I think what I would do to address that would be to add a green light to the wide shots of the hologram to where we want to say the tracker is. Then add some kind of flickering/distortion effect so it looks like they’re shifting between different holograms, which should hide them zooming in and out of the ship.
That’s a good shout. You could also maybe record an extra line during the officers’ panic as they realise what’s happening - perhaps a panicked “disable the hyperspace tracker!” or more overt “they’ve locked on to the hyperspace tracker!”
Haha, yeah, I feel like off-screen dialogue could be a useful tool in a TLJ edit.
I think I suggested once having an offscreen Rebel officer tell Holdo that “transports have arrived undetected” when some rebels escape one of the ships that run out of fuel. The point being that it shows Holdo testing her plan. After this, she knows that they could all take transports down to a planet without the First Order detecting them.
I also suggested on Faraday’s TLJ thread that you could have some rebels chattering about a potential spy during Holdo’s briefing. Just something quick, like, “Is there a spy?” Even though one of our main characters don’t bring it up, having the idea just being uttered could help add some general mistrust in the air.
I hope you don’t mind the general edit discussion on your thread, Nev!
While tinkering with the crawl for TFA, I thought it would be fun to do an update for TLJ, taking into account my current feelings about the edit. Although I have plenty of ideas for substantial edits and restructures, at this point I’m just thinking about how to make a crawl for the otherwise unchanged film, leaning into the idea of creating a new battle in the crawl in order to justify its existence:
The Republic is doomed.
Without the Jedi Knights,
victory for the First Order
is only a matter of time.
Wielding weapons forged
from the spoils of the
Empire, a deadly armada
of warships commanded by
Supreme Leader Snoke has
ravaged the unsuspecting
New Republic Starfleet
and hunted its survivors
across the stars.
Attempting to escape this
dark armada, the last of
the tattered fleet has fled
to General Leia Organa
and her Resistance base,
seeking a final spark of
hope amidst the galaxy’s
most desperate hour…
Of course there’s a lot I’d like to change about the movie, but this crawl does a lot without needing serious changes to the film. The only thing that may be odd is that the Resistance now should expect the First Order to follow them through hyperspace since they’ve done it even before the film opens, but it may be possible to shift some of Leia’s dialogue about following them through Hyperspace to the opening scene. Then again, that could create problems later, so it may be best to leave it.
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
That crawl looks really good overall to me!
“You will find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view” — Obi-Wan Kenobi
Thanks!
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
I’m really digging this crawl as it helps address a number of issues.
Hadn’t considered the hyperfuel plot, but you’re right 😃
I am going back and forth between two ideas. The first is in the crawl above, where the fleet’s origin is explained as the old Empire just having deep pockets. This attempts to explain why Canto Bight is in the film, as a further exploration of that theme.
The other idea I had was to use that space in the crawl to explain why the First Order was able to surprise the New Republic fleet, so I’d say that the First Order used its spy network to locate the fleet for the first attack. This would set up the theme of there possibly being a spy on the Raddus, which is later revealed to be a partial red-herring when the Hyperspace tracking plot comes into view.
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
Is this abandoned?