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DuracellEnergizer

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30-May-2010
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30-Dec-2020
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Post
#690547
Topic
DuracellEnergizer's Guide to the Multiverse (Was "DuracellEnergizer's Guide to the Infinite Timelines Beyond")
Time

TIMELINE-17

PODD

20th century CE

DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS

In this universe, Richard Dawkins is a conceited, self-righteous Young Earth Creationist blowhard who runs a Young Earth Creationist sideshow out of Kentucky and writes books for kids teaching them to believe that God planted false evidence to trick people into believing that life evolved and the Earth is far older than some 10,000-6000 years so that they can all burn in Hell.

FINAL NOTES

Say what you will about the Dawkins of this Earth – at least he’s not peddling this shit.

Post
#690545
Topic
DuracellEnergizer's Guide to the Multiverse (Was "DuracellEnergizer's Guide to the Infinite Timelines Beyond")
Time

TIMELINE-16

PODD

13,000,000,000+ BCE

DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS

This is the world told about in the Jefferson Airplane song “White Rabbit”.

While travelling to this world can result in an instant psychedelic high, no one from our – or any similar – universe can exist here long without eventually suffering a massive epileptic seizure.

FINAL NOTES

I feel really, really, really funny right now.

Post
#690523
Topic
DuracellEnergizer's Guide to the Multiverse (Was "DuracellEnergizer's Guide to the Infinite Timelines Beyond")
Time

Bingowings said:

Time Line-Kiwa-Hirsuta

PODD

Fuzz-Crabs never develop a concept of time measurement but at some point the entire universe becomes Fuzz-Crabian. If they don't know and that's all there is how am I supposed to report it to you?

DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS

The entire universe is Fuzz-Crabs in all dimensions.

FINAL NOTES

It's Crustacean in a hairy way. So be prepared.

 Not numbering your timeline? That's a paddlin'.

Post
#690520
Topic
Star Wars: The New Dawn (The First Episode in DuracellEnergizer's New PT Re-Write) *COMPLETE*
Time

Just because I'm in a generous mood, I'm going to give you a peak into my mental processes, and show you how I picture two of the characters in my story. In this case, it's going to Viss Uthar and Denn Jiidet, the two punks who tried to assault Siri Tachi.

VISS UTHAR

Viss Uthar by DuracellEnergizer

DENN JIIDET

Post
#690512
Topic
DuracellEnergizer's Guide to the Multiverse (Was "DuracellEnergizer's Guide to the Infinite Timelines Beyond")
Time

TIMELINE-13

PODD

June 13, 1957

DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS

Everyone in this universe looks like a character from the Friday the 13th movies or TV series. Hockey masks and burlap sacks are fashionable, and it is trendy to collect antiques cursed by the Devil.

FINAL NOTES

I don’t think I’d last very long in this universe. Hockey masks and burlap sacks clash horribly with my complexion, and I always have nasty allergic reactions to cursed antiques.

Post
#690509
Topic
DuracellEnergizer's Guide to the Multiverse (Was "DuracellEnergizer's Guide to the Infinite Timelines Beyond")
Time

TIMELINE-12

PODD

August 23, 1998

DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS

After plans to renew The Simpsons for a tenth season fall through, it is decided to end the show after a nice, long run of nine seasons with an hour-long series finale. The finale is a success, reaping in lots of high ratings, and thus The Simpsons comes to a dignified end (followed by the first Simpsons movie in May of 2000, the second in February of 2004, and the third and final in August of 2009, all of which all excellent).

FINAL NOTES

Goodbye, Timeline-1, and good riddance! I’d like to say it’s been nice knowin’ ya, but that’d be a bald-faced lie! So, in the immortal words of Nelson Muntz, “HAW! HAW!”

Post
#690494
Topic
something I always wondered about the PT
Time

TV's Frink said:

Sadako said:

Sound in space is sometimes handwaved by creators as something that the ship's computer creates for the benefit of the pilots. I can buy that, I suppose...

Wait, what?

Basically, if someone farts outside the Millennium Falcon in space, the onboard computer will simulate the sound of a fart so that it will appear that the guy's fart in making noise through the hull of the ship, even though there really is no fart sound passing through the vacuum of space.

Frankly, it's a stupid explanation, just like "relativistic shielding".

Post
#690450
Topic
Star Wars: The New Dawn (The First Episode in DuracellEnergizer's New PT Re-Write) *COMPLETE*
Time

EXT. CORUSCANT - ENTERTAINMENT STREET - EVENING

Entertainment Street -- with its run-down buildings, smoggy air, flickering lighting, and disreputable-looking characters -- lies at the heart of the world planet's seedy underbelly, far from the well-maintained, gleaming chrome centres of civilization that serve as the planet's public face to the rest of the Empire.

A TALL WOMAN-- her features hidden beneath the folds of a deep red, hooded cloak -- makes her way along Entertainment Street, passing several alien lowlifes, pan-handling 'droids, and the upper class slummers along the way. Soon she reaches her destination: a grime-stained establishment with a dim blue neon sign identifying it simply as "NIGHTCLUB". As she steps forward, a scantily clad prostitute standing beside the entrance -- her body too heavily endowed to be natural -- reaches out, stopping her with a touch on the shoulder.

