Collaborative Fanediting: An ROTJ Proposition (BACK ON TRACK WITH EMANSWFAN AT THE HELM--SEE POST 1488 OR OP FOR A LINK!) — Page 5

my favourite line....So Far

Oola and the fat female dancer performs... Lapti Nek is much sleazier and fits the setting better IMO

Can we cut this please...

1.The Rancor KEEPERS have come into the cage and are examining their dead beast. One of them breaks down and weeps.

A herd of wild banthas treks across Tatooine's dunes.[d1] 

the transition timing needs to be a bit longer between Luke leaving Dagobah and arriving on tatooine Vader arriving on DSII is not Long Enough to show convey the distance travelled.

to pad this out would there be any way to insert somthing..

my suggestions:

the rebel fleet deep space and Delivering the Plans to Mothman? Only an Idea and the sequence is fine just feel it needs more transition time.

Ronster said:

my favourite line....So Far

Oola and the fat female dancer performs... Lapti Nek is much sleazier and fits the setting better IMO

I hate both songs and the accompanying puppets or CGI characters.  Not to mention there is little need for this scene except establishing a trap door that leads to something scary.  I think it would be best just to see Oola dancing to a much better song briefly, Jabba tries to pull her close, she resists and falls to her death.  However if I'm in the minority here, this of course can stay.

Can we cut this please...

1.The Rancor KEEPERS have come into the cage and are examining their dead beast. One of them breaks down and weeps.

YES!  I mean to do so and forgot.  It's already done for my revised version.

A herd of wild banthas treks across Tatooine's dunes.[d1] 

---

 [d1]Some don’t like the banthas but I think they’re fine.

2.agreed but it is the second shot or smaller looking herd that needs to be removed IMO

 

This is the SARLACC[d1] 

---

 [d1]I don’t mind the Special Edition beak as much as others do, but I don’t mind if it is removed either.

3. Because the special edition tentacles move more realistically i suggest a combination of both especially for the establishing shot of the sarlac but for me i prefer no beak

 

 

 

Luke has hold on one of the rigging ropes from the mast. He gathers Leia in his other arm and kicks the trigger of the deck gun. The gun explodes into the deck as Luke and Leia swing out toward the skiff.

[d1] 

---

 [d1]Show more damage on Luke’s hand to better match when he’s on the X-wing.

4.For me it was always weird that he was holding his Light sabre as high as he could vertically in the air when his hand gets shot as there was nobody near him... I think they just wanted to show this as easily as possible.

5.Droid torture can go as you suggested but for me the main problem is the stupid tentacle that grabs C3PO in the corridor

I quite like ED-9v9 but if it gets cut I'm not bothered either.

LUKE: I'll meet you back at the fleet.[d1] 

 

LEIA: (over comlink) Hurry. The Alliance should be assembled by now.

 

LUKE: I will.

---

 [d1]Redundant.

LUKE[d1] : No, not yet.  I have to do some…thinking.

---

 [d1]This line would have to be dubbed.

6. This final line does work somewhat.. But better would be "I need to be alone for a while..."

Sometimes the advanced text editor is weird: I can't break the quote in some places for comment so I'll just finish here.  Bantha herds can easily be cut with no sacrifice to the plot, particularly the smaller herd (which I'm sure is supposed to appear distant, but in reality does look out of scale).  I would agree about the beak being cut but the tentacles remaining.  That would mean more work that simply choosing which version to edit in, but if our effects guys are willing, so am I.

It is weird that he holds his saber high, and furthermore that someone so close would miss his body and only hit him in the hand, but it's kind of important that it gets damaged and I can't think of a more reasonable way to show it.

EV9D9 is interesting, but that scene is unnecessary and the torture is stupid IMO.  I even thought so as a kid.

I agree, the final line would be better.  I think it would be good if there were a pause, perhaps with him saying, "I just...need to be alone for a while."  Good call.

Ronster said:

the transition timing needs to be a bit longer between Luke leaving Dagobah and arriving on tatooine Vader arriving on DSII is not Long Enough to show convey the distance travelled.

to pad this out would there be any way to insert somthing..

my suggestions:

the rebel fleet deep space and Delivering the Plans to Mothman? Only an Idea and the sequence is fine just feel it needs more transition time.

