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Originally posted by: Stinky-Dinkins
Dug the first two.
Saw 3 on opening night.
It fucking blew.
Not a good movie.
Heads up, here's the official Dinkins Good/Bad Spiderman 3 breakdown:
The Bad:
Kirsten Dunst's singing. Fucking terrible.
Peter Parker's ridiculous symbiote haircut.
Peter Parker's ridiculous symbiote behavior.
Peter Parker's jazz piano sequence (what the fuck.) Don't stop the jazz hands!
Peter Parker's music video "Point 'n shoot the ladies" sequence.
The fact that the above took up more screen time than all of Venom's appearances combined.
The Goblin's butler. I don't use this very often but "lolz." That segment seemed like a 4th grader's submission as to how to "Make the Goblin a 'good guy'." Didn't he breathe in the crazy evil fart gas? Gimme a break and I'll throw a "nigga please" in there for good measure.
Venom was thin and emaciated looking. Hardly impressive.
Venom's CG. The mouth was so terribly animated when the "costume" spoke.
Every fight scene in the movie was CG, and all organic matter was animated unconvincingly and was rubbery/soft looking. The Goblin using his dumb flying surfboard to shoot fire at a 6 story Sandman, yahahaha. Go fuck yourself.
The movie was 90% CG, and 85% of it blew. Watching this movie 5 or ten years from now (why anyone would do that I have no idea) is going to seem like Special Effect Amateur hour.
The dialogue was consistently awkward - shitloads of lines felt horrendously out of place.
The villains' plotlines were sloppily woven together. Monkeys wrote the script, apparently. Listen, maybe concentrating on one villain and really fleshing out his storyline would've been a better idea, two at most. The villains in this movie were underdeveloped and the conflicts they caused were resolved terribly. They tried to cram way, way too much bullshit into the script, like those fat Hispanic sluts that have giant thighs and huge fat asses yet are somehow under the delusion that they look great in jeans made for good looking girls. Way too much sausage, way too little casing.
Many more.
The Good:
Bruce Campbell's restaurant cameo.
The Willem Dafoe painting, just because I think it would make for an interesting conversation piece hanging in my place.
That's about it.
The Ugly:
We got there late so we had to sit in the front row, the very fucking front row, so the entire time I was loaded and stoned out of my mind while bending my neck so I could see this towering, distorted shitheap of a movie. My time would've been better spent staring at the floor, and it would've been easier on my spine, too.
I had to piss wicked bad for the last 40 minutes of the movie.
The Verdict:
F-
Dug the first two.
Saw 3 on opening night.
It fucking blew.
Not a good movie.
Heads up, here's the official Dinkins Good/Bad Spiderman 3 breakdown:
The Bad:
Kirsten Dunst's singing. Fucking terrible.
Peter Parker's ridiculous symbiote haircut.
Peter Parker's ridiculous symbiote behavior.
Peter Parker's jazz piano sequence (what the fuck.) Don't stop the jazz hands!
Peter Parker's music video "Point 'n shoot the ladies" sequence.
The fact that the above took up more screen time than all of Venom's appearances combined.
The Goblin's butler. I don't use this very often but "lolz." That segment seemed like a 4th grader's submission as to how to "Make the Goblin a 'good guy'." Didn't he breathe in the crazy evil fart gas? Gimme a break and I'll throw a "nigga please" in there for good measure.
Venom was thin and emaciated looking. Hardly impressive.
Venom's CG. The mouth was so terribly animated when the "costume" spoke.
Every fight scene in the movie was CG, and all organic matter was animated unconvincingly and was rubbery/soft looking. The Goblin using his dumb flying surfboard to shoot fire at a 6 story Sandman, yahahaha. Go fuck yourself.
The movie was 90% CG, and 85% of it blew. Watching this movie 5 or ten years from now (why anyone would do that I have no idea) is going to seem like Special Effect Amateur hour.
The dialogue was consistently awkward - shitloads of lines felt horrendously out of place.
The villains' plotlines were sloppily woven together. Monkeys wrote the script, apparently. Listen, maybe concentrating on one villain and really fleshing out his storyline would've been a better idea, two at most. The villains in this movie were underdeveloped and the conflicts they caused were resolved terribly. They tried to cram way, way too much bullshit into the script, like those fat Hispanic sluts that have giant thighs and huge fat asses yet are somehow under the delusion that they look great in jeans made for good looking girls. Way too much sausage, way too little casing.
Many more.
The Good:
Bruce Campbell's restaurant cameo.
The Willem Dafoe painting, just because I think it would make for an interesting conversation piece hanging in my place.
That's about it.
The Ugly:
We got there late so we had to sit in the front row, the very fucking front row, so the entire time I was loaded and stoned out of my mind while bending my neck so I could see this towering, distorted shitheap of a movie. My time would've been better spent staring at the floor, and it would've been easier on my spine, too.
I had to piss wicked bad for the last 40 minutes of the movie.
The Verdict:
F-
I admit it, I LOL'd.
