Had small thoughts about dialogue changes for Kylo and Phasma.
At the Jakku village, when Phasma says, “Sir, the prisoners?”
Kylo responds, “Kill them all.”
But I was thinking that could be changed to, “I leave that to you.”
Then Phasma could continue on with, “On my command.” with some slight edits to the shot of Kylo and the troops raising their blasters, etc.
Kylo’s role seems pretty specific within the First Order, so I think he would care less about the collateral damage of his goals, and it also lets Phasma get some bad guy points for making the call herself. Kylo just killed an old man, so he already has demonstrated his ruthlessness.
Also, when Kylo says, “I leave that to you” to Hux later in the film, it doesn’t really make much sense if you think about it. Getting the map is Kylo’s one objective. Why would he “leave it to Hux”? He didn’t leave it to Hux when he made his dramatic entrance at the Jakku village. I think it would actually be better if he just didn’t say anything at all. It really doesn’t effect the story whatsoever if we remove it in that scene.
Building off dialogue changes, I remembered that Gwendoline Christie actually voiced Phasma for the battlefront game, so she also has a number of alternate lines that could be used to give Phasma a little more character/personality.
https://youtu.be/SMwKnDdA9TI
Here are a few that I personally like:
5:49 - Individuality does not suit you.
[this one could be funny after Han calms Finn down when he says “I’m in charge! I’m in charge now!”
It also could be used when she is at the computer terminal]
2:27 - Whatever you call yourself, you’re FN-2187
[this would be another good response after he says, “the name’s Finn.” Her performance with this line is good. Definitely could use either this line or the previous one in this scene]
Traitorous whelp.
You’re nothing without the First Order.
Everything you know, I taught you.
[These two are solid and her delivery is probably the best out of the lot. I think these would fit during the Finn and Phasma fight potentially. Maybe right before the fight begins or during their dramatic close up, and just replace the line “You’re a bug in the system!”] [“You’re nothing without the First Order” could fit with the “I’m in charge” scene too.]
The First Order will conquer you all. [Could replace “my troops will storm this block and kill you all”. That doesn’t happen, but the First Order does still end up conquering the galaxy so this would make her right in this version. But maybe it would make less sense in this moment.]
2:46 - The First Order is eternal.
2:47 - You’ve been surprisingly troublesome.
3:11 - Your Death has been authorized.
3:25 - I offer no mercy.
You have already been judged.
[I feel like these would all fit around when Finn and Rose are going to be executed. I think if there was a line in the vein of making an example out of them, it would fit in as well and explain why they’re brutally executing them in front of a platoon of Stormtroopers.]
Also, if one kept Han’s “trash compactor” line, I would remove Finn’s “yeah, there is”, and just leave it on Phasma’s head turn. I think that answers their question.
There’s a lot of viable lines there, though, that could possibly make her brief moments stand out a little more. For example, I think part of the appeal of Boba Fett is that 1) he looks badass, and 2) he has a handful of quotable lines. I think some of these lines potentially have that quotability factor, if that makes sense. Just some ideas though.
EDIT: Also, I think Nev’s idea of having Phasma also sound the alarm is a must-have change too. It makes her at least a little bit defiant in the face of death.