DuracellEnergizer

I like to use a blend of British and American spelling (I do tend to lean more towards the former than the latter, though).

Soylent Green byproducts. That led

It’s hip to be square.

EXT. XUTHLTAN – DRIED-UP RIVERBED – DAWN

The survivors of the Wayward Son march on, sluggish and weary from over a week of nigh-endless exertion under the planet’s unyielding dry heat.

Lids heavy, Moulin uncaps her canteen and raises it to her long, cracked lips. When her tongue is met with no water, she taps the bottom of the canteen, but nothing comes forth.

ZOSIME MOULIN: (returns the empty canteen to her belt) Well, that’s that; I’m dry.

KATHE NAAD: (offers her her own canteen) Here, have some of mine.

ZOSIME MOULIN: (raises her hands) I couldn’t.

KATHE NAAD: Please. I can do with less water than you.

Tentatively, the amphibian takes the young woman’s canteen. Uncapping it, she takes a short sip.

ZOSIME MOULIN: (returns the canteen to Kathe) Thank you.

CMDR. VANESS: (halts) Stop.

At the commander’s order, the others come to a sudden halt. Before them, almost unnoticeable from their angle of observation, the river bed comes to an abrupt end, transitioning into a vertical drop in the rock which stretches several metres. Most likely a high waterfall at some point in this world’s history, it – along with the rest of the landscape – dried up a long time ago.

With Obi-Wan’s assistance, Bail lowers Cody’s stretcher. He then joins his second-in-command at the drop.

BAIL: (looks over the drop) It goes down a ways. (beat) It looks too steep to climb down.

KATHE NAAD: We managed to salvage line from the wreck.

BAIL: Let’s have it.

Lowering their packs, Anakin, Kathe, and Moulin begin fishing around inside in search of the line. The Gungan soon finds the bundle of line in one of hers. Striding over to the captain and commander, she presents it to them.

BAIL: It might not be long enough.

ANAKIN: (points at something in the distance) What’s that way over there?

Following his finger, Bail and Vaness find, past the dried-up waterfall, far away but not beyond walking distance, a large mass rising out of the otherwise flat terrain. Pulling out her pair of electrobinoculars, Vaness takes a look.

CMDR. VANESS’ P.O.V. – ZIGGURAT

Through the electrobinoculars, we can see that the mass is no natural formation. Though fine details still cannot be made out, it is clearly a ziggurat, consisting of two levels with a prominent ramp leading to the first and a stairway leading to the second.

CUT TO

Vaness handing the electrobinoculars to Bail.

VANESS: It’s a ziggurat.

BAIL: (looks through the electrobinoculars) Well, this world’s not as empty as we were led to believe.

VANESS: There’re no other traces of civilization, Bail. No agriculture; no other buildings; definitely no sign of people. It looks as dead as everything else we’ve seen.

BAIL: You may be right. Regardless, there still may be something of value inside. I’m game to find out if you are.

VANESS: (shrugs) I’m game.

BAIL: Alright. (to the others) We’ll rest here ‘til sundown. We have a long trek ahead of us come nightfall.

CUT TO

Later that day, after the sun(s) have lowered, colouring the sky the dim blue-gray of twilight.

The line has been secured to an outcropping of rock; Vaness and Anakin are already making their way down the old waterfall.

OBI-WAN: I don’t believe it’s wise to take Cody along with us. We don’t know how grievous his injuries are; we could do him serious harm if we tried lowering him down the line.

BAIL: Then one of us is going to have to stay behind to keep a watch over him.

KATHE NAAD: I’ll do it.

ZOSIME MOULIN: If you don’t mind, Captain, I’d like to stay, too. We haven’t run up against any dangers so far, but if that were to change, it’d be better for there to be two around to protect the commander than one.

BAIL: (nods) Very well. We’ll leave you some extra water and a comlink. Contact us if his condition changes at all.

Moulin nods once in acknowledgement.

CUT TO

Bail, Vaness, Obi-Wan, and Nik as they lower themselves down the line centimetre-by-centimetre. Moulin and Naad, back on top with the unconscious Cmdr. Cody, watch them make their descent.

Soon they come to the end of the line. Letting go, they fall a short but safe distance to the bottom.