PROSTITUTE: How's it hangin', honey? Goin' my way?

HOODED WOMAN: (regards the woman) I doubt you're my type.

PROSTITUTE: Baby, I'm everybody's type.

As she says those words, the exotically beautiful woman changes her shape, transforming into a scantily-clad man with a muscular physique and a trim goatee.

HOODED WOMAN: I'm sorry, but I've come here to meet someone, and that someone isn't you. Goodnight.

With that, the hooded woman steps past the shape-shifter, entering the nightclub like a shadow merging with a greater darkness.

PROSTITUTE: (gives a rude hand gesture) It's your loss, girly-girl!

INT. NIGHTCLUB - EVENING

The hooded woman enters the nightclub. Looking about the dingy, dim-lit interior, she sees a number of clientele -- all seedy and disreputable like the people outside -- lounging around, nursing drinks and talking in hushed tones at the bar or in booths. Silently, she moves forward across the room toward the bar, her cloak trailing behind her like flowing dark blood. As she stops before the grimy bar counter, the bartender -- a large, unwashed besalisk -- turns toward her, wiping a pair of dirty mugs with a pair of dirty rags in each pair of dirty hands.

HOODED WOMAN: I'm here to see Dep T'rot.

BESALISK BARTENDER: Dep T'rot, Dep T'rot ... (spitting brown phlegm into a mug) Never heard o' no Dep T'rot.

The hooded woman reaches into her cloak. Pulling out some credits, she tosses them on the counter before the bartender.

BESALISK BARTENDER: (scoops up the credits) Now that I t'ink 'bout it, he might be out back. (beat) Ya know whatta knockout t'ose Rhuvian fizzes can be.

HOODED WOMAN: For him or for you?

BESALISK BARTENDER: I make it a religion neva to sample my own juice, baby. (beat) Not while the sign's lit, anyways.

HOODED WOMAN: (turns to leave) Always a pleasure, Xed.

BESALISK BARTENDER: Don't be a stranger, Tachi.

EXT. ENTERTAINMENT STREET - NIGHTCLUB - ALLEY - EVENING

Exited the nightclub, the hooded woman makes her way around the building, slipping into the alley behind. As she makes her way down the dark alley, two shapes come out from the shadows behind her, blocking off the dim light coming in from the street. Spinning around, she finds herself face-to-face with a tall, guant Balosar and a squat, fat, mutant yuzzum.

VISS UTHAR: Hey, baby -- wanna have some deathsticks?

DENN JIIDET: Maybe wanna have my deathstick ...

Without any further word, the two lowlifes unsheathe small vibroblades. Their eyes and grins alive with salacious intent, they begin approaching the hooded woman. She shrinks back, fear evident on her shadow-obscured face.

Just as they reach her, though, her expression of fear transforms into one of hard determination, and she explodes into action.

Throwing out her leg, she kicks Jiidet in his furry gut, sending the inordinarily large yuzzum crashing into an alley wall with a heavy "woof" of expelled air, and ducks as Uthar slashes at her with his vibroblade.

Reaching for her side, she unclips a cylindrical metal rod and, gripping it hard, she punches the Balosar in the face, using the metal weapon to reinforce her blow. Spitting teeth, Uthar goes down.

Just as the Balosar hits the pavement, though, Jiidet recovers his senses and attacks, grabbing the woman by the hem of her dark red cloak. As he spins her around, the cloak comes loose, and she goes sailing into a heap of trash, the metal cylinder flying from her grasp.

Chucking with sinister glee, the yuzzum retrieves his fallen vibroblade. Flipping and twisting it around his fingers, he charges the dazed woman.

Just as he reaches her, though, and pulls his knife hand back to deliver the killing blow, she jumps up onto her feet and then springs into the air, somersaulting over Jiidet as his momentum send him crashing into the pile of trash. Landing behind the sprawled-out yuzzum, she somersaults across the pavement toward the cylinder, sweeping it up into her hand as she passes over it. Springing up onto her feet, she grips the cylinder with both hands as the yuzzum climbs to his feet and charges, slashing his vibroblade through the air maniacally.

Siri presses a button set into the side of the cylinder, and a blade of fuschia energy erupts from its top with a sharp snap-hiss. Startled by this dazzling weapon, the yuzzum stops mid-slash, stumbling as his momentum carries him forward toward the glowing fuschia blade. Pivoting to her right, the woman throws her left leg out high, kicking Jiidet in the chin and throwing him backward onto the pavement. Fully in control of the situation now, she strides forward, placing the tip of the blade under the yuzzum's chin.

HOODED WOMAN: Perhaps you'd like to try my deathstick.

No longer obscured beneath the heavy red cloak, we can see that this woman is human, in her early twenties, pretty, with shoulder-length ash blond hair and piercing gray eyes. Judging by the lightsaber she wields and the loose charcoal coveralls and black boots, belt, and outer tunic she wears, she is a Jedi knight of the Coruscanti sect.

HOODED WOMAN: Get the hell out of here.

