DuracellEnergizer

It is now.

Alright, the basic plot was about an evil man named Werner Warner 

who -- in revenge against Ms Frizzle for spurning his advances when they were both younger

(Ms. Frizzle had yet to come out of the closet)

-- sabotages the magic school bus so, when her class gets on board for another one of their wacky field trips, it transforms into a starship and blasts off into deep space, getting lost in uncharted territory in the process.

As this story was heavily inspired by the sci-fi films I'd seen at the time -- the Star Wars Trilogy and the Lost in Space film, to be specific -- a lot of the plot and motifs mirror those movies; while the class gets stranded on a planet inhabited by Klingons

(actually Ferengi, but I didn't know their real name at the time)

who ride rancors -- and while the unspoken love between Arnold Perlstein and Phoebe Terese begins blossoming into full romance

(Phoebe and Arnold in earlier, orangier, times)

-- Werner Warner uses his powers in the dark side to conquer Earth and establish an ersatz Empire complete with ersatz stormtroopers to serve him and enforce his will.

(Werner Warner following his rise to power (minus the red lightning bolt emblem I envisioned on his chest))

Eventually, after escaping the shockwave of an exploding planet

(I would have used a screencap from the ending of Lost in Space, but I couldn't find one)

Ms. Frizzle and her class returns to Earth, but the magic school bus is shot down by an ion cannon blast.

Once they fall to Earth, they are all captured by Warner's ersatz stormtroopers and the bus is blown to hell with a laser bazooka.

Later on, Frizzle and the kids escape imprisonment, and Arnold -- with a blue lightsaber he got from somewhere (can't remember where exactly) -- has an encounter with Warner, who weilds a red lightwhip. The two duel, and after Arnold pulls Warner's lightwhip out of his hands and sends both energy weapons plummeting down a power shaft, an explosion occurs which seemingly kills Warner and brings his ersatz Empire to an end.

(it's a climax similar to this, just much, much stupider)

Long story short, everyone lives happily ever after. Ms. Frizzle even collects the obliterated magic school bus' key, which she plans on using to create a new magic school bus.

(Did I unconsciously lift a plot element from this movie? God, but I feel soiled again ...)

Leonardo said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

There are times when I wish I had tritanopia. It'd be neat to view the world as if it were an old two-colour Technicolor film.

Trust me, if you could choose, you wouldn't wanna be color blind. It's not fun.

I meant to say that I'd like to try it on, so to speak, for a limited period of time just to see what it's like.

I guess I should have just said that in the first place, though.

"Mater Tenebrarum" by Keith Emerson & Godfrey Salmon

Koryo Songhay said:

Leia did go on a diplomatic mission in it.

*mock anger ON*

AND HOW IN THE GOTDANGING, MOTHERTRUCKING H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT JUST BY GOING OFF THE TUSH-BABY-MAKING COVER WITHOUT ANY PINK POPSICLE-SUCKING DESCRIPTION TO ASSIGN IT ANY PUSSYCAT-LICKING CONTEXT?!?!?!

*mock anger OFF* 

I feel the sudden, irresistible urge to talk about the Magic School Bus fanfic I wrote when I was in the sixth grade ...

Possessed said:

DuracellEnergizer has healthy cats.

Is your name Ric Olie or RicOlie_2? No? Then

Scruffy said:

I'm not sure what a picture of a Timothy Zahn book has to do with anything.

Especially when it's not Leia in the picture. 

Baronlando said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

Baronlando said:

Maybe it's a good thing, it certainly shows they are willing to sell absolutely anything that can be sold.

That's a good thing?!

 Sure, if they will sell anything that can yield a few bucks, that would include the OT. 

Ah, yes, seen in that light, I suppose it can be a good thing.

darklordoftech said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

Marvel Comics: sucking all the life and fun out of their comics since the 1990s.

Who at Marvel do you blame? Editor-in-chief? President? CEO?

The editor-in-chief would be my prime suspect. 

There are times when I wish I had tritanopia. It'd be neat to view the world as if it were an old two-colour Technicolor film.

For their lack of genetic diversity, my cats all seem remarkably healthy.

Um, that's a picture of Mara Jade, not Leia.

Marvel Comics: sucking all the life and fun out of their comics since the 1990s.

RicOlie_2 said:

Of course none of them were ordinary in the end, but they all had fairly mundane origins, Leia being the notable exception. Even she, however, was easy to relate to because she seemed normal, as if she had had a normal upbringing and had just happened to be a princess.

Now, if we contrast Leia with Padmé, there's a marked difference.

