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It’s been a long time since I’ve seen The Bunny™ transcript … a long time.
We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven’t you?
Prequel Fan-Edit thread: http://originaltrilogy.com/topic/Yet-another-series-of-prequel-edits/id/17329
What do you want to happen in the the rest of the ST? — Page 7
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It’s been a long time since I’ve seen The Bunny™ transcript … a long time.
We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven’t you?
I have. One time I almost thought TFA was worse than the prequels. But then the fever broke.
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It’s been a long time since I’ve seen The Bunny™ transcript … a long time.
We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven’t you?
I have. One time I almost thought TFA was worse than the prequels. But then the fever broke.
I don’t believe you! It’s another trick!
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It’s been a long time since I’ve seen The Bunny™ transcript … a long time.
We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven’t you?
I have. One time I almost thought TFA was worse than the prequels. But then the fever broke.
It’s a reference to the original Psycho movie. Haven’t seen it? Watch it, but ignore the rest of the franchise. Movie starts slow but gets better, and it’s more of a thriller than a horror movie.
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I’m certain Frink catches the reference.
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I hope you enjoy(ed) my take on Captain (now promoted to General) Phasma!
Ah, just a word on that: Promoting her from captain to general is problematic.
Going off of appearances, Phasma’s an army officer, not a naval one. In the American army, at least, the rank of captain is a relatively low one; it’s one step above 1st lieutenant, four steps behind brigadier general, the lowest ranking general. Were she to receive a promotion, the rank of major or – if you want her to skip a grade – lieutenant colonel would be a more reasonable choice.
On the other hand, if she is a naval officer, then she can’t be a general since there are no generals in the navy. She would be an admiral.
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I hope you enjoy(ed) my take on Captain (now promoted to General) Phasma!
Ah, just a word on that: Promoting her from captain to general is problematic.
Going off of appearances, Phasma’s an army officer, not a naval one. In the American army, at least, the rank of captain is a relatively low one; it’s one step above 1st lieutenant, four steps behind brigadier general, the lowest ranking general. Were she to receive a promotion, the rank of major or – if you want her to skip a grade – lieutenant colonel would be a more reasonable choice.
On the other hand, if she is a naval officer, then she can’t be a general since there are no generals in the navy. She would be an admiral.
Have you met Captain Solo? 😉
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Did I just kill this thread with my ACT III? I guess there will be no conclusion to the story here. I’m adapting my treatment into script form so anybody who wants the ultimate version of my Episode VIII can PM me for it after I post here announcing the script’s completion.
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I’ve actually been waiting for the rest of your act III before I give another assessment…
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Did I just kill this thread with my ACT III?
I lost interest when you included male characters.
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We should start a petition or maybe we should start complaining about this vital issue on Tumblr
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We should start complaining about this vital issue on Tumblr
I’m sure it’s already being done.
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Linas Ren walks up the steps and to Ben.
Also, while your script has some good parts, the villains are protrayed as squabling idiots, not at all threatening, and the dialogue is kind of lame, it also seems rushed, and a lot of it is filler.
Not enough people read the EU.
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Finn lays unconscious on a bed in a small Resistance cruiser, overlooked by some officers. His heartrate is steady, and his breathing clear. Suddenly a blast rings out, and the ship shudders. Sirens ring out. A large ship looms over the top of the cruiser, causing a large shadow. Several Stormtroopers jump out of the ship, attached to cables, and cut open the door to the cruiser. Those who are in the hanger bay are sucked out violently, into the depths of space. Stormtroopers spill apoard the cruiser, shooting down anything in their path. Last to arrive is Captain Phasma, who asks the troopers if they have found Finn yet. One says where he is, and Phasma walks to the medical bay, where Finn is resting unaware of the commotion. Phasma unhooks his drip, and turns of his life support. Finn starts violently shaking, his breathing becoming unsteady. His eyes flash open, though he is unable to talk. Phasma loads her weapon, when she is sucked out of the ship by an unknown force, back into the First Order ship. The other troopers are also sucked out, but are simply left in the vacuum of space.
Onboard the ship, Phasma is abruptly brought on. It turns out the ship has been taken over by Kylo, there are dead Stormtroopers littering the ship, accompanied by the corpse of General Hux, face clouded with fear. Kylo questions what Phasma was doing, to which she responds she was assasinating the “traitor” Kylo says he has special plans for him, and brings him onboard the ship as well, at this point he is unconscious once more. He dumps him uncaringly against a wall. Phasma asks what they will do now. Kylo replies “There is no we” and Phasma’s armour starts dinting all around, compacting as she is still in it. She tries to hold it back, but she screams. Then her helmet is crushed and she stop. Her corpse falls to the floor and blood begins leaking out.
