File this idea under ‘silly, but I like it’, but what if Phasma is so incompetent because she’s secretly on Finn’s side?
I wonder what happened to those parents that Finn never knew.
James Earl Jones can be Luke’s dad, what’s the big deal?
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
Since one of the big issues with TFA is how convenient everything is, I have an idea to eliminate one of these conveniences, which is conveniently during the Maz castle scenes.
Every version of TFA so far has Han being completely baffled as to why Maz would have his son’s lightsaber in her basement, and her explanation in that moment is ‘because shut up’. But if Han had been the one to give Maz his son’s lightsaber in the first place, it would eliminate the coincidence and actually give Maz a stronger characterization.
Consider that Han seems to trust Maz implicitly in all matters, so much so that he brings two fugitives and a wanted droid into a strange den of space pirates instead of having them wait safely on the ship. Maz has had a millennium to engender that trust, and she also knows quite a bit about the Jedi and the Force to boot, perhaps the only one outside of Luke and his friends that Han knows. If Han were to have somehow come into possession of Luke’s lightsaber, either by Luke finding it and giving it to him as an apology for letting his son turn to the dark side, or Han confronting Kylo and getting it that way, Han would probably have wanted to distance himself from this Jedi relic but would still want to honor Luke’s family heirloom enough that he would give it to someone he trusted completely.
The solution is simple - cut ‘Where did you get that’ and Maz’s retort.
Since I’m moving the revelation of Kylo as Han’s son to just after Maz’s castle, Han’s silence at the lightsaber could make the audience wonder why he finds this unremarkable, and hopefully they would put the pieces together themselves by the end of the battle.
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
By “his son’s” do you mean “his brother-in-law’s”?
By “his son’s” do you mean “his brother-in-law’s”?
I think a lot of people thought that Kylo’s saber in the Last Jedi flashback was Luke’s old saber when really it is just the unmodified version of his crossguard saber.
By “his son’s” do you mean “his brother-in-law’s”?
I think a lot of people thought that Kylo’s saber in the Last Jedi flashback was Luke’s old saber when really it is just the unmodified version of his crossguard saber.
are you sure? it makes sense that that lightsaber ended up being Kylo’s. “that lightsaber. it belongs to me.”
I assumed Ben had Luke’s lightsaber as well, but I guess not. Well, nevermind then.
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
By “his son’s” do you mean “his brother-in-law’s”?
I think a lot of people thought that Kylo’s saber in the Last Jedi flashback was Luke’s old saber when really it is just the unmodified version of his crossguard saber.
are you sure? it makes sense that that lightsaber ended up being Kylo’s. “that lightsaber. it belongs to me.”
Frame from the Last Jedi:
But I do agree with you Collipso that it would have made a lot more sense for them to have young Ben use Luke’s old saber. Then it really does belong to him, but oh well.
Yeah, it’s definitely Kylo’s saber unmodded.
Though I like to think that Ben possibly used it before building his own saber. When Finn uses it against Kylo in the forest, Kylo clearly recognizes it, since he says “It belongs to me.”
I think he said it because he sees it as his birthright, but since he seems familiar with it, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had used it before. Just like Luke used it before building his own.
If that’s the case, then I could add some more context to why Luke just tossed the saber away in TLJ.
I think if you can make that change Nev, make it, and people can make their own assumptions about it.
It could be that Ben’s parents were going to give it to him when he completed the Jedi training, perhaps not as a weapon but as a symbolic birthright. I imagine Han spending months tracking it down, asking Leia for help to try and find it, since they know how much Ben likes ‘that old historical stuff’.
Then after the breakup, and Leia not wanting it anywhere near her…
There could have been some really emotional stuff there.
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
He says it belongs to him because he’s a Vader fanboy and believes that his grandfather’s blade is his birthright.
I agree, I think that is basically why he says that, and not that it ever necessarily “was his”, per se. For sure. But if you were also to base that off of his reaction, I think he may have seen it before. Sure, you could argue he may have seen it in Clone Wars holograms or whatever, but if he had never seen it in person before, I feel like he would’ve been in more disbelief. Like, “Is… that?” It’s something that he may have dreamt of having for a long time, something sacred, and suddenly this stormtrooper has it? I would expect a different reaction.
But he doesn’t even look shocked or surprised by seeing it. As soon as Finn lifts it up and ignites it, there’s no question that he knows that blade, even from a distance in the darkness.
