was about his “maturity”, it reads much more (thanks to hearing his thoughts as he watches the army board the ships) that he is concerned more generally about the whole idea of Jedi fighting in the war. In the fourth scene Obi-wan says his concern regarding Anakin is that the Sith seem interested in him. If his concern was about Anakin’s maturity as he says in the current version, then when he later tells Anakin that he’s not a little boy any more, one wonders why he says it. Was it because he complained about not being trusted? Was it because he flagrantly disobeyed orders? Was it because he defeated an assassin? By trimming Obi-wan’s doubts, and his outright dismissals, what we get to see is Obi-wan voicing some concerns to a young man who he trusts and sees great potential in. Then at the end when Obi-wan recomends him for promotion it feels genuine, like Anakin has really proven himself, not in spite of Obi-wan’s trust in him, but because of it.

Edit edit:

Here’s a my rough take on an alternate opening for DFR. I think keeping Yoda’s intro is great, this is afterall kinda a TV movie/first prequel episode. It is okay if it has some pieces we won’t see again. But I like it better with the TCW:R logo.

https://vimeo.com/560596675 (pass: restructured)

Delpheas, your cuts to Tartakovsky’s Clone Wars work well. In the first Obi-Ani dialogue scene the cut feels a little abrupt, though there’s not much room to manoeuvre in terms of the original footage. I also miss the dialogue here in terms of the power play between Palpatine and the Jedi, so wonder if there’s any way for this element of the scene to be preserved? The intro idea is good, still preserving the 03 Clone Wars feel, while integrating it a little more with CW:R.

The new title for ‘Revival’ is great!

S3E3, Friend in Need

  • In the crawl consider, in the third sentence, ‘ally’ instead of ‘friend’? Also, a fullstop is missing from the end of the third sentence. In the second slide, ‘After great effort, Padme has arranged informal peace talks, with Satine volunteering Mandalore as host. / But hope for peace is slim, as tensions run high between the partisans, and long held grievances surface in Mina’s absence. / While Lux Bonteri draws conclusions about his mother’s death…’

S3E4, Death of Obi-Wan

  • In the crawl, instead of ‘specialists’ consider ‘sentinels’ or ‘watchmen’, as they’re Jedi classes from the KOTOR games that fit this description.
  • Great cuts in this episode, removing the box helps the pacing a great deal.

S3E5, Hunted

  • In the crawl, consider ‘locals’ instead of ‘natives’ in the second sentence; from the third sentence, ‘After the Holocron Crisis, Padawan Tano spends her respite from the war passing lessons on to the Younglings. / As the tides of war turn, Felucia has again fallen into conflict, with the Separatists establishing a base in its alien jungles. / Allied with the locals, Master Plo, Anakin, and Ahsoka defend the planet once more, now with the 501st Legion. / But for Ahsoka, a greater test lies in wait…’
  • It would be good to have a wipe transition at 22:30, but since it seems like the original episode break, I assume this would not be possible?

S3E7, Shadow Collective

  • In the crawl, second sentence, ‘The Death Watch, exiled from their homeworld, seek vengeance against Satine, and a return to the once feared past of Mandalore.’; I’d guess the ellipse at the end of the fifth sentence is a mistake?; for the last sentence, consider ‘But a chance encounter can set a path in motion…’ or ‘But a chance encounter can change everything…’

S3E8, Rebels of Onderon

  • In the crawl consider, in the first slide ‘The once neutral world of Onderon, homeworld of LUX BONTERI, is struggling in a war torn galaxy; the people suffer. / In the turmoil a pretender to the throne, SANJEY RASH, takes power and joins with the Separatists.’; in the fifth sentence, ‘Led by SAW and STEELA GERRERA, the uprising calls for aid, though the Senate refuses to commit the clone army.’
  • Weirdly the voiceover for ‘War on Two Fronts’ makes it seems as if Onderon was Republic aligned and then joined the Separatists, it’s good that you confirm Onderon’s neutrality in the crawl here.
  • Your added wipe transitions work well, the brisk pace of the episode is good.

S3E9, Kings of Onderon

  • For the title, instead consider ‘Tyrants of Onderon’
  • In the crawl consider, in the first slide, ‘The rightful ruler, RAMSES DENDUP, is deposed and imprisoned by the Separatist puppet, SANJEY RASH. / With the Senate unwilling to deploy troops, the Jedi train and supply the insurgent rebels on Onderon.’ I would suggest changing the name from Ramsis to Ramses, to more obviously imply the Pharaoh. Consider, for the fifth and sixth sentences, ‘With the cunning leadership of STEELA GERRERA, her rebels continue to strike against the Tyrant Rash. / But Dooku sends GENERAL KALANI to even the odds…’
  • The replaced dialogue at 2:04 is a bit jarring, given the lip sync, but I understand the limits of the scene. Perhaps the added ‘it seems’ could be removed, and the shot trimmed at the end. If the shot was shorter the scene should still flow ok, and the visual dissonance of the lip sync might be reduced. Otherwise, your restructuring of this scene works well. The dialogue fits better here, after the destruction of the power station.
  • I miss the scene with Dooku, though the plot does move well enough without it.
  • Consider cutting the bit at 18:20 where the fruit is severed, it seems excessive to me, and only overexplains things to the viewer. Would a guillotine really be tested like this?
  • Could the shot of General Tandin at 20:25 be moved a little earlier? It feels like not enough time for him to move from the top of the palace to the square, and would perhaps make more sense for him to decide to join the rebels when they first rescue Dendup. You could then also trim the second fake out of Rash executing Dendup, which is a bit drawn out for my taste.
  • Cutting Hondo works well, and helps tighten up the pace here.
  • Onderon is one of my favourite arcs, and you do it justice here. A great way to end your Season 3, and conclude Lux Bonteri’s presence in TCW:R.

