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Star Wars: The New Dawn (The First Episode in DuracellEnergizer's New PT Re-Write) *COMPLETE*

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After some few years, I've finally started upon a new re-write for the PT.

Unlike my first attempt at a re-write (More like a third, actually, but that's a rather long and complicated story that I'm not going to get into here.), this is going to be pretty much be an entirely original story, with little to nothing taken from The Phantom Menace. There will be no Naboo, no Amidala, no Gungans, no Neimoidians, no Maul -- nothing of the sort. 

With my previous re-write, I tried to make it 100% compatible with the pre-PT EU; I won't be doing that this time around. There will still be references and shout-outs to the EU, though.

I won't be using episode numbers because -- well -- I've grown to dislike them (If I were to make my own personal fanedits of the OT, I'd remove them entirely.).

It should also be noted that Obi-Wan will be the main character, not Anakin.  

The timeframe is 40 BBY -- or 14 ED (Empire Date), according to the in-universe calendar of the era -- and we are fourteen years into the Third Clone War ...

“Okay, I’m goin’, takin’ off. See ya… bye….” — Chip Douglas

“This concludes our broadcast day. Click.” — Chip Douglas

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Star Wars - The New Dawn by DuracellEnergizer

TITLE CARD: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away ...

A vast sea of stars serves as the main backdrop for the main title, followed by a rollup, which crawls up into infinity.

STAR WARS

THE NEW DAWN

It is Year 14 in the reign of Emperor Cos Dashit. Cast into the flames of war, the inefficient Galactic Republic is no more; in its place now stands the Galactic Empire, a far more formidable power for a far less certain time.

In spite of the opposition provided by this new regime, nefarious forces continue to ravage the Known Regions of the galaxy. Members of the Mandalorian Death Watch -- a fanatical branch of the enemy defeated in the First Clone War -- have been making seemingly random attacks upon unescorted ships and backwater planets along the Outer Rim, taking only a select few of those they encounter back to their dungeon ships for destinations unknown while putting the rest to the sword.

In the wake of these attacks, the Jedi of Coruscant have assigned one of their knights to investigate and, in doing so, uncover the underlying plan of the Mandalorians ...

PAN UP

To reveal the underside of the water world codenamed KMN-0, its oceans alive with a preternatural cyan glow.

Suddenly, the Radiant VII -- a Consular-class space cruiser -- comes streaking past at high velocity, its trajectory taking it beneath the hulking blue ocean planet. Behind it, hot on its heels, is a pair of Jehavey'ir-class assault ships. The twin ships fire upon the smaller Imperial craft, unleashing a torrent of intense yellow turbolaser fire. The Radiant VII reciprocates, firing green turbolaser blasts at the Mandalorians.

INT. RADIANT VII - COCKPIT

CAPTAIN MAOI MADAKOR and LIEUTENANT ANTIDAR WILLIAMS, the two crewmembers of the Radiant VII currently manning the cockpit, struggle to simultaneously fend off the attacking assault ships while trying to coax more speed from the small ship's engines.

CAPT. MADAKOR: I can feel them breathing up my skirt, Lieutenant. Can't you coax more speed out of the engines?

LT. WILLIAMS: The sublights are burning at maximum capacity, Captain. If I had some time on my hands, I could probably bypass the safety protocols and give us enough of a boost to evade the assault ships long enough to make the jump to hyperspace, but it's time we don't have.

CAPT. MADAKOR: How long 'til we can make the jump?

LT. WILLIAMS: The navicomp will have the coordinates ready in five minutes.

EXT. SPACE - KMN-0

The Radiant VII's green turbolaser fire strikes each of the assault ships, but each blast is effortlessly repelled by the larger crafts' deflector shields without leaving the slightest damage. Moving in like foreboding birds of prey, the Mandalorian ships unleash salvoes of yellow turbolaser fire upon the space cruiser. The energy bolts hit the cruiser's engines, obliterating one of the engines completely while instantly crippling the other.

INT. RADIANT VII/COCKPIT

The Radiant VII rattles violently, throwing the captain and the lieutenant forward in their seats.

INT. RADIANT VII/SALON POD

The interior of the salon pod is spacious, furnished with glamourous accoutrements. Inhabiting the pod, standing at the far end, is a tall NEAR-HUMAN WOMAN in voluminous crimson robes, six human women in close-fitting black uniforms, and a BLUE ASTROMECH 'DROID. Though each of the six black-garbed women are attractive in their own right, the beauty of the near-human woman -- with her long green-white hair, glittering porcelain-white skin, and glowing green-gold eyes -- puts theirs to complete shame.

When the reverberations of the blast hits the pod, both the human women and the 'droid rock on their foundations, threatening to topple over. The unearthly beautiful woman in red, however, her eyes closed and her hands clasped tightly around the chain of a crystal medallion in prayer, remains perfectly still, unaffected by the turbulent vibrations.

EXT. RADIANT VII - SPACE

With the Radiant VII dead in the water, one of the assault ships easily slides up alongside the star cruiser. Like an insectile proboscis, a mechanized airlock extends out from the assault ship and clamps down on the outer hull of the cruiser.

INT. RADIANT VII/SALON POD

Hearing the groans and feeling the shudders of the ship as it is forcibly joined with the assault ship, the human women look up towards the ceiling of the pod, gazing about as if in search of the source of the invading phenomena. The near-human woman -- the beautiful priestess -- brings her prayer to a close, securing the medallion around her neck.

PRIESTESS: (in an alien language, subtitled) It's beginning ...

One of the six human women -- a handsome woman with broad shoulders -- takes a step away from her compatriots, approaching the priestess. This woman is Ziyal D'ukat, a Mistryl Shadow Guard and the Team Prime of the other five black-garbed women.

ZIYAL: (subtitled) We can't save you from the Mandalorians. There are only six of us and an entire crew of them.

PRIESTESS: (subtitled) You've done what you can. Consider our bargain complete.

ZIYAL: (subtitled) I have no wish to see them take you. Why don't you escape while there's still time?

PRIESTESS: (turns to Ziyal) (subtitled) Where will I go? (waves her arm toward the planet sitting out beyond the pod's viewport) The planet out there is a world of empty oceans, and we're light-years away from any inhabited system. (beat) There is nowhere to run to, nowhere to hide.

ZIYAL: (subtitled) To be taken by warriors of the Death Watch --

PRIESTESS: (subtitled) I have looked into a myriad of possible futures ... (places a hand atop the astromech's dome-like head) this is the only course of action left open to me.

Realizing that she cannot deter the priestess from her decision, the Shadow Guard chooses to end the conversation.

PRIESTESS: (subtitled) Artoo, begin recording ...

INT. RADIANT VII/COCKPIT

Madakor and Williams, having regained their senses, are busy undoing the restraints of their seats when a loud hissing sound begins pouring through the sealed doors leading into the cockpit.

CAPT. MADAKOR: (twists her seat around and leaps to her feet) They're coming through! Get ready --

Before she can finish her order, the cockpit doors disappear with a terrific explosion, the walls of the cockpit lighting up with bright yellow light and the air filling with acrid black smoke. As the two officers clear their blasters from their holsters, dozens of Mandalorian warriors -- each clad in the silver-and-blue armour and blue-and-gray robes of the Death Watch -- come pouring in, cutting them down instantly with a hail of yellow blasterfire.

