You’ve got my support Possessed. You’re in my thoughts and I hope the best for ya.
I’m here now. I’m allowed to have my phone so I should be posting just the same.
I’m glad you’re safe. Do yourself right and I look forward to hearing good news about your progress.
😃
I had to stay in the psychiatric ward of a hospital for a week twelve years ago. While I absolutely hated the experience, I do genuinely hope you get something positive out of your stay.
I’m going to a psych ward. Ironically she’s taking me.I haven’t the heart to tell her she’s a big reason I have to go. Well not her, but my reaction to her.
Sorry to hear this, Possessed. But I do hope you get the help you need from the psych ward. Believe it or not, I do know what it is like to have feelings for someone whom you can’t pursue a relationship with. You will be in my prayers.
In response to graveyard visits. Our loved ones are as much in their graves, urns and niches as our feet are in the sock drawer.
Turn, but it is where his body is.
It’s a good place of focus. I like to talk to my dad’s stone but he isn’t in there he’s in my head all the time. I can imagine his reactions to things he would never of seen during his lifetime. I hear his humour. I can sense what he approves of and what he doesn’t.
Yes, I’ve started to imagine his reactions to this and that. He is in my head as well. Nonetheless, I do like to visit the graves of family no longer with us. I like to show respect there and remember them and leave flowers. My Great Grandfather died before I was born. I think he died before my father was born. But my father remembered going there with my Grandfather and cleaning it up leaving flowers. Years later when Grandfather died, my Dad resumed going to Great Grandfather’s grave and cleaning it up and leaving flowers. He took my brother and I with him. Been doing it once a year since we were kids. My brother stopped going, but I kept going with my father. Now I will take up the task. This year will be very difficult. I know only his body is there, but there is just something about it.
If anything death has brought us closer but it takes time to adjust to the new kind of relationship.
yeah, it is going to take a long time for me to adjust to this.
It was the anniversary of his death day last week so he has been in my thoughts more than usual recently and he too had to go through Cancer. It’s not a winning idea.
You have my sympathies, Bingo. Cancer is a horrible thing.
I know the anniversary of my father death(it is still so surreal to me to be writing that), will be very difficult.
My God, man. I sure hope the professional help there will genuinely help you. I feel so bad in this thread, because while I can offer sympathy, I can’t really offer much else except hopes for the best. But I really do hope that things improve for you here, and I hope that we’re here to listen and console. It’s not much, but it’s certainly all I can do.
Oh, apparently my dad lost another job, so that’s just marvelous.
My mental state is unfortunately not improving either. I kind of wish I could just throw in the towel on that. But of course, the only way I can do that is by sleeping. And frankly, I wish I could just stay asleep.
“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”
Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death
My dad lost his job again. So that’s great news. I’ll do what I can to help pay for what I can. I work full time and my parents
Should’ve kicked me out long ago, I hope I’ll at least be useful.
As for me, yesterday, I slept until 4:00 and today I had an anxiety attack at work today so bad I thought that I’d have a heart attack. I had to duck into the men’s room. Luckily, no one noticed. My family and friends are starting to get really concerned. I don’t know what the fuck to do, try ANOTHER therapist? I’m at the end of my rope with this shit. I’m sick of fighting. I’m sick of hurting. For a guy who was a best mildly religious months ago, this crisis of faith is rapidly starting to mutate into something that’s consuming me in ways that I really don’t know how much longer I can deal with. Between the videos and the obsessiveness, I really think I might go nuts. What in God’s name is happening to me?!
I kind of wish I could just stay asleep. That’s a horrible thing to say, but it’s the one way for me to be free unless there were some way to erase memories. I think I’m going to maybe have to accept my loss of faith and that I’m broken enough spiritually that I’ll simply never be the same again. It’s horrible, but I’m beginning to have to think I’m going to live with it from now on, because I guess there simply isn’t another choice. I guess I’ll have to weather my loss and hope that God is somewhere out there in the universe, He can provide for me a bit to help stabilize it again. I guess I’m going to have to face up to that. I don’t want to and I don’t know how, but I just don’t know what else to do. I wish I could go back to a scant few months ago when I was comfortable with my beliefs, but I guess that’s gone. Fuck. I don’t know. I’m sick of hurting and doubting and being anxious and afraid. I’m sick of it all. I wish I could just stay asleep.
“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”
Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death
Just keep hanging in there. When you’re ready to work on this, you will.
Keep Circulating the Tapes.