This is just based off of his reaction. Worse case it just adds another layer to it. Until canon contradicts it I don’t think any speculation hurts as headcanon or as a working theory for a fan edit. But if they ever answer this question in future material I wouldn’t be too surprised if they did something totally different that makes little sense.
He says it belongs to him because he’s a Vader fanboy and believes that his grandfather’s blade is his birthright.
I’m not even really interested in Kylo’s interest in the saber, rather I am trying to find a way to reduce the huge number of coincidences in the film. In the first 30-40 minutes, I was able to accept the coincidences, but by the halfway point the story really shouldn’t be relying on these narrative cheats.
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
Totally understandable. That’s why I think if you can get rid of Han and Maz’s line, it would work well. You could either heavily imply your idea, and at the very least the audience can fill in the blanks themselves.
A lot of thoughts incoming…
Having thought about the lightsaber some more, it could be Leia who gave Maz the lightsaber. During the Force vision, use the trailer shot of Leia accepting the saber from Maz, but reverse the shot so it appears that Leia is giving it to Maz to get it away from the Resistance.
This implies that Leia knows and trusts Maz as much as Han, but to make this more clear I could delete some lines previously in the film, such as our heroes getting the location of the Resistance Base from BB-8, meaning that Han’s contact with Leia is their only option for getting to the Resistance. Cut out Han’s lines about the First Order finding the Falcon on their scanners, and leave only the line ‘You want to get BB-8 to the Resistance, Maz Kanata is your best bet’. This makes it very clear that they are here not to get a new ship, but to get the location of the Resistance base. After all, why would they take the easily-trackable Falcon to both the Resistance base and Luke’s planet if it’s such a risk?
So how does the First Order find our heroes at Maz’s castle? With no dialogue about scanners or any First Order informant, there is still Kylo’s knowledge that they are traveling with Han, and could preemptively assume where they are headed. But there could be a more unconventional solution in addition to this one. I could place Kylo’s prayer between when Finn leaves the castle and when Rey begins to hear the screaming voices. Kylo is essentially calling out for Vader’s power, and the lightsaber is responding to this evil call, which is why such a thing has never happened with a lightsaber before. I imagine the sequence to be:
Finn leaves the castle
Kylo prays to Vader
Zoom in on the closed chest, with ominous sound effects
Creepy children’s screams make Rey turn around
It is established that items strong in the Force act as homing beacons, as we see with the Dagobah tree in Empire. But Kylo has simply taken this to a new level, and this could be how he has found items such as Vader’s burned mask.
Of course, this all would still work if the lightsaber voices were activated merely by Kylo being near.
In this version, Han’s confusion about the lightsaber could stay, leading the audience to try and work out the specifics with this new information and hopefully being more successful in the attempt.
Finn could still be the one Rey’s going after, even if I kept in her dialogue with BB-8. ‘Leaving’ could mean leaving with Finn. What would make the scene better in any respect is if there could be a way to insert the ship Finn was about to leave on in the background when Rey says ‘You have to go back’. It would be cool to have a matte painting of the front of the ship. The lighting even works in favor of this idea, though it would be tricky but not impossible with the moving camera.
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
Another attempt at a crawl, keeping in mind RogueLeader’s suggestions:
The Republic is in crisis.
Luke Skywalker, last of the
Jedi Knights and guardian of
galactic peace, has vanished.
In his absence, Imperial
worlds united under the
banner of the sinister
First Order have forged
a weapon to destroy the
Republic. To protect this
perilous secret, they have
vowed to destroy the Jedi
religion once and for all.
To prevent this atrocity,
the Republic supports
a covert Resistance to
find their long-lost Jedi,
and sends their most
daring pilot on a mission
to the edge of Imperial
space…
I’ve taken a bit of liberty in making Jakku near Imperial space, but I think this fits the style of the mission more than everything happening in the Republic and the FO being a purely incursionary force.
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
I really like the new crawl. I do however, still prefer that the original opening line is maintained. You can then have a little more space in the opening paragraph to fit in some information.
While the opening paragraph is really good for someone viewing The Force Awakens as a continuation of the beloved Original Trilogy, anyone who isn’t knowledgeable about Luke, the Jedi, or Star Wars in general is going to have a hard time following the crawl, and one of the big reasons for the close mirroring of ANH is specifically to appeal to people who are new to Star Wars. Consider the original crawl:
It is a period of civil war.
