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oojason

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Join date
5-May-2004
Last activity
5-Jul-2025
Posts
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Post
#184044
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/184044/action/topic#184044
Time
True Telephone conversations recorded from various Help Desks around
the U.K...


--------------------------------------------------------------------

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's
still on my desk... sorry ...
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the
screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not
Bill Gates damn it!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try
it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed
it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find
it...
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: No.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's
happening...
---------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on
my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you
please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than
4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle
around it?
Post
#184042
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/184042/action/topic#184042
Time
A guy walks into a bar, sits down at the bar, and notices a very large jar on the counter. He sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it. His curiosity is too great, so he approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay ten dollars and if you pass three tests, you get all the money."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?"

"Pay first, those are the rules." says the bartender. So the man gives him the tenner and the bartender drops it into the jar. "OK," the bartender says, "here's what you need to do. First you have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila... the whole thing, all at once... and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there's a 90-year-old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've gotta make things right for her."

The man is stunned. "I know I paid my 10 dollars , but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then do those other things..."

"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."

As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks,"Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up, and soon all the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy scuffle going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping, and then... silence.

Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body.

"Now," he says, "where's the old woman with the sore tooth?
Post
#180957
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/180957/action/topic#180957
Time
A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Frank every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano."


Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special"

Cabbie: "There's more"......."He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out."

Passenger. "Wow, some bloke then"

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them."

"Passenger. "Mmm, there's not many like him around."

Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."

Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"

Cabbie: "I married his bloody widow!."


Post
#180364
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/180364/action/topic#180364
Time
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding, but the driver keeps on increasing his speed until he's topping 150km/h. But he eventually realises he can't escape the long arm of the law and he pulls over by the side of the road.

The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behaviour, I'll let you off with a caution."

The guy thinks for a few seconds and then he says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give the bitch back!"
Post
#180220
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/180220/action/topic#180220
Time
Unpublished Letters to the Editor:


Hats off to the England cricketers for their achievements in the Ashes this summer, which rightly earned Andrew 'Freddie' Flintoff BBC Sports personality of the Year. Winning a two-team tournament against a nation with a much smaller population once in every ten attempts, then never shutting up about it makes me proud to be British. Ben Hunt


The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of heart disease, then in the next breath they're telling us we are living too long and there'll be no more pension money left for us. I wish they'd make their minds up. John


'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30. Colum Hill


I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail lose around 2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent by DHL next day delivery. L Palmer, London


The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so will I. P Boddington, Ringway


It really annoys me to see these suicide bombers blowing up people as well as themselves. In my day, suicide was done in a more dignified way, such as slicing your wrists in the bath, or hanging yourself from a door with a belt. Paul Mulraney, Belfast


On holiday a few years back, I took part in a quiz and managed to reach the final only to lose out after what I consider to this day, to be a correct answer. The question asked 'What 'C' would you associate Jeremy Clarkson with?'. Not only was I told my answer was incorrect, but I was asked by the holiday rep to leave the premises immediately. Has anyone else experienced such appalling treatment whilst holidaying with one's family? Noel, Leeds


My friend's mum recently pointed out that I have the same ironing board cover as her. Can anyone think of a more mundane and pointless remark to make than this? Alun Daniel


I'LL never understand my neighbour. He has recently started wheel-clamping his own caravan when he finds he has inadvertently parked it in his own drive! I wonder if he is a sadist, a masochist or both. Alan Thakray


Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of Brian wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original?


On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously never been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road. Alan J., London


Hats off to the American police. They arrive at Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch to arrest him a mere six months after he admits climbing into bed with young boys on worldwide TV. Perhaps they should get some faster cars. T Barnham, London


HOW come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'N' word on his multi-million selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son's football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law for the rich and another for the poor. Reg Ashcroft, Bradford


The government says that there are nearly 50,000 people with HIV in Britain, a third of whom do not even know that they have it. Is it just me, or is it a bit harsh that the government know and haven't told the poor sods? John Campbell, e-mail


Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius. Mike Woods, e-mail


With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces soldiers try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers include a couple of Iraqis in the hunting team? They found him quickly enough the last time he played hide and seek with them. Shuggie, Email


Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour. Chris Scaife, Jesmond


I see on the news that Lord Hutton says he is "satisfied that David Kelly took his own life". He may not have liked Dr Kelly that much, but isn't this taking gloating just a little too far? Dave Owen, Edinburgh


I was extremely saddened to hear of Richard Whiteley's recent death. But I was cheered to imagine his life support machine making the famous Countdown "da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da! Booooooo!" sound as he took his final breaths. Tripod


What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that. Thomas J
Post
#179656
Topic
BSG
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/179656/action/topic#179656
Time
^ and Starbuck got beat in the last ep - which is what JediSage wanted...

not too sure on the cliched tough latina girl - seems to be a pilot who is tough (like many are) - with a point to prove after her reliance on pills in the earlier episodes.