EXT. DESERT – MONTAGE

Bail, Vaness, Obi, and Anakin spend the next several hours hiking through the desolate landscape towards the mysterious ziggurat.

EXT. ZIGGURAT – DAWN

The team of four finally arrives at the ziggurat. Up close, it can now be seen that the magnificent edifice has been wrought out of large red granite blocks, each expertly cut and fitted without the use of mortar. Thousands of years old, the construct has remained remarkably intact, having suffered little damage from the harsh environ.

In awe of the ancient ziggurat, the travellers ascend the long ramp leading up into the structure.

INT. ZIGGURAT/ENTRANCE GALLERY – DAWN

The four Humans pass through the open entrance into the gallery beyond. Phosphorescent pigments applied to the runes carved in the walls afford the passage a natural illumination. Lining the walls at regular intervals between the runic inscriptions are several tall statues, each carved in the likeness of humanoid beings, some with plaited beards, all with strange tusk-like protrusions erupting from their cheeks. Obi-Wan halts at the sight of these statues, an immediate recognition setting in.

OBI-WAN: Heavens ….

BAIL: What?

OBI-WAN: This is a Sith temple.

BAIL: (confused) Sith?

CMDR. VANESS: Don’t you know your history, Bail? The Sith were a cult; the dark Jedi Exar Kun created them four-thousand years ago.

Stepping up to one of the statues, Obi examines it closely.

OBI-WAN: No. This is a creation of the original Sith, a race which reigned in their own region of space in the thousands of years before Kun.

BAIL: These Sith, they’re bad news?

OBI-WAN: They were once – long, long ago. (beat) They’re extinct now.

Leaving the statue, Obi-Wan continues down the gallery. The others follow after.

INT. ZIGGURAT/BURIAL CHAMBER – DAWN

The Humans emerge into the burial chamber. A large, conical chamber, twelve panels line the walls, each engraved with murals depicting the personal history of the chamber’s lone inhabitant. In the centre of the chamber, bathed in rainbow light falling through a prismatic skylight set in the distant ceiling above, is a sarcophagus of white jade, the life-like effigy of an attractive Sith woman chiselled into the lid.

ANAKIN: (shivers) Frigid in here.

The others, including Obi, look on the Jedi apprentice strangely.

ANAKIN: (rubs his arms) Don’t you feel it?

OBI-WAN: I don’t feel anything.

CMDR. VANESS: It’s no cooler in here than it is out there.

ANAKIN: It’s got to be 10° in here. How can you not feel it?

CMDR. VANESS: It’s just this place. It gives me the willies, too.

Leaving the others, Anakin approaches the sarcophagus. Examining the serene, sleeping face engraved on the sarcophagus lid, he then places a hand upon the effigy’s carved hands.

ANAKIN: (snatches his hand back) OW!

OBI-WAN: (takes a step forward; concerned) What?!

ANAKIN: (holds his afflicted hand) It’s ice cold!

Striding over to the sarcophagus, Obi rests his own hand on it; he feels nothing out of the ordinary.

BAIL: Let’s go. There’s nothing here for us.

Bail heads off, the others following suit. Anakin dallies momentarily, giving the sarcophagus one last look before leaving with the rest.

EXT. ZIGGURAT – DAWN

Having emerged from the burial chamber, the four work their way up the staircase to the second level of the ziggurat. There they find another entrance leading into yet another chamber.

INT. ZIGGURAT/TREASURE CHAMBER – DAWN

Entering this second chamber, the ersatz explorers are greeted with a magnificent sight. Countless dozens of chests and urns – all containing precious gems, metal trinkets, and other valuable items – line the walls in several columns, all surrounding a beautiful Sith yacht. Onyx-black and inlaid with red jasper trim, the sensual organic contours of the ship look less the product of an automated assembly line and more the exquisite masterpiece of a peerless artisan.

ANAKIN: (whistles) That is one gorgeous ship!

Slowly, almost as if in supplication, they approach the Sith yacht.

BAIL: (runs his hand along the side of the ship) Amazing! It feels almost liquid!

OBI-WAN: Dark though the Sith were, it is hard not to be held in awe by their works. They were master craftsmen; art was a religion to them and they applied it to all walks of their lives.