INT. RADIANT VII/UPPER DECK

Dropping in through a hole cut in the hull above, dozens upon dozens of Mandalorian Death Watchmen invade the small cruiser. Spreading out into all available areas of the ship, they cut down all crew members they come across with their blasters and swords.

INT. RADIANT VII/'DROID HOLD

Inside the small, dark, cramped 'droid hold, a number of 'droids lay strewn about its confines, all either deactivated or in low-power modes. As the door to the hold slides abruptly open, casting bright light into its interior, one of these 'droids -- a GOLDEN PROTOCOL 'DROID -- immediately comes to life.

C-3PO: (erratic) Oh, my! Oh, goodness!

The golden 'droid rises to his feet, turning towards the humanoid silhouette filling the open doorway.

C-3PO: Oh, dear me -- it isn't Donic Day already, is it?

The owner of the silhouette steps inside; it is a Mandalorian warrior, a blaster rifle in his hands.

C-3PO: No, wait --!

The Mandalorian levels his blaster at Threepio and presses the trigger. A bolt of yellow energy lances out, hits the 'droid's shoulder plating, then ricochet's back, hitting the Mandalorian square in the face and knocking him back and off his feet.

Cautiously, Threepio takes a few steps toward the fallen warrior. Looking him over, he comes to the conclusion that the Mandalorian is stone dead.

C-3PO: This is no life for a protocol 'droid. I deserve far better than this.

Stepping past the dead Mandalorian, Threepio leaves the 'droid hold for the corridor beyond, eyes on the lookout for more Mandalorians.

INT. RADIANT VII/SALON POD

The priestess stands before Artoo, reciting her message. Suddenly, loud banging noises begin to reverberate through the pod doors. The Mistryl Shadow Guards turn toward the source of the sounds, growing tense with anticipation as they unsheathe their vibroswords.

ZIYAL: (to the priestess) (subtitled) They are coming through!

Finishing her message, the priestess places a hand on Artoo, and he stops recording.

With a terrible squeal of grinding metal, the doors of the salon pod are forced open. Leaping forward, the six Mistryls engage the first Mandalorians to step through, the vibrating blades of their technological swords clashing against the primitive blades of the helmeted warriors. One of Mistryls gains immediate advantage over her Mandalorian sparring partner, knocking the blade of his sword away and delivering a blow which cuts through his neck and the chain of a platinum medallion surrounding it, nearly decapitating the warrior. Her victory is short lived, however, when another Mandalorian manages to evade her defenses and thrusts the point of his sword into her side, fatally running her through.

Turning away from Artoo, the priestess can do nothing but look on with horror as the Death Watchmen quickly begin to overwhelm the formidable Shadow Guards, cutting them down with full brutality and no mercy.

INT. RADIANT VII/CORRIDOR

See-Threepio makes his way along the corridor, eyeing the twisted bodies of the slaughtered crew members strewn about.

INT. RADIANT VII/SALON POD

The priestess sits against the far wall of the pod, trembling in a ball under the transparisteel viewport, weeping with fear and disgust as Artoo stands beside her, trying to provide consolation the best he can. Ten Mandalorian Death Watchmen stand inside the pod, the bloody corpses of the Mistryl women and their slain dead underfoot, their hidden eyes focused on the beautiful priestess cowering before them.

MANDALORIAN AIDE: The Force Hound approaches!

Snapping to attention, the Mandalorian warriors spread out, clearing the way for two other Mandalorians as they step inside the pod. While the first Mandalorian to enter is just another average Death Watchman, the SECOND is distinguished by the aquamarine robe he wears over his armour along with the trident symbol emblazoned over the visor of his helmet. He regards first the other Mandalorians, then the dead, before walking over to the priestess.

PRIESTESS: (looks up at the Mandalorian, her face twisted with hatred) (subtitled) Butcher! Murderer!

FORCE HOUND: (in the alien language, subtitled) I'm sorry, but it was an unfortunate necessity.

PRIESTESS: (enraged) (subtitled) This was a necessity?! (beat) They were civilian crew members -- they didn't have a chance against you! You could have spared them!

FORCE HOUND: (subtitled) I know you cannot understand. Someday, perhaps, you will. (reaching a hand out to her) It is time to come with us.

Her face still contorted with hate, the priestess seizes the Mandalorian's hand in a hard grip. Fearing an attack, the other Mandalorians ready their weapons.

FORCE HOUND: (to the other Mandalorians) Sheathe your blades -- she won't harm me.

As the Force Hound pulls the priestess to her feet, Threepio steps into the open doorway.

C-3PO: (in the alien language, subtitled) Mistress, I --

Alerted to his presence, the Mandalorians spin around to face him.

C-3PO: Perhaps this isn't --

Before the golden 'droid can finish his statement, one of the Mandalorians steps forward, ramming the blade of his sword through Threepio's mechanical torso. Pulling the protocol 'droid in through the doorway, the Mandalorian twists the blade then forces it upward, cutting out and through Threepio's shoulder.

Uttering a senseless litany made up of a combination of astromech mechanical language and Huttese, See-Threepio collapses to the deck, twitching violently as his wounds flash with electricity.

FORCE HOUND: (bemused) It was just a protocol 'droid, you fools.

Without any further words, the Force Hound steps forward, dragging the priestess behind him as he leaves for the open doorway. As he steps out, the other Mandalorians gather their dead then follow after him, leaving Artoo alone with the bodies of the slain Mistryls and the damaged form of See-Threepio.

EXT. SPACE - KMN-0

Disengaging and retracting its extendible airlock, the Mandalorian assault ship releases the Radiant VII. As the small Consular-class cruiser drifts away, the engines both of the assault ship and its counterpart blaze to life, and they rocket forward, casting its large shadows upon the derelict ship as they cruise over it. Before them, waiting in the distance for them like a stern parent, is the looming form of a Lictor-class dungeon ship.

Passing beyond the Radiant VII, a turbolaser cannon on one of the Jehavey'irs comes alive and swivels into position, opening fire upon the small ship. A single bolt of turbolaser fire hits the cruiser, blowing it apart into three separate pieces.

After the assault ships have rendezvoused with the dungeon ship and together made the jump into hyperspace, the remains of the Radiant VII begin falling into KMN-0's gravity well. Entering the atmosphere, the fragments begin to glow with intense white hot heat.

“Okay, I’m goin’, takin’ off. See ya… bye….” — Chip Douglas

“This concludes our broadcast day. Click.” — Chip Douglas

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Really enjoyed that.

That's some bad hat, Harry
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Thanks. I don't know when I'll update though -- I'm literally making it up as I go along. And unlike with my Stargate or original TPM rewrite, I'm pretty much working without a template, so it'll be a lot harder to work all the kinks out and put a coherent story together.

“Okay, I’m goin’, takin’ off. See ya… bye….” — Chip Douglas

“This concludes our broadcast day. Click.” — Chip Douglas

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I would suggest a template. It's hard to get anywhere without one and easy to get stuck without having an idea of what's coming next.

I really enjoyed it, but don't you think the first two thirds or so are a bit too reminiscent of the opening of A New Hope? Of course it won't be as noticeable with the rest of the story afterward, but maybe that's something to think about for a future draft. I think parallels work well, but be careful not to overdo them.

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RicOlie_2 said:

I would suggest a template. It's hard to get anywhere without one and easy to get stuck without having an idea of what's coming next.

Oh, I do have the general plot worked out. When I meant template, I meant another body of work to work off of (a script, a book, etc.).

