DuracellEnergizer

I want a reboot by someone who likes the classic X-Men and doesn't have a stupid hard-on for Wolverine.

A musical starring Lil Wayne and Ke$ha.

I thought the whole "Maul-is-Grevious" deal was a thing the concept artists were keen on, but that Lucas never really took to heart.

Warbler said:

would it be ok to depict batman as having super powers?

would it be ok to depict batman as killing the criminals he catches instead of turning them in?

Too bad it's not called X-Men: The Reboot.

On a semi-to-unrelated note, I'd just like to say It'd be interesting to see someone make some Batman films based off of/inspired by the pre-Robin Golden Age stories. I - for one - would love to see something like this



adapted for the screen.

Chewbacchus? LOL

CP3S said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

 

walkingdork said:

Also, there's such a thing as too much ass. Just saying.

what? I mean there certainly is, but THOSE aren't it. The assess at Walmart, that's too much, but these chicks? They're just fine.



Perhaps you're nervous you can't reach from the backside? :P

Maybe if you like freakishly distended rear ends, sure, but for the rest of us ...

 

DurecellEnergizer can't reach from the back ...

TV's Frink said:

11/20 combined for the two Burton Batmans?

Get ... out.

doubleofive said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

I'm not fond of Keaton's quirky Bruce Wayne.

Interesting, I was just discussing with my coworker how much I like Keaton's Wayne. It works really well to throw people off the trail. Who is more obviously the angry, revenge obsessed Batman: The angry brooding millionaire, or the quirky suave millionaire?

Everyone's summer is lame, especially mine.

walkingdork said:

Also, there's such a thing as too much ass. Just saying.

what? I mean there certainly is, but THOSE aren't it. The assess at Walmart, that's too much, but these chicks? They're just fine.

Batman (1989)

This is far from a perfect movie; there's a lack of focus, the pacing is awful, Basinger screams too much, and - beyond the "You wanna get nuts!" part - I'm not fond of Keaton's quirky Bruce Wayne. That aside, though, Nicholson's Joker is wonderful - every scene of his is gold - I love the Gothic atmosphere, and Keaton's performance as Batman is very good. Overall, despite it's flaws, its still the best live-action Batman film I've seen thus far.

6/10

Batman Returns (1992)

I am not a fan of Tim Burton, not in the least. I think he has a good eye for visuals, but his direction is unpalatable; almost all of his films are oppressive with - for lack of a better term - "dark camp", and there's an ugliness underlaying his style which, while I can't define what it is, is always present. The only reason I like the original Batman film as much as I do is because it isn't a true Burton film - he wasn't allowed full creative control - so it isn't brought down by his overbearing style.

Anyway, to get on with my point, I hate everything pertaining to the Penguin in this film; his entire storyline is an ill-conceived, miscarried abomination that single-handedly brings the whole film down. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against DeVito's performance itself; he did a decent job with the material he had to work with, but the material was used toilet paper from Burton's bathroom, plain and simple. The film isn't all bad, though; the Gothic atmosphere is still nice, Walken is appropriately sleazy as Max Shreck, Keaton's Bruce isn't as annoyingly quirky this time around, and the Batman/Catwoman subplot is - for another lack of a better term - right.

5/10

TV's Frink said:

What is this I don't even...

Leonardo said:

Wait, I'm confused. So the cops knew that internal affairs were setting them up?

It was a dark and stormy night, and not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. At the edge of the Dune Sea, on the borderline between Pepperland, a golf ball sat embedded in the green cheese landscape. Unlike the average golfball, this was humongous, clad in a hockey mask and BDSM garb, the size of small house, like a mansion. This golf ball was home to a young boy named Sue, who have just turned infinite years old.

To celebrate Sue's birthday, his father Mary had given him the gift of virginity; Sue put on a smile and politely accepted the paper-wrapped box, but secretly he was displeased with the gift, and eventually, when his family wasn't looking, the boy gave it to a bum who lived outside the golf ball named Aqua Lung. Aqua Lung, who had a perverse attraction to Sue's father, accepted the gift and took it with him to a dark alley, where he deflowered it.

While returning home from his encounter with Aqua Lung, Sue met up with a man. He was a tall man, with black hair and a black coat. "Your name is Sue", the man in black, who's name was secretly Randal Flagg, said. "How do I do?" Sue, who didn't know this man from Eve, clammed up with fear, unable to answer. Randal, seeing he wasn't going to get a response, shrugged then moonwalked off.

A minute passed, and as Sue's golf ball appeared on the horizon, the ground beneath the ground began to tremble; it was gentle at first, but then it grew rougher, rising in crescendo until Sue found it impossible to remain upright and fell hard to his knees. At that point a hairy hand burst out of the cheesy ground in front of Sue's face. The hairy hand was soon followed by a hairy arm, and in seconds a werecat, clad in jeans and a red leather jacket, pulled himself out of the hole, shaking and brushing the crumbs from his black-and-silver fur.

"Did you see a man come your way, little boy? He was tall, with black hair and a black coat. He stole my moonwalk, and I want it back".

Sue's mouthed dropped open. "Y-yeah, I did. He went that way." Sue pointed in the direction Flagg had gone.

"Ooooh-hoo!" the werecat wooped, his slitted yellow eyes alive with delightment. "Shamone!"

And at that the werecat followed from where the man in black fled, disappearing into the dust of the Dune Sea and disappearing from Sue's sight.

Sue finally arrived home. As he entered the golfball, he was greeted by his mother Frank. Frank wrapped her arms around Sue, and French kissed the boy on the forehead.

"How was your day, vinegar?" Frank crooned in a sweet voice. "Have you played with your nice new virginity yet?"

"Yes, Mom", Sue replied. "It was firm but smooth, and very stimulating. However ..." his voice trailed off.

"What is it, vinegar?" Frank asked, the smile falling from her lips.

"That bastard Aqua Lung stole it from me!" he boy cried, feigning dispair. "I tried to get it back, but he ran away from me before I could stop him!" At that point Sue put on the waterworks, allowing crocodile tears to fall from his eyes to the tile floor beneath him.

"Well now!" Frank declared, indignant. "It seems all those times your father crossed his eyes at that pathetic bum hasn't taught him a single lesson. I guess we'll just have to call the SS, and let them deal with his this time". She looked down at Sue, and a reassuring smile came to her face. "Don't have any fear, Sue, my boy. We'll get your virginity back".

"I hope so, Mom," Sue said, drying his eyes. "I love that virginity like a brother". Secretly, though, Sue was cross; he was actually going to get his father's gift back, and nothing he could imagine displeased him more.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the flat world, Ragnarok had come to a close ...

I'm pissed off that indecent exposure isn't allowed in this ostensibly enlightened society. I should be allowed to make any lewd gesture to any damn woman I want with my two golf balls and driver without fear of being tossed in a dank pee-pee soaked heckhole to become the plaything of a giant greasy biker named Bubba.

Perhaps the athletes should go buck naked, just like the ancient Greek athletes did all those millennia ago.

When is a film finally gonna be accused of harbouring a centrist agenda?

Turkish Star Wars is not a myth! I have seen it!

Too bad Snoop Dogg sucks. I mean, yeah, when compared to most other rappers, he's above average, but that doesn't make him actually good.

Am I the only man in the world who likes fake tits?

I'm not a Bond fan, so meh.

asterisk8 said:

Seriously, this thread title thing is so childish. Grow up, Warbler.

I'm not going to watch these films until I read the book.