CMDR. VANESS: It is a magnificent ship – too magnificent. (beat) There’s treasure in the top floor, a jade sarcophagus in the bottom; between the two, there’s a fair bit to steal; why isn’t this entire complex locked down tight?

OBI-WAN: Perhaps the builders were aware of their world’s fate and concluded that larceny wasn’t a problem that would have to be dealt with.

Wandering over to one of the chests, Nik flings the lid open.

ANAKIN: (grins) Guys, you’re not going to believe what’s here.

The other three join him. Peering inside, they see just what it is that the apprentice has found.

BAIL: Food.

ANAKIN: Carbon-frozen food, as fresh as the day it was sealed.

CMDR. VANESS: (ecstatic) When the Sith pack a lunch for the afterlife, they sure pack it tight, don’t they?

Moving to another chest, Anakin flings it open, then moves over to yet another chest and flings it open; in both is more carbon-frozen food and water.

ANAKIN: There’s a month’s worth of food in these crates alone!

BAIL: We’ll take one back with us when we leave.

CMDR. VANESS: We should try getting aboard the ship. We can’t fly it out of here, but there may still be enough juice in its onboard systems to broadcast an SOS.

BAIL: (nods) Let’s do it.

INT. SITH YACHT/COCKPIT – DAWN

Having figured out how to open the entry hatch, they climb inside the cozy ship. As with the exterior, the interior is crafted along organic lines. Crossing over to the controls, they don’t find the usual switches or buttons but an array of control crystals, all embedded into the panel.

CMDR. VANESS: (frowns; to Obi-Wan) Do you know how to operate these controls? I certainly don’t.

OBI-WAN: (scrutinizes the control crystals) I’m not familiar with them, no, but most Sith technology was reputed to be Force-based; if these crystals are at all attuned to the Force, I may be able to intuit their function.

Positioning his hands over the crystals, Obi-Wan closes his eyes. Several moments pass, then he begins – with much concentration and consideration – to lay his hands down on the crystals, touching a select few of them in a non-random order. Once he has completed the sequence, those crystals which have been touched begin to resonate with a throbbing glow.

OBI-WAN: There – it’s done.

Grinning, Vaness takes Obi by the shoulders, spins him around, and plants a firm kiss on his lips.

CMDR. VANESS: If I wasn’t spoken for, I’d award you more than a kiss.

Try as he might, the knight can’t keep himself from blushing.

EXT. ZIGGURAT – DAY

With one of the chests of food and drink held between the four of them, Obi, Nik, Vaness, and Bail descend the ramp, en-route back to their three companions waiting by the drop.

INT. ZIGGURAT/BURIAL CHAMBER – DAY

Back inside the burial chamber, all is still and quiet. Suddenly, the twelve muraled panels on the walls begin to retract into the ceiling, revealing hidden compartments behind them.

As a heavy mist begins to billow out from the dark openings, a LARGE YELLOW HAND BEARING THREE LARGE BLACK CLAWS reaches out from one of them.

the seas ran red with

I would’ve worn that “Darth Vadar Lives” button with my Tad Nugent shirt.

TV’s Frink said:

I only know who the middle guy is.

He played the Penguin in Superman Returns, right?

SilverWook said:

Whoa!

This is more canon than anything in the movie itself.

You are cheating, mother fucker.

Are we not men? We

LuckyGungan2001 said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

I’ve never understood the appeal of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. The character’s a narcissist and a sociopath who has his ego fellated by everyone around him and never receives his comeuppance.

That’s what makes him so awesome. He’s like James Bond, all the boys want to be him, and the girls want to be with him.

Pfft. I’d rather have a soul.

TV’s Frink said:

I wish I hadn’t hit F5.

You’re lucky you don’t taste very good.

And the Jehovah’s Witnesses just got 48% more annoying.

That quote must be a butt joke. Not only is it funny, it’s full of ass.

I’ve tried watching TV while drunk. Never works for me. I get too restless to sit still and pay attention.

Every time I try to watch a YouTube video with “Topic” in the title, all I ever get is the same “This video is not available. Sorry about that.” message.

What the hell is up with that?

if I had a hammer,

I’ve never understood the appeal of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. The character’s a narcissist and a sociopath who has his ego fellated by everyone around him and never receives his comeuppance. I’m really supposed to root for this guy?