S1E4, The 501st Legion

  • In the crawl, last line, consider ‘But Grievous aims to strike the Clone Army at it’s source…’
  • It seems like there is an error in the audio at 2:05? Stuttering in the score that bridges the two scenes. The same error occurs again at 6:22.
  • Excellent use of the ‘Clone Cadets’ episode to set up the arc here.
  • The ‘two weeks’ transition was a little abrupt, maybe consider adding the location ‘Rishi Outpost’ to the intertitle?

S1E5, Cloak of Darkness

  • In the crawl, in the third sentence, consider ‘Anakin’s brazen pursuit of Grievous has alarmed the Council, who have ordered that Padawan Tano train with LUMINARA UNDULI.’
  • I wonder if the scene with Dooku, Sidious, and Ventress would be better as the first scene, rather than the second?
  • At 13:39, the duel reads to me that Luminara hesitated unnecessarily, and should have had enough time to avoid Ventress’ kick. I wonder if things could be trimmed and sped up here, so that the kick comes faster?

S1E6, Children of Night

  • In the crawl, in the second sentence, consider ‘Separatists strike at key planets across the galaxy, slowing Republic efforts to gain a foothold in the war.’ Capitalise ‘Master’. For the last sentence, consider ‘But DARTH SIDIOUS, true lord of the Sith, will suffer no rivals…’
  • The episode is well done and essential for connecting the overall plot, but still feels too long for me. I’ve noted a few potential cuts below, but they may not suit your project. Perhaps Delpheas’ idea of splitting this into two episodes would help here also?
  • Cut Dooku’s line ‘and now you shall die’, at 4:15. I prefer a more merciful Dooku, so he isn’t so cowed by Sidious that he’d kill Ventress, but only disowns her as his apprentice. Since Dooku is eventually betrayed by Sidious, it would be more interesting to have some tension and ambiguity here. Also, I wonder if the duel here would be better off without cutting back to the Tactical Droid in the other command ship?
  • I don’t really understand why Talzin had to sell Ventress to some random slaver, since she’s apparently matriarch of all Dathomir, and they just pass over this plot point; would you consider cutting this part of the flashback?
  • At 26:30, having Savage kill his brother is such a tedious way of showing that the witches are an evil matriarchy, especially as mercy was already granted as part of the earlier trial. Would you consider cutting this? Or, if you keep it, then perhaps the whole Nightbrother trials (from 20:00 to 23:20) could be cut. Though I understand you’ve trimmed this sequence already, it’s still a bit of a long spectacle for my taste.
  • There is an errant black frame on the cut at 31:50.
  • At 34:10, the dialogue about the difference between Zabrak from Iridonia and Dathomir seems unnecessary, perhaps this could be cut?
  • The scene where Anakin and Obi-Wan visit the male Dathomiri village feels like an unnecessary detour in an already long episode, this could be cut, though doing so may require some restructuring of the adjacent scenes.
  • Consider cutting the shots of Savage explicitly killing King Katuunko at 43:30. It may be better to delay this as a reveal for the scene with Dooku at 44:50, to leave some ambiguity as to whether Katuunko is unconscious or dead.

S1E7, Blockade of Ryloth

  • In the crawl, capitalise ‘King’, ‘Twi’lek’, and ‘Master’; for the last sentence, consider ‘But the Republic cannot break the impenetrable blockade…’
  • The title is a little too factual for my taste, perhaps consider an alternative, like ‘War Comes to Ryloth’ or ‘Tempest on Ryloth’
  • There is a visual error, a double wipe transition, at 6:12.
  • Bail’s line at 20:05 felt out of place to me, I don’t think this particular voiceover is necessary; you set this up well enough in the crawl.
  • I miss some of the content on Toydaria (not the dinner party though!), but am glad you kept Bail Organa here in this way at least.
  • Audio is out of sync at 29:15, up to the end.

S1E8, Duchess of Mandalore

  • In the crawl: there is a repeated ‘is’ in the fourth sentence; from the second sentence, consider instead ‘As the Clone Army defends against Separatist incursion, insidious forces make their moves beyond Republic sight. / Having fled their base on Concordia, the DEATH WATCH have gone into hiding, their whereabouts unknown. / Duchess SATINE KRYZE appeals to the Republic Senate, on behalf of the Council of Neutral Systems / Aided by Senator Amidala, Satine argues that the dreaded Death Watch have no hold on peaceful Mandalore. / But neutrality makes enemies of both sides…’

Let me know how you find these comments. Glad to hear you’re taking a break, otherwise I’ll never get through Season 2! Still, I’m keen to see what you have in store for us with Season 4.

Post
#1435894
Topic
Fall of the Republic - The Clone Wars/Revenge of the Sith NCC (V2.1 Released)
Time

Your reluctance on cutting into the Siege of Mandalore arc is fair, since it was so excellent in the first place. I was still a little unsure of Maul’s return until Season 7, but it was such a great finale that I’m now convinced.

I appreciate you both chiming in on my confusion with the rank of master. I suppose this helps explain why Obi-Wan still defers to Mace and Yoda, since they helped mentor him, even though they’re all now at the rank of master. Still, I wonder how well the relevant scene in ROTS would run with this cut, or if that would make it too truncated. I feel that this plot point over Anakin being denied the rank of master is essential for his tragic arc, but I wonder if this is really the case, or if I’m just used to it being there.

I’m definitely keen to see what EddieDean has in store for us with the crystal crisis chat. TCW:R is a great project for sure.

Glad to hear you’re considering an extended edition for including Bad Batch/Clone Wars 03 footage, a cold open sounds like a good approach to this. For the Order 66 addition, I came across this edit: ‘https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeCwhe9Bjnw’. It’s a bit rough but maybe gives an idea of how it could work. Not that the comics accurate thing is important here, though if Depa Billaba’s saber colour is to be changed then it should be something more interesting, like orange or purple.

Post
#1435869
Topic
The Prequel Radical Redux Ideas Thread
Time

act on instinct said:

Would need to look at the sequence again but I think there’s enough material to work with, Maul falling down the shaft could be done just by using the beginning of his fall before the split and cut to insert of Kenobi’s reaction then back again to a composite of the empty shaft. Re-timed this wouldn’t even need a score change everything moves fast already.

