TFA: A Gentle Restructure (Released) — Page 35

NeverarGreat said:

Okay, here it is:

https://mega.nz/#!nANTQIyA!GIPUDnr6LBjarR0PegKZ7j-kQqIvTX5E1N1R6fDDsZY

I’m pretty happy with it now. 😃

I’m sorry, why was this change made?

Thanks

Ok, so I’ve just finished reading all the pages in here prior to my first replies before continuing to comment in here (and because it’s all really quite interesting 😉 ). Below are a few comments I’ve made on some of the posts:

Hal 9000 said:

Well, it’ll still be a very focused edit on this particular issue, but there are a few minuscule things I’ll want to do. Nothing major, just things like removing Kylo Ren identifying FN-2187 by name on the bridge…

Just wondering why you felt this needed removing? After the first attack on Jakku, Kylo does look very pointedly at Finn for a few seconds, almost staring and he very well could have been using his force mind delve (whatever you call this new dark side force power) to note the particular storm trooper’s ID since Finn did look a bit odd standing there still amongst all the activity and staring back, so it’s not a great leap to think Kylo has made a similar easy leap to guess this is the storm trooper that helped Finn to escape, he may have even reached out with the force to check for the trooper (he does seem to pause for a second as if reaching out with his force sense before announcing who the trooper is) that he’d noted earlier on Jakku and found he could no longer sense his presence aboard the Star Destroyer and therefore it again is another easy logical leap.

batmatt92 said:

Hello! What a great idea for a fan edit. I quite like TFA as-is, but this really improves the only aspect that I thought was lacking in the finished film - Starkiller Base. I just watched V1 last night and thought it was great. I did have just one suggestion, though. And I think my reasoning for it might be hard to articulate, but I’ll try my best…

So, I think the surface shots of Hosnian Prime as it goes kablooey should be removed. For the hypothetical first-time viewer, the death of HAN FRICKIN’ SOLO is gonna be a pretty big deal, yeah? So as the Starkiller fires, the viewer is still gonna be reeling from that I think. That’s a very personal, human-level tragedy.

Now, I’m totally fine with the Starkiller firing on the Hosnian system right after that. I like the symmetry - Han’s death sort of signaling the turning point where EVERYTHING goes down the crapper. But! It seems to me like those shots on the planet surface were there in the original scene to add a human dimension to the event, like “Look! There’s PEOPLE here! They’re all gonna die! It’s SAD!” And yeah sure, that kinda sorta works in the scene’s original placement. But where it is now, I think the viewer doesn’t have much time to care about a bunch of random folks when they just saw Han Solo die. It’s enough to just see the planets explode from a distance. Han fulfills the human-level tragedy in a way, even though he’s obviously not on any of those planets.

It may sound strange, but he’s much more important to the audience than the billions of faceless, nameless people that die on those planets, ya know? So cutting away to the people on the surface kind of dilutes Han’s death, at least for me. It feels like the movie’s going “Oh yeah, Han Solo died, but also THESE PEOPLE!!!” and it’s too much. Does that make any kind of sense? I’m worried it doesn’t. Anyway, just a thought that I had. I can pretty easily do it for my own version if Hal doesn’t want to.

I thought this was very well articulated and made perfect sense, at least at the time of posting. Whether this would still work or not with the current line up of changes for V2?

Episode VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

Luke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER has risen from the ashes of the fallen Empire, plotting it’s return to power.

Failing to convince the NEW REPUBLIC to combat this emerging threat, General Leia Organa mobilizes a covert RESISTANCE while the First Order completes its devastating new weapon.

Desperate for her brother’s help, Leia has sent her most trusted pilot on a daring mission to Jakku, where a clue has been discovered to Luke’s whereabouts…

I think your new crawl is awesome but there were a couple of things I thought that might improve it ever so slightly. One is to add “as” before “to Luke’s whereabouts…” and the second is to really clear up that Leia does not know at this stage about the SKB.

Though in clarifying this, it does tend to lessen the impact of “Desperate” in the next paragraph as you think if she doesn’t know about the weapon then why is she suddenly so desperate where it actually makes more sense for her to be desperate if she knows about the weapon…it’s a bit of a catch 22 situation so maybe your current wording still works best here. It doesn’t say she knows about it (though it is slightly still implied even if coming after the blurb about Leia with the NR and Resistance) so it fits with the events later in the movie but it still also lends itself to the urgency in her desperate attempt to find Luke. Anyway, below is the crawl with my two suggestions incorporated, see what you think:

Episode VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

Luke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER has risen from the ashes of the fallen Empire, plotting it’s return to power.

Failing to convince the NEW REPUBLIC to combat this emerging threat, General Leia Organa mobilizes a covert RESISTANCE though unaware the First Order are also nearing completion of a devastating new weapon.

