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The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!) — Page 20

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Here’s an updated scene, with the return of the unused music and a still of the wall of days and the last shot of Rey as a stand-in for the island drawing. I like the idea you had RL about using the wall for the drawing, but it would still be fun to film an insert shot of that.

https://vimeo.com/316877939

Password: fanedit

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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Very awesome work. But I have a few suggestions.

I am under the impression Kylo is projecting the images meant to intimidate Poe into his head? If that’s the case I get why you used those sequences but I think you’re missing out on an opportunity to highlight some character sub text.

It makes more sense to me, for Kylo to attempt to intimidate Poe with imagery that focuses on only his power instead of the First Order’s. Kylo has little man syndrome and is insecure and emotionally immature. He feels he needs to remind everyone how tough and evil he is as a way to reassure himself.

The result of changing this sequence helps to highlight the specificity of Poe’s response. He responds with, “the Resistance will not be intimidated by you.” It reinforces the differences of the two characters’ ideals. Poe thinks outwardly, he is not an individual, he and the Resistance are one, bound by a common goal of peace in the galaxy. In contrast, Kylo is inward thinking, only concerned with his own interests, using the First Order as merely a means to an end. I believe Poe can sense Kylo’s isolation, insecurity, and desperation and is praying on in an attempt to fight back in the only way he can in that moment.

Other suggestions

Is there any way to make the shot of her scratching the line into the wall look like she is drawing a very small figure of a person? Then the wide shot reveals the whole drawing. A rudimentary version of Luke standing on top of the island.

Use some imagery from from the “dark side” part of the island from TLJ. For example the hole into the cave, or the silhouettes she sees the mirror in the cave, just before they merge together and turn into her reflection.

*I hope this all makes sense it took me forever to word it correctly.

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I’m not sure of the suggestion in the Kylo vision - are you suggesting that I try and highlight the difference between the two characters’ ideologies?

For the drawings, I think it would be easier and more effective to simply have the island with no figures. After all, Luke has closed himself off from the Force in a way where Rey admits later that she can’t sense him, so I’ve come around to the idea that she really should only see the island and the texts.

In other news, I’ve had an idea about restructuring the Starkiller infiltration. It’s lengthy, but it involves much of the movie:

Resistance base until Leia says ‘tell me all you know’.
Rey and Kylo interrogation, Snoke demands Rey.
Leia realizes her part of the map is useless.
Chewie and the doctor.
Han and Leia talk.
Starkiller charging (with shot establishing Kylo watching)
Resistance planning session and Han and Leia’s goodbyes.
Rey struggles with escape, fails. Kylo approaches.
Falcon Lands.
Trooper informs Kylo that sensors were triggered in sector 718, Kylo goes to investigate.
Not how the Force works.
Hux update.
Kylo searches the Falcon (Apparently in sector 718).
Base Infiltration, Phasma captured.
Rey hears Stormtrooper chatter of base disturbances, finally escapes.
Han and Finn threaten Phasma.
Rey goes onto the wall.
Phasma triggers alarm.
Rey goes into hiding.
Fighters sent in.
Kylo sees fighters from the Falcon.
Fighters make first pass.
Kylo returns to Rey’s cell.
Kylo informed that Rey not found in the hangar, says that Rey is dangerous, Senses Han.
Han and Finn plan prison break, find Rey.

This version does a lot of things that previous version have attempted, such as establishing Finn’s rescue attempt before Rey escapes, allowing space for Kylo to brood, Phasma being useful, etc. However, this version would go further in that Finn’s rescue attempt is what delays Kylo long enough for Rey to discover her power and escape. In essence, both characters are instrumental in the escape. Even better, Kylo is now in very close proximity to Han when he senses him, making this ability more realistic and heightening the tension going into the Oscillator.

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Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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I think he meant that instead of showing flashes of the First Order and Starkiller Base, Kylo Ren shows flashes of himself being intimidating. I’m guessing stuff like him killing Lor San Tekka, showing off his saber/force abilities, etc.