I really enjoyed it, but don't you think the first two thirds or so are a bit too reminiscent of the opening of A New Hope? Of course it won't be as noticeable with the rest of the story afterward, but maybe that's something to think about for a future draft. I think parallels work well, but be careful not to overdo them.

Yes, it's very reminiscent of the opening of Star Wars. But that's what I was going for; I wanted the beginning to mirror that of the first movie, but with the details switched around (the camera panning up instead of down, the ships moving under a water planet instead of over a desert planet, etc.).

You don't really have to worry about too many parallels, though; from here on out the story goes off in a completely different direction.

“Okay, I’m goin’, takin’ off. See ya… bye….” — Chip Douglas

“This concludes our broadcast day. Click.” — Chip Douglas

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Well, as long as it doesn't go into 'rehash' territory, it's good.

I’m just here because I’m driving tonight.

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DuracellEnergizer said:

RicOlie_2 said:

I would suggest a template. It's hard to get anywhere without one and easy to get stuck without having an idea of what's coming next.

Oh, I do have the general plot worked out. When I meant template, I meant another body of work to work off of (a script, a book, etc.).

I see. I thought you were trying to write linearly without any kind of structure! :)

I really enjoyed it, but don't you think the first two thirds or so are a bit too reminiscent of the opening of A New Hope? Of course it won't be as noticeable with the rest of the story afterward, but maybe that's something to think about for a future draft. I think parallels work well, but be careful not to overdo them.

Yes, it's very reminiscent of the opening of Star Wars. But that's what I was going for; I wanted the beginning to mirror that of the first movie, but with the details switched around (the camera panning up instead of down, the ships moving under a water planet instead of over a desert planet, etc.).

You don't really have to worry about too many parallels, though; from here on out the story goes off in a completely different direction.

 I see it now. It would probably look better on screen than it would on "paper" anyway.

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EXT. KMN-0 - TERRAFORMING STATION C31 - EVENING

A terraforming station rises up from the black night water of the near-empty water planet. Large and conical in shape -- with various red, orange, and white light fixtures aglow upon its surface -- the station looks like an immense, inhabited artificial island.

INT. TERRAFORMING STATION C31/GAME ROOM - EVENING

Inside the small, cramped, sparsely-stocked, dimly-lit game room, two individuals sit around a dejarik table. With one diminutive and the other a behemoth, they are clearly unrelated by blood. Regardless, their physical characteristics bear witness to the fact that they are both the results of hideous genetic experimentations; the tall one -- MAC 73239 -- is a human-wookiee hybrid, his entire body save for his fingers, chest, and upper face covered in thick black-brown fur, while the short one -- NOR 747 -- is a Chadra-fan-Lannik hybrid, with the body of the former but the long, down-turned ears of the latter. Both are currently engrossed with the holographic creatures which are playing across the illuminated game board.

As a holographic creature resembling three conjoined trees with six tentacles entangles a creature which resembles a legless spider with bat wings and pulls it down to its death, NOR begins hooting and hollering with joy, apparently the winner in this game. MAC, for his part, nonchalantly pours his mug of iridescent black-green ale on the dejarik board, causing the board to explode in a shower of sparks and smoke.

MAC: Cheating bastard.

NOR: Hey!

INT. TERRAFORMING STATION C31/SERVEILLANCE ROOM - EVENING

Inside the small, cramped, sparsely-stocked, dimly-lit surveillance room, four beings -- BLAI 7, GAR 79, CLA 75, and CHI 537 -- sit before large banks of computer monitors, all of which display readings for various equipment in operation aboard the station or monitor various locations in and outside of the station itself. Like MAC and NOR, these four creatures are the results of renegade scientists' attempts to create hybrids between genetically unrelated species through forbidden gene splicing experiments.

The four beings, consumed with boredom, almost miss the bright streak of light that flashes across one of the monitors, flying down from the black sky outside to hit the dark waters right outside the station.

GAR: Hey, what was that?!

CHI: What was what?

GAR: That thing that flashed across Screen #68!

CHI: I didn't see a blessed thing. Play it back.

Punching a command into his keyboard, GAR rewinds and replays the footage of the flaming trail hitting the black water.

BLAI: It's got a heavy metal content. It could be a large meteorite.

CLA: Readings are all wrong for it to be a natural meteorite. It's clearly of artificial origin.

GAR: (sighs with irritation) Great -- space junk. With our luck, it'll be some radioactive bleeder from a Type 0 planet. (to BLAI) Get MAC and NOR on it right away.

Without a word, BLAI acknowledges with a single nod of his misshapen secondary head.

INT. TERRAFORMING STATION C31/GAME ROOM - EVENING

Still caught up in their argument over the botched dejarik game, MAC and NOR fail to notice when BENN 4647 -- a bizarre looking Devaronian-twi'lek hybrid with mottled blue-and-bronze skin -- opens the door and enters the murky room.

BENN: (coughing into his hand) Ahem ...

Noticing BENN for the first time, NOR and MAC stop their riotous bickering and turn toward him.

BENN: (cont'd) You're needed outside. Space junk 45.8 degrees off the starboard side of the sixteenth pylon.

NOR: Can't this wait? We're in a very important discussion right now!

BENN: (shrugs) Do you want a repeat of what happened sixteen months ago with the ninth configurator?

Realizing that they have an important job to do and that it would be unwise to postpone doing it, the two companions sigh dejectedly and saunter off past the blue-bronze hybrid and out of the game room to attend to their duty.

EXT. SUBMERSIBLE - OCEAN - EVENING

A small submersible cuts through the inky black depths of the unnamed world's ocean waters. Looking like a large, gray eye sporting a pair of oversized crab-like claws, it is a comical sight to behold.

INT. SUBMERSIBLE/COCKPIT - EVENING

MAC: (speaking into his headset) We're approaching the junk.

EXT. SUBMERSIBLE - OCEAN - EVENING

As the submersible moves closer to its destination, a thick mechanical pole reaching up from the unseen ocean depths below and stretching to the unseen surface above fades into existence. There, wedged tightly in between the main body of the pole and a projected array of sensory filaments, is the large piece of space junk -- the only large fragment of the Radiant VII to survive its fall from the heavens to this planet of unending ocean.

INT. SUBMERSIBLE/COCKPIT - EVENING

NOR: (to MAC) What do you think it is?

MAC: Beats me. Whatever it was, it's hutt pizza now. (into his headset) I'm readying the arms. It's in there, but it should slide out easy enough with a little gentle lovin'.

EXT. SUBMERSIBLE - PYLON 16 - EVENING

The arms of the submersible come to life. Moving forward, they clamp onto projections on the fragment's surface. Once the grip is secure, the arms begin retracting. As they do, though, the fragment refuses to come with them, stubbornly remaining glued in place between the main body of the pylon and the sensory filaments.

INT. SUBMERSIBLE/COCKPIT - EVENING

MAC: (licks his lips) Sonuvablaster doesn't want to come loose.

NOR: (enters a command into a control panel) Activating reserves.

EXT. SUBMERSIBLE - PYLON 16 - EVENING

With the extra juice flowing through its engines, the submersible manages to work the ship fragment out of its prison of metal. Once it's freed, though, the weight of the thing begins to pulls the smaller form of the submersible down with it toward the ocean floor far below.

INT. SUBMERSIBLE/COCKPIT - EVENING

MAC: (panicking) More power, NOR! Hurry up! The backup arms, too! C'mon! C'mon!