Believe it or not, this transition was my big hangup.  I didn't know how to order the scenes to effectively get Luke from Dagobah to Tatooine.  However, my hope was that after speaking with Ben, it would be implicit that Luke had left Dagobah so that after we see Vader on the Death Star and go to the X-wing approaching Tatooine, it feels like time has passed and that Luke has traveled the full distance.

I don't know about incorporating the Mothman into this story, as the Mothman Prophecies seem to be completely unrelated to Star Wars.  Oh, wait!  You mean Mon Mothma! ;)  If we do include the Rebels stealing the plans, that could be a very good idea.  However, the Mon Mothma footage is very limited, so I don't know how to effectively pull that off.  Perhaps if we include a ship in the beginning involved in stealing the plans, then later include the same ship simply entering the hangar of a Mon Cal cruiser, it could be implicit enough without showing any characters.

timdiggerm said:

I haven't had a chance to read the script, and won't until tonight at the earliest, but I had a thought Re: The Bothan Spies intro

So, other than the obvious problem of filming an entirely new intro sequence featuring the adventures of several actors in Bothan costumes, with props, blue screens, stormtroopers and more, there's the story problem of none of the main characters being present. This is a particularly difficult problem to overcome because we can really only film masked characters.

But what if Leia, in the Boushh armor, was part of the operation? By introducing Boushh early on as part of the Rebel Spy operation, the viewer will already consider Boushh a separate character, making the Leia-reveal more surprising. It doesn't resolve the "No Main Characters" problem for the first viewing, but it fixes it on subsequent viewings. It also gives us a new way to see Leia as a fighter, which I suppose is always good?

Boushh's final appearance in that sequence could involve getting into some sort of personal ship, receiving a message and looking at a hologram/photo of the Falcon parked on Tatooine. Hopefully aspersions could be cast on the character during the Bothan Operation scene, causing the audience to doubt Boushh's allegiance. The word "Bounty Hunter" could be used. On first view, the viewer should think "Oh no, this creepy bounty hunter has found the Falcon!", a thought which will be completed when he appears with Chewie. On second view, the viewer will know that Leia has been contacted and told where to meet Lando & Co.

I am really torn on this scene, as it would extremely difficult to complete and is not necessary.  However, I think it would be really cool, and could allow for a little monitoring of the espionage to increase the tension and paces the story a bit better.  Plus I really like the idea of Leia as Boushh.  Often we see things that don't immediately make sense and only after a revelation later do the earlier scenes gain their full meaning (and like you said, on subsequent viewings as well).  If/when we do make such a scene, I think this would be a great way to do it.

@ronster, I forgot to mention that I still couldn't watch your clip.  I've already neglected much of my job while working on the script and this site, and had an extra project to do last night that I wasn't expecting (helping someone move), so when I got home in the evening I only briefly came here and had no more time to look at anything else.  Sorry, but I should be able to get to it by today, and then I will comment.

I do have one thing to say, since you mentioned it earlier.  I like the idea of Leia's injury just before Vader taunts Luke about her joining the dark side.  However, the way I conceive the battle includes the shootout in the bunker taking place after their second time getting in, which means she would be injured while they break in.  Yet she would appear to be in perfectly good shape at that point.  Maybe you pull it off well in your cut, but that problem occurs to me.

EV9D9 could be used to deliver exposition if we went with the subplot where Jabba is the last Separatist leader and they're going there to get the old ships to help with the attack.

I like Luke just making grand entrances all the time as part of his character. The implication that he's going to leave to go "think" is enough for me.

I've never had a problem with starting on Tatooine, so for simplicity's sake I think that would be fine.

That's the purpose of the line, "I just need to do some...thinking," or as ronster suggested, "I just...need to be alone for a while."  I'm hoping that it's implied that he's simply going off to ponder on the recent paternity test (implied by putting on the glove while stating the line), internally torn about what to do.  I also want to draw your attention to the fact that I didn't use the first part of the lightsaber construction deleted scene.  I'm thinking of a way of having Vader reach out to Luke mentally.  I've been mulling over this idea: after the Emperor's arrival and sensing his desire "to continue his search for young Skywalker," Vader then goes to meditate, calls out to Luke, maybe show Luke in his cockpit with his eyes closed, and then move on to the next scene.

