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oojason

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Join date
5-May-2004
Last activity
4-Apr-2020
Posts
6,965

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Post
#80461
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Time
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
Post
#80460
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Time
The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A man at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge, ignoring the outbust continues... "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

The man in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge stops and says to the man in the back of the courtroom "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you - or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"

The man in the back of the court stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years, I've lived next door to that b'stard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."
Post
#80459
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Time
^ lol




I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole 'Women from Venus and Men from Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words, "I do".

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. The passion starts to heat up... and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??..What was that?" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man!" She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off from work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big unnamed dept store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different, very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let's get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewellery dept, where she picked up a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you....she was soooo excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me, because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all I'd like, let's go to the cashier". I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey, I don't feel like it". Her face just went completely blank, as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT??" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while...........You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman". And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently, I'm not having sex tonight either...
Post
#78079
Topic
Hypocrisy
Time
I originally thought this was a site about the Original Trilogy - ie a site for fans who preferred watching the OT rather than the Prequel Trilogy (I must pay more attention...)

Therefore, for me, any improvement on the Prequel Trilogy (which the MagnoliaFan Edits were IMHO) are to be applauded.

IIRC a poster here just mentioned watching the MagFan Edits in a thread and it perked some people's curiosity - word of mouth spread, more people got hold of the Edits, more people began coming here in search of info on the Edits and eventually Magnolia himself started posting here.

Even people who don't like the idea of the Edits have watched them - just to see more 'Star Wars' - from a different point of view...


I suppose it's just a question of preference in the end - though with the PT we have the choice of either GL's or Magbnolia's version, with the OT that is not the case.
Post
#77956
Topic
Enterprise
Time
Sorry - I was referring to the new 13 episode series - carrying on directly after the events of the miniseries.

It's been shown here in the UK on Sky One on Monday evenings before anywhere else - as part of the deal that saw Sky co-finance the show. IIRC the USA gets it on the Sci-Fi channel sometime in January, of course if you cannot wait there are other means of getting hold of the episodes already broadcasted in the UK...
Post
#77858
Topic
Enterprise
Time
When you lot in the US get the new Battlestar Galactica in January I think you'll be surprised how different and promising a sci-fi series can be - oh how I wish post-DS9 Trek would take risks in it's story, content, direction and tone...

We're 4 episodes in here in the UK - sad to say it as a Trek fan but the 4 eps (+ the mini-series) so far has shown more promise and delivery than the 1st two series of ENT, and shows just how badly VOY lost it's way after abandoning it's premise so early on.

That Ron Moore knows his stuff.


Seems that ENT is picking up in quality according to you guys, and a few others on the TrekBBS site - I really hope you enjoy the show, but I gave up after it's 2nd season - the same safe stories with little intrigue left me cold, and there's been far too much of that in Trek since DS9 left our screens.