EXT. SUBMERSIBLE - PYLON 16 - EVENING

Concealed hatches on either side of the submersible slide open, and a pair of second arms -- smaller and with somewhat more delicate instrumentation than their larger cousins -- slide out. Clamping down on the fragment along with their larger twins, the backup arms provide enough leverage for the submersible to overpower the weight of the fragment and stop the descent to the dark depths below.

INT. SUBMERSIBLE/COCKPIT - EVENING

MAC: (sighs) I was getting worried there.

NOR: The damned thing's pretty heavy. Don't you think we should let the sucker sink and call it a day?

MAC: And take the chance that it'll just get tangled up in the pylon again, only deeper down? To hell with that! I'm bringing it topside where it can be disposed of properly!

EXT. SUBMERSIBLE - PYLON 16 - EVENING

With the ship's fragment balanced in its four arms like the known galaxy's strangest baby, the submersible begins making the slow ascent back to the surface.

EXT. TERRAFORMING STATION C31/SOUTH DOCK- EVENING

The submersible and fragment now topside and secure, MAC and NOR climb up out of the hatch, climbing the rails which take them up onto the dock where other members of their crew are waiting to greet them. FU 247 -- a large, burly hybrid between a human and some unidentifiable cetaceous being -- walks up to the two while six of her men run up to examine the fragment now docked with the submersible.

FU: What is that thing?

MAC: That's up to you to find out and us not to give a damn about.

FU 247's crew goes to work cutting a hole in the side of the fragment as MAC and NOR disinterestedly leave to find a dry dejarik board. NORWE 4426 -- an ugly, gaunt zabrak-Pau'an hybrid -- rubs his boney chin in hard thought as he examines the pitted surface of the fragment.

NORWE: It looks like a near-intact segment of a Consular-class space cruiser -- the salon pod itself, to be precise.

FU: Good - maybe there's something of value left intact inside.

After a few moments, the crew finishes cutting the hole through. WIN 3697 -- a strangely attractive hybrid between an Ithorian and an amani -- peers inside. Within the dark confines of the pod, Artoo's lights come to life, causing her to stumble backward with startlement. Rocking back and forth in the shadow, the short astromech unit begins blorting and warbling frantically.

WIN: (turns to FU) FU, I don't know if it's valuable or not, but there's something inside I think you should take a look at ...

“Okay, I’m goin’, takin’ off. See ya… bye….” — Chip Douglas

“This concludes our broadcast day. Click.” — Chip Douglas

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I love the Spaceballs reference. :D

I'm liking it so far. You have pretty good dialogue in there. I think it has the right feel to it. It's certainly better than a lot of what's in the PT, but I wouldn't say it's as classic as some of the dialogue in the OT. Of course this is pretty early on in the script and part of what made the OT dialogue classic is the popularity of the movies.

Keep it up, I'm looking forward to the next bit.

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RicOlie_2 said:

I love the Spaceballs reference. :D

Truth be told, any reference to Spaceballs in there must be totally coincidental, because I didn't deliberately insert one (I can't even recognize it).

RicOlie_2 said:

I'm liking it so far. You have pretty good dialogue in there. I think it has the right feel to it. It's certainly better than a lot of what's in the PT, but I wouldn't say it's as classic as some of the dialogue in the OT. Of course this is pretty early on in the script and part of what made the OT dialogue classic is the popularity of the movies.

Thanks. I try to make my dialogue sound as natural as possible. I'm none to pleased with the dialogue I gave the priestess and Mystral guard in my earlier post though; it sounds too stiff/artificial when I read it over in my head.

“Okay, I’m goin’, takin’ off. See ya… bye….” — Chip Douglas

“This concludes our broadcast day. Click.” — Chip Douglas

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DuracellEnergizer said:

RicOlie_2 said:

I love the Spaceballs reference. :D

Truth be told, any reference to Spaceballs in there must be totally coincidental, because I didn't deliberately insert one (I can't even recognize it).

I thought this: "MAC: Beats me. Whatever it was, it's hutt pizza now" was a reference to Pizza the Hutt in Spaceballs who eats himself to death. I guess not. :D

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I see--since both of them are themselves references to the North American Pizza chain, it's hard to tell which one a person is referencing. :)

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 (Edited)

EXT. CORUSCANT - ENTERTAINMENT STREET - EVENING

Entertainment Street -- with its run-down buildings, smoggy air, flickering lighting, and disreputable-looking characters -- lies at the heart of the world planet's seedy underbelly, far from the well-maintained, gleaming chrome centres of civilization that serve as the planet's public face to the rest of the Empire.

A TALL WOMAN-- her features hidden beneath the folds of a deep red, hooded cloak -- makes her way along Entertainment Street, passing several alien lowlifes, pan-handling 'droids, and the upper class slummers along the way. Soon she reaches her destination: a grime-stained establishment with a dim blue neon sign identifying it simply as "NIGHTCLUB". As she steps forward, a scantily clad prostitute standing beside the entrance -- her body too heavily endowed to be natural -- reaches out, stopping her with a touch on the shoulder.

PROSTITUTE: How's it hangin', honey? Goin' my way?

HOODED WOMAN: (regards the woman) I doubt you're my type.

PROSTITUTE: Baby, I'm everybody's type.

As she says those words, the exotically beautiful woman changes her shape, transforming into a scantily-clad man with a muscular physique and a trim goatee.

HOODED WOMAN: I'm sorry, but I've come here to meet someone, and that someone isn't you. Goodnight.

With that, the hooded woman steps past the shape-shifter, entering the nightclub like a shadow merging with a greater darkness.

PROSTITUTE: (gives a rude hand gesture) It's your loss, girly-girl!

INT. NIGHTCLUB - EVENING

The hooded woman enters the nightclub. Looking about the dingy, dim-lit interior, she sees a number of clientele -- all seedy and disreputable like the people outside -- lounging around, nursing drinks and talking in hushed tones at the bar or in booths. Silently, she moves forward across the room toward the bar, her cloak trailing behind her like flowing dark blood. As she stops before the grimy bar counter, the bartender -- a large, unwashed besalisk -- turns toward her, wiping a pair of dirty mugs with a pair of dirty rags in each pair of dirty hands.

HOODED WOMAN: I'm here to see Dep T'rot.

BESALISK BARTENDER: Dep T'rot, Dep T'rot ... (spitting brown phlegm into a mug) Never heard o' no Dep T'rot.

The hooded woman reaches into her cloak. Pulling out some credits, she tosses them on the counter before the bartender.

BESALISK BARTENDER: (scoops up the credits) Now that I t'ink 'bout it, he might be out back. (beat) Ya know whatta knockout t'ose Rhuvian fizzes can be.

HOODED WOMAN: For him or for you?

BESALISK BARTENDER: I make it a religion neva to sample my own juice, baby. (beat) Not while the sign's lit, anyways.

HOODED WOMAN: (turns to leave) Always a pleasure, Xed.

BESALISK BARTENDER: Don't be a stranger, Tachi.

EXT. ENTERTAINMENT STREET - NIGHTCLUB - ALLEY - EVENING

Exited the nightclub, the hooded woman makes her way around the building, slipping into the alley behind. As she makes her way down the dark alley, two shapes come out from the shadows behind her, blocking off the dim light coming in from the street. Spinning around, she finds herself face-to-face with a tall, guant Balosar and a squat, fat, mutant yuzzum.

VISS UTHAR: Hey, baby -- wanna have some deathsticks?

DENN JIIDET: Maybe wanna have my deathstick ...