Rebel spaceships, striking
from a hidden base, have won
their first victory against
the evil Galactic Empire.
There are no terms here which are particularly hard to understand. It’s very basic, civil war, Rebels, Galactic Empire, hidden base. Anyone can immediately grasp the forces at work.
Even Episode 1, despite focusing too much on the political angle, has a crawl that doesn’t rely on previously-established terms:
Turmoil has engulfed the
Galactic Republic. The taxation
of trade routes to outlying star
systems is in dispute.
Notably, ‘Jedi Knight’ is present later in the crawl, but it is at least well-defined when it appears.
Now take TFA’s crawl:
Luke Skywalker has vanished.
In his absence, the sinister
FIRST ORDER has risen from
the ashes of the Empire
and will not rest until
Skywalker, the last Jedi,
has been destroyed.
There are so many questions here for someone new to the series. I’ll take them in order:
Who is Luke Skywalker?
How was he alone holding back a First Order?
How long has he been gone to allow all this to happen?
How did the Empire fall?
I don’t see a Republic mentioned in this paragraph, is the First Order the only power in the galaxy?
What are the Jedi, and why is Luke the last of them?
Why do they care about destroying him if he’s already gone?
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Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
You’ve sold me Neverar. I guess the reason I hold the opening line so dear is cause I love how much of a great hook it is. It just is so bold, but like you said, part of that is because I grew up on the original trilogy.
I know I’m not helping you much but I don’t think the newest crawl is much of an improvement. While you do accomplish some things, like making the existence of the superweapon apparent, I don’t think it adds much else that your previous crawls haven’t already.
And I think it is a little confusing. The last sentence in the second crawl seems to imply that destroying what’s left of the Jedi will help to keep the weapon secret. In the third paragraph, though, “To prevent this atrocity…” seems to imply the Republic/Resistance already knows about it. I’m sure this isn’t exactly what you meant but that’s how it comes off to me.
Also, I don’t think this crawl flows as well as some of the others. The repitition of “To protect this perilous secret” and “To prevent this atrocity” feels redundant, and the last paragraph feels like it is missing some kind of energy that should get me excited for what I’m about to see.
I think you bring up some interesting thoughts about the function of the crawl and how the theatrical TFA crawl might raise a bit of questions for new viewers, but I think you have to somewhat trust the audience to get the gist of it, just how previous crawls just gives you basics of the premise. I mean, I could come up with similar questions for both the ANH and TPM crawl.
I think it is cool that you’re trying different crawls and seeing what lands/feels right, I just think this most recent iteration is not the right direction.
I think you should really break down what is the most basic information you’re trying to get across to audience with the crawl without overloading the audience with information, which I think is the beauty of the other crawls.
If I had to summarize the goal of a good TFA crawl, I would suggest these items:
I think the theatrical accomplishes this to extent, though sort of drops the ball on the New Republic/Resistance relationship and maybe it could’ve given more context on the First Order. Have they been in hiding, or are they publicly active at this point? And something to explain the Republic’s inaction. You have had previous crawls that have touched on this and I know I’ve thrown out a suggestion or two.
Basically, it comes down to explaining who the players are and what are the stakes. I think defining the stakes is what makes it compelling for an audience. This is another thing I feel the theatrical crawl is missing. It’s missing some energy and maybe a little bit of poetry that the other crawls have.
If something you’re thinking about including in the crawl is addressed in the movie itself, don’t put it in.
And honestly, and I hate to say this because I know you’ve tried really hard to add this in, but I don’t even think it is really necessary to mention the weapon at all. I think it is better not to, because it could make people feel like it is a ANH rehash before the movie even starts.
If anything, I think you could just allude to an imminent attack, or something more vague. It gets difficult, because if you mention a weapon or attack, then the audience will question why the New Republic didn’t act. But if Starkiller Base is a surprise to us, in a way we also feel like the Base is a surprise to the protagonists, by extension the New Republic. And luckily the nature of Restructured gives the film some breathing room between discovering its existence and seeing it being used.
Talking about the Death Star in the 4 and 6 crawls make sense because they’re central to the story and we know about both of them from the get go. Starkiller, on the other hand, is more of a reveal and it isn’t the focus of the story, either.