Desperate for her brother’s help, Leia has sent her most trusted pilot on a daring mission to Jakku, where a clue has been discovered as to Luke’s whereabouts…

Hal 9000 said:

Here are NeverarGreat’s two R2 scenes with proper audio and fully formatted. The only thing missing is a few sound effects for BB8 (head turns and rolling away). Anyone have any isolated FX already I could use?

https://vimeo.com/211322567

https://vimeo.com/211322617

Password: fanedit

These looks amazing, the only suggestion I have is maybe if you could make the “harddrive activity” lights ever so slightly brighter / more obvious? I found it a lot more obvious myself once I full screened the video but wonder whether it’s worth looking at again in the final pass?

NeverarGreat said:

Here’s a version with only the Star Destroyer emerging from the clouds:
https://vimeo.com/199518952
Password: destroyer

I don’t think this is the latest version, though I’m sure what my comments refer to still exists in the latest version and that’s simply that I find the clouds are too different between the two different shots of the destroyer in the sky. The first shot looks great (though I think there’s another version of the video with thicker clouds and the destroyer looking even larger in the screen? - this was my preferred version for this shot) but then in the second shot, the cloud that was partially obscuring the destroyer is now no where to be seen instead of still visible with the destroyer instead showing more of itself as it continues to slide into view.

Not sure if anyone else picked up on this but its something that catches my eye time and again.

I think that’s about it for now anyway 😛 I did have some other posts ready to quote but at this stage I can no longer remember exactly what it was I was going to say in reply anyway.

I do have one request for the edit though Hal whether you’d consider it and that is to move your blurb about it being a fan edit to after the end credits? It just feels like it spoils the atmosphere as you wait for the movie to start and get presented with a wall of text instead that blatantly points out you’re not watching the original where I like to believe that when watching it and present it as such to any family or friends I show it to and then afterwards I explain that it’s a fan edit and credit whoever the author is.

Anyway, V2 is shaping up really nicely and I can’t wait to watch the end result. A big thanks to yourself, all the contributors and the author of that article that started it all. Keep up the great work!

.Val

JEDIT: I don’t think I’ve got the latest crawl quoted above as I didn’t think I changed the end of the 2nd paragraph as much as it appears here. Looking for it now to update above 😉 - I’ve now updated the quoted crawl above as per Sir Ridleys last linked image example http://imgur.com/j2uZxjQ

NeverarGreat said:

JEDIT @ Val:

I noticed the lack of clouds in the second Star Destroyer shot as well, but it’s like that in the original film. I suppose I could add some more clouds to the second shot…it’s something to consider.

As for the R2 scenes, it’s a delicate line between being too obvious and making the audience wonder why nobody noticed the blinking lights and making it too subtle and having people miss it. I opted for subtlety, since people bothered by the conveniences would probably be more observant anyway. My brother suggested a slow zoom in to the panel. That could work.

I also agree with you about the fanedit info, but it’s not a big deal for me either way.

Ah ok, so it’s an inconsistency in the theatrical cut itself? Interesting, can’t say I noticed it before but then I’ve only seen the theatrical once or twice and perusing fan edit WIPs does tend to hone your attention to details such as these 😛 If that’s the case then maybe it’s not worth bothering with especially in regards to Hal’s mission regarding the edit.

I know what you mean regarding R2, along with the sound effects I think it is obvious enough. I think a slow zoom would be far too obvious, might as well place a big arrow pointing to it 😛 Though if it was only a very slight zoom that just “nudges” the viewer’s attention to that place in the image so they can’t help but notice the lights, then it might work…hard to decide without seeing it in action I guess.

I agree the fan edit info is not a huge deal but just something I wanted to mention / ask about.

.Val

So not sure if it’s just me but the destroyer in this image I’ve taken from the screen shot comparison looks bigger than the V2 video version. Can you confirm if this is the case NeverarGreat?

http://screenshotcomparison.com/images/1484549031_8295164307.jpg

Either that or the whole shot itself is zoomed slightly from the original? If so, I think it works better than the video as it feels more imposing and threatening while still obviously appearing some distance away yet.

.Val

So I see now what my ideal edit of TFA would include. Edit the escape from Jakku to include the Falcon jumping to hyperspace and then engine failure makes it fall back to real space. Change some dialog and some FX. Remove the destruction of the Hosnian system and have the people of Takodana look up to see a Star Destroyer. Insert scene of Leia and her messenger to the Republic. Move the destruction of the Hosnian system to the end when Han is killed. I can live with everything else, but that might make this one awesome movie. Depening on how Episode VII starts, I might cut the TFA when the Falcon departs to find Luke. If so I might want to change Rey’s vision and have luke’s face appear.

Hal 9000 said:

Welcome, Valheru_84, and thank you for the input.

About Ren identifying FN-2187, it just seemed a little weird to me that he came up with the serial number like that. Not that it’s impossible, just weird. I don’t know; I could put it back how it was since it really is outside the goal.

About seeing the screaming people on Hosnian Prime… we are hoping to include the deleted scene in which Leia sends off her emissary, in which case it would be needed. And if not, it is beyond jarring to omit those shots and feature the ones right before and after.