Without any further word, the two lowlifes unsheathe small vibroblades. Their eyes and grins alive with salacious intent, they begin approaching the hooded woman. She shrinks back, fear evident on her shadow-obscured face.

Just as they reach her, though, her expression of fear transforms into one of hard determination, and she explodes into action.

Throwing out her leg, she kicks Jiidet in his furry gut, sending the inordinarily large yuzzum crashing into an alley wall with a heavy "woof" of expelled air, and ducks as Uthar slashes at her with his vibroblade.

Reaching for her side, she unclips a cylindrical metal rod and, gripping it hard, she punches the Balosar in the face, using the metal weapon to reinforce her blow. Spitting teeth, Uthar goes down.

Just as the Balosar hits the pavement, though, Jiidet recovers his senses and attacks, grabbing the woman by the hem of her dark red cloak. As he spins her around, the cloak comes loose, and she goes sailing into a heap of trash, the metal cylinder flying from her grasp.

Chucking with sinister glee, the yuzzum retrieves his fallen vibroblade. Flipping and twisting it around his fingers, he charges the dazed woman.

Just as he reaches her, though, and pulls his knife hand back to deliver the killing blow, she jumps up onto her feet and then springs into the air, somersaulting over Jiidet as his momentum send him crashing into the pile of trash. Landing behind the sprawled-out yuzzum, she somersaults across the pavement toward the cylinder, sweeping it up into her hand as she passes over it. Springing up onto her feet, she grips the cylinder with both hands as the yuzzum climbs to his feet and charges, slashing his vibroblade through the air maniacally.

Siri presses a button set into the side of the cylinder, and a blade of fuschia energy erupts from its top with a sharp snap-hiss. Startled by this dazzling weapon, the yuzzum stops mid-slash, stumbling as his momentum carries him forward toward the glowing fuschia blade. Pivoting to her right, the woman throws her left leg out high, kicking Jiidet in the chin and throwing him backward onto the pavement. Fully in control of the situation now, she strides forward, placing the tip of the blade under the yuzzum's chin.

HOODED WOMAN: Perhaps you'd like to try my deathstick.

No longer obscured beneath the heavy red cloak, we can see that this woman is human, in her early twenties, pretty, with shoulder-length ash blond hair and piercing gray eyes. Judging by the lightsaber she wields and the loose charcoal coveralls and black boots, belt, and outer tunic she wears, she is a Jedi knight of the Coruscanti sect.

HOODED WOMAN: Get the hell out of here.

Taking the blade of her lightsaber out from under Jiidet's hairy throat, the Jedi takes a step back. Wasting no time, the yuzzum scrambles to his feet and takes off, leaving his unconscious accomplice behind.

DEP T'ROT: (in Kubazian, subtitled) Impressive, Siri -- very, very impressive.

With a sigh, SIRI TACHI deactivates her lightsaber. Clipping it back on her belt, she turns around, where Dep T'rot -- a tall Kubaz -- stands behind her, his dark black cloak helping to blend him into the alley shadows.

SIRI (HOODED WOMAN): So are you -- I didn't even know you were back here.

DEP T'ROT: (subtitled) You can take the Kubaz out of the Jedi, but you can't take the Jedi out of the Kubaz. (beat) I have what you've come for.

Reaching under his dark cloak, the Kubaz pulls out a datacard. Retrieving her deep red cloak, Siri fastens the blood-red material around her neck as she steps up to him.

SIRI: (takes the card) What's on it?

DEP T'ROT: (subtitled) Read it.

Pulling out a datapad, Siri slips the datacard into it and calls up the information stored on it.

SIRI: (reading the card's information over) Consular-class space cruiser Radiant VII carrying Zull ... high priestess of the Meketrex ... attacked en-route to Vuldronaii, throne world of the Sebouillia ... fragments of ship found by terraformers on KMN-0, uninhabited water planet ... no survivors. (looks up at Dep T'rot) And you're sure Mandalorians were involved?

DEP T'ROT: (subtitled) It fits their M.O. Small, lightly-defended ship, attacked out in the Outer Rim far from any heavily populated world ...

SIRI: (deactivates the datapad) I'll check up on it.

Turning around, Siri begins making her way out of the alley.

DEP T'ROT: (subtitled) Aren't you forgetting something?

SIRI: (stops and turns to face him) Don't worry -- your fee has already been transferred to your account.

DEP T'ROT: (subtitled) That isn't what I meant.

SIRI: (rolls her eyes) What do you mean, then?

DEP T'ROT: (subtitled) Aren't you going to say "thank you"?

Her face freezes. She wasn't expecting him to say anything like that.

DEP T'ROT: (subtitled) Well?

SIRI: (stoney) Thank you ...

No longer comfortable with the Kubaz, she hurries along on her way, leaving the black-clad ex-Jedi alone in the dark, dirty alley.

“Okay, I’m goin’, takin’ off. See ya… bye….” — Chip Douglas

“This concludes our broadcast day. Click.” — Chip Douglas

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 (Edited)

Just because I'm in a generous mood, I'm going to give you a peak into my mental processes, and show you how I picture two of the characters in my story. In this case, it's going to Viss Uthar and Denn Jiidet, the two punks who tried to assault Siri Tachi.

VISS UTHAR

Viss Uthar by DuracellEnergizer

DENN JIIDET

“Okay, I’m goin’, takin’ off. See ya… bye….” — Chip Douglas

“This concludes our broadcast day. Click.” — Chip Douglas

Author
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Sweet merciful crap, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!?!?!?!?!

I’m just here because I’m driving tonight.

Author
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Tack said:

Sweet merciful crap, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!?!?!?!?!

ALLOL

I was hoping more of this guy

would show through. Unfortunately, the human side prevailed.

“Okay, I’m goin’, takin’ off. See ya… bye….” — Chip Douglas

“This concludes our broadcast day. Click.” — Chip Douglas

Author
Time
 (Edited)

Just a heads up: I've gone back and re-edited some of the earlier entries of my script. 

In addition to a few minor corrections/alterations, the Radiant VII is now directly attacked by a pair of assault ships instead of a single dungeon ship, most of the dialogue between Ziyal D'ukat and the priestess Zull has been rewritten, I've added some more description to the battle between the Mandalorian boarding party and the Mistryl Shadow Guards, and I've changed the name of the second thug who attacks Siri.

“Okay, I’m goin’, takin’ off. See ya… bye….” — Chip Douglas

“This concludes our broadcast day. Click.” — Chip Douglas

Author
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 (Edited)

INT. NYAX/ZULL'S CELL

The near-human Meketrex high priestess -- ZULL -- sits alone within the confines of a dark and dirty detention cell aboard the Mandalorian dungeon ship known as the Nyax. Dirty and disheveled, no longer the perfect picture of perfect beauty she was before, she sits hunched over the solid metal door of her cell.

ZULL (PRIESTESS): (enraged) (subtitled) Gods!

Bearing her teeth like an animal, the disgraced priestess balls her hand up into a fist and punches the door hard. Grimacing with the pain that comes as a result, she pulls away and turns her back to the door, fuming. After a few moments, she reaches into her robes and pulls out her medallion. Clasping it tightly, she begins to pray.

ZULL: (subtitled) Princess of the power of the air, heed my call and receive me. Pray for me in the names of the loa of the fire, the air, the earth, the water, and the aether --

Before she can continue with her prayer, the loud, harsh sound of the lock of her cell door disengaging rings out through the cramped spaces of her cell. Spinning around, her eyes go wide with fear as the door slides open and a pair of armoured Mandalorian Death Watchmen step inside.