Without being flowery, I think the crawl should cover these things.
Luke and Jedi have disappeared. Without their protection, the remnant of the Empire, reborn as the First Order, has come out of hiding to take back the galaxy.
For whatever reason the New Republic is not taking action (either pursuing a diplomatic solution or First Order spies/sympathizers have compromised the Senate), so Leia forms a covert Resistance to hold back their expansion and prepare for the worst.
And let the last paragraph cover the first scene. Leia thinks Luke is the key to stopping the First Order, so she has sent one of her pilots to retrieve a clue to his location.
^I think Luke/the Jedi being the key to victory is important, because it adds weight to why he must be found. In the theatrical crawl, it makes it seem more like a last resort. She knows that Snoke, Kylo Ren, the Knights of Ren, are all challenges that only a Jedi can truly stand a chance against. Luke and the Jedi were the only thing holding them back, and now the galaxy needs them to restore peace.
You also could go with the angle that the First Order are only targeting what’s left of the Jedi, but maybe mention in second or third paragraph how Leia believes these attacks will eventually spread to the New Republic. The Jedi are their major threat, but once that is out of the way…
This statement could eventually contradict with the Resistance show, though I don’t know how much that matters. Luckily though I think either angle addressin the New Republic’s inaction is technically canon, so shouldn’t be much of an issue either way.
I also know you had an issue with the “In his absence” phrase, since it almost implies that Luke’s vanishing had something to do with the creation of the First Order. To me though, I think the First Order has existed for a long time before Luke’s vanishing, but like I said, without the threat the Jedi presented to the First Order, it gave them the confidence they needed to slowly emerge from the shadows.
So instead of “in his absence”, maybe something like “without his protection”, “without the Jedi [Knights]”, “without the protection of the Jedi” could also work. And honestly I don’t think you need to explain who the Jedi are. In the first scene, Lor San Tekka states, “Without the Jedi, there can be no balance in the Force.” And I think pop-culture has helped people know what a Jedi is in a general sense.
This is another reason I think the phrase, “The sinister First Order has risen from the ashes of the Empire” should not be in an edited crawl. While technically true, it makes it seem like the First Order’s rise was fairly recent, even though it seems more likely that they have existed for an extended period of time, but just been in hiding.
I understand your logic of a new opening sentence since they mostly present a statement on the status of the galaxy or a particular faction (sans ROTJ which imo is a poorly written crawl in general).
Maybe to find a happy medium, what if you went with something like, “The Jedi have vanished.”
The disappearance of Luke and the Jedi seem to be the catalyst of the events of Sequel trilogy, so I think such an opening is appropriate, but making it about the Jedi in general instead of Luke makes it more fitting with the other crawls and also makes it not feel like Luke is particularly responsible for the First Order’s rise.
Though it makes it even more ironic that the title of the previous movie was called Return of the Jedi, and to start the next movie off with “The Jedi have vanished.” You can’t really get around that fact though. If you had to do something different, I do like your most recent opening sentence, but I would suggest making it, “The New Republic is in crisis.” I do think people easily forget that there has been three decades of peace in-between these movies though, even longer than the Empire existed.
A lot of thoughts, I know. And I know you have already made a lot of such changes in previous iterations of your crawl. You put a lot of thought into the crawl so I figured I would throw out my thoughts as well. Basically, I think the skeleton of the theatrical crawl is a good structure to follow, but addressing those major points and tying it all together with stakes can make for a powerful crawl.
These are really good points, and I like the structure that you give for the crawl. I feel like there has to be some perfect solution, a crawl that includes all of the things that are important, but JJ really made the galaxy into a convoluted state and I’m tying myself in knots trying to explain it easily. My latest (unposted) attempts at a crawl do give more emphasis to the mission, which helps to give the whole thing more energy, but it’s still not there yet.
One random aside - in making Jakku in/near Imperial space, it gives a reason for why Rey should have a British accent.
Anyway, right now I’m exploring the idea of unifying the crawl through the idea of ‘vision’. Basically, I’m trying to make sense of why Luke is so important to preserving peace in the galaxy - it isn’t because he’s going to wave a lightsaber in front of the First Order and they’ll simply run away - it’s the prophetic vision of the Jedi that protects the galaxy from a sudden surprise attack. So in this way, the Starkiller weapon is perfectly reasonable as a threat arising as a direct result of the Jedi being absent from the galaxy.