Not enough people read the EU.
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I don’t really want that to happen, it was just a fun idea.
Not enough people read the EU.
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I hope you enjoy(ed) my take on Captain (now promoted to General) Phasma!
Ah, just a word on that: Promoting her from captain to general is problematic.
Going off of appearances, Phasma’s an army officer, not a naval one. In the American army, at least, the rank of captain is a relatively low one; it’s one step above 1st lieutenant, four steps behind brigadier general, the lowest ranking general. Were she to receive a promotion, the rank of major or – if you want her to skip a grade – lieutenant colonel would be a more reasonable choice.
On the other hand, if she is a naval officer, then she can’t be a general since there are no generals in the navy. She would be an admiral.
Star Wars isn’t real life. The First Order ranking system can be completely different, and besides, the Supreme Leader (pretty sure they don’t have Supreme Leaders in the America army) specifically promotes Phasma to General because Hux has failed and he thinks she can succeed at bringing Finn to the dark side (had a vision or something like the ones the Emperor, Vader, and Luke used to have in the original trilogy).
That is just a very bad excuse. Why take real life rank names in the first place if you don’t intend to make it reasonable. Audience isn’t stupid and such things get annoying. The filmmakers are just lazy and ignorant and just randomly throw in some “cool sounding” ranks. Why not make a minimal research and make her colonel in the first place and now there would be no problem.
And Supreme Leader isn’t a military rank. It seems like state position equivalent to Führer.
真実
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Linas Ren walks up the steps and to Ben.
Also, while your script has some good parts, the villains are protrayed as squabling idiots, not at all threatening, and the dialogue is kind of lame, it also seems rushed, and a lot of it is filler.
I try to make the Knights only threatening when the heroes are around, so that their personalities can shine when the heroes are not around. With Captain Phasma, I tried to go full badass though, and I’m not sure if I succeded. I agree with you on the dialogue, especially for Act III.
I would ask for a co-writer for my script(I’m Team Alchemy on Celtx Script), but I think that’s asking too much. I don’t really want to end the treatment because I feel like I flubbed parts of it, and now I can’t get the ending I was planning. I think I’ll only wrap up the Finn side of the story here before commiting to the script. With the script, I can even give BB-8 an emotional moment!
EDIT: To give the treatment some closure, I will say this about it and nothing more. Finn and Phasma have an epic and desperate battle. Eventually, Phasma dies victorious because Finn has become a Dark Jedi.
DOUBLE EDIT: You are welcome to steal some ideas from my 7/10-or-less-in terms-of-quality Episode 8 treatment that I posted here (especially since I don’t own Star Wars), but the script is off-limits mine. Please do post your treatments and scripts here though. No offense, but I though most of the ideas in the first four pages were pretty boring.
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I hope you enjoy(ed) my take on Captain (now promoted to General) Phasma!
Ah, just a word on that: Promoting her from captain to general is problematic.
Going off of appearances, Phasma’s an army officer, not a naval one. In the American army, at least, the rank of captain is a relatively low one; it’s one step above 1st lieutenant, four steps behind brigadier general, the lowest ranking general. Were she to receive a promotion, the rank of major or – if you want her to skip a grade – lieutenant colonel would be a more reasonable choice.
On the other hand, if she is a naval officer, then she can’t be a general since there are no generals in the navy. She would be an admiral.
Star Wars isn’t real life. The First Order ranking system can be completely different, and besides, the Supreme Leader (pretty sure they don’t have Supreme Leaders in the America army) specifically promotes Phasma to General because Hux has failed and he thinks she can succeed at bringing Finn to the dark side (had a vision or something like the ones the Emperor, Vader, and Luke used to have in the original trilogy).
That is just a very bad excuse. Why take real life rank names in the first place if you don’t intend to make it reasonable. Audience isn’t stupid and such things get annoying. The filmmakers are just lazy and ignorant and just randomly throw in some “cool sounding” ranks. Why not make a minimal research and make her colonel in the first place and now there would be no problem.
And Supreme Leader isn’t a military rank. It seems like state position equivalent to Führer.
Tell that to JJ Abrams, not me.
It’s not even really that poor of an excuse. So you’re berating the filmmakers for making fake stuff up when the entire purpose of writing is to make fake stuff up. ??? Besides, if they based the First Order ranking system on the American army, I don’t think the parallel would make a whole lot of sense.
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Just finished the second draft and butchered it by cutting out a supposedy bad scene (great feedback, asshole!).
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Deleted.
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REY
Do we really have to put up with fanfiction?
LUKE
[nods sadly]