The Place to Go for Emotional Support — Page 73

suspiciouscoffee said:

Okay, a lot’s happened in the last week, so long story ahead.

Last sunday night I was going on one of my signature late-night, self-loathing, homophobic, text rants, but this one was to a friend who I hadn’t really talked to in years so he didn’t know how bad I was. He contacted my parents and told them about my self-image issues and my crippling fear of college, the future, and the suicidal thoughts that accompanied (I assume he didn’t mention my bisexuality because I haven’t been stoned to death yet). So they talked to me for a few hours on monday night, took me to the doctor wednesday morning, and now I’m on various medication (Prozac, a sleeping pill, and some other anxiety thing). I haven’t noticed much change yet, but now I’m worried about it because if I do start to hate myself less, then end up outing myself/end up living my life as a proud march into hell, then I’m worse off than I was before, if any of that makes sense (it does in my screwed up head, anyway).

Anyway, that’s the (short version of) the story of the last week or so.

I am glad you are getting help. It is true that there is no magic pill to take away all your problems. However, antidepressants can help. Nevertheless, they take at least three weeks to reach optimum effectiveness. While you may see some early improvement, nothing drastic will take place in just a week on Prozac. I am curious what your other medications are, as I believe that there are better and worse options for sleep and anxiety, and unfortunately the worse options are often prescribed by those who are less familiar with psychiatric medications.

Just know that God loves you exactly as you are. Regardless of your feelings on the moral correctness of any homosexuality, I know that we both believe in a God who loves all his children and is not anxious to condemn them. Men may judge harshly, but God desires that all may come to him.

And as for college, I am a very shy person by nature, and had no confidence in my abilities when I prepared to move to college. I actually started antidepressants shortly after that move. But I made it and have grown tremendously. I know it’s frightening now, tremendously frightening, because I was there. But I also know that you can make it.

Mike O said:

So, I have some mild good news. I bought a pill splitter and started cutting my Abilify and Klonopin in half and taking them with my Prozac. This has been somewhat helpful. I’m far, far from 100%, and still don’t feel like I’ll ever be back to where I need to be. My crisis of faith is far from solved, and probably never will be. I still feel sort of permanently broken in many ways. But I do feel more functionally so. There been a reduction in the anxiety and obsessiveness from the medication. Sometimes. Somewhat. This is tentative, at best. I don’t know how long it’ll last. I have been able to do some thing I enjoyed again, if not with the same level of passion. I still feel somewhat numb, dulled to what used to make me happy. But my parents live with me, and they and my friends seem to feel that I’m doing a little better. It’s a small victory, possibly a temporary one, and there’s still a long way to go. I had another slip-up today, and with each of those, I fear backsliding more and more. I get cocky every now and then, and wow, do I pay.

I’m still tired of fighting and hurting. My anxiety, obsessiveness, and depression are particularly bad at work. Now, while we’re in the middle of a major remodel that’s really upsetting customers and making some aspects of my job a lot more difficult, it’s worth noting that in some way, things have improved. Again, it could be temporary, but new management do seem to have been running things better, so I wish I knew why I felt MORE stressed.

Now, to the very bad news. My 83 year-old grandfather is not in good shape. He’s hurt himself a couple of times getting up and wandering around the house at night. Bluntly, he needs assisted living, and he and my family are being stubborn about it. I don’t know what the hell do, but I’m worried that he’s going to hurt himself more seriously one of theee days. I live in fear of losing him every day. I don’t know what we’re going to do, but we’d better come to some decisions. I’m very scared, and don’t know what to do or what will happen. This is the kind of thing I should be worried about more than my selfish, stupid bullshit.

The medicine has me sleeping more, but it’s also putting me to bed at more reasonable hours. I secretly like sleeping more than I think that I should, because it’s my best respite from my mind and my problems.

Sorry for the rambling. Just wanted to vent a little. Progress is a dangerous mistress. For all I’ve accomplished, I feel like there’s still so much further to go. And that’s not counting my REAL problems; being a 30 year-old virgin living with my parents working a dead-end job. I need to work on THAT too, and I’m desperately running from it.

I am glad the medication is working and that the dosing is better since you’ve been cutting your pills. However, I recommend you never make any changes without consulting your doctor, even by phone. He will probably tell you that what you’ve done is okay, but it’s always best to consult, especially since it affects his ability to track your progress.