Thought the Black Market ep was a decent one - subpar for the usual heights of BSG, but got to see Lee's backstory fleshed out a little - and a nice take on the authorities view of an illegal market.
Post
#178628
Topic
BSG
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/178628/action/topic#178628
Time
I was confused too - the woman in BSG could act, whereas whenever I saw her in Xena she could not.

Though maybe I wasn't paying too much attention to the acting when watching Xena...





Re the episode just shown - Scar - amazing visuals for a tv program, am surprised they don't go way overbudget in the show with all the acting talent and effects they give us.

Post
#173570
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/173570/action/topic#173570
Time
A young man called peter invited his mother for dinner. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how handsome Peter’s flatmate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between peter and his flatmate than met the eye.

Reading his mum’s thoughts, peter volunteered, “i know what you must be thinking, but i assure you, simon & i are just flatmates”.

About a week later, simon came to peter saying, “ever since your Mother came to dinner, i’ve been unable to find the frying pan, you don’t suppose she took it do you?”
“well, i doubt it, but i’ll e-mail her just to be sure,” said peter,

So he sat down and wrote:-

"Dear mother, i’m not saying that you 'did' take the frying pan from my house, i’m not saying that you 'did not' take the frying pan, but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love peter"

Several days later, peter received an e-mail from his mother which read:-

"Dear son, i’m not saying that you 'do' sleep with simon, and i’m not saying that you 'do not' sleep with simon, but the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed, he would have found the frying pan.
Love mum"
Post
#173516
Topic
***//BUILDING EMPIRE\\: PAL & NTSC DVD - NEW EDITION NOW ONLINE! ***
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/173516/action/topic#173516
Time
Completely agree with what none says - Lucas ain't gonna be happy to find after all the work he and his company have done to find a leaked version of the film before its hit the big screen.


If he thought that we were all tossers decimating his life work then I'm not sure we'd still be posting on this great platform now - let alone going after the lads who've provided such quality version of the oot on dvdr, it's edits and classy documentaries like yours, OCP's and Daveytodds.


Hey, m8 - MagnoliaFan even got to go to the Ranch - as long as we don't profit from LFL stuff, or cross the line as those people did in releasing Ep3 before it's cinema release date, we'll all be fine.

Post
#172987
Topic
Buring AVI's to DVD - Sync issues!!!
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/172987/action/topic#172987
Time
Hi m8 - at the time amazon didn't do a readily multiregional 350e - so mine did not come as multiregion, but I knew of a hack available from the superb www.dvdrhelp.com website - 15 seconds and a few button presses later it was done


Your will come as multiregional - as advertised on the blurb - if not the hack for it is here:-

http://www.videohelp.com/dvdhacks.php?select=Toshiba+SD350E


^ 'tis an excellent site - with forums - loads of info on the rarest of players, mainly provided by the users themselves

Post
#172665
Topic
Anomalous phenomenon thread
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/172665/action/topic#172665
Time
worthwhile to add? no.

Though I did wear my lucky pants to try and help Liverpool win on Sunday - though it didn't help...



will now be testing more lucky pants in the coming games...



Seriously though, a week before I got hit by a car on a pedestrian crossing I had dreams that that I was walking everywhere in my old ice hockey goalie gear - which included crossing over the same pedestrian crossing I was run over at...
Post
#172660
Topic
Buring AVI's to DVD - Sync issues!!!
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/172660/action/topic#172660
Time
I got myself a Toshiba SD350E just before Xmas - multiregional and will play divx & mpeg - £70 delivered from amazon.co.uk, here:-

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0009IF1Z2/qid%3D1138121872/203-5921724-2026345

though I'm sure it can be found cheaper elsewhere or on ebay...

It's a pretty sleek machine, great picture, no noise from the player itself, alsways found Toshibas to be decent make - no problems with it at all - plays Lost & BSG no probs m8


Also has fancy words - hdmi, upscaling, co-axial outputs, component output, PAL progressive, etc - no idea what they do, but I suppose it's all good stuff