More generally, since I’m giving Rey at least three Force visions instead of the one in the original movie, ‘vision’ could reasonably be the theme of this movie. I imagine that the Force, unable to channel its visions through Luke, must find another to ‘awaken’ with this power. There’s a good argument for giving Rey more explicit visions of the Starkiller in this case, but it might not be necessary in practice.
But as for including the Starkiller in the crawl, I can see where it would make the movie seem like a New Hope clone right off the bat. But remember, I’m hoping to move the first image of the base until after the halfway point at Maz’s castle, so it might otherwise come out of nowhere. I’ll try what you suggest, in only alluding to an impending attack.
Despite all the trouble over three measly paragraphs, I’m still quite enjoying this challenge. 😃
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
I think making Jakku in/near Imperial space makes perfect sense. Canonically it is on the edge of the Unknown Regions, where the First Order apparently has been hiding. It’s also where the Empire made their last stand, so it would make sense for it to be near some kind of Imperial/Republic border.
How would you go about showing this vision? A prophetic vision, so someone Force-sensitive would have had this vision to motivate the Resistance to find Luke. I’m guessing Leia? That could work. But personally I think it just comes down to Luke Skywalker being Snoke’s greatest threat. He is clearly afraid of him, thinking it would be Luke that would “rise to meet the darkness”. I even think destroying the Republic/Resistance with Starkiller was an afterthought, and he mainly helped the First Order build it so he could find out wherever Luke was and blow up the entire system he was in. He was that afraid of him returning.
Though the whole vision theme could make sense since you are giving Rey more visions.
Yeah, it is fun to talk about them! We will work on the TFA crawl forever and then spend months on the TLJ crawl too, probably. Hopefully it won’t take as long though!
Also I’m sure you have already talked about this but were you planning to eventually do prequel edits? Just curious.
By prophetic vision, I mean that the Jedi potentially have the ability to sense galaxy-changing events before they happen. Presumably, a proactive Luke Skywalker who foresaw the Starkiller weapon and its effects would have mobilized such a Republic response that the First Order would have stood no chance against the Republic. And actually, it is implied that he did foresee this in the TLJ flashbacks but it led him into exile instead of saving the Republic. I think that if I was able to suggest that these visions of the future are the reason the Jedi are so powerful, it would make a lot more sense than simply saying that Luke can lift a whole lot of rocks and Snoke should build a giant planet-destroying weapon in response.
I have some ideas for editing the prequels, but they suffer from so many intractable problems that I doubt that any fanedit could make them more than mediocre movies.
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
Since I’m already invested in creating a dream sequence of Luke’s island with imagery from TLJ, I could go all-in and use a substantial part of her hiking up to Luke from the end of the film. We could even see Luke’s face in the dream, and her offering up the lightsaber. Changing this to a dream would, I think, make it less jarring that the sequel has a different look and tone entirely, since TFA is more idealistic and TLJ is more realistic.
It might be kind of weird to have her utterly reject the lightsaber in Maz’s basement only to have it in the dream, however. But if this works, it would allow me to remove that sequence from the end of the film and end it like DigMod’s edit.
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
Just another set of ideas for the crawl:
The last Jedi has vanished.
Without this vision of hope,
some in the Republic favor
a return to Imperial rule.
With an Imperial First
Order growing in power,
the weakened Republic
secretly enlists the aid
of Rebellion extremists,
already investigating
rumors of a terrifying
new superweapon, to
find the legendary Jedi.
Discovering a clue to
his location, this newly
formed RESISTANCE
sends their most daring
pilot on a mission into
Imperial space, unaware
of sinister forces lurking
in the darkness beyond…
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
This is the title crawl I am planning on using for my own personal edit. Thought maybe somebody would be interested.
The NEW REPUBLIC is in turmoil. The Jedi Order has collapsed from the inside, and Luke Skywalker, Jedi Master
and guardian of galactic peace, has vanished.
In his absence, the remnants of the Empire have rallied in the Unknown Regions of the galaxy under the
guise of the sinister FIRST ORDER, led by an ancient and mysterious dark lord.
The Senate refuses to create another Army of the Republic to counter the growing threat. In order to prevent the destruction of the New Republic and find her lost brother, General Leia Organa leads an independent RESISTANCE and sends her most daring pilot on a critical mission to Jakku. . . .