I think you’re right on this, that shot should be long enough to trim in this way. It’s definitely worth attempting. I may give this a try myself soon, once my setup is viable for editing.

I wonder if any of Sam Witwer’s Maul lines could be added here also, to have Maul goad Kenobi at the end of their duel, and help sell the transition to Clone Wars Maul. Though perhaps that would be too much to add this here?

Post
#1435867
Topic
The Prequel Radical Redux Ideas Thread
Time

I’m keen to see this idea! Your ideal script looks achievable given the original scene.

From The Phantom Menace, at 19:00 Sidious says ‘naïve’, which could substitute for ‘weak’ in your ideal script. Also, in Attack of the Clones Sidious calls Dooku by ‘Lord Tyrannus’ at 2:12:35, which may be useful if it matches the tone of the spliced dialogue better, though it may be a little confusing to call Dooku by his lesser used title. There’s music in both scenes, but it doesn’t sound too prominent.

Maybe the line in TPM at 40:00 - ‘you will then have no difficulty in taking the Queen’ - could be useful for Sidious commanding Grievous to capture the chancellor? But you’d have to add sfx to match him speaking through the hologram. He also says ‘chancellor’ in a sinister manner at 1:32:10 in TPM, which could be spliced with the above line.

There’s probably dialogue useful for Grievous somewhere in the Clone Wars show, but I’m less familiar with that. Even thought the actor is the same, the sfx there sounds a little different to me than in the films. I’m not sure how well they’d hold up side by side in this scene.

Post
#1434515
Topic
Fall of the Republic - The Clone Wars/Revenge of the Sith NCC (V2.1 Released)
Time

This is a great edit, really enjoyed this. The difference in style was a little jarring at first, but well worth it for the quality Clone Wars content. Using NFBisms edit for ROTS is an excellent choice, better matching the tone of the Clone Wars. Your interweaving of the two plots is well considered, not simply smashing the two films together but taking care to bring the narrative arcs into one.

I was interested to see whether this approach could help spice up the dull sequence of dialogue scenes on Coruscant, in what I take to be Act II of the film. As much as I enjoy the deleted scenes typically added in edits, their addition makes this part of the film even more dreary; for me your edit succeeded in this way, as the addition of the Siege of Mandalore as a B plot really helped balance out this part of ROTS.

It feels like your edit is feature complete at this point, still I made some more specific notes, so take or leave them as you like:

  • I wonder if some trims could be made to the Clone Wars content, for example in the tunnels under Sundari and with Maul’s carnage on the ship.
  • Would you consider a restructuring of Padme’s ‘Seeds of Rebellion’ deleted scenes, moving the first scene to the last position in the sequence, so that the formation of the rebellion becomes the conclusion of this subplot?
  • It’s more a problem with the CW/ROTS canon, but this edit made the contradiction obvious to me; should the plot point about Anakin being on the council but not granted the rank of master be cut, since in the CW he is master to Ahsoka? Though I’m unsure whether such a cut would disrupt or clarify the overall plot here.
  • I miss the classic style of the planetary landing to open the film, and wonder if the holo-call between Grievous and Sidious could be moved and used for this purpose?
  • The intended significance of the ‘ruminations’ scene at 1:59:40 was lost on me in this edit, though bookending it with Ahsoka’s scene works well. Maybe consider adding some voiceover here as an internal monologue for Anakin, to make explicit that his fear of losing Padme stems from having lost both Shmi and Ahsoka?
  • Are you still looking to add footage from Tartakovsky’s Clone Wars? I would be keen to see your approach to integrating this content as well.
  • Would you consider any footage from the first episode of Bad Batch? Not sure where we’re at with spoliers for this, but there’s only one scene I can think of that could be useful.
  • 3:30 makes for a long movie, a simple intermission title card may help with this. Maybe after Maul is captured at 1:38:40, one intermission should be enough in my view.

I wish the dialogue about Ahsoka from the unfinished Utapau arc could somehow be used in an edit like this. Having Obi-Wan and Anakin discuss Ahsoka’s absence from the A plot would really cinch things for me. Cinematic Captures did an admirable job remastering the scene, but for a ROTS+CW edit maybe the animation style of Forces of Destiny, with the Temple Dojo setting from S1E11 ‘Teach You, I Will’ would fit well. Probably not a feasible addition, and certainly well beyond my abilities, but people wonder about the best use for that unfinished scene, and for me a ROTS+CW edit is the ideal place for it.

All up, this is an excellent edit; a fine and unique addition to the ever expanding canon of ROTS edits.

Post
#1433450
Topic
The Prequel Radical Redux Ideas Thread
Time

I wonder how hard it would be to alter the shot in TPM where Maul falls down the shaft, so that he doesn’t split in half? As good as Maul gets in Clone Wars, it still bothers me a little that Lucas so obviously killed him and then went back on this. Could also add the ‘Kenobi!’ scream from Rebels here, just to make clear that he’s not instantly killed by the strike.

Post
#1433444
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused [THREE episodes upgraded to v2.0, 3/5 seasons released to v1.0]
Time

Got around to writing up some notes for the most recent episodes. I’m still making my way through your Season 1, but I’ll get to that a bit later.

Bail’s scenes in S1E1 are a little quick, I agree, but I appreciate their inclusion as (afaik) this is the only time Bail actually fights in the Clone Wars on the battlefield, and not only in the Senate, so substantiating ANH where Leia says her father fought with Kenobi in the Clone Wars.