END OF LINE
(It hasn’t happened yet)
I wish that my head would explode.
“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”
Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death
That seems unfun and messy.
Keep Circulating the Tapes.
END OF LINE
(It hasn’t happened yet)
I didn’t recognize you without your Iron Man avatar.
“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”
Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death
If you look closely, it still is. Just Halloween’d!
Keep Circulating the Tapes.
END OF LINE
(It hasn’t happened yet)
My dad lost his job again. So that’s great news. I’ll do what I can to help pay for what I can. I work full time and my parents
Should’ve kicked me out long ago, I hope I’ll at least be useful.As for me, yesterday, I slept until 4:00 and today I had an anxiety attack at work today so bad I thought that I’d have a heart attack. I had to duck into the men’s room. Luckily, no one noticed. My family and friends are starting to get really concerned. I don’t know what the fuck to do, try ANOTHER therapist? I’m at the end of my rope with this shit. I’m sick of fighting. I’m sick of hurting. For a guy who was a best mildly religious months ago, this crisis of faith is rapidly starting to mutate into something that’s consuming me in ways that I really don’t know how much longer I can deal with. Between the videos and the obsessiveness, I really think I might go nuts. What in God’s name is happening to me?!
I kind of wish I could just stay asleep. That’s a horrible thing to say, but it’s the one way for me to be free unless there were some way to erase memories. I think I’m going to maybe have to accept my loss of faith and that I’m broken enough spiritually that I’ll simply never be the same again. It’s horrible, but I’m beginning to have to think I’m going to live with it from now on, because I guess there simply isn’t another choice. I guess I’ll have to weather my loss and hope that God is somewhere out there in the universe, He can provide for me a bit to help stabilize it again. I guess I’m going to have to face up to that. I don’t want to and I don’t know how, but I just don’t know what else to do. I wish I could go back to a scant few months ago when I was comfortable with my beliefs, but I guess that’s gone. Fuck. I don’t know. I’m sick of hurting and doubting and being anxious and afraid. I’m sick of it all. I wish I could just stay asleep.
Mike, I don’t know what to say except, to keep on trying, keep on fighting. Suicide is not the answer. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I slept for 14 hours again and then broke down sobbing and hugged my father.
“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”
Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death
I personally feel that’s 15 hours well spent at this point in your life.
You need rest and you need the support of others and I’m glad that you have both.
In time things will get better.
Forgive the hockiness of this observation but the word hope and the word home have always reminded me of each other.
On my bus back from work these days (45mins or so) I’m hurtling through winding bumpy twisty roads with very little in the way of street lights. The driver tends to have his or her foot down too so it can get a bit hair raising.
I am in the dark at the mercy of forces I very little control over and yet there is the anticipation of home at the end of the journey. A place of safety.
You too are on a strange journey. You have limited control, you can’t see much of the road and your consciousness is being bombarded with input that can be alarming.
Never lose track of the anticipation of your destination. Hope is there. You will arrive safe and well. If you can’t enjoy the ride endure it. It will be alright soon.
Well stated Bingo.
I just got released from alcohol detox. Apparently I had a foot in the grave already. I couldn’t use internet while there so if anybody’s missed me I was there. I’ll post more tonight w
I just got released from alcohol detox. Apparently I had a foot in the grave already. I couldn’t use internet while there so if anybody’s missed me I was there. I’ll post more tonight w
I’m glad to hear your doing okay. You have my full support. If you need an ear, my pm box is always open.
😃
Good post, Bingo.
And strength and good wishes to both MikeO and Possessed. Hang in there guys and keep fighting. You can do this.
Keep Circulating the Tapes.
END OF LINE
(It hasn’t happened yet)
Good post, Bingo.
And strength and good wishes to both MikeO and Possessed. Hang in there guys and keep fighting. You can do this.
Ditto!
My uncle died today from colon cancer.
Aw man, sorry to hear that.
Good to hear from you, Possessed.
My uncle died today from colon cancer.
Very sorry to hear this, generalfrevious. You have my sympathies.
Good to hear from you, Possessed.
Thanks. This is day 6 without a drink for me. It’s been an emotional roller coaster. Physical withdrawals haven’t been terrible surprisingly. I feel totally different and off but it’s something I’ll have to adjust to. According to my blood work my liver would have started shutting down in about six months. Being only 22 and drinking for only 2 years or so this was quite alarming. Guess it shows how extreme the last few years have been.