- Post
- #112943
- Topic
- MagnoliaFan Edits: Ep I "Balance Of The Force", and Ep II "The Clone War" (Released)
- Link
- https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/112943/action/topic#112943
- Time
(Here's a first post from a lurker who can't keep quiet anymore.)
Magnoliafan,
I recently saw your edits - thanks for a great effort and a great improvement on the original! I'm looking forward to your version of episode 3.
If I understand correctly (from browsing this thread), you might polish the edits a bit more. For this reason, I thought I would give you the following feedback:
I agree with earlier posts that the backwards dialogue doesn't quite work. I don't mind the idea in principle (to make them sound alien), nor do I mind the use of Spanish and German. The problem with the backwards dialogue is that it isn't fluid enough. To my ears, every cut made is apparent (though this could just be an illusion of sharp attacks of backwards speech), and to be reminded several times each sentence that edits have been made detracts severely from the immersement into the film. This is in sharp contrast to your visual edits where the seams are well hidden!
A small comment about the Spanish dialogue: for me this works well when the characters speak a foreign tongue among themselves, but I would prefer if they switch to English when they address an English-speaking character. Again, as someone else pointed out, the alternation of languages in a conversation in your edits has an unintentional humorous effect, as it suggests that everyone has Babelfish in their ears!
I am very happy that you managed to get rid of the most of the cringe moments. But I desperately wish that Anakin's mass-murder confession had gone to the garbage bin as well. For me this is a major fingernails-screeching-blackboard-moment. Terrible writing by Lucas - I can't imagine any actor that could have made those lines convincing. I wouldn't want to remove the whole scene though, because I think it's important to show the beginning of Anakin's fall. Possibly a few cuts could improve it though - here's my attempt:
Lines I suggest be cut are in [brackets]. Lines I wish were never imagined in [[double brackets]].
---
(Padme enters. Anakin is tinkering with something. He is obviously very disturbed.)
- I brought you something. Are you hungry?
- The shifter broke. Life seems so much simpler when you're fixing things. I'm good at fixing things. [Always was.] [[ But I couldn't. Why couldn't I save her? I know I could have! ]]
- Sometimes there are things noone can fix. You're not all powerful [Ani]. [I cut "Ani" because of overlap with next line.]
- [[ Well I should be! Someday I will be. I will be the most powerful Jedi ever! I promise you! I will even learn to stop people from dying! ]]
- [ Anakin!?! ]
- It's all Obi-Wan's fault! [[ He's jealous! ]] He's holding me back! [Can insert "Anakin!?!" instead of "He's jealous!"]
- What's wrong Ani? [Or alternatively, replace this line with "Anakin!?!"]
- [[ I ... ]] I killed them. I killed them all. [They're dead. Every single one of them.] [[ And not just the men. But the women. And the children too. They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals! I hate them! ]]
(He sits on the floor. Padme crouches beside him.)
- I'm a Jedi! [I know I'm better than this.]
(Padme consoles him.)
---
I think these cuts would work, technically and contextually. And the scene would be improved. What do you think? For a more creative bonus idea, possibly some quick shots of Anakin's haunted face during the deleted "And not just the men" lines could be interweaved with quick flashbacks from his revenge on the Tuscans. I mean very short cuts. This would follow the golden rule of film (which Lucas broke here): show, don't tell. Just a crazy late night idea, not sure if this would work.
Feedback welcome!