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When You Are a Movie/TV Character... — Page 3

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You seldom, if ever need to use the restroom, even if you are a heavy eater, and especially if you are a female.

Your flashbacks are always perfect recreations of the scene, where you can remember details you didn't even notice when you first witnessed the event.

Your facial hair remains the same length throughout the entire movie, even if you've been stuck in the wilderness for days or weeks.

You wake up and your hair (and makeup, if applicable) is perfect.

The world slows down and drastically and a lone woman sings during highly emotional moments in your life, such as the death of a comrade.

Your name is always catchy with no more than two syllables for your first and last name each.

The rich person is always selfish.

The black man is always funny.

The father is always stupid.

The Asian person is always more intelligent than everyone else and wears glasses to prove it.

The white American man in his 20s is always a cocky jerk.

The woman is always attractive.

The Middle Easterner is always nicer than everyone else.

The Italian is always a low class individual who smokes has shady connections.

The Russian always has a large mole on his/her face.

The medieval Christian priests are always hypocrites.

The Australian always can outfight or outsmart large carnivorous animals.

The attractive women are all single, surprisingly.

That girl at the bar you thought was attractive, used that awful pick-up line on, and had a non-committal sexual relationship with that night, always ends up being "the one" in spite of the unlikely and superficial circumstances under which you became involved

Abstinence and marriage are for old prudes who can't have any fun.

You can run a red light chasing and not get hit by a car or face any legal consequences for the lives you endangered (and cars that got in an accident), as long as you were doing it chasing after your angry girlfriend/boyfriend.

The bad guy learns how to use your special toys/weapons/etc. in mere minutes that took you weeks or months to develop and learn to use.

The person you kiss never comments on your garlic breath in spite of the fact that you just ate Italian food.

Posing in front of an American flag is just plain stupid and will lower your popularity (America is stupid, after all).

Nazis are always bad (in spite of the many good people who were drafted into a movement they did not believe in) and deserve to die with no questions asked.

Communists are misunderstood and usually deserve to live.

Whenever you get struck in the face, it makes a percussive sound like someone smacking a sack of potatoes.

Whenever you are struck in the head, it sounds like an empty coconut.

Your parents are weirdos, always make your friends and significant other feel awkward, and show off pictures of you as a naked baby to embarass you.  Your father often believes in bizarre conspiracy theories.

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Do not, I repeat do not get a job as a probation worker. DO. NOT. DO. IT. Get some other job. Any other job. Ever since this storm in the UK probation worker death rates have mysteriously increased. So do not do it!!!

Also should you visit the UK, and you see a cat responding to the name "Mr. Miggles" run. RUN LIKE YOUR BEING PUSHED BY THE INCREDIBLE HULK!!!! Go the opposite way of the cat!!! Do NOT try to pet!



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Darth Ender said:

You never have to worry about pregnancy or STDs in spite of the fact that you and your partner are as loyal and monogamous as dogs in the streets.

Unless it's central to the plot, your woman will never get pregnant no matter how often you have relations.

Darth Ender said:

Your hair and makeup are always perfect after a full night's sleep, even if you're a man.

You wake up and your hair (and makeup, if applicable) is perfect.

Darth Ender said:

Germans are always evil Nazis or brilliant scientists.

Nazis are always bad (in spite of the many good people who were drafted into a movement they did not believe in) and deserve to die with no questions asked.

Quit plagiarising yourself ender ;)

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Your coffee is weightless.

Marijuana will give you hallucinations.

Law enforcement image enhancement software is decades ahead of anything publicly available.

You may feel the need to tell everybody that you just did something, even though they all saw you do it.

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You are smart enough to stay one step ahead of the police but dumb enough that another serial killer discovers your identity and home address. Twice.

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If you are stuck in a room with a pregnant woman, no matter how far along she is, she will go into labor.

Star Wars Revisited Wordpress

Star Wars Visual Comparisons WordPress

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You can curve bullets around objects by wildly swinging your gun.

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walkingdork said:

If you are the only black character in the film, you will not survive.

Not only that, you'll probably die first.

“Grow up. These are my Disney's movies, not yours.”

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If you talk on a phone, you won't say goodbye when you hang up.

“Grow up. These are my Disney's movies, not yours.”

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What is worse than "the black guy dies first", is the magical black man. The lone black guy in a group lately has become the most spiritually competent.

Or the one smart old black character that is in the midst of "thugs". That character will usually talk about how the youthful black characters take for granted the rights they fought for.

See: Every black film made since 1990.

Notably: Barbershop, Medea's Family Reunion, Friday.

 

 

 

"The other versions will disappear. Even the 35 million tapes of Star Wars out there won’t last more than 30 or 40 years. A hundred years from now, the only version of the movie that anyone will remember will be the DVD version [of the Special Edition], and you’ll be able to project it on a 20’ by 40’ screen with perfect quality. I think it’s the director’s prerogative, not the studio’s to go back and reinvent a movie." - George Lucas

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TV's Frink said:

If you are a funny guy, you get killed last.

Don't lie ;)

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You can read your "cheat sheet" for an instant while there's wind blowing into it, memorize it perfectly, throw it away, and immediately put it into practice before you crash into those rock spires up ahead.

Penguins come in more colors than just black or blue.

 

Guess which movies I got these from? ;)

http://images.fanedit.org/images/FE%3C3OT/fe-ot1_signature.png

The franchises I get nerdy about are so obscure that not even most nerds know about them.

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One sharp blow to the back of your head will always knock you out but never kill you.

If the object used is a glass bottle or wooden chair, it will invariably break.

If you drive recklessly for long enough you will encounter fruit stalls. (And two men holding a pane of glass).

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Bullets to any part of the body kill most bad guys, but main characters aren't even phased by it.

Star Wars Revisited Wordpress

Star Wars Visual Comparisons WordPress

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You never notice the person hiding in the back seat of your car until after you sit down in the driver's seat and turn on the ignition.

“It’s a lot of fun… it’s a lot of fun to watch Star Wars.” – Bill Moyers

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You never specify a brand when buying beer or cigarettes.

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You will always get parked outside the building you want, even on the busiest street there is a place for you right there.

If you have a baby, do not worry about cutting the umbilical cord..there is not one.

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You can be knocked unconscious any number of times by blunt-force trauma to the head without ever suffering brain damage or memory loss.

Every 27th customer will get a ball-peen hammer, free!