The Semi-Random Random Pictures and Thoughts Thread [NSFW] — Page 2

EPISODE FU666:

"MILKING & BEATING A DEAD COW/HORSE HYBRID"

ACT I

"My name is Homer J. Simpson. I like to eat and drink a lot. I'm also bald and fat".

"Homer. I, your gorgeous, sexy wife Marge, fantasize about you when I stroke my pussycat even though you are morbidly obese and never clean the smegma out of your foreskin. Regardless, I am putting you on a diet."

"I will start on this diet you speak of. But first, I must watch the comedic stylings of the crusty clown".

"No. I command you to go for a walk in the park".

*ANNOYED GRUNT*

*TIME PASSES*

"What a walk I am going on! I can feel the poundage departing as I speak!"

"I, Jason Voorhees, who haunts this park, will kill you now".

*ANNOYED GRUNT*

*LOUD MURDEROUS SOUNDS*

"I have killed you!"

"You have killed me!"

ACT II

"Homer has not returned from his walk! Jason Voorhees must have killed him! I must contact the police so that I may have my revenge!"

*PHONES THE POLICE*

"Police chief Clancy Wiggum, go to the park and shoot Jason Voorhees. I must have my revenge!"

"I am sorry, Mrs. Simpson, but I fell down reaching for my box of donuts and can't get up. You must seek help elsewhere".

"Very well. I shall".

*HANGS UP & PHONES SOMEONE ELSE*

"Mr. Charles Montgomery Burns?"

"I am Mr. Burns!"

"Mr. Burns, Jason Voorhees killed my husband, Homer."

"This name is unknown to me!"

"Homer Simpson, sir, the gastronomic leech who ostensibly operates out of Sector 7G of the nuclear power plant which you, yourself, own. He has been a source of bemusement for uncounted seasons".

"Ah, yes, Waylon Smithers! I now recall this Simpson fellow!"

"Mr. Burns, sir, the police refuse to get involved. You must act in their stead!"

"Very well. I know someone who can destroy Jason Voorhees. But first, you must do me a favour".

"What is the favour you ask?"

"Various acts of penetrative and non-penetrative sex!"

"No.  I am too wholesome for that. You may have sex with my two sisters instead".

"Are they comely?"

"Only from behind, while wearing a pair of paper bags over their heads, in the dark".

"Though I am richer than God and can pay for the most beautiful whores in the universe, I agree to copulate with your hideous siblings! Jason Voorhees will meet with swift retribution before the week is out!"

ACT III

*SOMEONE KNOCKS ON THE FRONT DOOR*

*OPENS THE DOOR*

"Hello?"

"Mrs. Simpson, I am Prof. Charles Xavier, leader of the X-Men. I am here to aid you in your vengeance against Jason Voorhees."

"Oh, rapture!"

"I am sending my newest X-Man, Phenomena, to the park where Jason Voorhees is. She will defeat him."

"What are her powers?"

"She talks to bugs."

"A most potent ability!"

ACT IV

"I, Phenomena, in reality Jennifer Connel -- AHEM! -- Corvino, have been sent to the park to do battle with Jason Voorhees!"

"You will succumb to my chainsaw in a violent, grisly, fatal manner!"

"You will not kill me, Jason Voorhees! I possess a power -- the most powerful power of all! The power to control insects!"

"Bah! I will crush your insects like insects beneath my feet!"

"Ah, but you forget -- even the most powerful insect in conventional existence bends to my every whim."

"Name this vaunted insect, child, if you can!"

"Betelgeuse! Betelgeuse! Betelgeuse!"

"It's showtime!"

"I am undone!"

*AWESOME ACTION BATTLE MUSIC*

"Betelgeuse has emerged victorious! Jason Voorhees is dead!"

"I am dead!"

ACT V

*SOMEONE KNOCKS ON FRONT DOOR*

"Yes?"

"Jason Voorhees is defeated".

"My Homer is avenged!"

*TIME PASSES*

"I am Bart, man, Homer & Marge's sociopathic son. Me and my boyfriend Milhouse --"

"Hi!"

"-- are performing a seance! We will summon Homer's spirit up from the netherworld!"

"I am the ghost of Homer Simpson, your father!"

"Cool, man!"

"Son, you must help me! I am in Hell!"

"Radical, dude!"

"Not radical! My punishment for a lifetime of sin is to be sodomized by the tormented soul of Frank Grimes for all eternity! I need you to come down here and get me out before I'm forced to admit I secretly like it!"

"Ah, Simpson, there you are! Be nice and come here right now and I'll use the lube gun before violating your rear orifice".

*ANNOYED GRUNT*

...

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR EPISODE FU666 2.0: "Bart & Homer vs. Frank Grimes in Sodomite Hell!"

I know, right? It's like Hamlet violently collided with Macbeth and formed a gloriously hideous hybrid.

There really should be a clickwheel failure warning on this thread.

“From now on, the baby sleeps in the crib.”

“Iron helps us play!”

“HUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

“Hello, Joe!”

“From now on, the baby sleeps in the crib.”

“Iron helps us play!”

“HUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

“Hello, Joe!”

^Not sure if semi-random enough …

“I’ve sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook.”

“Is there a chance the track could bend?”

“I call the big one Bitey.”

“I’ve sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook.”

“Is there a chance the track could bend?”

“I call the big one Bitey.”

Since it’s one of my greatest pieces yet and doesn’t deserve to fade into obscurity:

DuracellEnergizer said:

“I am on air with Canadian B-actress Lauren Lee Smith. Ms. Smith, you’re a capable actress – why do you so often choose to be in subpar film and television productions?”

“I dunno. Maybe all the bleach and dye jobs I’ve had over the years have wreaked havoc on my brain and royally screwed my ability to discern bad roles from good.”

“I see. Have you anything further to add?”

“Would you care to join me in filming a sex scene for my latest upcoming project?”

“Simulated or non-simulated?”

“Come to the studio and find out.”

Tyrphanax said:

What is this…

You’d like to know, but you don’t really wanna know…

Tyrphanax said:

What is this…

A center for ants!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ffj8SHrbk0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsWoSU0gtYQ

“It’s such a dark, moonless, spooky night tonight. I hope some homicidal maniac in a mask doesn’t pick this evening to phone me, distract me with ever-increasingly disturbing chit-chat, break in, then bone me like a fish.”

“But I bone you like a fish all the time.”

“I meant literally, Nic.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

“Ahoy-hoy.”

“Do you have Prince Albert in a can?”

“I do.”

“Oh, thank God! Y’know, I’ve been phoning all over the place for some, but all I’ve been getting is ‘We don’t have any in stock.’ or ‘We don’t carry that product.’. It calms my nerves knowing you have some, I can tell you!”

“Alright. Can I have your name and address?”

“I’m Eddie Munch. I live at 0034 Miracle Street.”

“Hey, you wouldn’t happen to be related to the kids’ author Robert Munsch by any chance, would you?”

“Nope.”

“Aw.”

“Oh hey, look, I’ve got somebody on the other line. Is it okay if I switch over for a few secs?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Yes?”

“Chuck Testa.”

“Well, that was certainly random.”

“Time to sit down, kick back, relax, and watch some quality porn.”

Neglify said:

That one was pretty good.

MiniDuracell

TV’s Frink said:

Neglify said:

That one was pretty good.

AAA Duracell

WYSHS

Neglify said:

or at least Off-Topic.

The rest of the forum is no better. Unless you think someone saying he’d smash Daisy Ridley because she’s so hot qualifies as intelligent discourse.