Huh, that is a new idea! So even though Finn and Han don’t rescue Rey directly, they still help by buying her more time.

I had thought about cutting Rey’s escape to where she says the mind trick the final time, the trooper just stands there for a beat, and then it cuts to Kylo Ren walking in and she is gone. So we know she did it but don’t actually see her do it (so the first time we really see her “use the Force” is with the lightsaber pull. But, if you base it off the theatrical version, it really doesn’t matter too much the time between Rey escaping and Kylo discovering it, because we see Rey do the mind trick successfully before Kylo comes in, so we know she’ll be gone. So just extending it like in your version doesn’t really change that.

There were a few things I was initially iffy about, I thing it still works logically. Like Han and Finn still being detected even though they stayed low so they wouldn’t, but you could argue they just saw a weird “blip”, and if they had gone higher they definitely would’ve known it was a ship.

Then you wonder, why did they send Kylo to check it out and not some scouts? But honestly I don’t think this is a big deal. I mean, he is not really in a hurry to get back, as far as he knows Rey’s know going anywhere.

Also, Kylo not sending Han until he is closer makes a lot of sense too.

And you’re also suggesting to generate some Stormtrooper comm chatter of some Base disturbances, which is what encourages Rey to try the mind trick again, right? I think that would connect the scenes together as well. The cut back to her becomes more motivated.

I guess the only question would be if it all would work pacing-wise, but I think we’ll just have to see a rough cut to really get a feel for it. One thing that might seem weird back to back is Kylo discovering Rey’s escaped, then immediately being informed she hasn’t been found in the hangar. But I think it could work. I would really like to see this concept.

This is kind of unrelated, but I had an aesthetic thought regarding Starkiller. I was wondering how effective it would be if in the space establishing shots of Starkiller Base, that nebulae were added into the space around it. Basically the idea being that it would make the area of space Starkiller Base is in feel more exotic. Since we have never really seen nebulae in the Star Wars movies before, it could be used to establish a sort of visual aesthetic for uncharted space, and the Unknown Regions more specifically. If it gave the feeling that Starkiller was almost shrouded in these space clouds, it would help give the feeling of Starkiller being “hidden” from the Republic, maybe.

You could also do this with Ach-To as well, since it is also apparently in the Unknown Regions.

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RogueLeader said:

I think he meant that instead of showing flashes of the First Order and Starkiller Base, Kylo Ren shows flashes of himself being intimidating. I’m guessing stuff like him killing Lor San Tekka, showing off his saber/force abilities, etc.

That makes sense, though I quickly abandoned the idea of re-using already-seen footage such as Tekka’s death so it would need some altered or deleted footage of Kylo.

Huh, that is a new idea! So even though Finn and Han don’t rescue Rey directly, they still help by buying her more time.

I had thought about cutting Rey’s escape to where she says the mind trick the final time, the trooper just stands there for a beat, and then it cuts to Kylo Ren walking in and she is gone. So we know she did it but don’t actually see her do it (so the first time we really see her “use the Force” is with the lightsaber pull.

I believe I tried that at one point and found it wasn’t as successful in practice, but maybe I’m misremembering.

But, if you base it off the theatrical version, it really doesn’t matter too much the time between Rey escaping and Kylo discovering it, because we see Rey do the mind trick successfully before Kylo comes in, so we know she’ll be gone. So just extending it like in your version doesn’t really change that.

There were a few things I was initially iffy about, I thing it still works logically. Like Han and Finn still being detected even though they stayed low so they wouldn’t, but you could argue they just saw a weird “blip”, and if they had gone higher they definitely would’ve known it was a ship.

Yeah, I figured that there would have been a blip when they first exited hyperspace and were definitely higher than any trees. It makes the FO security more robust in this instance.

Then you wonder, why did they send Kylo to check it out and not some scouts? But honestly I don’t think this is a big deal. I mean, he is not really in a hurry to get back, as far as he knows Rey’s know going anywhere.