MANDALORIAN #1: (to his companion) A pretty little thing, isn't she?

MANDALORIAN #2: Do you think her kind can make it with humans?

MANDALORIAN #1: Does it matter?

MANDALORIAN #2: No, I guess it doesn't. (to Zull) We could find a way to make it work, couldn't we, my green-haired goddess?

Stepping up to her, the first Mandalorian grabs her by the arm and pulls her roughly to her feet.

MANDALORIAN #1: (to Zull) Your little courtship can wait. First, you've got a date with the coffin!

INT. NYAX/CELL BLOCK

Laughing maniacally, the two Mandalorians pull the defenseless Meketrex priestess out of her cell and into the dank, moist corridor of the cell block. Resealing the cell door, they begin pulling her along down the corridor. Futiley trying to pull away from her tormentors, Zull screams. The cries merely reverberate along the nooks and crannies of the the cell block, mixing with the tortured sounds of other prisoners imprisoned within the dungeon ship.

“Okay, I’m goin’, takin’ off. See ya… bye….” — Chip Douglas

“This concludes our broadcast day. Click.” — Chip Douglas

Author
Time

DuracellEnergizer said:

Just a heads up: I've gone back and re-edited some of the earlier entries of my script. 

In addition to a few minor corrections/alterations, the Radiant VII is now directly attacked by a pair of assault ships instead of a single dungeon ship, most of the dialogue between Ziyal D'ukat and the priestess Zull has been rewritten, I've added some more description to the battle between the Mandalorian boarding party and the Mistryl Shadow Guards, and I've changed the name of the second thug who attacks the Siri.

 Looking good. There's one thing though, not a change as it was in your original post, but you have the blaster bolt that bounces off of 3PO's shoulder plate kill the Mandalorian. To me at least that seems a little bit slapstick and is maybe something you should avoid. Perhaps you could have the blaster bolt bounce off only to be harmlessly absorbed by the Mandalorian's armour or even remove the encounter altogether. Just a thought.

Author
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 (Edited)

RicOlie_2 said:

Looking good. There's one thing though, not a change as it was in your original post, but you have the blaster bolt that bounces off of 3PO's shoulder plate kill the Mandalorian. To me at least that seems a little bit slapstick and is maybe something you should avoid. Perhaps you could have the blaster bolt bounce off only to be harmlessly absorbed by the Mandalorian's armour or even remove the encounter altogether. Just a thought.

Yes, it's a bit slapstick, but I was trying to go for that; I thought it would help to put a little levity in a sequence that is otherwise pretty violent and serious.

I don't think making it so that the Mandalorian's armour absorbs the blaster bolt would work well (the Mandalorian could then just aim better and destroy Threepio outright, throwing the rest of his involvement in the story off). I could remove the encounter altogether, but then I'd have to figure out another way to introduce Threepio, and in a way that feels natural (having him just wake up and decide to go roaming around the ship, for example, would feel a bit random, like I was shoehorning the character in).

“Okay, I’m goin’, takin’ off. See ya… bye….” — Chip Douglas

“This concludes our broadcast day. Click.” — Chip Douglas

Author
Time
 (Edited)

EXT. SPACE - KMN-0

As the twin blue-green suns of the water world codenamed KMN-0 dip behind their child planet, casting the side farthest away from them in darkness, a small arrowhead-shaped starfighter -- painted red-and-white with a ring-shaped hyperdrive apparatus affixed to its body -- exits the realm of hyperspace. The pilot of the ship approaches the looming form of the planet at a leisurely pace, taking care not to draw undue attention towards themself.

INT. STARFIGHTER/COCKPIT

Sitting at the controls of the small fighter, a headset secured upon her brow, is Siri Tachi. Reaching forward, she activates the craft's transceiver, opening a transmission to the planet below.

SIRI: This is Siri Tachi, Jedi Knight of the Order of Coruscant, representative of the Imperial Senate. Please respond.

TRANSCEIVER OPERATOR: (O.C.) What is your business on KMN-0, Ms. Tachi?

SIRI: I am here on an official investigation concerning a series of attacks and raids a faction of Mandalorians has been making along the Outer Rim. We have reason to believe one such attack occurred over this planet, and that the remains of an attacked ship have been reclaimed by the crew of one of your terraforming facilities. (beat) I request permission to land so that I may question this crew.

TRANSCEIVER OPERATOR: (O.C.) Just give me a minute to check your story out, ma'am, alright?

SIRI: Alright.

The radio goes silent, and Siri sits there silently, gazing out at the amazing view of the blue world beyond. After a minute, the man on the other side of the transmission re-establishes contact.

TRANSCEIVER OPERATOR: (O.C.) Well, Ms. Tachi, your story checks out -- the crew of Terraforming Station C31 did recover the remains of a Consular-class space cruiser. (beat) I'm sending you the landing coordinates now.

SIRI: Thank you.

EXT. SPACE - KMN-0

Detaching from its hyperdrive ring, the Jedi starfighter's sublight engines blaze to life, taking it on a downward course to the water-filled world below.

EXT. KMN-0 - TERRAFORMING STATION C31/DOCKING PLATFORM - DAY

Opening the canopy of her landed starfighter, Siri steps up and out of the craft, stepping out onto the platform. A heavy rainstorm rages all around the terraforming station, drenching everything and everyone left out in the open. Bringing the hood of her red cloak up over her head, Siri pulls out her ship's beckon call, using it to close the canopy.

ARKANIAN OVERSEER: (O.S.) Lovely weather we're having, isn't it?

Turning toward the source of the voice, Siri spies an Arkanian female standing a ways away from her on the platform. Tall and slender, the Arkanian sports the long white hair, pupilless eyes, and four-fingered hands distinctive of her species; she is not a genetically engineered hybrid like the others manning the station.

SIRI: (approaches the Arkanian) I take it storms like these are common on your world.

ARKANIAN OVERSEER: This isn't my world. (beat) But we have our fair share of sunny days. (gestures toward an entrance leading into the station) Please, come this way.

Regarding the aloof Arkanian with a raised eyebrow, the Jedi knight follows her into Terraforming Station C31.

INT. TERRAFORMING STATION C31/CORRIDOR - DAY

As Siri and the Arkanian make their way along the antiseptic metal corridors of the station, the Jedi can't help but to notice all the strange hybrid creatures which make their way to-and-fro about them.

ARKANIAN OVERSEER: You've taken notice of our rather particular crew, haven't you?

SIRI: Yes, yes, I have. (beat) I don't claim to be an expert on xenobiology, but --

ARKANIAN OVERSEER: They are genetically engineered hybrids, created from the spliced DNA of various unrelated species.

SIRI: (incredulous) What!?

ARKANIAN OVERSEER: They were created by my people during the Second Clone War when Arkania was occupied by the Separatists. The Separatists were apparently interested in seeing how specially tailored hybrids would perform on the battle field.

SIRI: But that's illegal! Even according to the conventions of the --

ARKANIAN OVERSEER: Social mores are trifling matters in times of war. (beat) They never did see combat, and after the war it was decided that, instead of exterminating them, they would be put to work on various projects throughout the colonies. They have served us faithfully ever since.

SIRI: (disgusted) As slaves.

ARKANIAN OVERSEER: (turns to regard her) They have wages. (beat) The ones with higher brain functions, at any rate.