S3E1, Politics of War

  • In the crawl, in the second sentence, consider ‘fearing further escalation’ instead of ‘fearing the existence of others’. For the second slide, ‘Impressed with Padawan Tano’s teachings on Mandalore, Padme aims to further her political education. / With the Senate in debate over new Banking Clan loans for additional troops, Padme’s Loyalists plan their response. / Coruscant is as perilous as any battlefield…’
  • The omission of Dooku and Grievous from the bomb droids plot is good.
  • The transition at 11:30 is good, but the added audio seems a bit loud.
  • Consider cutting Dooku’s line, ‘and then some’ at 15:10.
  • Interpolated frames at 17:28, 21:46.
  • The transition to the bomb droids plot feels a little jarring without the original set up; perhaps some of the prior shots of the bomb droids infiltrating Coruscant (excluding Grievous) could be added here, if the transitions work, or restored to their original position?
  • Where Padme is attacked walking home, I think scene works well in the context of the edit; due to being positioned between scenes of her at work and home, and that her clothing is the same as the prior scene. The transition at 23:45 is a little quick, but I understand the limits of the scene, and the edit does work. The voiceover is great, giving Padme a necessary moment of introspection, though perhaps the voiceovers should start a little quieter, like whispers in the mind? I wonder if the shot of the rodents fighting could be restored, and the wide establishing shot moved to the beginning of the scene? Though I imagine you removed that shot of the rodents because it didn’t work with the voiceover. Removing the original lengthy chase sequence is well done here.
  • The scene at 25:00 reads to me as the first time Padme has asked these kind of questions to a common citizen of the Republic, implying that she doesn’t usually talk to the people, though Tekla says she does, and that this is the sole conversation Padme bases her following speech on. I wonder if some dialogue trims here would help to make this seem a more usual conversation for Padme?
  • I miss some of the drier politicking scenes from the beginning of Pursuit of Peace, but I understand why you cut them. The other cuts are good, removing the subplot of Bail ‘maybe’ speaking and then not speaking works well.
  • Great use of content from Senate Murders, your approach here is good. I don’t see how any more of that episode could be of use without harming the plot of Pursuit of Peace.

S3E2, Revival

  • In the crawl, in the fourth sentence consider, ‘The monstrous brothers MAUL and SAVAGE pillage defenceless worlds, burning a path through the Outer Rim territories.’ Capitalise ‘Masters’ in the fifth sentence? For the sixth and final sentence, ‘For Kenobi’s suffering, Maul’s is a patient hatred…’
  • I don’t have a problem altering the episode name even when you’ve made minimal cuts. Like the crawls the title is just another way for an editor to recontextualise the original content, and ‘Revival’ is a little confusing, since it seems to have no relevance to the episode, or it’s placement in your third season. That said, I don’t have any ideas as to what could replace the original title.

S3E3, Umbara

  • In the crawl, from the third sentence, consider ‘The people of Umbara resist Republic invasion on two fronts; against the orbiting armada and in the alien jungle below. / General Kenobi assaults the Capital, yet the besieged Umbarans hold out, their defense endlessly resupplied./ To sever their supply lines, Anakin’s 501st Clone Legion, led by Captain Rex, searches desperately for the remote Umbaran airbase. / But in war, no plan survives contact with the enemy…’
  • The abridgement of the opening battle feels a little quick, perhaps I am just used to the original pacing. I miss some of the other content from Darkness of Umbara, though I understand wanting to speed things up here, since the real content of the arc is in the latter episodes.
  • I am unsure of the scene outside of the airbase at 23:30, between Fives and Rex. I’m not sure this scene works with timing and location of the adjacent scenes, it may be best to cut it if possible.
  • Cutting the training scene from Plan of Dissent is good, but I miss the dialogue where Fives tells the other clones about Anakin giving him the idea for the plan to attack the Separatist supply ship.
    -Should 5s speech at 34:40 be cut? It seems unnecessary to make these obvious themes so explicit, and the scene may move better without it.
  • I wonder if the clones killing each other could be an accident, purely from bad intel, with General Krell being more a hard-line proto-Inquisitor than Separatist traitor. Then Rex’s arrest of Krell is a kind of rehearsal for Order 66, and more a question of the division between Jedi and clones. It would require some dialogue cuts, and might not work too well, but it could be a more interesting approach than having Krell as another moustache twirling Separatist conspirator?

All up, those are three excellent episodes to begin your Season 3. I look forward to what’s next!

Post
#1428516
Topic
<em>The Rise of Skywalker</em> - Rewrite Discussion Thread
Time

Thanks for creating the thread, RogueLeader. It’s been great to read everyone’s take on TROS, you all have some excellent ideas on how to approach this. I’ve been running an alternate Episode IX RPG campaign for my brothers, so thought I’d post my notes for the first session here as a sort of script rewrite, though it’s more of a scene outline as I improvise most of the dialogue. I’ve attempted to combine the best elements of Abram’s TROS and Treverrow’s DOTF, with some of my own additions.

Evacuation of Cloud City

The function of this first sequence on Bespin is twofold: to reassert that the rebels fight a defensive war against First Order aggression, and to set up Leia’s death in an appropriate and dramatic way.

Objectives:

  • The First Order (FO) seek control of the Tibanna gas exports from Bespin.
  • The Rebels are impossibly outnumbered, and must evacuate as many people as possible before they are forced to concede control of Cloud City to the FO.

Factions:

  • Bespin administration; squadron of Cloud Cars, local security guards.
  • First Order; their fleet is composed of two Resurgent class Star Destroyers, AAL troop transports, FO AT-haulers and AT-MT walkers, and squadrons of FO TIE fighters and FO TIE bombers; will be reinforced by a FO Siege Dreadnaught (from EP8) during the battle.
  • Leia’s vanguard resistance cell; her fleet is composed of two Virgillia class Corellian corvettes (from EP8), resistance transports (from EP7), I-TS transports, and squadrons of T-Wing Resistance bombers (call the B/SF-17 heavy bomber from EP8 the T-Wing), T-70 X-Wing and RZ-2 A-Wing fighters.
  • Lando’s veteran rebel cell; his fleet is composed of OT ships; rebel transports (with windows like the U-55 loadlifters from EP8, but an older model closer in design to the GR-75 transports from EP5), and squadrons of T-65 X-Wings, B-Wings, and RZ-1 A-Wings.