Now we know what's running through Luke's head, and we still have a reason to understand why he's so distraught when Leia asks him, "What is it?"

EDIT: Those are my thoughts as well on the Coruscant thing.  It just doesn't seem reasonable.  But this is a collaborative project, so I definitely want to hear the argument for putting it in there.

You mentioned Sing Sing Sing before, and it's already a pretty familiar song, so I worried that it might not be a good idea because too many people would already know it.  However, there were some dance parts of that medley (maybe parts of Sing Sing Sing, I dunno, I'm not familiar with every aspect of it) that were unique enough that they could be used, and it would only be for 30 secs to a minutes anyway of music needed.  That could be a reasonable song to put there.  Good call my young padawan ;)

It sounds good to me.  So tell me, title reads, "Jedi rescorer."  I remember you commenting on The Cutter's edit quite a bit.  I see you started a thread for potential replacement music.  You have suggested music here.  You are clearly musically inclined.  Are you able to do compositions in the same manner that The Cutter was?  If so, are you interested in scoring our project here?

OK as promised my Bobba Fett Inspiration for the CGI Experts

Not sure if it is possible so I hope Angel, Alanfae and Mithrandir can take a look.... It's the best I could do, and it's a better way for Bobba to go...than what is there at the momment if it could be pulled off.

http://www.mediafire.com/?gtsq72vys7i7lz4

it will make you laugh either way but it's not stupid like in the original

I let the last clip run to the end just so you know it does not effect other shots later on... I had to do quite a few flips to get this to come off... Basically it is some roto in and roto out work. I think the roto in is easy but the roto out will be a bit trickier but sand and sky I am sure is quite easy anyway Enjoy!

@fishmanlee I think elements of the Jerry Goldsmith Planet of the apes score might work well before the action around the sarlac pit.

darth_ender said:

I don't know about incorporating the Mothman into this story, as the Mothman Prophecies seem to be completely unrelated to Star Wars.  Oh, wait!  You mean Mon Mothma! ;) 

yeah what's her name :)

I like Luke just making grand entrances all the time as part of his character. The implication that he's going to leave to go "think" is enough for me.

I've never had a problem with starting on Tatooine, so for simplicity's sake I think that would be fine

@Vladius The only problem is, is that luke is not a Jedi yet apparently.....I don't mind sticking to the original sequence... But I quite like expanding the plot regarding the Bothans... That will be my next clip for the CGI Experts, and it would make the edit unique and perhaps a wow factor there too.

do have one thing to say, since you mentioned it earlier.  I like the idea of Leia's injury just before Vader taunts Luke about her joining the dark side.  However, the way I conceive the battle includes the shootout in the bunker taking place after their second time getting in, which means she would be injured while they break in.  Yet she would appear to be in perfectly good shape at that point.  Maybe you pull it off well in your cut, but that problem occurs to me.

@Darth-Ender I changed the order only slightly to accomodate this so check the sequence could perhaps add a burn to her arm i did a quick fix on the smoke and lasers going everywhere part in you clip too but thats a cgi like the doors and chewie. although i did not tile mark it

perhaps DS1 Footage wold work of Han and Chewie legging it around the corner just before the bunker exit. Watch the sequence you would know what I mean....

Ronster said:

OK as promised my Bobba Fett Inspiration for the CGI Experts

Not sure if it is possible so I hope Angel, Alanfae and Mithrandir can take a look.... It's the best I could do, and it's a better way for Bobba to go...than what is there at the momment if it could be pulled off.

http://www.mediafire.com/?gtsq72vys7i7lz4

it will make you laugh either way but it's not stupid like in the original

I let the last clip run to the end just so you know it does not effect other shots later on... I had to do quite a few flips to get this to come off... Basically it is some roto in and roto out work. I think the roto in is easy but the roto out will be a bit trickier but sand and sky I am sure is quite easy anyway Enjoy!

@fishmanlee I think elements of the Jerry Goldsmith Planet of the apes score might work well before the action around the sarlac pit.

Wow, if all the continuity could be fixed through CGI, this would be my ideal end for Boba Fett. I especially like that he's now the one to shoot Luke's hand. Only thing there that won't work is that one shot of Boba's helmet lying on the ground, it doesn't make sense because he's already in the Sarlaac.

