Hal 9000 said:
“At last the work of generations is complete, the day of victory is at hand, the day of the sith.
Send the fleet to the galaxy…let it burn.
The Final order begins”
“Yes my lord”
I would say this might be best. (Might have to skip the “Fortnight” message part altogether.) But, the Pryde Palpatine scene would either become very short, or lost, though. I do like spelling out that the First Order is going there to man the ship, and that scene is the only real way in any version of the film to soundly imply that.
Since kijjimi doesn’t get blown up in your version the line “Send the a ship to a world they know” is gone by default. The only line you actually lose is “the final order begins” which isn’t really much and you don’t lose any info from the scene.
“The Princess of Alderaan has disrupted our plan, but her foolish act will be in vain. Come to me on Exogol, general Pryde”
“As I served you in the old war, I serve you know.”
“She will come, her friends will follow”
This would work nicely as a pay off for the leaked message at the start of the film. Yes Hux was the First Order spy, but Pryde was a spy of another sort. Perhaps this could imply that Hux knew about Prydes allegiance and wanted to rat him out to Ren, while also revealing the Final Order. Two birds one stone.