As far as I’m concerned, Rooney was the real hero.

I suggest you start with Batman Chronicles, Vol. 1. It collects the first twelve Batman stories and introduces you to the original incarnation of the character.

From there, I don’t know what to suggest. Everyone raves about the Bronze Age stories written by Dennis O’Neal and drawn by Neal Adams – they’re the first comics to return the character to his dark roots after the Silver Age comics lightened him up – but I haven’t read the majority of them, so I can’t say from personal experience just how good they are. Also the current reprints of the stories have altered art, with redrawn panels and ugly digital colouring.

INT. GEONOSIS – MEDCENTRE/SHMI’S ROOM – EVENING

Shmi has been transferred to her own private room, where she lies still beneath the covers of a slim hospital bed. Having suffered severe head trauma, the poor lady has slipped into a deep coma. No longer able to breathe independently, she has had a medical ventilator mask affixed around her nose and mouth.

As Darth sits beside his mother, staring upon her with rapt attention as the sounds of her mechanically filtered inhalations and exhalations reverberate through the small white room, a NURSE opens the door and slips inside. Tall, slender, with blue skin, a pair of long head-tails, and full violet lips, she’s a very beautiful Rutian Twi’lek woman; were she attired in sexier garments than the simple turquoise nurse’s pants, shirt, and cap she wears, she’d definitely turn heads everywhere she went.

LILIN: (smiles) You must be Darth. I’m Nurse Lilin.

DARTH: (frowns) Is something wrong with my mom?

LILIN: I just came in to see how your mother’s doing.

DARTH: The same. (sighs)

Seeing how despondent Darth is, the nurse takes a seat in the chair beside him. When she offers the boy her hand to hold, he takes it.

DARTH: Dr. Suiaz says she suffered a cerebral hemorrhage; her brain burst like a balloon, and now she’s in a coma. (cries) If we could get her into a bacta tank, the doctor says the chances are good she’d recover and wake up. But we can’t get her into a bacta tank ‘cause the supply’s too low and none of the other hospitals want to share their bacta ‘cause they’re low on it, too.

Bawling, Darth turns to Lilin and buries his face into her shoulder. Frowning at his distress, she hugs him, stroking his back to ease his pain.

LILIN: If only we could figure out what’s going on up there … if only we could figure out a way to restore contact with the rest of the Galaxy.

DARTH: This is my fault! Mine! I made her leave! She’d still be okay if I hadn’t upset her and made her go away!

LILIN: Yes, Darth, yes. (beat) And now your mommy’s going to die; your daddy’s going to die; you’re going to die.

Grabbing Darth by the hair, Lilin pulls his head back painfully. The expression of loving concern she wore upon her face is gone, replaced with a contemptuous sneer. As she rises to her feet, Darth begins struggling, kicking and flailing his arms about to free himself of her; in the process he slaps her across the face, knocking her cap off and exposing the black barcode tattooed across her forehead. Incensed, Lilin throws Darth forward upon Shmi’s bed; the comatose woman gives a reflexive jerk as he lands atop her.

Reaching behind her, Lilin pulls something out from the waistband of her pants; it’s a lightsaber hilt of black durasteel – the exact same type used by the Force-adept clone agents of the Athan Supremacy. Thumbing the activation stud, a sterile white blade is triggered with a harsh BUZZ.

LILIN: (grins) Death to the Underman! Long live the New Flesh!

Lilin swings her blade. Darth feels the kiss of hot plasma.

CUT TO

Darth jumping up in his chair, wide awake.

Swiveling his head towards the door, he looks to spy Lilin, but the evil nurse is not in the room. She was just the product of a horrid nightmare borne out of guilt and worry.

Wasn’t she?

INT. BATTLEMOON/SGW-0027’S OFFICE

Sigeu is at her desk, busy going over paperwork, when Uwe enters.

SGW-0027: Commander. To what do I owe this unanticipated visit?

UIY-2249: A starship was snared coming out of Geonosis.

SGW-0027: It’s been so long since the last one, I’d stopped believing there were any left to come this way.

UIY-2249: Fortunately for the pilot, she decided to resist.

SGW-0027: It sounds almost like you sympathize with her.

UIY-2249: Empathize is a more apt descriptor, Admiral.

SGW-0027: Consider me informed, Commander. You may go.

