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deleted because it belonged more in the bitching thread and I’m tired of complaining about everything right now
The Person in Question
The Place to Go for Emotional Support — Page 72
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I use this thread as a bitching thread because my only emotion is anger and I’m told I need support for it. Ha!
Distraction through entertainment is my only means of coping with shitty life because I don’t talk to anyone, seeing as how I hate almost everybody, and I’ve never drank or done any kind of mind-altering drugs because I’ve been warned that based on my manner and family history it’ll likely be drastically harder on me than most people. I also don’t see the appeal of losing control of myself. I’m very vigilant and like to have my wits about me.
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Relatable.
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Relatable.
Would you say that you hate people? At least 99% of the time?
The Person in Question
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I hate crowds. I usually find a reason to get annoyed at anyone eventually.
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Yeah, I never go anywhere other than work. At least not during the daytime or evening.
Do you hate people though? Not crowds, but people in general.
The Person in Question
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I have this weird feeling I’m living day to day. I have to really focus and bite the bullet to endure every little activity until I can get back home for the night. The problem is, every now and then I’ll stop and realize I’ve got decades of this left to deal with, which is a lot of days.
The Person in Question
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I’ve definitely been there before. Every day was a struggle just to get through to get to my home alone time. Some great friends helped me get out of that funk.
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Sounds a lot like where I’m at right now. It’ll get better, even though it feels like it won’t right now.
(For the record, I’m saying that for myself as much as I’m saying it to you.)
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Do you hate people though? Not crowds, but people in general.
This has a different answer depending on my mood and current outlook on life. For most of my life, it was undoubtedly “Yes, absolutely”. In the past two/four years, I’ve mellowed. I can at least talk to annoying people now without feeling complete rage. These days, I’m trying to find good friends, so I have to give people the benefit of the doubt. If they cross me, I will remove all contact. Either way, I eventually find a reason to hate them in a Seinfeldian way. It’s a viscious cycle.
I feel like I’m living day to day.
That is certainly me now. I don’t have anyone here to help get me out of it, unfortunately, and very little motivation to do it myself.
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I don’t like most people or their help. Lol, I sound like a total grouch, but it’s how I genuinely feel. I’ve tried pretending otherwise before but I can’t change it.
The Person in Question
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I think this thread leaves me in need of emotional support more than anything else in life right now. Seriously, knowing anyone can feel so misanthropic is harrowing.
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My previous handle was darth_gollum. I chose this name with a deliberate reference to the darkness and misery of the LOTR character. I was a depressed individual in my late teens, but I also wallowed in my misery. I thought it brought me attention and affection. I just had to show others how lowly my lot was and they would give me my sense of self-worth. I would write depressing poetry and make every effort to draw attention to my pain. When I didn’t get enough love, I would pout and sink further into depression. It took me years to realize that I could actually choose to be happy instead of letting others choose for me.
I share this, not to lecture, but hopefully to show that one’s self-worth does not depend on the generosity of others. I am not the most confident man in the world, but I do recognize that my happiness comes from within. I hope that the sadness and anger in this thread can be overcome when people internalize their locus of control and take responsibility for their own emotional outcomes. There are ways you can get help for those things which are difficult to control, like overwhelming depression, anger, or anxiety. But none of it will do any good until you realize that there is also a power within you. All the efforts of therapy and pep talks and medication will never change your lot unless you change your outlook first.
I hope that someone comes to find some inspiration in this. You can be happy if you want to be.
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Totally agreed, Ender, and thank you for sharing. I’m struggling with anxiety as well, but I realize every day that it’s hard to change your habits alone. It takes the willpower to start the change, but it also requires the support of others to make it last.
You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)
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Yeah, it’s unfortunate. I did actually have a pretty great morning today, though, so that’s something.
The Person in Question
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ChainsawAsh said:
…I don’t have anything to numb the loneliness or put me to sleep, either.
You might try short-term use of valerian tea. Medical evidence regarding its effectiveness is not conclusive, but some people find that it helps, and I’ve known people who swear by it. If you do decide to try it, I’d recommend that you consult your physician first and avoid drinking alcohol when using it.
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My Mom visited my Dad today and he seemed fine. At around 9:00 PM, we got a call from the Rehab place that they found my father unresponsive. The used CPR and they shocked him. He got a faint heart beat. They sent him to the ER. He went into cardiac arrest again and they either shocked him and/or used CPR. I am not sure right now. Then called us. We sped over to the ER. They installed a breathing tube. He had on faint life signs when we got there. The decision was made not to try to resuscitate him again and they removed the breathing tube. He died very quickly afterwards with Mom, me, and my brother in the room with him. He is gone. I am in shock and surprised I am not balling my eyes out right now. Don’t know what else to say. Please pray for my mother and my family.