Taking the blade of her lightsaber out from under Jiidet's hairy throat, the Jedi takes a step back. Wasting no time, the yuzzum scrambles to his feet and takes off, leaving his unconscious accomplice behind.

DEP T'ROT: (in Kubazian, subtitled) Impressive, Siri -- very, very impressive.

With a sigh, SIRI TACHI deactivates her lightsaber. Clipping it back on her belt, she turns around, where Dep T'rot -- a tall Kubaz -- stands behind her, his dark black cloak helping to blend him into the alley shadows.

SIRI (HOODED WOMAN): So are you -- I didn't even know you were back here.

DEP T'ROT: (subtitled) You can take the Kubaz out of the Jedi, but you can't take the Jedi out of the Kubaz. (beat) I have what you've come for.

Reaching under his dark cloak, the Kubaz pulls out a datacard. Retrieving her deep red cloak, Siri fastens the blood-red material around her neck as she steps up to him.

SIRI: (takes the card) What's on it?

DEP T'ROT: (subtitled) Read it.

Pulling out a datapad, Siri slips the datacard into it and calls up the information stored on it.

SIRI: (reading the card's information over) Consular-class space cruiser Radiant VII carrying Zull ... high priestess of the Meketrex ... attacked en-route to Vuldronaii, throne world of the Sebouillia ... fragments of ship found by terraformers on KMN-0, uninhabited water planet ... no survivors. (looks up at Dep T'rot) And you're sure Mandalorians were involved?

DEP T'ROT: (subtitled) It fits their M.O. Small, lightly-defended ship, attacked out in the Outer Rim far from any heavily populated world ...

SIRI: (deactivates the datapad) I'll check up on it.

Turning around, Siri begins making her way out of the alley.

DEP T'ROT: (subtitled) Aren't you forgetting something?

SIRI: (stops and turns to face him) Don't worry -- your fee has already been transferred to your account.

DEP T'ROT: (subtitled) That isn't what I meant.

SIRI: (rolls her eyes) What do you mean, then?

DEP T'ROT: (subtitled) Aren't you going to say "thank you"?

Her face freezes. She wasn't expecting him to say anything like that.

DEP T'ROT: (subtitled) Well?

SIRI: (stoney) Thank you ...

No longer comfortable with the Kubaz, she hurries along on her way, leaving the black-clad ex-Jedi alone in the dark, dirty alley.

Post
#690431
Topic
Last web series/tv show seen
Time

For the past couple of weeks, I've been watching Friday the 13th: The Series (despite what the title would imply, it has absolutely nothing to do with the movies with Jason).

While I like the three main characters, the formulaic plot of each of the episodes has really started to bore me (villain of the week has a cursed antique which s/he uses to kill someone so s/he can benefit off of it, the leads have to track them/it down, the villain gets his/her comeuppance and the leads retrieve the cursed antique and lock it away for all eternity, rinse and repeat); the heavy use of reoccurring guest actors certainly doesn't help -- seeing the same five or so actors playing different villains/love interests/etc. only adds to the "small" feeling of the show.

So, after the first two seasons and the first two episodes of the third season, I'm calling it quits. One of the leads has left and been replaced by this point, anyway, and the show apparently doesn't even have a decent final episode, so there really is no impetus for me to continue watching.

Post
#690425
Topic
Last movie seen
Time

Jesus Christ Superstar (1973)

Suffice it to say, I liked this movie better when I was a kid. The music's not as good to my jaded adult ears, the actress who plays Mary Magdalene is kind of annoying, and the theological aspect of the movie just doesn't interest me all that much (so Jesus may just be human with human failings and not divine in the least -- could you at least convey that in a way which moves me?). I do like the performance of the guy who plays Judas, however -- he's easily the best part of the movie.

7/10

Post
#690423
Topic
<strong>STAR WARS: REBELS</strong> (animated tv series) - a general discussion thread
Time

SilverWook said:

Growing up able to use the Force in a climate where it could mark you for death hasn't really been dealt with onscreen.

Growing up able to use the Force in a climate where it could mark you for conscription and indoctrination into the Empire's version of the Hitler Youth (Palpatine Youth?) would be more interesting to seen dealt with onscreen.

I guess ROTS has all but tossed that possibility out the window, however.

Post
#690285
Topic
General Star Wars <strong>Random Thoughts</strong> Thread
Time

SilverWook said:

darklordoftech said:

Why didn't Han pay off Jabba in between ANH and ESB?

 In the comics, he was on his way to do just that. The Falcon was boarded by space pirates, who let Han and Chewie go, but took their loot. Sometime later, Han and the pirate Captain faced off, and the pirate's captured Star Destroyer was wrecked and it's crew killed in the ensuing battle.

Jabba later had Han and Chewie pinned down in one of their secret hideouts for the Falcon. Unfortunately for both parties, it had been infested with omnivorous parasites since it was last used. Jabba forgave the debt in exchange for being rescued, only to later discover Han was the one who wrecked the pirates he was funding.

The Hutt put a bounty on Han, just in time for the ESB adaptation. ;)

Didn't three different EU stories show Han losing the money to three different bounty hunters in three different ways?