Characters:

  • Baron of Bespin, an Imperial Remnant Warlord, independent of the First Order.
  • Two Knights of Ren lead the FO ground forces, wielding red crossguard lightsabers.
  • Kylo Ren, with his appearance at the end of EP8.
  • Admiral Thrawn, commanding the FO Dreadnaught, arrives at Bespin toward the end of the battle.
  • Chewbacca, T-Wing Gold Squadron Leader, with Rose as his copilot.
  • Leia, Captain of the first corvette, leads the air battle.
  • Poe, Captain of second corvette, leads the civilian evacuation on the ground at the landing pads, with Connix.
  • Rey has a single green saber, having replaced the broken blue crystal of the Skywalker saber and repaired the split hilt (Rey will later construct a second red saber, that can be joined to her green saber to create a dual yellow saber); she flies the Falcon to Bespin, with R2 and 3PO aboard, and new aliens as the two resistance gunners.
  • Finn leads the ground troops, with Maz (equipped with a jetpack).
  • BB-8 flies an orange and white T-70 X-Wing, modified with the cockpit removed and the astromech socket lowered in its place, to be flown solo by a BB droid.
  • Lando flies a YT-2400 freighter (with external panels, as the Solo Falcon design) painted in old Rebel colours (faded white, with a red starbird symbol on the body).
  • Wedge (Rogue Leader), flies as part of Lando’s cell in an old but modified T-65 X-Wing.
  • Black Squadron is in atmosphere with Lando’s cell. Jess Pava is now Black Leader, Snap Wexley is Black Two; say Black Squadron has made contact with Lando’s cell to explain their absence from EP8.

Sequence on Bespin:

  1. Arrival; Leia’s rebel cell fleet exits from hyperspace over Bespin. Two FO Star Destroyers orbit Bespin, FO troops have been deployed to Cloud City and are being reinforced from the Destroyers. Lando’s Rebel cell, with Black Squadron, has already engaged the enemy in and around Cloud City. If they maintain distance, then Leia’s cell may bypass the orbiting Destroyers without incident; the battle is at Cloud City itself.
  2. Leia’s rebels descend to Cloud City, where Lando has been pushed back to the landing pads (more like a large commercial spaceport than the single landing pads in EP5). In the air battle: the rebel bombers target the FO walkers and the FO bombers target the rebel transports, fighters attempt to intercept enemy bombers while protecting allied bombers. The rebels proceed to rescue fleeing civilians, opposed by two Knights of Ren and a legion of stormtroopers; many civilians remain trapped behind FO troop lines, so the rebels must break through the FO troops in order to rescue the civilians, and escort them to the transports.
  3. Finn and Maz, leading the Rebel ground forces, push against FO troop lines to reach the trapped civilians and Bespin security forces. The Baron of Bespin is here, fighting alongside their security forces.
  4. Rey pilots the Falcon; then, seeing that the remaining Bespin security forces are isolated and being overwhelmed by the two Knights of Ren, gives control to R2 and 3PO and leaves the ship, jumping from the open boarding ramp mid-flight to confront the Knights on the ground.
  5. Kylo arrives, lands behind FO troop lines in his Upsilon Shuttle, and approaches Rey as she duels the two Knights of Ren. Kylo at first observes the duel from a distance, but may intervene if one or both of the Knights are defeated.
  6. A single FO Dreadnought, with Admiral Thrawn commanding from the bridge, exits hyperspace above Bespin; moves into firing range and then begins its firing sequence, targeting the landing pads at Cloud City where the rebel transports and Poe’s corvette are evacuating civilians; in the air battle, from the bridge of her corvette Leia sees the Dreadnought prepare to fire and sounds the alarm to abandon ship, her crew head to the escape pods, while Leia pilots, moving directly between the Dreadnought’s line of fire and the landing pads; from the landing pads Leia’s corvette eclipses the red glow of the Dreadnought siege cannon, as escape pods eject from the corvette; Leia reaches out through the force to Rey, though all characters hear, to say ‘Rey, the Force will always be with you’ but is cut short (on the second word?) as her corvette is destroyed by the single laser blast from the Dreadnought, protecting the rebel transports and our heroes on the ground; for a brief moment the ground battle pauses, having heard Leia call out telepathically through the Force all look up at the falling wreckage and escape pods from the corvette; Kylo and Rey respond first, Kylo in sorrow, falling to his knees on feeling his mother’s death through the Force, then Rey in anger, unleashing Force lightning in a wide arc, injuring and incapacitating Kylo, and killing any other characters within range (including the two Knights, if they have survived their duel with Rey); the ground battle then resumes.
  7. Rey falls unconscious from the strain of drawing on the dark side of the Force, dropping her saber. Finn retrieves her saber (possibly catching it with the Force), and carries Rey back to the transports, protected by covering fire from Maz and his rebel troops.
  8. The rebel transports flee Cloud City, and rebel ships escape into hyperspace, with their destination set as the resistance base on Ossus (replacing Ajan Kloss).

Outcome:

  • Cloud City and the Tibanna mines of Bespin are lost to the FO.
  • Have some rebel troops and civilians be captured, for the following scene on Coruscant.
  • Lando’s rebel cell joins with the resistance vanguard cell, abandoning his base on Sullst as the Eriadu sector is lost.
  • Count troop losses from the battle.
  • Number of refugees per token saved; some will join and fight, others may stay as support staff or be relocated to other worlds.

Coruscant; Restoration of the Empire by the Supreme Triumvirate

Characters: the Triumvirate is Supreme Leader Ren, Supreme Chancellor Hux, and Supreme Admiral Thrawn - they are the highest authority in this restored Empire; Execution Stormtroopers (from EP8), Knights of Ren; captured rebels - players may perform these roles, if only for this scene; the crowd, Dade (from DOTF).