UIY-2249: Admiral …

SGW-0027: (sighs) You’re still here.

UIY-2249: I’ve noticed the camaraderie you’ve taken up with Officer THX-1138.

SGW-0027: What of it?

UIY-2249: You’ve been dropping in on each other often as of late. It is … rather charming.

SGW-0027: I don’t expect you to know this, Commander, but Officer THX-1138 and I were born in the same creche. We boarded and attended the same conditioning sessions together. We’ve known each other our entire lives and have been close friends for just that long. (beat) You don’t disapprove?

UIY-2249: Friendship is quite within your parametres, Admiral.

Smiling to himself, Uwe leaves Sigeu.

INT. BATTLEMOON/SGW-0027’S CABIN

SGW-0027: He knows about us.

THX-1138: He’s a typical UIY model, then.

SGW-0027: Don’t make light of this, Thex. This isn’t something to make light of. He’s shrewd. He’s the most shrewd, motherless kaj I’ve had the misfortune of knowing.

THX-1138: I have a UIY model as my own second, Sigeu; I’m familiar with their idiosyncrasies. They experience no strong emotion – no rage, no bursts of joy, no spontaneity, no animosity; it’s what allows them to perform so well under pressure, what makes them such outstanding commanders, and makes them so thoroughly predictable. (beat) He may know something about our relationship, but so far as it doesn’t compromise our performance, he won’t report us – certainly not without evidence to corroborate his claim.

SGW-0027: Thex, our kind aren’t allowed to grow this close.

THX-1138: (contemptuous) And that’s why we’re forced to wear the veils, why we’ve been sterilized.

SGW-0027: So how can you remain so cavalier?

THX-1138: Tyrants don’t care if their subjects disobey the letter of their law so long as its spirit is kept. (beat) If a romance is incapable of bringing forth fruit, it’s beneath their notice.

EXT. XUTHLTAN – WAYWARD SON – DRIED-UP RIVERBED – SUNSET

Beneath the shade of the wrecked ship, Obi-Wan, Bail, and Moulin sit around Cmdr. Jango Cody. Several hours have passed since the crash, and the Journeyman Protector remains unconscious, his body laid out prone atop a scavenged stretcher.

At that moment, Vaness, Anakin, and Kathe emerge from the Wayward Son, each weighed down with as many full knapsacks as they can carry. Coming to the makeshift camp, they unload their burden before the others.

CMDR. VANESS: This is all we could salvage. (beat) We have enough food for a week – maybe a little more than a week. Our water might last half that.

ZOSIME MOULIN: Cmdr. Cody was right; we should have conserved our supplies.

ANAKIN: Speaking of the devil, has our sleeping beauty stirred at all since we went inside?

BAIL: (shakes his head) Not a muscle.

OBI-WAN: (looks up into the sky) Judging by the encroaching darkness, I’d say the sun or suns are going down. If there’s any civilization to be found – any food or water – we’d best start searching for it now while it’s cool enough to travel.

KATHE NAAD: What’ll we do for weapons? Your lightsabers were lost in the fire and none of us have extra power packs for our blasters once they run out of charge. There could be dangerous creatures out there.

VANESS: We’ll fashion makeshift knives and spears out of the wreckage and pray there’s nothing on this planet tougher than that.

BAIL: Do it. (stands up) Skywalker – you, Moulin, and Naad handle the supplies. Raia, once you’re finished making the weapons, take lead. Obi-Wan and I’ll handle Cody. (beat) As soon as we’re ready, we’re leaving.

INT. CORUSCANT – 663 GASGAR VALLEY APARTMENT COMPLEX/LLOMON & MAHTTOH’S APARTMENT/LIVING AREA – DAY

Sitting in their apartment, the Trandoshan and Wookiee go over several hours worth of recorded surveillance footage and transmissions taken from Obi and Siri’s apartment. Though their non-human faces are hard to read, they are intensely frustrated.

MAHTTOH: (in Shyriiwook, subtitled) It’s been over a week since we bugged the apartment. Kenobi hasn’t once shown up or made a transmission, and she hasn’t made any transmissions to him. (beat) This is hopeless!