Just watched both your clips, Ronster.  My thoughts:

Obviously you are not a fan of Luke/Leia being brother and sister.  Your cut works surprisingly well, though it would be good to redub his line from "Then you know why I have to face him," to ""Now you know why I have to face him."  Cutting Han's jealousy worked well too.

I personally like the shuttle entering the DS.  Since it's reused ROTJ footage, and since Adywan is planning on cutting the shuttle heading to Executor in ESB, I'd suggest instead that that footage be used for the most part.

I see you like a lot of what I did :)

I know Spence put the entirety (or at the majority) of the sword fight together.  I personally like the fight split between other battles personally for at least a couple of reasons: 1) it gives the battle a feeling of greater length and therefore feels like more of a struggle; 2) the various simultaneous battles climax at about the same time instead of seeing one climax, then having a breather, then another, then a breather, etc.

Also in your rearrangement, the Executor crashes into the Death Star before the shield is down.  I suppose if we were to cut it that way it could crash into the shield instead, but we'd have to cut out the dudes running around the DS corridors.

I truly like the idea of Leia getting shot just before Vader taunts Luke about her, but it's too quick a shot to care, and we don't see her in much trouble there or afterwards.  Obviously if we were to do that, we'd have to remove her from the storming of the bunker afterwards, especially if you plan to keep her shooting those other guys when she's injured.  Or else you'd need to remove that completely and make her wound seem rather minor, which then defeats the purpose of showing her get shot.  If you found a way to make her injury not appear so overly fast and create a more perilous mood, then I could see it being more successfully pulled off.

I know I said I like ROTJ better than others which probably leaves me more willing to leave some things as they are.  I don't personally feel the need to rearrange so many of the end clips.  I really hope this doesn't offend you, and it's only my opinion.  We are a team.

As for Boba Fett, if you could successfully pull some of that stuff off (especially Boba shooting him in the hand), I'd say that's a much better way to go.  I don't much care for his head falling on the ground, but otherwise it's interesting.  The thing is that I don't know how possible it is.  It looks a bit complex for our special effects guys.

This is my feedback.  Hope you take it as constructive criticism.  I'm always open to the same for my contributions.  It's the only way to make progress.

Ronster:

Watched you video. I like the concept though when watching it, something else came to mind.

If we're going CGI, which allow us to basically place Fett anywhere, I'd put him on his own side.

What do I mean by this? It just came to mind that we could place Boba inside the Jabba's ship all the time. So when the lights come off, he points Leia with a gun. When Leia "starts" to kill Jabba, he just puts his gun down, and that's it. He lets Leia kill the Hutt, so that he can be the "heir" of the Hutt empire. In the end, he just flies off the Jabba's ship when it's up to explode, or something.

Not a very developed idea, just throwing it here for brainstorming.

That works too. One idea I liked was to ditch the Bothan spies and have Boba Fett deliver the Death Star stuff to the rebels himself, though I suppose accomplishing it would be just as difficult as the new Bothans scene.

fishmanlee said:

Hey ender, were you to go the "No boba at all" route i made a mockup/edit of that a while back:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzj0--q0foI

(and here is something else: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JklIHGzPkTs )

I like Boba Fett, but I think that if his death is too lame to most, it'd be easier to eliminate him completely rather than give him a grander death, at least at this point in my book.  I never saw this video before, but taking  a look at it, it's quite effective.  It never lets us feel like anything is missing, the pacing isn't disrupted, and no cuts were noticeably weird (except cutting out the excess Salacious Crumb, and I am for completely removing him anyway, solving that problem for me).  Well done.  I'm for it, though I don't know if others would be.  I know that many want to give him a more glorious death, which I think would be cool too, but simply too complex to be worthwhile IMO.

Also I'm for anything that takes away from some of the Ewok cuteness and humor, so the second video looks good too.  I guess you don't like the shoulder tapping though, eh?

I thought that was interesting too, but yes, that's the same thought I have as well.  Plus, we'd still be left with a loose thread: since it turns out he's obviously an Imperial agent in that scenario, does he ever get what's coming?  That will remain something difficult to resolve.

Interesting idea to let Boba run the criminal empire.  Could be a decent way to part ways with him and simply leave him out of the rest of the story.  Could you maybe give a rough mockup to show us how it could work?  I could see using the Boba footage when he prepares to shoot Leia (as Boushh).