I bet there is a line of dialogue from the Lego game or something I could use such as ‘Show me’ that he could say in response to the trooper. From what we’ve seen, Kylo really likes to arrive soon after his troops to any engagement, so this would be no different.

Also, Kylo not sending Han until he is closer makes a lot of sense too.

And you’re also suggesting to generate some Stormtrooper comm chatter of some Base disturbances, which is what encourages Rey to try the mind trick again, right? I think that would connect the scenes together as well. The cut back to her becomes more motivated.

I guess the only question would be if it all would work pacing-wise, but I think we’ll just have to see a rough cut to really get a feel for it. One thing that might seem weird back to back is Kylo discovering Rey’s escaped, then immediately being informed she hasn’t been found in the hangar. But I think it could work. I would really like to see this concept.

This is kind of unrelated, but I had an aesthetic thought regarding Starkiller. I was wondering how effective it would be if in the space establishing shots of Starkiller Base, that nebulae were added into the space around it. Basically the idea being that it would make the area of space Starkiller Base is in feel more exotic. Since we have never really seen nebulae in the Star Wars movies before, it could be used to establish a sort of visual aesthetic for uncharted space, and the Unknown Regions more specifically. If it gave the feeling that Starkiller was almost shrouded in these space clouds, it would help give the feeling of Starkiller being “hidden” from the Republic, maybe.

You could also do this with Ach-To as well, since it is also apparently in the Unknown Regions.

That’s a really neat idea. Coupled with the concept that it orbits a White Dwarf with a planetary nebula, it would go a long way towards making it aesthetically different and making the relative size of the planet to the star a bit less absurd.

JEDIT: Concerning White Dwarfs - they can be as small as the Earth while being as dense as the Earth’s sun. Since they are the remnants of a star, there has been more than enough time for planets to have formed, and for those planets to have cooled. I imagine that Starkiller could have been a dead planet hollowed out for its metal. Furthermore, in a White Dwarf nuclear fusion has ceased and the body of the star consists primarily of inert carbon and oxygen which is still extremely hot and luminous. It is surrounded by an atmosphere of helium about 1/100 the mass of the star which is the only thing preventing the core from rapid cooling and darkening.

The upshot of all of this is that the Starkiller could very well function in a logical way by siphoning off the helium surrounding the White Dwarf. When all of the helium is absorbed by the Starkiller, the Dwarf rapidly cools and darkens. I assume this would still take thousands of years but artistic license, whatever. But this means that the mass of the star remains for the base to orbit, it merely ceases to be a bright point of light in the sky. Finally, the mass absorbed by the Starkiller may easily be contained within the planet as seen in the planet’s eventual destruction.

I realize that’s about 10 times more thought than JJ and co put into it, but it’s fun to think it through. Goodnight!

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Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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Hahaha, yeah you have definitely have thought this through more than JJ or Kasdan!

If you made it a white dwarf, would you change the the color of the sun to a whiter color as well?

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I think it would be simply enough to desaturate the wide shots of the sun from space to a near-white, and even the sun already looks pretty white from the surface of Starkiller, so you wouldn’t necessarily have to change it. You could just argue the atmosphere makes the sun appear a little yellower from the surface.

If you’re using Restructured as your basis, you might also want to desaturate the reversed shots of Hux looking at the draining as well maybe?

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Since the official version of this edit is underway, I decided to dive right into the act 2 restructuring idea and do as much as possible today. Here’s a work in progress:

https://vimeo.com/317357093

Password: fanedit

So lots of rough ideas, the phasma alarm scene doesn’t even have an alarm, the interrogation has yet to be touched, etc, but it shows the basic ideas.

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Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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Yeah, I think this could work!

It is a lot to play with though, isn’t it? Watching it I realized all the different ways you could rearrange the scenes. I’ll just mention a few things.

The cut to the interrogation seemed weird at first, but I think with music it won’t feel as weird, so that’s just a rough cut thing probably. I’m guessing you put it there instead of after Han and Leia’s conversation so the transition would make feel like enough time has passed for Snap to recon Starkiller and come back, right? Or maybe one reason.