As for your grandfather, it truly is a challenge to see people deteriorate. People do die, and this is an unfortunate part of this mortal life. What worries me is the ability for your family to care for him as he goes through this. Assisted living would probably be best, and hopefully, you can help convince them of the safest course of action. Just give it time.

What concerns me most about you is how self-critical you are. You have difficulties, and then you criticize yourself for having difficulties. It’s literally in every post in this thread. It’s okay to struggle. Everyone has difficulties. You can’t beat yourself up for being human. Just learn from your difficulties. If you feel you’re being too selfish, try devoting more time to serving others. One of the best cures for depression is turning outward and devoting your attention to others. Maybe, you will find even just a little of the peace you seek.

suspiciouscoffee said:

Okay, a lot’s happened in the last week, so long story ahead.

Last sunday night I was going on one of my signature late-night, self-loathing, homophobic, text rants, but this one was to a friend who I hadn’t really talked to in years so he didn’t know how bad I was. He contacted my parents and told them about my self-image issues and my crippling fear of college, the future, and the suicidal thoughts that accompanied (I assume he didn’t mention my bisexuality because I haven’t been stoned to death yet). So they talked to me for a few hours on monday night, took me to the doctor wednesday morning, and now I’m on various medication (Prozac, a sleeping pill, and some other anxiety thing). I haven’t noticed much change yet, but now I’m worried about it because if I do start to hate myself less, then end up outing myself/end up living my life as a proud march into hell, then I’m worse off than I was before, if any of that makes sense (it does in my screwed up head, anyway).

Anyway, that’s the (short version of) the story of the last week or so.

Sorry you had such a sucky experience, hoping for the best for you. As others have said, your friend seems to have made a good call from his vantage point, and you are a decent cuppa fellow.

TV’s Frink said:

count me in!

double post

I wish to make clear that the reason I don’t offer all that much advice in here is because a lot of the problems here seem beyond my ability to find solutions. So I don’t offer any advice, in the thinking that no advice is better than bad advice.

TV’s Frink said:

While my phone loaded, all I saw was a still of Han smiling. I thought it was a new WRONG PICTURE meme. Would have been fun to see! Nevertheless, I think just knowing someone is here reading posts and offering even the smallest of condolences is a big support to so many. All of you who chime in from time to time are more of a support than you know!

Warbler said:

I wish to make clear that the reason I don’t offer all that much advice in here is because a lot of the problems here seem beyond my ability to find solutions. So I don’t offer any advice, in the thinking that no advice is better than bad advice.

I’d like to echo this and also say that sometimes I get to this thread after 2-3 replies have already been made that all add up to pretty much what I would have said anyway. Just because I don’t reply to a particular post doesn’t mean I don’t care - I do, and if anyone is having a rough time and wants to talk to someone one on one, you can PM me any time.

TV’s Frink said:

Like Bono?

moviefreakedmind said:

Haven’t seen my dad in a couple months. Not sure what his problem is.

Go see him.

moviefreakedmind said:

Warbler said:

moviefreakedmind said:

Haven’t seen my dad in a couple months. Not sure what his problem is.

Go see him.

The only guarantee that I’ll get to talk to him alone is if he comes to see me. For a multitude of reasons, reasons that are genuinely important to me, that’s how it has to be.

Well, I don’t know your reasons, so I will leave it alone.

My father is back in the hospital. As some may recall, nearly 14 months ago, he had a heart attack of such severity and with such serious consequences that he should have died. Amazingly (and in my opinion, thanks to God), he survived. Well, on Sunday he fainted and was taken to the ER. It was a mild thing and he thought little of it, but he listened to the pleadings of my mother and went, where they ended up holding him “overnight”. At first, it appeared that he was simply dehydrated, but his EKG showed premature ventricular contractions (PVCs). His cardiac rhythms have been abnormal since his heart attack (as they usually are), but this was a new development. His cardiologist decided to go ahead and order an echocardiogram, which resulted in an ejection fraction (EF) of 35%. His previous EF was 55%, which is the low end of normal. Further investigation has revealed coronary arterial calcification, which means more blockage of the blood vessels that feed the heart. So the plan is to ship him to Tucson once again (where he spent the bulk of his treatment and recovery last year) where his arteries are going to get a Roto-Rooter. This is very treatable, much more so than his episode last year, but nevertheless, it is concerning.

You have my heartfelt thoughts and prayers, Darth Ender. I know what it is to be worried and concerned about one’s father’s health. I hope all turns out for the good and your father gets better.