As they pass out of the corridor, a human-ranat janitor currently engaged in cleaning the floor stops to give Siri a short once-over. Once she has disappeared from view, he returns to his work.

INT. TERRAFORMING STATION C31/WALK-IN FREEZER - DAY

The door to a nearly empty, ice-covered walk-in freezer slides open, allowing Siri and the Arkanian overseer to step inside.

ARKANIAN OVERSEER: This station doesn't exactly come equipped with facilities designed to deal with bodily remains and other forensic artifacts, so we've stored the bodies of those we found aboard the pod in here to keep them preserved.

Stepping further into the freezer, Siri spots fourteen humanoid-shaped bodies on the floor, each wrapped in plastic sheeting and laid out in neat rows. Approaching one of the bodies, she bends low and reaches for it, unraveling the sheeting around its head to reveal the naked face and shoulders of a Mandalorian belonging to the Kaleesh species.

SIRI: (frowns) Where are his affects?

ARKANIAN OVERSEER: We removed them for inspection.

SIRI: You shouldn't have done that.

Rising up to her full height, Siri turns away from the dead Mandalorian to face the Arkanian.

SIRI: Where did you take them?

ARKANIAN OVERSEER: They have been taken to a storage room. Trust me, the belongings of each individual body have been placed in their own separate crates.

SIRI: I want to see them at once.

ARKANIAN OVERSEER: (nods) Of course.

Pressing a button on a panel in the wall, the door slides open, allowing the two women to exit the frozen chamber.

INT. TERRAFORMING STATION C31/STORAGE ROOM - DAY

The door to the storage room slides open, and the Arkanian woman leads Siri inside. Throughout the room, strewn about the floor and in piles stacked to the ceiling, are various crates and storage containers holding various parts and supplies.

ARKANIAN OVERSEER: I'm the only one who has access to this room, so no one has been in here since the artifacts were brought in.

SIRI: I assume you have security records to corroborate your story.

Replying silently with only a half-smile, the overseer takes Siri over to the far corner of the room, which has been cordoned off with red tape. There, in a small pile -- along with the deactivated forms of R2-D2 and C-3PO -- are fifteen identically shaped-and-sized containers.

ARKANIAN OVERSEER: You'll find everything is in its place -- nothing has been misplaced or lost.

SIRI: (points at the 'droids) The ship's only known survivors, I presume?

ARKANIAN OVERSEER: After a fashion. The astromech is in prime condition -- it has merely been powered down. The protocol 'droid, on the other hand, has been critically damaged -- possibly in an altercation with the Mandalorians. (beat) We thought about having it shipped away for repairs, but then we figured that it is evidence and you wouldn't want us tampering with it ...

SIRI: (looks the containers over) There were only fourteen bodies stored in the freezer, but there are fifteen containers here.

ARKANIAN OVERSEER: Naturally, not all the trinkets we found could be correlated with an individual body, so we set them apart. (beat) The container housing them has been clearly marked with a "15".

Locating the container marked with the digit for "15", Siri grabs hold of it and pulls it away from the others. Carrying it off, she lays it down atop the surface of a large, table-sized crate. Breaking the seal, she opens the container and begins to go through its contents, placing each and every one out on top of the crate after she's examined it. Soon she stops, freezing in place, her brow furrowing at a particular object lying at the bottom of the container -- a platinum medallion on a broken chain.

ARKANIAN OVERSEER: (frowns) Is something the matter?

Reaching into the container, Siri grabs hold of the medallion and pulls it out. Placing it in her hand so the surface bearing a small, ice-blue crystal in its centre faces upward, she grips it tightly, then passes her other hand slowly over it.

Suddenly, from the heart of the crystal, a small, three-dimensional holographic projection of a planet flashes into existence. With concentration, Siri makes the planet change shape, transforming it into another planet. After eight more such transformations, each into a different planet, the medallion returns to the projection of the original world it started with.

ARKANIAN OVERSEER: It's some sort of holoprojector.

SIRI: (shakes her head) Oh, no, it's not just a holoprojector -- not at all.

Relaxing her concentration, the crystal at the heart of the medallion goes dead, the projected planet winking out of existence.

EXT. TERRAFORMING STATION C31/DOCKING PLATFORM

Siri now stands before her starfighter. Though the heavy rainfall has died down somewhat, a fierce wind has picked up to replace it, blowing the folds of the Jedi knight's blood-red cloak about her. An astromech 'droid, resting in a recess located near the front of the space-faring vehicle, eyes her with its single mechanical photoreceptor.

SIRI: (to the 'droid) Arfour, relay this -- "scramble code five" -- to Coruscant, care of "the old folks home".

Arfour beeps and whistles. A transmitter disk extends from the starfighter, and the astromech begins to record the Jedi knight's image.

INT. CORUSCANT - JEDI TEMPLE/COUNCIL CHAMBERS - TWILIGHT

Within a stately room located at the apex of the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, twelve Jedi masters -- Mace Windu, Micah Giiett, Ki-Adi-Mundi, Plo Koon, Saesee Tiin, Even Piell, Yarael Poff, Oppo Rancisis, Yaddle, Eeth Koth, Adi Gallia, and Depa Billaba -- sit in seats arranged about in a semi-circular formation. Though dressed in uniforms nearly identical to Siri's, they also sport large, heavy black capes indicative of Jedi masters of the Coruscanti Order.

A holographic projection of Siri flashes into existence within the Council's semi-circle, standing at attention before the masters.

SIRI: Greetings, Masters. (to Adi Gallia) Mistress.

ADI GALLIA: (smiles) Hello, Siri.

MACE WINDU: (stern) We take it you've found something of importance?

SIRI: (nods) T'rot's information was correct -- the Mandalorians attacked and destroyed a Consular-class cruiser in orbit above the Arkanian colony KMN-0. Several Mandalorian cadavers survived intact aboard the ship's salon pod when it fell to the planet and was recovered by the crew of Terraforming Station C31.

YADDLE: Able were you to uncover the reasons behind the attack?

SIRI: No, but I think I know who was behind it, and where they'll strike next.

Reaching into her tunic, Siri withdraws the platinum medallion and holds it out for the Jedi masters to look upon.

MICAH GIIETT: Isn't that --?

KI-ADI-MUNDI: (interrupting) It's a Jedi meditation device!

SIRI: (nods) An initiate's tool for helping to focus one's concentration in the Force -- a child's plaything.

MACE WINDU: Are you sure it belonged to the Mandalorians?

In response, Siri turns the medallion around until the back side faces the Council; there, stamped into its surface, is the symbol of the Mandalorian Death Watch.

SIRI: This isn't a keepsake, a spoil of war -- it was manufactured by the Death Watch itself.

ADI GALLIA: This can only mean one thing ...

EVEN PIELL: That a fallen Jedi has joined the ranks of the Death Watch.

OPPO RANCISIS: More than that -- they're training Mandalorian sensitives to use the Force.

MACE WINDU: You said you knew where they'll strike next?

SIRI: (nods) When activated, the meditation device projects holographic images of ten planets -- nine of which have each been attacked by the Mandalorians, each in the order in which they're displayed on the device.

Bringing up the medallion, Siri activates it. Cycling through the planets, she comes to the ninth -- the water world KMN-0 itself.

SIRI: This is KMN-0, the last planet we know of that the Mandalorians have staged an attack around.

Siri switches to the next -- and last -- planet encoded into the meditation device, a barren desert planet with no apparent water on its surface.