  1. Captured rebels are led to public execution by light guillotine (as in DOTF), at the plaza in front of the old Republic Senate building; the rebels have black cloth bags over their heads, removed before execution. The Capitol itself (from DOTF) is fixed over the Senate building, a tripod frame supporting its immense structure.
  2. Speeches are made: Hux announces the restoration of the Empire, disparaging the meagre efforts of scattered rebels, and outlining the substantive policies of this Empire - abolition of monarchy and hereditary rule in member states, restoration of regional governors and the Imperial Senate, and continued support for New Alderaan (colonised Mandalore, settled by Alderaanian refugees under the New Republc); Thrawn celebrates the death of Princess Organa, the last rebel leader from the New Republic; Kylo Ren declares a crusade against the Hutt cartels, in order to enforce the abolition of organic slavery throughout the galaxy.
  3. Kylo offers the group of captured rebels mercy, if they renounce the light and swear loyalty to the Empire. Some are only citizens of Bespin, captured in the battle; they accept his mercy and are led from the plaza, their fate is indentured service at shipbreaking yards in the industrial district (from EP2) on Coruscant. The veteran rebels stand in silent refusal; they are then led, one at a time, to their execution by stormtroopers. Here, possible player decisions are will rolls, determining whether the player is able to spit before their execution, also if they are able to declare something to the crowd before their execution.

There’s more, but the rest is barely readable at the moment; mostly just a bare outline, but also way too verbose in parts. Thanks for reading if you got this far, hope it is of interest!

Post
#1428380
Topic
The Prequel Radical Redux Ideas Thread
Time

Peter Pan said:

Here’s a different take on the Bail’s apartment scene with dialogue from The Force Unleashed:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1sPI80MXqw8pO1wm34C0mLx2jCck-EUk8/view?usp=sharing

It’s far from perfect, but there is potential I think.

This is great, there’s definitely potential here. If this scene is placed somewhere after the ‘petition of 2000’ scene in Palpatine’s office, along with your take, it could help make this subplot the strong connection to the OT it should be. I think this restructure of the deleted scenes has been discussed earlier in this thread, but I can’t remember if anyone has attempted it.

Post
#1428372
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused [THREE episodes upgraded to v2.0, 3/5 seasons released to v1.0]
Time

Thanks for considering my feedback, I’ll try and get to previous episodes and then follow along as you go.

For Shadow, that the Jedi are becoming corrupt by resorting to these tactics is good, and serves the overarching plot well. Still, if you were to reduce the weirdness here a little, perhaps the following lines could be cut at around 7:10: from Anakin, ‘what does that mean, Senator?’ up to Windu’s line ‘do you think you’ll be able to rekindle your relationship with him?’, if those cuts don’t butcher the scene too much. This would reduce the honey trap element, and reduce Anakin being terrible at keeping his concern for Padme apparently platonic. The previous scene at 4:30 is fine, it’s the later scene at 7:10 that I feel goes a little too far in this.

For the crawl in Assault, it’s fine to note Lumiara’s absence in some way, but her fleet being delayed didn’t stick well with me, it didn’t seem to fit well with what follows. Instead, consider noting that Luminara and Barris are making some kind of preparations to attack the factory. Perhaps for the last slide of the crawl: ‘Master Luminara scouts the planet, confirming Padme’s report of a massive droid factory, built by the Archduke POGGLE THE LESSER / Fearing overwhelming droid production in the sector, the Jedi have swiftly diverted three fleets to neutralise this resurgent threat. / The second battle of Geonosis is about to begin…’

Hades is a great game also, I still haven’t quite made it to the end!

I’m looking forward to your take on the Heroes on Both Sides arc, this and the Scipio arc are some of my favourites. It sounds like you have a comprehensive approach here. For a title, I’ll suggest STRIFE IN THE SENATE as a possible alternative, still indicating that it’s a politics episode.

It’s fair to demote Assassin, as it feels on about the same level as Lightsaber Lost; still enjoyable but not essential viewing.

I just realised how your numbering/lettering works with respect to the colour hierarchy, and it’s genius. That way I can still keep all my favourite but less good episodes in the correct order.

I wonder if the Nelvan Crisis episode should be way earlier (even x1e00-C), given the more immature characterisation of Anakin and destruction of his robot arm, unless you’re using the end to tie into the battle of Coruscant?

As for Bad Batch implications, the new PT era flashing heads intro is great, it’ll be a great addition to TCW:R. I prefer the opening text to the newsreel, though I’ve never really been a fan of the CW newsreel. The opening text is good for the flexibility it gives you as an editor, and it’s closer to the style of the film crawls.

I hope I don’t overstep with my suggestions for the opening text. It’s just such an effective way to recontextualise the episodes.

S1E0, Dark Force Rising

  • I quite enjoy Tartakovsky’s Clone Wars so have a few suggestions here, but I’m not sure how far you’d like to go with the edit of this episode? What you have so far is great, in any case.
  • Consider cutting the opening montage; this could be replaced with your normal opening sequence, but keeping the 2003 ‘Clone Wars’ title card (00:00 to 00:12) instead of the TCW style title card.
  • Open with Ventress on Rattatak, trim the arena so we begin with a classic planetary descent; then cut from this scene to Palpatine’s office on Coruscant.
  • Your placement of the second Ventress episode is great, especially the cut from a close up of Anakin to Ventress; I wonder if the duel here could be trimmed a little, to focus more on Dooku destroying Ventress’ Jedi lightsabers, maybe cut the bit with the sculpture?
  • Extend the static close up of Ventress at 8:55, to remove the white flash at the beginning of the shot.
  • Cut part of the Arc troopers on Muunilist, from 13:15 to 15:38, intercut this with part of the space battle to cover this.
  • Your removal of Dirge is good.
  • In the space battle, cut the missiles (from around 19:35) firing across the bow and tracking Anakin.
  • Cut Obi-Wan sending a squad of clones to follow Anakin, and their arrival at Yavin.
  • I’m unsure about your placement of the scene with Grievous and Dooku. I prefer Grievous at the battle of Hypori to be his first scene; I would remove the Grievous-Dooku scene and instead cut from the close up of Obi-Wan to Anakin approaching Yavin.
  • Without the vision (of Qui-Gon and Anakin on Dagobah), the shot of Yoda at 34:55 doesn’t work for me. I’d suggest adding the vision here, or restoring it’s original placement.