LLOMON: (in Dosh, subtitled) Hopeless? No. We’ve just reached the limit of what surveillance alone can teach us. If we’re to learn where the husband is, we’re going to have to ask the wife. (stands up) We’re going back to the Ryyk. Once we’ve suited up, we’re going to pay Siri Tachi a house call.

INT. JEDI TEMPLE/WINDU APARTMENT/LIVING AREA – DAY

Siri and ‘Chi are decked out on the couch, watching cartoons on the holovid display, when the front door opens and Master Windu and Mistress Gallia step inside.

UZOCHI: (ecstatic) Mommy! Daddy!

Bolting off the couch, the little boy runs to his parents, seizing Gallia’s leg in a vice-like grip. The two are as happy to see their son as he is to see them.

MACE WINDU: (grins) Hello, little man. How’s your day been?

UZOCHI: Great! Me and Siri’s been watching Bungo ‘n’ Rusti!

Leaving the couch, Siri approaches the two Jedi masters and their child.

SIRI: You’re home early.

ADI GALLIA: It was unusually slow in the council chambers today. We were able to call it a night early. (to ‘Chi) Now we can spend some time with our special little man, can’t we?

MACE WINDU: What would you like us to do, ‘Chi? The choice is yours.

UZOCHI: (thinks it over) Ice cream?

MACE WINDU: (laughs) No problem. (to Siri) Would you care to join us? You’re more than welcome.

SIRI: (shakes her head) This is your time. Spend it together as a family.

The Jedi masters choose to accept that answer.

SIRI: (to Uzochi) I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?

UZOCHI: Okay. Bye, Siri.

Smiling, Siri gives the boy a rub on the head.

INT. 662 GASGAR VALLEY APARTMENT COMPLEX/CORRIDOR OUTSIDE OBI-WAN & SIRI’S APARTMENT – DAY

Stepping out of the turbolift, Siri makes her way to her apartment door. Unlocking it, she opens it and takes a step inside.

INT. 662 GASGAR VALLEY APARTMENT COMPLEX/OBI-WAN & SIRI’S APARTMENT/ENTRANCE HALL – DAY

As soon as she closes the door and moves to turn the lights on, Siri freezes, suddenly apprehensive for an unknown but all too palpable reason. Reaching for her lightsaber, she pulls it from her belt.

Suddenly, a large metal net unfurls from the darkness. Catching Siri, it forces her back against the door, holding her in place as a stun charge begins coursing through the mesh. Gritting her teeth against the shocking pain, she triggers her lightsaber. With a SNAP-HISS, the brilliant yellow blade of her lightsaber springs to life, burning through the mesh of the net and disrupting the charge.

As the Jedi slices through the net, freeing herself, her assailants emerge from the shadows, revealing themselves to be Llomon and Mahttoh. Dressed head-to-toe in identical suits of brown body armour, the bounty hunters wield a vibroaxe and vibrosword, respectively.

With a growl, Mahttoh springs forward, swinging his blade at Siri’s exposed neck. Ducking, the Jedi then somersaults, bringing her legs up to deliver a kick to the Wookiee’s face. Grunting as broken teeth fly, he stumbles backward, tripping over himself and hitting the floor.

Springing back to her feet, Siri turns on Llomon. Grinning, he brings up the blade of his vibroaxe as she brings down her lightsaber; the vibrating axe-head, forged from phrik alloy, easily blocks the yellow plasma blade.

Coming back into the fray, Mahttoh brings his lanvarok into alignment and fires off a razor-edged disc. The disc grazes Siri’s leg, distracting her long enough for the Trandoshan to backhand her, sending the Jedi Knight reeling. She recollects herself just in time to parry the Wookiee’s vibrosword, which is also crafted from lightsaber-resistant phrik alloy. Llomon charges, swinging his vibroaxe, but Siri leaps up, evading the deadly blade. Somersaulting over Mahttoh’s head, she stabs backward with her lightsaber, hoping to skewer the Wookiee on the blade. As the plasma blade makes contact with his cortosis armour, however, it shorts out, rendering it inactive. Grinning, Mahttoh unsheathes the claws of his right hand and racks them against Siri’s sword arm. Crying out in agony, she drops her disabled weapon.

Clutching her bleeding arm, Siri staggers back, putting as much distance between her and the two bounty hunters as she can. Dauntless, the pair of hunters advance.