Which is odd considering that while Padme was only elected queen for a short period of time during her late teens, Leia had been raised as royalty right from infancy.

Baronlando said:

Maybe it's a good thing, it certainly shows they are willing to sell absolutely anything that can be sold.

That's a good thing?!

I'd like it more had the lightsaber had its white core.

ratpack1961 said:

The Darth Plageus novel isn't canon anymore?  When it was released I remember the hype being it was one of the few if only novels that were actually canon.

All the SW novels were "canon" prior to the tossing of the EU. 

^Yeah, I figured as much.

"I Whipped Batman's Ass" by Wesley Willis

Love, Speed and Thrills (1915) -- 8/10

A One Night Stand (1915) -- 6/10

In the Park (1915) -- 6/10

Those Love Pangs (1914) -- 6/10

The Jewel of the Nile (1985)

It certainly is funny what tricks the mind can play on you. When I watched this movie back as a kid, I distinctly remember there being a literal jewel in it -- a large, fist-sized ruby. Yet watching it again last night, there wasn't a literal fist-sized jewel -- ruby or otherwise -- in it at all. The closest the film ever gets to one is the jewel-encrusted dagger the Sufis give to DeVito's character at the end.

7/10

Manhunter (1986)

The last time I watched this movie, I wasn't that impressed with it; I thought it was alright but nothing more. Rewatching it now, though, I couldn't help but notice the gorgeous cinematography; I didn't get to see the whole movie last time, though, so that might explain how I missed it before.

As for the performances, I really ended up liking William Petersen's performance as Will Graham -- I could really sense the intense emotional turmoil his character was going through. Tom Noonan also gave an awesome performance as Francis Dollarhyde -- though he could have used more screentime -- and Brian Cox as Hannibal Lecktor (sic) -- while not as impressive as Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs -- still gives a worthwhile interpretation of the character.

The film only really falters in two regards: Dollarhyde's psychology -- and by extention, his obsession with the Red Dragon painting -- isn't really explored all that well, and the ending -- while not bad, by any means -- doesn't work as well for me as the novel's ending does.

7.3/10

Red Dragon (2002)

To put it bluntly, I didn't like Red Dragon very much. I didn't like Ed Norton's simpering, whiny portrayal of Will Graham, I didn't like the overuse of Lector's character, and I especially didn't like the stupid, unnecessary lead-in to Silence of the Lambs at the end of the film. The one thing I can say I did like was Ralph Fienne's portrayal of Francis Dolarhyde, and even then he became silly towards the end. 

6/10

The Beyond (1981)

I've watched three of his films, and I can say now, with complete confidence, that I'm not a fan of Lucio Fulci or his works. I'll admit the guy knows how to instill atmosphere in a film, but beyond that, his movies are just showcases for gore and little to nothing else. Now maybe that's fine and dandy like sour candy for gorehounds, but I'm not a gorehound, so all I find it is tedious and annoying.

I'll say two nices things about this movie, though: I liked the beginning and I liked the end (minus the bullshit with the zombies in the hospital).

5.8/10

^Pretty much my opinion on the series, too.

TV's Frink said:

I feeling lazy, so...

Lazy spelling is lazy. =P 

EXT. ZORQO'S ZOO OF ZANINESS/PLAZA -- DAY

Some minutes have passed and Anakin and Nashira are utterly lost within the park.

ANAKIN: So where are we going?

NASHIRA: Why ask me? I haven't a clue.

ANAKIN: I thought you knew the layout of this place like the back of your hand!

NASHIRA: My parents do, I don't. This place was closed down for decades until a few days ago, remember? This is my first time here.

ANAKIN: Great, so where ever this Wormhole of Love is, we'll never find it.

NASHIRA: (frowns) Don't be a stick in the mud. We'll just ask someone for directions.

The two then spend the next few minutes asking others for directions to the Wormhole of Love. No one, however, seems to know where it is.

ANAKIN: Well, that was a dead end.

Nashira then notices an OBESE DRESSELLIAN CLOWN standing propped up against a sign post with a DIMINUTIVE NEAR-HUMAN NELWYN sitting on the ground beside him; both are currently smoking cigarettes.

NASHIRA: They work here. They're bound to know where the Wormhole is.

Pulling Nik along behind her, Nashira approaches the two odd figures.

NASHIRA: (smiles) Hello.

The Dressellian clown -- RUSTYK -- takes a drag on his cigarette, takes one glance down at 'Shira, then takes his gaze back off her, exhaling a big cloud of purple smoke without the slightest change coming to his surly face.

RUSTYK: Hey, kid.