Its been a year since I wrote this post. Hard to believe. Mom and I went out to the cemetery and planted flowers. I think it is very difficult for my mom. She misses him a lot. So do I. I think I’ve said it before but I say it again, I so miss the everyday ordinary conversations I would have with him. I miss you Dad, I love you.
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Thank you for sharing, Warbler. We’re here for you. Wishing you the best in everything.
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Thankyou.
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I’m so sorry, man. I wish I could think of something better or more insightful, but truly, I am just so sorry.
“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”
Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death
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I can’t even begin to imagine what that must have been like, Warb. I’ve experienced my share of death and while it does get easier every day, I know it’s never truly easy.
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I’m so sorry, man. I wish I could think of something better or more insightful, but truly, I am just so sorry.
Don’t worry about it. The fact that you care is enough.
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I can’t even begin to imagine what that must have been like, Warb. I’ve experienced my share of death and while it does get easier every day, I know it’s never truly easy.
Thanks man.
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So, I have some mild good news. I bought a pill splitter and started cutting my Abilify and Klonopin in half and taking them with my Prozac. This has been somewhat helpful. I’m far, far from 100%, and still don’t feel like I’ll ever be back to where I need to be. My crisis of faith is far from solved, and probably never will be. I still feel sort of permanently broken in many ways. But I do feel more functionally so. There been a reduction in the anxiety and obsessiveness from the medication. Sometimes. Somewhat. This is tentative, at best. I don’t know how long it’ll last. I have been able to do some thing I enjoyed again, if not with the same level of passion. I still feel somewhat numb, dulled to what used to make me happy. But my parents live with me, and they and my friends seem to feel that I’m doing a little better. It’s a small victory, possibly a temporary one, and there’s still a long way to go. I had another slip-up today, and with each of those, I fear backsliding more and more. I get cocky every now and then, and wow, do I pay.
I’m still tired of fighting and hurting. My anxiety, obsessiveness, and depression are particularly bad at work. Now, while we’re in the middle of a major remodel that’s really upsetting customers and making some aspects of my job a lot more difficult, it’s worth noting that in some way, things have improved. Again, it could be temporary, but new management do seem to have been running things better, so I wish I knew why I felt MORE stressed.
Now, to the very bad news. My 83 year-old grandfather is not in good shape. He’s hurt himself a couple of times getting up and wandering around the house at night. Bluntly, he needs assisted living, and he and my family are being stubborn about it. I don’t know what the hell do, but I’m worried that he’s going to hurt himself more seriously one of theee days. I live in fear of losing him every day. I don’t know what we’re going to do, but we’d better come to some decisions. I’m very scared, and don’t know what to do or what will happen. This is the kind of thing I should be worried about more than my selfish, stupid bullshit.
The medicine has me sleeping more, but it’s also putting me to bed at more reasonable hours. I secretly like sleeping more than I think that I should, because it’s my best respite from my mind and my problems.
Sorry for the rambling. Just wanted to vent a little. Progress is a dangerous mistress. For all I’ve accomplished, I feel like there’s still so much further to go. And that’s not counting my REAL problems; being a 30 year-old virgin living with my parents working a dead-end job. I need to work on THAT too, and I’m desperately running from it.
“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”
Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death
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So, I have some mild good news. I bought a pill splitter and started cutting my Abilify and Klonopin in half and taking them with my Prozac. This has been somewhat helpful.
I’ve found some people are mysteriously much more sensitive to drugs than others. Consult with your doctor, but I’ve seen people cut the smallest available doses of psychoactive drugs into quarters with good results. Finding the right dosage for you sometimes involves trial and error – and again, consult with your doctor throughout this process.
This is the kind of thing I should be worried about more than my selfish, stupid bullshit.
IMO, from what you wrote, your level of worry about your grandfather seems higher than average. The fact that you have your own life to deal with doesn’t make you a worse person. It just makes you a person.
I secretly like sleeping more than I think that I should, because it’s my best respite from my mind and my problems.
Dealing with mental illness is exhausting. Some people have a much harder time getting a break from it than you. From that point of view, your ability to get a respite through sleep is fortunate. And at least to some degree healthy.
Sorry for the rambling. Just wanted to vent a little. Progress is a dangerous mistress. For all I’ve accomplished, I feel like there’s still so much further to go. And that’s not counting my REAL problems; being a 30 year-old virgin living with my parents working a dead-end job. I need to work on THAT too, and I’m desperately running from it.
I agree you don’t suffer from lack of things to worry about. But I suggest that you can trim the list a bit by trying not to worry so much about not being worried enough, and trying not to worry so much about enjoying escaping your worries 😉
