You can find a spouse by pretending to be the spouse of an amnesia or coma victim.
You have a windproof lighter that won't go out no matter how far you have to throw it.
The more elaborate your opponent's initial moves, the more likely you will take him out with a swift kick to the face (or revolver).
Bump!
If glass breaks, unless you're John McClane, you won't get any cuts on you.
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It still takes about thirty seconds to trace a phone call.
People simultaneously shooting each other at point blank range will be out of ammo.
The villain will make one last attempt to kill you after he appears to be dead.
Your local Counter-Terrorism Unit will have at least one mole.
how come no one mentioned this one yet?
I can always survive a nuclear blast by hiding in a fridge.
If you are on an airplane and it is crashing, and you don't have a parachute, look for an inflatable raft. You can jump out of the plane, inflate the raft, and it will be able to break or fall for incredible heights.
Your fedora will never fall off.
The low ranking bad guys are always easy to kill.
If you shot first, it can always be changed 20 years later, so it looks like the other guy shot first.
If you walk into a murder scene, you will always be sure touch and leave your finger prints on the room especially the body and the murder weapon. You will also always be sure to pick up the murder weapon just before everyone else bursts into to the room, ensuring that you will be falsely charge with the murder.
if the film is about a female cop, who is the hero of the story, her male coworkers will always be sexist pigs who care more about getting the woman out of the department than solving the case.
greenpenguino said:
Bump!
If glass breaks, unless you're John McClane, you won't get any cuts on you.
Or Jackie Chan. ;) Police Story is still sequence-for-sequence one of the best action films ever made.
VADER!? WHERE THE HELL IS MY MOCHA LATTE? -Palpy on a very bad day.
“George didn’t think there was any future in dead Han toys.”-Harrison Ford
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Warbler said:
You will also always be sure to pick up the murder weapon
Good one.
You win auctions with a bid much higher than the item is about to sell for.
If set upon by a small furry creature, you will clutch it to your throat and flail wildly.
If one or both of your parents died working in espionage, they are still alive.
Somewhere, you have a twin/clone/alternate/robot duplicate/doppelganger. Probably evil.
Babies communicate with each other telepathically.
There are kookaburras in the jungle.
It is impossible to tell the difference between a gorilla and a man in a gorilla suit.
The woman you are interested will immediately become quite offended when you tell her a fantastic but true story explaining your recent bizarre behavior.
You can get drunk by simply standing at a bar and holding a glass while explaining your sad tale to your friends.
Neither the debris from the explosion, nor the impact of landing 20 feet from where you were, will cause any serious bodily damage. Moreover, you will not suffer any hearing damage in spite of your proximity.
Generic but monstrous opponents will die with a single arrow or bullet to any point on the body, but the ordinary dying hero will continue to fight as if only stunned when shot several times in the chest and vital organs.
If sounds are dulled and your world starts to go into slo-mo, that's probably a good time to look around and figure out which character you care about was just fatally wounded.
An onslaught of bad guys will always take you on one at a time so you have time to kill them individually and quickly rather than taking advantage of their numerical superiority.
If you are eating or drinking and see something strange, you will think the food or drink is to blame.
You can only break your neck falling down stairs that are indoors.
It wasn't you... it was the one-armed man.
A nuke can go off within your visual range and have no effect on you.
If it happens over water it will not cause a major environmental disaster.
darth_ender said:
An onslaught of bad guys will always take you on one at a time so you have time to kill them individually and quickly rather than taking advantage of their numerical superiority.
This is usually the case, the bad guys are quite courteous in that regard. If you are mobbed by numerous bad guys however, you will:
a). Have the strength to throw them all off you at once.
b). Crawl out of the huddle and escape unnoticed.
The worse example of that is Oldboy. Just watch that scene where Dae-su fights his way through all those thugs. One of them throws a weak ass punch then voluntarily slips onto his back.
“Grow up. These are my Disney's movies, not yours.”
In the same vein:
While all the generic bad guys go down with a blow or two, the uniquely large and powerful guy takes quite a bit more and could inf fact defeat you in a single blow. But to satisfy his pride, he'll toy with you till you can find a vulnerability.
Bad guys are surprisingly courteous.
If a public phone rings, you will answer it. It will be for you.