I kinda liked how in your old versions how you reversed the shot of the Stormtrooper so he would just turn back around after he called Rey “scavenger scum”. Do you feel that didn’t work really well?

One interesting thing that happens by this restructure is that you fix a continuity error with Kylo Ren. When he is marching back to Rey’s interrogation room, he doesn’t have his hood. And then when he enters the room, he has it draped over him. But now, it makes it seem like he put it on when he went outside, and then just left it on when he came back in. Not a big deal but kinda neat.

I kinda think having Kylo put his helmet back on during the Snoke conversation doesn’t work, but maybe if you could somehow have those “putting helmet back on” sounds happen over shots where we don’t see Kylo at all, it could. So either crop the shot that it’s on, or do it over close ups of Hux and/or Snoke.

I’m also not sure if I’m 100% into the way the two scenes are put together in this version, but I do think it could work. I understand why it is this way, though. In your edit, we don’t have an earlier scene with Snoke, right? Because basically the first half of the movie Kylo and Hux are just after BB-8, they don’t go back to Starkiller. I mean that makes more sense to me, so I’m good with trying to make that work.

One thing that seems kinda weird is splitting the “Kylo Searches the Falcon” deleted scene. I wonder if you could push back to after Rey escapes. And also, possibly pushing back the “Han Solo” turn Kylo does to a little later, like maybe after they get back with Rey, or make it the scene after Han deciding to use the explosives to blow a whole in the Oscillator. If that wouldn’t work, maybe just cut the shot of Kylo in the Falcon cockpit turning around dramatically, and just start with the shot of him walking away from the Falcon. As it is now, it feels like Kylo has just been standing there the whole time. By cutting that shot, we could imagine he could’ve been exploring the Falcon some more off-camera.

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Hmm, that is pretty interesting!

Is it necessary to slow down that one shot of Kylo turning?

Also, I would definitely suggest toning down the music and klaxons a little. It’s kind of hard to hear what Phasma is saying.

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RogueLeader said:

Yeah, I think this could work!

It is a lot to play with though, isn’t it? Watching it I realized all the different ways you could rearrange the scenes. I’ll just mention a few things.

The cut to the interrogation seemed weird at first, but I think with music it won’t feel as weird, so that’s just a rough cut thing probably. I’m guessing you put it there instead of after Han and Leia’s conversation so the transition would make feel like enough time has passed for Snap to recon Starkiller and come back, right? Or maybe one reason.

That’s one reason, but what was mostly bothering me was how it feels like Leia was so unconcerned with Finn’s information that she forgot all about it when viewing the incomplete map in the next scene. It’s just two scenes that don’t work all that well together now that between them the Resistance has had their first concrete intel about this devastating weapon.

I kinda liked how in your old versions how you reversed the shot of the Stormtrooper so he would just turn back around after he called Rey “scavenger scum”. Do you feel that didn’t work really well?

That’s one scene that is still under construction for the official version - I’ve always intended to go back and redo the mockups with the official Blu-ray in 5.1 audio, which is what is happening now.

One interesting thing that happens by this restructure is that you fix a continuity error with Kylo Ren. When he is marching back to Rey’s interrogation room, he doesn’t have his hood. And then when he enters the room, he has it draped over him. But now, it makes it seem like he put it on when he went outside, and then just left it on when he came back in. Not a big deal but kinda neat.

I hadn’t consciously edited the scene that way, but now that you notice it, of course it was intentional 😉

I kinda think having Kylo put his helmet back on during the Snoke conversation doesn’t work, but maybe if you could somehow have those “putting helmet back on” sounds happen over shots where we don’t see Kylo at all, it could. So either crop the shot that it’s on, or do it over close ups of Hux and/or Snoke.

The Snoke scenes are what I feel to be the most up in the air right now. He’s one of the weakest parts of the movie in my opinion and I’m just not sure how to make it better so it’s a matter of throwing ideas at the wall until one sticks.