About the crawl… I like it the way it is, partly because it is kept as close to the theatrical as possible, aside from deliberate changes made. I am very picky with the wording on these things, and don’t feel the need to have them comport 110% with the film itself. That is my sensibility about it, anyway. I’ll make sure it looks good before passing it to Sir Ridley to generate a crawl once the time comes.

R2’s hard drive lights… I really like how it is at present, finding it a sublime level of subtlety. I would not want to make it more obvious. It’s a nice ‘blink and you miss it’ thing, similar to Obi-Wan sneaking on board Padme’s ship as she heads to Mustafar, in edits that remove the “Jedi bathroom.”

I feel it’s the right thing to do to have the disclaimer in front of the movie. I opted not to include the glimmering FanEdit.org logo though, or my own logo, in order to minimize the effect you’re talking about, and to keep it silent as the film’s own opening logos are. V1 had the Hal9000 logo run post-credits, and I don’t think V2 will have it at all because most of the actual goods produced have been from you all! Maybe just the FE.org logo at the end. But I feel it’s… “responsible”… to have the silent text at the start. That or possibly a quick, silent FE.org logo or something. I understand why you would want to sit someone down in front of it without being aware that its an edit, and I would share in that, but I think it needs to be there.

And, NeverarGreat, I will see what I can do with your audio. Thanks for sending it; would not hurt to give it a try.

No worries and thank you so much for making this edit 😃

Regarding Kylo knowing Finn’s serial number, I think firstly that it does start to go outside the bounds of your edits goals as I can’t see how it relates at all to blowing up the Hosnian system at the end of the movie. It is your place of course to decide this seeing it’s your edit but if wanting to stick to this principle then I feel you need to reinstate this part of the scene. Secondly though, I feel it is an echo of how Vader could feel when Obiwan was on the Death Star in ANH and this scene helps further strengthen how Kylo is trying to emulate Darth Vader in using the same force ability to sense a person’s presence and there’s nothing to say he didn’t glean Finn’s serial earlier on by whatever means and reaches out with his force senses on the destroyer bridge to confirm for himself that FN-2187 is no longer on board or can feel him heading in the direction of the escaping Tie. The movie actually shows that he’d already noticed the oddly behaving stormtrooper on Jaku after the attack so it’s not a stretch at all to think he then checked up on the unit in some way.

Fair enough about everything else though I do have a few more comments:

• the crawl seems to have a few words that look odd or out of perspective. In particular “AWAKENS” looks slightly squished, probably because of the way the font has pretty skinny Ws and Ms, whether the word could do with a slight horizontal stretch? Also “help” in the 3rd paragraph looks a little wonky, I think it’s an optical illusion caused by the slanted perspective so not sure what can be done here.

• I understand what you mean about the fan edit blurb. I think you can just look at it like the anti-piracy blurb a lot of movies have anyway, even if you wanted to make it look more so like one so it clearly stands apart from the start of the movie (and makes sense anyway since its advocating you own a copy to be watching a fan edit).

The other thing I wanted to ask about was the music restructure video of the end SKB destruction scene. I noticed in one version that you see the falcon and remaining X wings flying away after it finishes imploding and then it just does a swipe transition back to the Resistance base. Is there any reason why the falcon and X wings jumping to hyperspace before the transition was removed? I feel this is an unnecessary change and quite liked watching and hearing them all jump away.

.Val

Yeah I don’t like the idea of showing anyone a fan edit without explaining what it is…seems kind of Lucas-esque

Hal 9000 said:

My thing with Ren identifying FN-2187 is that it seems strange that he called him by serial number, or would even be inclined to want to. But, eh, it’s probably more consistent with the overall project to put it back.

Not sure I understand as that’s all they’re identified by until Poe gives Finn his name? I can see how initially it may feel out of place for him to just pull it out of the air but the way he pauses alludes to some use of the force that gives him this information. Anyway, it’s exclusion doesn’t effect the main plot but I feel it might hurt his character development a little as its another scene that’s helping establish his power with the force for the audience and as I said earlier, draws some parallels with DV which is part of the overall story.

By the way, don’t take my mammoth length posts as droning on and trying to lecture you on any of the matters. I’m just not that good at writing in a compressed fashion so my posts tend to blow out as I try to make sure I’m being clear in what I want to say 😉

NeverarGreat said:

The reason for this was musical - in the original, the crescendo happens as Poe says ‘let’s go home’, but after that was cut the logical placement was right when the planet exploded into the star. But for that to work, there wasn’t quite enough time in the music to allow for the jump to hyperspace before cutting back to the resistance. Since the score continues uninterrupted long into that sequence, I didn’t want to change that.

Ah k, is there any way to include the few extra seconds of them jumping out and slightly speed up this section of footage (that doesn’t look obvious or out of place) just after the implosion has finished to make it fit within the window of time you have before we need to be back at the Resistance base for the correct musical cue? I’m thinking since it’s just the ships flying through space that you can almost make them whatever speed you want while still looking natural and the audience wouldn’t know as long as the sound effects still line up on the fly by past the camera.

.Val