NASHIRA: We're looking for the Wormhole of Love, but we've kinda gotten lost.

RUSTYK: Lost, eh? (takes a puff on his cigarette) Shoulda bought a map at the front entrance, kid. 

ANAKIN: (irrate) Do you know where the damn ride is or not?

Rustyk centres his gaze upon Anakin for the first time.

RUSTYK: You got spunk, kid.

Taking another deep drag on his cigarette, Rustyk blows the thick, purple smoke in Anakin's face. As the cloying miasma hits the young man, he begins coughing violently.

RUSTYK: (cont'd) I hate spunk.

Starting to lose her own temper, 'Shira takes a menacing step forward toward the unappealing clown.

NASHIRA: Do you know where the Wormhole of Love is or don't you?

Finishing his cigarette, Rustyk tosses the butt away then looks down upon his companion.

RUSTYK: You know where the Wormhole of Love's at, Mr. Eenyt?

Without a single word, MR. EENYT points upward. Following his finger with her eyes, Nashira finds a sign with "WORMHOLE OF LOVE" stencilled in big, white letters upon the sign post pointing the way to the ride's location.

RUSTYK: Have the time of your life, kid.

EXT. ZORQO'S ZOO OF ZANINESS/ROUTE 999 -- DAY

Having followed the sign, Nashira and Nik have reached their destination. Instead of finding the entrance to the Wormhole of Love, however, they instead find a ride labelled "ROUTE 999", the entrance into it consisting of a large, monstrous head with an open mouth leading deep into a dark abyss. The ride's barker -- a TALL, GAUNT PAU'AN dressed in a black top hat and tailcoat -- directs visitors over to the ride with dramatic flourish.

BARKER: Do you pitiful, vulnerable, ephemeral souls have the heart, the spirit, the gumption, the bravado to brave the sorrows and torments of the Nine Corellian Hells and emerge unscathed? If so, take your chances on Route 999!

'Shira and Nik approach the barker.

BARKER: (removes his hat and takes a bow before them) Greetings, my fine young kidbits. My name is Caryon Adder and I'm your usher into the harrows of Hells! Do you wish to endanger, to sacrifice, your immortal souls travelling down Route 999?

NASHIRA: Isn't this supposed to be the Wormhole of Love?

CARYON ADDER (BARKER): It was -- forty-five years ago. Kids today don't want rides into dimensions of mushy gushy romance, though -- they want descents into chaos universes of wailing and gnashing of teeth -- so it was deconverted into the cannon into carnality which now stands erect before you!

ANAKIN: (points behind him with his thumb) But the sign back there said this was the way to the Wormhole.

CARYON ADDER: The sign was meant to be replaced before reopening, but someone obviously forgot to do so. A temporary oversight, I'm sure. (beat) Now, again, must I reiterate -- do you wish to ride Route 999?

'Shira and Anakin exchange glances.

NASHIRA: Since we're here, we may as well.

Anakin merely shrugs, then they step forward toward the ride. As they pass by Caryon, though, the Pau'an reaches behind him, pulls a cane hidden within the folds of his tailcoat out, then, gripping the diamond head, unsheathes a thin sword hidden with the shaft. Taking a swing downward, he blocks their advance. 

CARYON ADDER: (frowns) Tickets please.

Dumbstruck by the eccentric barker, Nashira and Anakin give the Pau'an a pair of tickets. His frown instantly transforming into a wide grin, he accepts the tickets.

CARYON ADDER: (removes and resheathes his sword) Carry on, kidbits, carry on!

Caryon Adder begins to laugh maniacally as the two lovers disappear into the open maw of Route 999.

INT. ROUTE 999 -- DAY

Sitting within a repulsorcart, Anakin and Nashira travel along Route 999. 

Surrounding them is a holographic panorama of the nine hells from Corellian myth. All about the young couple can be seen a plethora of profane images; in one corner a squat imp smacks down a floating torso with no legs or head; in another a young man with an old man's voice plummets into a pit of icy fire; and in still another a man with a flailing, broken neck dodges a flurry of flaming arrows launched from the bow of a reptilian/insectoid hybrid standing only a metre away from him. 

Unfortunately for 'Shira and Nik, the ride is a complete bust; the holograms, already poorly rendered, constantly go staticky and often wink completely out of existence. As a result, the expressions on the young man and girl's faces are not ones of pleasure.

NASHIRA: (deadpan) The banality of evil, ladies and gentlemen. 

As their repulsorcart makes its exit, a distinct electrical CRACKLE is heard, quickly followed by a sharp POP. Immediately the holograms and lights go wholly dead, the power systems completely fried.