I’m also not sure if I’m 100% into the way the two scenes are put together in this version, but I do think it could work. I understand why it is this way, though. In your edit, we don’t have an earlier scene with Snoke, right? Because basically the first half of the movie Kylo and Hux are just after BB-8, they don’t go back to Starkiller. I mean that makes more sense to me, so I’m good with trying to make that work.

Actually, the idea is to have a scene with just Hux and Snoke where Hux first floats the idea of destroying the Republic, but it might be too small a scene to work. It might be better to have Kylo there as well with the only dialogue with Snoke being about the awakening.

One thing that seems kinda weird is splitting the “Kylo Searches the Falcon” deleted scene. I wonder if you could push back to after Rey escapes. And also, possibly pushing back the “Han Solo” turn Kylo does to a little later, like maybe after they get back with Rey, or make it the scene after Han deciding to use the explosives to blow a whole in the Oscillator. If that wouldn’t work, maybe just cut the shot of Kylo in the Falcon cockpit turning around dramatically, and just start with the shot of him walking away from the Falcon. As it is now, it feels like Kylo has just been standing there the whole time. By cutting that shot, we could imagine he could’ve been exploring the Falcon some more off-camera.

The new preview addresses this, and you’re absolutely right. Kylo no longer just waits around the Falcon for the attack, though the scene is still bifurcated.

RogueLeader said:

Hmm, that is pretty interesting!

Is it necessary to slow down that one shot of Kylo turning?

The only reason for the slowdown is because the turn is so quick it feels abrupt, like most of the deleted material. But it would probably be acceptable at normal speed.

Also, I would definitely suggest toning down the music and klaxons a little. It’s kind of hard to hear what Phasma is saying.

I’m working late at night so I can’t get a good read of the music levels - it will be fixed!

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Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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NeverarGreat said:

The Snoke scenes are what I feel to be the most up in the air right now. He’s one of the weakest parts of the movie in my opinion and I’m just not sure how to make it better so it’s a matter of throwing ideas at the wall until one sticks.

Actually, the idea is to have a scene with just Hux and Snoke where Hux first floats the idea of destroying the Republic, but it might be too small a scene to work. It might be better to have Kylo there as well with the only dialogue with Snoke being about the awakening.

Yeah, maybe it would just be better to have the two scenes be as they are. By keeping the earlier Snoke scene, we also get a glimpse of Starkiller in the movie a little sooner, and logically it still works. They lost the trail of the droid, so they fell back to Starkiller and wait for their spies to pick up the scent. But like you said, it might be something just to keep playing around with.

Also, I have been wondering if it would be weird to not get a hint about what Finn and Han do about Phasma, but the more I watch it the more I think it works without mentioning it. I mean, we can just assume they shoved her into a janitor closet or something. Because even by keeping the trash compactor joke, people still wondered how she got out in time and survived Starkiller’s destruction. I also think by having her sound the alarm, it helps create more momentum to the next scene and not feel awkward.

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I’m sorry to change the subject but I just saw your updated version of Rey’s dream.

You’re going to hate me for saying it, but I’m just still not sold on it yet.

Things I like:

  • I like the nighttime shots
  • I like the Rey voice
  • I like the music choice

Things I don’t like:

  • I can’t hear a single sentance in the collage of audio during this sequence
  • The wall of days is on there for way too long (I know you said it was a stand in)

I know that I previously said the sequence was revealing too much too soon, but now I feel like it reveals nothing at all! The only thing that I feel is really important to this sequence is something about the island. Yes, a drawing of the island might work, as long as it’s clear that’s what it is.

Otherwise, maybe split second video clips? Like just a few frames of the island flash onto the screen, just to give the audience the visual of what Rey is seeing.

Like:

  • Shot of Rey asleep
  • The voices / scary sounds
  • 3 frames of unkar
  • Back to Rey sleeping (maybe an eye twitches… not sure how that would be possible)
  • 3 frames of the island
  • Back to Rey sleeping

Etc.

