You guys are taking Sean's story way too seriously. This is the internets, after all.
Here's another story I found, thought it was amusing:
Dearest readers, the funniest shit I've ever, ever seen happened just now, at the movie theater.
So my friend and I go to the dollar theater, buy or tickets at the ticketbox, and decide to have a cigarette before the movie starts. We're standing there against the side of the ticketbox talking, and my friend points me toward a group of High school scene kids huddled together by the curb. It looked like they were waiting to be picked up. There were 4 boys and 2 girls, each boy had either a patchy beard, or long "emo" style hair over one eye. The girls, huge rind-stone sunglasses (keep in mind it's 10p.m.), My Chemical Romance hoodies, and purses with Marilyn Monroe on them with more rind-stones. All of them had those metal spiked belt buckles and the tight jeans that look like no one could ever fit into, and either huge skater shoes or bastardized versions of Converses. So they're all at the curb eating from a fucking GIGANTIC bag of skittles the one with the patchy beard is holding, talking about how much they hate society (one of them even mentioned Neitche), when from the right, a small group of pretty big guys and 1 girl cross them as they head toward the parking lot. All of a sudden, I hear one of the ones with the emo hair say "fucking retard jocks. 'look at me, I can throw a fucking football'" under his breath to the others, to which they all snicker. Then, the funniest series of events I've ever seen happens.
The big guy that was within earshot of the comment suddenly turned around and cocked his head, and he rushes right into the emo kid's face.
"What the fuck did you just say?"
There was a pretty long pause, but I guess the emo kid was still trying to act cool for his friends. He just shrugged and made a face.
"I didn't say anything."
"Bullshit, you fucking pussy piece of shit. I heard what you fucking said, and now that I'm in your face you can't do shit about it can you?" I swear, he gets fucking 2 inches from the emo kids face. My friend and I thought he was going to piss himself.
"I didn't say anything dude, so get the fuck out of my face."
The big guy puffs up pretty visibly and yells at him. "Or what?" The emo kid is still quiet, so he says "Or what?" again. And then out of nowhere, he reaches over to the kid with the patchy beard and knocks the bag of skittles from his hand and they all spill fucking everywhere when it hits the ground. Now, not only my friend and I, and the friends of the guy are watching. Everyone suddenly turns around.
The guy with the beard puffs up and walks up to the guy and says "What the fuck man?", to which the big guy says "What, you piece of shit? What? What the fuck are you gonna do?" and pushes him in the chest with his fingers. And the High schooler actually reels back and tries to punch the guy in the face. Now, the big guys are like at least 5 inches taller than the emos, and this one big guy probably outweighs him by at least 50lbs, all in muscle, so It's a pretty one-way fight.
The big guy immediately knocks the beard kid down, right on his skittles, and then the other boys rush in to help him, which makes the other big guys rush in to help THEIR friend. It's a fucking battle royal between these guys, and the emos are seriously getting their asses beat, right in the middle of a crowd of shocked and frozen movie-goers; even the people who were inside come out after they hear all the commotion. The one who initially made the comment gets his hands and arms wrapped around his back in a joint lock by one of the big guys and this guy is, quite literally, kicking him in the ass. The other two scene kids get thrown around like ragdolls by just one of the other big guys, their fucking arms and legs are flailing everywhere. One was even lifted up and thrown like a fucking wrestling match about 5 feet in the air against one of the movie posters outside. But the funniest thing happened to the skittles boy.
I look through the small brawl and see that the original big guy has the beard boy in a joint lock with his face pressed down into his own fucking skittles that are littered on the ground. My friend and I are already enjoying ourselves (we have lit up more and more cigarettes by this point), but I swear, it's only when the big guy shouts out "EAT THEM. EAT YOUR FUCKING SKITTLES" that we both burst out into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. We are literally bellowing. Everyone who isn't already shocked by the fight is completely confused and appalled at how loud we're laughing.
In the next few seconds, a police cruiser had turned the corner and stopped the fight. The big guys were arrested and an ambulance was called for the now broken, bloody scene kids with their emo hair wildly flicked all about and plastered to their faces. But the real hilarity comes about when I notice the beard kid being helped to his feet and I see a fucking rainbow smear of skittle over his cheek. I don't think we could've laughed any harder at anything in the world. The police questioned us because they were weirded out by the fact that we were laughing, but we were let go (after a stern talking to, though) after it was confirmed that we had nothing to do with the fight, and weren't actually inciting anything. We were, however, told to leave, but I think it was worth it for a night this great. So, there you have it, my witness to a bunch of pretentious emo kids getting what they deserved, front row seats. The best night of my life so far.
