suspiciouscoffee said:
Perks of growing up in a conservative Christian household in the '00s include finding these years later:

EDIT: one of the discs is missing. ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯
I popped one of these in just out of morbid curiosity, and one of the previews was for “Bibleman: Live.”
Ouch.
LIVE UPDATES
I’m honestly surprised this isn’t in 4:3.
Okay, now to the intro, and this is ridiculous. I CAN SEE THE GREEN SCREEN.
Somehow becoming a devout Christian advanced puberty by several years per second.
Through the power of prayer, Bibleman exposed hidden landmines I MEAN “Sneak Bombs.”
I could use some of this villain’s CGI test answer papers he threw into the air for kids to use to cheat.
So they used the entire climax of a previous episode as a flashback simply because someone referenced said episode.
I hope this is a clipshow.
So their base is a trailer that’s bigger on the inside. TARDIS trailer. Huh.
There’s apparently a full “Bible Adventure Team” out there somewhere. A full team.
“So you work in technology?”
“No, it’s just a hobby, my first love is Biblical Studies!”
So far, Bibleman acts and talks like a sidekick and his sidekick acts like the real hero.
These expository transition slides are just bizarre.
*reference to magic*
Sidekick guy: “I believe in MIRACLES, not magic.”
So the “plot” is that a sports drink sold at a concession stand is making all the kids at the baseball park into hateful brats. The villain is getting a phonecall from satan himself, and the camera keeps spinning and twisting while he’s just… talking.
The evil gatorade is made of sugar, water, and rotten apples. The reasoning behind this is because of biblical “spiritual fruit” allegories in Luke 6.
Evil mohawk goblin villain appears behind a kid and the kid doesn’t freak out because he’s so totally evil now, and so the villain teaches him the most evil thing ever: how to shrug!
I think the effects were rendered in about 240p, even though the rest of this is standard 480.
The heroes are now trapped on wires hanging from the ceiling.
Nevermind, they have now been released through the power of quoting scripture.
So now a girl shows up and this is suddenly eerily similar to Batman and Robin. The neon aesthetic, the Batgi- er, Biblegirl arc. Holy Shumacher!
The villains keep referencing Satan, but never by name. He is only “the Boss.”
The ending is an in invitation to accept Christ with a scripted prayer said eerily in unison in front of a green screen (Complete with visible green outline)!
This theme song is surprisingly catchy.
Well it’s over now, and that was… equal parts hilarious and uncomfortable.
Here’s the full thing on YouTube if anyone else wants to go on this bizarre Bible adventure.