SIRI: (grimacing) Who are you?

LLOMON: Who we are isn’t important. What we want is the question you should be asking.

SIRI: What do you want then?!

Moving in close to Siri, Llomon brings the blade of his vibroaxe up to her throat until they’re almost touching.

LLOMON: Kenobi.

SIRI: He’s been called back to the front. He won’t return home for months.

LLOMON: That’s too bad – for you.

Taking his axe away from her her throat, Llomon swings it on a downward arc to cleave her in twain. Bringing up her hands, Siri manages to seize hold of the weapon’s shaft before it can connect. Gritting her teeth, she wrestles with the Trandoshan for control of the blade. Bringing up his lanvarok, Mahttoh prepares to fire off another razor disc, this time to finish the Jedi off.

At that very moment, the front door opens and Mace Windu, lightsaber in hand with blue blade engaged, steps inside. Surprised, the two non-Humans freeze momentarily, stopping to evaluate this new arrival.

MACE WINDU: I’m sorry – did I break your concentration?

Taking his lanvarok off Siri, Mahttoh trains it on Windu, firing off a volley of discs. With a flurry of movement, the Jedi master intercepts each and every disc, slicing them apart with his blue blade as he advances on the Wookiee. Lowering his lanvarok, Mahttoh hefts up his sword.

As the Jedi master and Wookiee bounty hunter cross blades, Siri sends her heel down on one of the Trandoshan’s feet. Unleashing a roar of agony, he loses hold of the vibroaxe. Exploiting her newfound advantage, she brings the shaft of the axe up into Llomon’s chin, snapping his head back and throwing him off balance. Hitting the floor, the Trandoshan seizes Siri’s fallen lightsaber, engaging the yellow blade just in time to block Siri’s blow as she brings the vibroaxe down on his face.

SIRI: (to Windu) Watch out for the armour!

Bringing his lightsaber around in a downward arc, Windu tries slicing through the Wookiee’s wrists. Upon making contact with one of the cortosis gauntlets, however, the blade winks out.

MACE WINDU: (stares at the inactive hilt) Point taken.

Windu ducks as Mahttoh goes for his face with his claws, following it through with a roundhouse kick to the Wookiee’s armoured chest. Thrown backward, Mahttoh hits the living area picture window, shattering it with a resounding CRASH. Falling through, Mahttoh releases a bloodcurdling HOWL as he takes the long plummet to the ground far below.

LLOMON: (horrified) Mahttoh!

Distracted, Llomon fails to intercept Siri as she brings the vibroaxe down on the unarmoured joint of his right arm, slicing clean through the flesh and bone. He clutches the gaping wound with a SHRIEK, desperately squeezing to staunch the flow of blood. Now standing defenseless before the Jedi Knights, the Trandoshan’s only route of escape lies through the broken picture window.

MACE WINDU: (re-engages his lightsaber) You have lost. Stand down.

Spitting at the Jedi with contempt, Llomon turns on his left and bolts for the broken window. Before the Jedi can stop him, he leaps through, unholstering a grappling gun and shooting off a line as he disappears from view.

Deactivating and discarding the vibroaxe, Siri retrieves her lightsaber from the grip of the Trandoshan’s severed hand as she joins Windu by the shattered window.

MACE WINDU: Who were they?

SIRI: Haven’t a clue. They came for Ben. I’ve no idea why. (beat) I’m just fortunate you happened to be in the neighbourhood. I thought you and Mistress Gallia were taking ‘Chi out for ice cream.

Reaching into his tunic, Windu pulls out a slim synth-leather object.

MACE WINDU: You left your wallet behind.

I’ve made edits to this post, this post, and this post. The first edit was to provide more OOMPH to the introduction of the interdiction field. The rest were to provide more insight into the global deterioration of Geonosis.

I like Max von Sydow’s performance, Harris Yulin’s performance, the courtroom scene, the ghost train scene, the flying nanny ghost scene, and the ghost Titanic scene too much to possibly dismiss them all.

You read that, Turkey? The Chinese provided the plot, now get to work filming that Turkish Star Wars prequel, dagnabbit!

Reminds of that Simpsons Halloween episode where they send a rocketship of America’s worst celebrities into the sun.

“It does look like shit. And it feels like cold shit.”