This is a more substantial edit than mine to be sure, and most of these ideas sound good. Some thoughts, haphazardly listed:
A lot of people seem to dislike the banter between Poe and Kylo, but I like it. I could take the boyfriend line or leave it.
Is this edit intending to preserve the Han’s son reveal until the Oscillator scene? Because I wonder if you’d be able to cut enough out of the Han/Leia discussion at the base without it becoming unnatural. I do agree that some of that should be cut, especially the Snoke references. In fact, all Snoke references in the film could go and I wouldn’t be sad about it 😉
My edit seeks to remove the Poe closeups on his approach to the castle to preserve the revelation, and I wonder if the trailer footage can be combined with the film shots to repair the single X-wing shot.
Overall, this edit is pretty close to ideal.