S1E1, The New Padawan

  • In the crawl: consider instead ‘a year ago…’ instead of ‘many months earlier…’; ‘treacherous Separatists’ rather than ‘insidious Separatists’; for the third sentence consider, ‘With Republic support, Senator BAIL ORGANA provides relief and supplies for the people of Christophsis, a planet under Separatist blockade’; for the last slide consider ‘Anakin Skywalker has earned the rank of JEDI KNIGHT, so Master Kenobi, eager to teach, has requested a new Padawan. / The duo have tracked ASAJJ VENTRESS, Dooku’s vicious disciple, to the recently evacuated Separatist command tower. / The two Jedi Knights move to investigate…’. I found the mission of the Jedi, and the tactical situation on Christophsis with Bail and Asajj, a little confusing at first, so tried to write up something that could situate things for me.
  • I had this idea for another sentence in the crawl, but there’s likely not enough space for it: ‘The duo have bypassed the blockade to support Senator Organa, but this infiltration has left their troops isolated from the Republic fleet.’
  • For the episode title, perhaps instead ‘A NEW PADAWAN’? It’s a little more ambiguous.
  • Great cuts in the opening duel with Ventress, the lip sync isn’t exact, but the scene flows well.
  • I almost don’t believe this is from the same film I saw in 2008, excellent work with this episode.
  • Interpolated frames at 10:26, 19:20, 22:24.

S1E2, The Death Watch

  • In the crawl, in the second sentence consider instead ‘War against the Separatists spreads like fire across the galaxy, yet thousands of worlds refuse to take sides in the conflict’; in the third sentence, ‘The Council of Neutral Systems is led by MANDALORE, ravaged homeworld of the now pacifist Mandalorians.’
  • For the episode title, consider instead just ‘DEATH WATCH’.
  • I see you’ve restored the opening planetary decent, I prefer it this way, even if it is quite quick.
  • I’m not sure what to make of Almec’s disavowal of Jango at 2:58, it seems like an unnecessary deception on his part, and one that overly complicates the canon. Would it be too jarring if Almec’s response was removed, and we cut from Kenobi to Satine here?
  • Cut Kenobi missing with the blaster in the battle on Concordia, at 16:05.
  • Cut Anakin straight up asking if OWK and Satine were ever involved, as it’s really not the right time, unless Anakin should be insensitive in this way.
  • I wonder if the dialogue would run smoother (at 30:45) if Kenobi’s line ‘Satine, this is hardly the time or place for’ was cut.

S1E3, Malevolence

  • In the crawl, in the first slide consider instead ‘The leader of the Separatist droid army, General Grievous, strikes strategically, targeting critical Republic defenses. / With his new weapon, the dreadnaught MALEVOLENCE, he ruthlessly attacks Clone medical stations, killing thousands of wounded troops.’; also in the last sentence of the second slide ‘But in every battle with the Malevolence, there are as yet no survivors…’
  • Interpolated frame at 22:10.
  • The attack on the Malevolence felt a little odd, given the original attack angles. I think its just the shots at 24.20 and 24:36, where the squadron is shown off bow of the Malevolence, that feel out of place, as they’ve already passed the bow at this point and should now be over the middle of the ship.
  • Also, without fighters being disabled by the ion cannon, dialogue on half the squadron being lost (at 23.55) seems inaccurate at this point. Perhaps this scene where squadron losses is noted could be placed after Matchstick’s death?
  • The Malevolence crashing into the moon works well enough, but I wonder if any of the shots with the droids on the bridge of the Malevolence (such as scenes with the lines, ‘I think we have a problem’, and ‘reset the navicomputer’) could be used to extend things a bit here?

That’s all I’ve got for now, hope it helps!

Post
#1423955
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused [THREE episodes upgraded to v2.0, 3/5 seasons released to v1.0]
Time

Hey, I’ve watched through a few of the recent episodes, and have made notes on anything that stuck out to me, but take or leave them as you like. Your work so far is great, and I’m keen to see how the remaining seasons play out.

I try and keep up to speed with the thread, and do enjoy reading your analysis and explanation of your cuts, but haven’t got around to commenting anything until now.

The general crawl format is good, having the first line as an overview of the war for multiple episodes works well.

s2e5, Tales of the Lost Clones:

  • A great concept episode.
  • In the crawl consider: ‘obedience is instilled from birth’ instead of ‘obedience is in their blood’; ‘on another path’ instead of ‘on other paths’.
  • I wonder if the scene with Rex and Cody in the control room (beginning at 10:00) would play out better if Rex/Cody planned this out beforehand instead of during the scene. If so, then consider cutting Rex and Cody’s reaction shots to Slick being in the ceiling vents at 10:25 and a few other shots of them puzzling this out, so that the audience doesn’t know that Rex/Cody know Slick is there until they have him at gunpoint.
  • Perhaps the amnesia plot point could be removed from the Gregor episode, to give the character more agency, and make it a more effective foil to the other two episodes.
  • The intertitles are a little too short for my liking. As for the crawl, the last slide has too much information that isn’t relevant until later on. Perhaps you could split the final 3 sentences, having just one sentence added to the intertitle before the relevant episode? This would also help lengthen the intertitles. If you can find appropriate music for a longer intertitle, of course.

s2e7, Shadow of Geonosis:

  • The new title serves well to recontextualise the episode within the Geonosis arc.
  • In the crawl (on the second slide) consider: capitalising ‘Council’ and ‘Senator’; ‘aim’ instead of ‘intend’; ‘enjoys a brief reprieve from battle’ instead of ‘has a brief reprieve from battle’; for the last line consider ‘But the Separatists conspire to restore their lost power…’
  • Consider trimming dialogue around 8:10 that implies the Jedi know Padme and Clovis were romantically involved, as it’s a weird take for apparently celibate monks.
  • At 13:15, I’d suggest cutting Lott Dod revealing his plans to the audience, to retain some actual surprise later in the plot.
  • At 19:25, cut Clovis’ line ‘she must be saved because I love her’, it seems too much?