SIRI: This is the next and final planet on the list -- a world located within the Hutt Empire known as Tatooine.

“Okay, I’m goin’, takin’ off. See ya… bye….” — Chip Douglas

“This concludes our broadcast day. Click.” — Chip Douglas

Author
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 (Edited)

INT. PASSENGER LINER/PASSENGER DECK

Several passengers sit in their seats aboard a passenger liner currently passing through the extradimensional corridors of hyperspace. One of these passengers is a young human man in his twenties, clean-shaven, his nearly-white blonde hair cropped short except for a pair of braids which hang down from his temples, and dressed in all-black clothes. This man, OBI-WAN KENOBI, is fast asleep.

ZOOM IN

On Obi-Wan's sleeping face. As the camera moves in closer, we see that his slumber is fitful, uncomfortable. As his brow furrows and the muscles of his face begin to twitch, the dim sound of lightsabers clashing -- sounds from the depths of his dreaming mind -- can be heard.

As the ship is rocked by sudden turbulence, the young man starts awake from his slumber, breathing heavily with his eyes wide open and his forehead moist with perspiration. As he looks about at his surroundings, trying to recall where he is, the deck's intercom crackles to life.

CAPTAIN: (O.C.) We have dropped out of hyperspace and are now on approach towards the planet. We will be making the descent momentarily, so please secure your restraints. Thank you.

Gaining control over his breathing, Obi-Wan wipes the sweat from his brow, then secures his seat's harness.

EXT. SPACE - TATOOINE

The passenger liner flies toward Tatooine, appearing to shrink to the size of a gnat as it passes before the looming form of the desert planet.

EXT. TATOOINE - MOS EISLEY - DOCKING BAY 94 - DAY

The passenger liner descends from the sky, coming low over the spaceport city of Mos Eisley, where it slips down through the open maw of Docking Bay 94.

INT. MOS EISLEY - DOCKING BAY 94 - DAY

Having landed and with its loading ramp descended, the passenger liner disgorges its load of passengers. Obi-Wan, in a long, black overcoat with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder, makes his way with the other travellers out of the docking bay to the greater city beyond.

EXT. MOS EISLEY - DOCKING BAY 94 - DAY

Standing out on the curb beyond the docking bay, Obi-Wan looks to his left and then to his right, surveying the streets for something or someone of importance. When he fails to find what he's looking for, he sighs with disappointment, then proceeds to walk on, resigned to find his way to his destination alone.

EXT. MOS EISLEY - STREET - MARKETPLACE - DAY

Obi-Wan eventually finds his way to a bustling marketplace, where several stalls manned by food vendors have been erected to serve the hungry masses of this portion of the city. His stomach grumbling, the young man decides to partake of the available cuisine, and walks up to a vendor serving some kind of deep fried meat on a stick.

VENDOR: What can I do for ya today?

OBI-WAN: (eyeing the food) Is the bantha tongue fresh?

VENDOR: As fresh as my wife's mouth every time she finds me with her mother.

OBI-WAN: I'll have one tongue-on-a-stick, then.

VENDOR: That'll be seven truguts.

As Obi-Wan reaches into his coat for the money, an UGLY DUG strides up to a burly Gungan over at another stall. Visibly intoxicated and angry, the dug spits at the Gungan's feet.

UGLY DUG: Chuba! You!

BURLY GUNGAN: (turns to regard the dug) Me?

UGLY DUG: Yes, you!

BURLY GUNGAN: What do u'sa want?

UGLY DUG: (pushes his face up in front of the Gungan's) I don't like you ...

BURLY GUNGAN: That isn't my problem. Be going.

UGLY DUG: (pokes the Gungan in the chest) I don't like you, you toad-faced worrt! You smell like a nexu's wet 'natch!

BURLY GUNGAN: (pushes away Sebulba's wrist) Leave, barbarian. Your insults will put you down.

UGLY DUG: Try me, maggot!

The dug violently pushes the Gungan, causing the frog-like rephibian to fall back and crash into a stall of fried roach candies, tipping several trays of the candies over. Enraged, the burly Gungan unsheathes a knife. Grinning with bloodlust, the ugly dug pulls out a blaster.

Without hesitation, Obi-Wan strides up to the two combatants and, stepping between them, pulls the weapons from each of their hands. The two beings turn to regard the human, dumbfounded expressions on their faces.

OBI-WAN: (pocketing the weapons) I'm sure you can resolve your differences without needless violence.

UGLY DUG: (incredulous) What do you think you are doing?!

BURLY GUNGAN: (sneers) Give me back my weapon!

OBI-WAN: Why should I, knowing you intend to use it?

UGLY DUG: (giving Obi-Wan the evil eye) Don't you know who you are dealing with!?

OBI-WAN: Two individuals who have better things to do with their time than shed blood over absolutely nothing.

UGLY DUG: (giving Obi-Wan a once-over) Shed blood over absolutely nothing, eh? (beat) Maybe you wanna shed blood over absolutely nothing!

Without warning, the dug jumps forward, pushing Obi-Wan hard. Unprepared for the assault, the young man stumbles back.

UGLY DUG: Where's your big talk now, peacemaker? Can't you muster it up, boy!?

The dug pushes Obi-Wan again. This time the strength behind the attack is enough to make the man nearly topple, causing him to drop his duffel bag.

UGLY DUG: (contemptuous) Spineless sissy (spitting on the ground) I'll teach you to stick your ugly simian nose in my business.

Planting himself firmly on the ground, the dug rears back, preparing to deliver Obi-Wan a powerful kick with his arm-like legs. As he kicks out, though, the human pivots, avoiding the blow effortlessly, and grabs hold of the dug's feet. Bracing himself, Obi-Wan spins the dug around, then releases him. With a shrill cry of fear, the ugly dug flies into a food stall, shattering it and bringing splintered wood and hot stew down upon himself.

As the dug lies there, mewling like a wounded cub, Obi-Wan walks up to him. Reaching into the waistband of his trousers, he pulls out the dug's blaster.

OBI-WAN: (removes the blaster's power pack) Here is your weapon back, my friend. (drops the powerless blaster on the ground between the dug's sprawled legs) Try to find more worthy battles to use it in.

Without any further word, Obi-Wan turns his back to the dug and walks off. The dug, groaning, sits up. Looking after the departing human, his features contort with hate.

UGLY DUG: You'd better watch your back, human, 'cause this isn't over! One way or another, I'll find you and pay you back for this! Count on it!

Refusing to pay the dug any further mind, Obi-Wan returns to the burly Gungan's side. As with the dug and his blaster, the young man withdraws the gungan's knife and hands it to him.

OBI-WAN: The message I gave him goes for you, too. Use this for a worthy cause, or don't use it at all. Am I understood?

Taking the knife, the Gungan nods, his face full of thought.

BURLY GUNGAN: I will heed your advice.

Silently, Obi-Wan goes and retrieves his duffel bag, then begins walking off. As he passes by the smashed stall, he tosses a bag of truguts to the unfortunate vendor.

OBI-WAN: Sorry for the damages. I hope this'll pay for the repairs.

The vendor finds himself without a word to say, and merely pockets the money, his eyes fixed on the young man as he continues on his way, all the weight of the worlds seemingly pressing down on his shoulders.

“Okay, I’m goin’, takin’ off. See ya… bye….” — Chip Douglas

“This concludes our broadcast day. Click.” — Chip Douglas