If you are somewhere you shouldn't be and the phone rings, you will answer it.
If you just killed someone and their phone rings, you will answer it.
If someone gives you a portable phone and it rings, you will not answer it.
You fix Mainframe computers by "rebooting" them.
You never have to go to the bathroom. You never have to eat or drink, either which might be why you never have to go to the bathroom.
You never fart, burp, or sneeze unless it's required to move the action forward.
You look good all the time, so do all your friends/spouses/coworkers - unless you or your friend/spouse/coworker is the "awkward" one.
Your office or government agency always has the most up to date equipment and furniture -- and the fastest computers.
There's always some awesomely appropriate song playing in the background everytime you do anything.
It's rare for anyone in your world to be older than 43.
You can win back your ex by objecting at his or her wedding.
The barn in which you are trapped will contain an old truck you can use to escape.
If you need blood, you will cut an unnecessarily large gash in the palm of your hand.
The longer someone attempts to resuscitate you, the greater your chance of survival.
You pack a suitcase by throwing handfuls of unfolded clothing inside.
You only overhear part of a conversation about yourself and then take it out of context.
You frame badly photoshopped pictures of yourself.
If you have an awkward friend who has a crazy scientific or conspiracy theory, then it is almost guaranteed to be correct, especially if they are ridiculed or ostracized by the establishment for said theory.
Every newspaper is the same unless you yourself read it.
You will always find the keys to an old truck above the sun visor.
The more obscure your hobby, the more relevant it will be.
The more dangerous your opponent is, the more likely it is that he will want to be captured.
Lightning arcs out of electrical equipment right before it explodes.
If a multinational military intelligence coalition has been assembled, the black guy is from America.
Many computers no longer have mice at all, as everyone can access anything using only the keyboard.
If someone coughs, not only are they sick, but they are either dangerously contagious or they are trying to hide a secretly debilitating illness from you.
If you are wrestling with a complex scientific problem, the answer will be revealed to you through a mundane remark or observation when you least expect it.
If you see him fall but you don't see him hit the ground, he is not dead.
If you are in a sword or knife fight, there is a good chance that someone will get a superficial cut to their cheek.
If you are involved in a lightsaber battle, odds are good that it takes place in the prequels.
The quality and history of the sword is more important than your skill using it.
The effects of the vacuum of space upon you never obey the same laws twice.
Your spacesuit makes you move slowly, even when you're not in space.
The engines of your spacecraft are always on, even when flying at a constant rate of speed.
If you are taught by an old master, you will be his final student.
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
A single man's fridge may only contain alcohol, Chinese leftovers and bad milk.
If manhandled by two muscled goons, you will make a wisecrack about their sexuality.
Any problems described to a psychiatrist will have happened to "a friend".
When using a dictaphone, you will inadvertently play something embarrassing that you recorded earlier.
Your car(or motor vehicle) doesn't actually belong to you it can be sold by a friend or family member with no consequence to them. Leaving you with the trials and hardship of trying to buy it back from the person it was sold to because for whatever reason they actually get to own it.
(This is a new cliche I've seen in a few tv shows. Their friends/family just sell their car like it's owned by the people that know that person instead of the person themselves. I don't know where the hell tv show writers came up with this one.)
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-You ignore waiters/waitresses in restaraunts, don't tip them, don't order, and don't acknowledge them in any way when they miraculously still give you what you want.
-You can destroy enemies much smarter, stronger, and bigger than you just by *believing*
-When somebody does you a favor, you just look at them as they walk away. Never thank them, never let them know it helped.
-You can treat your friends like they mean nothing to you and they will still follow you around hanging on to your every word
-For that matter, every person that you talk to will hang on to your every word
-You can fight all night, get thrown through mud, get blown about by a tornado, but your hair will still look perfect.
-You care nothing for the feelings or needs of others yet are surrounded by close friends
-You're Robert Downey Jr.
When the woman you've been pining for day and night for weeks and weeks suddenly shows up at your doorstep late on a Saturday night, ready for sex, you will never, ever have just masturbated, as proved by the fact that you will bed her instantly, readily and with no awkward warm-up period.
^^
Adding to that, you will also always be totally fresh and clean, and will never have a need to take a shower or wash up in any way first before engaging in sexual activity.