I don’t know. As of right now, they Reydream is still my favorite in terms of how it looks. It’s so simple and yet so curious.

You’re doing good work.

“The Ziggy Edit” — A Conceptual Fanedit of Return of the Jedi

https://originaltrilogy.com/topic/Episode-VI-Return-of-the-Jedi-The-Ziggy-Edit/id/17844

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Thanks for the critique, I do appreciate it even if it’s critical. That’s why I post these mockups in the first place, it’s easy to lose objectivity when working on an idea.

Here’s an updated version of the alarm scene, with a really rough concept I threw together in about ten minutes showing what might be TIE fighters starting up in the background of the Hangar. It still needs audio and better tracking and more detail and…

https://vimeo.com/317684478

Password: fanedit

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Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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I don’t have much to say! Definitely an improvement from the previous version. The only note I might have is that now that this First Order motif is used three times in the movie, I worry about it being too much, but I could be wrong. Is it three times? Poe’s interrogation, the Takodana attack, and this, right? If I had to choose a place to cut I would say the interrogation, but maybe it isn’t too much, not sure.

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Indeed, although it’s only the very beginning and very end of the theme which is spliced together in the Takodana attack.

It is bombastic to an extent that it’s difficult to distinguish between what bits are used where, but there is a development of the theme throughout its brief 1:15 duration. I intentionally used just the first half during the interrogation, and relied on the last half for the alarm. With the brief spliced appearance on Takodana, it’s never simply repeated but hopefully serves as a developing motif to signify the First Order’s strength, something that was sadly lacking in the theatrical version.

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Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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You know, as I was typing that out I figured you probably did something clever like that!

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Okay, so after the failure of the combined Snoke scenes I reverted to something closer to the original with the first scene:

https://vimeo.com/318024713

Password: fanedit

It now serves to expand the time our heroes spend together on the Falcon, and keeps Kylo’s lineage obscure. I was torn on whether or not to leave in ‘He means nothing to me’, since that’s the biggest giveaway linking Kylo to Han, but it could also be that he’s referring to Luke, so there’s at least a little ambiguity before the confirmation after the Maz Castle battle.

Also, whereas the original scene implied that the Awakening and Kylo’s conflicted feelings were separate, in this version I wanted to suggest that the awakening sensed by Snoke is purely caused by Kylo learning of his father’s involvement, leading to the awakening of long-suppressed emotion. Or alternately, Rey’s awakening is what Snoke originally senses but Kylo does not, and assumes that Snoke has discovered his weakness. Snoke then senses Kylo’s real issue and presses him on this front.

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Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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That is pretty solid, Nev!

I know it isn’t meant to be perfect, but I did notice a few little audio burps here and there. I’ve always found this scene hard to cut. Ironically, I think the “dark chanting” music makes cuts more noticeable.

I like how you kind of see that conversation as being able to be interpreted in multiple ways. I think “He means nothing to me” on its own. Really, it helps make it feel like we’re listening in on a conversation and slowly learning things through context, rather than the original line about Han Solo almost being fourth wall breaking. Like, why did he have to word it that way, you know?

It makes me think of Once Upon a Time in the West. When Harmonica shows up at the train station and stands off against the henchmen, all he asks is, “And Frank?”
At that point, we don’t know who Frank is, but not knowing makes it more interesting by not spelling it out and letting the audience discover its significance.

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littlev87 said:

I think you should consider using transitions similar to this video for your dream sequences.

https://originaltrilogy.com/topic/The-Destruction-of-the-Jedi-Temple/id/63925/page/1#1270201

They really give a similar feeling to the “force back” when she first touches the saber.

I will, for sure. Although I’m not a big fan of the style, I can see how it might be effective in certain situations.

RL, I haven’t seen that movie, but it should probably be on the list!

Here’s a more polished version of the scene, with some improved transitions and an edit to the Hux/Snoke dialogue. The rearrangement of the Kylo/Snoke dialogue has been dialed back but still retains the main idea.

https://vimeo.com/318133232

Password: fanedit

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Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)