s2e8, Assault on Geonosis:

  • The changed episode title is good.
  • In the crawl: perhaps ‘Clone Army’ should be capitalised; consider ‘a guerrilla campaign waged by the insurgent Geonosians’ instead of ‘a costly guerrilla campaign fought by the fierce natives’; ‘massive new factory’ instead of ‘huge new factory’; I am unsure about the last line of the crawl, as it seems unnecessary to note Luminara’s absence in this way, perhaps this last sentence could be replaced with something that better leads into the meeting before the assault?
  • Your cuts are good in this episode, they help keep things moving and focused on character.
  • The cuts to remove dialogue at 16:00 felt unnatural, like too many reaction shots cut together. I’d suggest either restoring some of the dialogue or cutting some of the reaction shots.
  • I wonder if the fade to black at 32:55 could be extended, to add a little suspense before the lightsabers ignite?

The overall pacing of the episodes is excellent. From what I recall the key moments are preserved, and the Mandalorian style bookending of the show serves your edit well. I’m looking forward to season 3, but it’s a well earned break with all your work so far.

I’ll try and write up something for the other episodes when I get to watching the most recent versions, hopefully soon!

Post
#1416687
Topic
Star Wars Episode IX (was) to be directed by Colin Trevorrow - DUEL OF THE FATES RIP
Time

I’m delighted with what Winegarner has done with this also. As much as I enjoyed the leaked script and concept art, they were only parts of what Episode IX could have been. I’m looking forward to seeing the final issues of this comic completed, it’ll help put my headcanon to rest.

Post
#1391406
Topic
The Mandalorian: A Vergence in the Force (RT 2h 27mins) (Version 2 in Progress)
Time

I’ve just watched the edit recently, really excellent work on this one. It captures the feeling of a classic star wars film (with the crawl and opening planetary descent, added wipe transitions) despite the episodic nature of the source material. The core plot is preserved well, with many of the story beats landing better here without the extra material (like IG-11 speeding in to save the day on Nevarro).

I did occasionally miss having a few shots from the show, however; like the gag with Grogu eating the frog, Djarin entering the Mudhorn cave (though I see its exclusion has already been discussed), the rest of the training montage from Chapter 4, and the IG reprogramming montage. At times the action felt a little too constant, and I wonder if cutting too many quiet moments like these is the cause.

Other thoughts:
- Great use of the Chapter 5 opening dogfight
- I wonder if the Armourer fight (from Chapter 8) could have been cut?
- Great cut on Chapter 4, so it appears Djarin would have let her remove his helmet
- Great cut on having the client shot immediately
- I feel the shot of Kuiil’s death is too short
- Having the Karga transmission moved to Sorgen would be a great addition, as others have said, but I don’t envy the VFX work of that task

An excellent edit, and I look forward to what you come up with for season 2. From the chapters out so far it seems like it would benefit from your approach as well.

Post
#1202640
Topic
A Collaborative Star Wars Saga Edit
Time

RogueLeader said:

First of all, thanks for sharing your thoughts and these cuts. I’ll be adding a lot of these to the resources folder just in case we decide to use them, if you’re cool with that.

Yeah, that’s fine with me. If any of the cuts are useful I’d be happy to have them included.

EddieDean said:

I’ve taken a crack at a spreadsheet to record issues and their resultant scene fixes, for those who think there’s value there. Here’s a screenshot with the first example. Feedback welcome.

https://imgur.com/Ex3AfHZ
https://imgur.com/F4TbsPj

Having a spreadsheet for the project is an excellent idea, it’ll make keeping track of everything much easier.

Sir Ridley said:

Your mother once thought this should do:
https://mega.nz/#!bR0CUAgZ!8tXiiKI9PUpvmjG1VO3qkCUnFyiF5YaVewQ-oSBXAdw

That version of the line sounds great, it’d be interesting to hear it placed with the shot and see how well it fits.

RogueLeader said:

My view on the Sifo-Dyas thing is that he never gets mentioned again within the films, so within the movies we never really get an answer for it. I understand that it is meant to be a red herring, but is a red herring that is never even revealed as a red herring. So people left the theater wondering who Sifo-Dyas is and if more will be revealed about him in the next film, which we know never is. To me, this shows how murky the whole plot was in the first place, and it would just be simpler to make it where an anonymous person ordered this clone army for the Jedi Council and the Republic. It could technically still be Sifo-Dyas, we just don’t get that information (because we don’t need it). All we’ll know is that a man called Tyrannus hired Jango for this job. Obi-Wan never discovers the identity of Tyrannus, but the audience will by the end of the film when Dooku is revealed to be Tyrannus. Then the audience will know that the clone army is merely a part of Darth Sidious’ plot. I think Sifo-Dyas just makes it more complicated than it needs to be.

Ah you’re right, cutting Sifo-Dyas entirely is the far simpler option, and the reveal of Darth Tyranus fits well with that. I know Seciors cut ep2 in this way, the relevant scenes are: between Obi-Wan and the Kaminoan president, the dialogue between Obi-Wan and Jango (though Seciors also cuts the mention of Tyranus in this scene), and Obi-Wan’s holocall to Yoda and Mace. I think that’s all of them. Looks like Seciors had to splice some lines together, and the odd shot feels a bit truncated, but overall it works well. No point totally reinventing the edit.

RogueLeader said:

That’s an interesting view on Anakin using green in AOTC. I hadn’t really thought of it that way but I totally see where you’re coming from. What if the colors were swapped with him and Obi? He would still wield a green one when he dual wields.

I’d consider cutting the dual wielding part of the fight as well, as it’s quite brief and seems a bit pointless to me. That way we wouldn’t have to worry about fixing the colour of Obi-Wan’s lightsaber. It’s quite a minor point though.