I watched both allmightycutie’s edit and this one back to back. This review is kind of in comparison to allmightycutie’s edit.
allmightycutie’s edit is rather rough in parts and the Bran voice over doesn’t work very well. Him being the Night King is rather silly but a kind of fun alternative. Overall, I’d call it a workprint for this edit.
Your version is far superior, with less material being removed which keeps it from being too jumpy. Your handling of the attack on King’s Landing, Jon & Dany leaving the throne, and the ending send off for the characters is handled nicely .
My major complaint is the capture the wight plot. The conversation where they plan it has been chopped to pieces so it’s unclear what they’re even discussing until Dany says “kill the Night King”, which she doesn’t even believe in yet. I would have left in the planning and let the plot play out. It’s a more reasonable plan than trying to assassinate the Night King with an added subtitle line. I’d put in the Uncle Benjen rescue too. He’s miraculously appeared before so I’d call it less out of place than Jon miraculously appearing at the wall on a horse with no explanation. Sometimes you can’t edit yourself out of a dumb scenario and just have to live with it.
I also noticed an obnoxious video error in episode 9 at ~13:58. It appeared on 3 different media players.
Here’s a screenshot:
https://ibb.co/ryYrQ5Q
Overall, I was pretty satisfied with this edit.