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cranyx

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Post
#1475283
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

Darth Malgus said:

I have an idea that might interest you. Have you ever thought about creating a TCW fancut/fanedit that could fit into the Clone Wars Multimedia Project and the pre-Filoni lore? If you did, you’d be doing the Expanded Universe fans a huge favor, that Is, the fans who don’t despise TCW at all but prefer the Clone Wars Multimedia Project, that is, the books, the comics, the novels and the video games set during the Clone Wars that were created between 2002 and 2006. Fans like me.
To create such project you should eliminate everything that contradicts the Multimedia Project (no Maul, no Mandalore, no Ahsoka, no Quinlan Vos, no Barriss Offee, etc.) and keep only the TCW episodes in which Ahsoka is not shown and in which the protagonists are only Anakin and Obi-Wan, such as the episode set on Pantora and a few others. You should eliminate the episodes in which the Clones are too more Independent either.

That is well outside the bounds of this project and would involve nixing the vast majority of the series.

Post
#1474708
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

Thoughts on Corruption on Mandalore:

I’ve been curious about this episode looking at the list because it uses two episodes I never saw. Full disclosure: when I watched the series I used a guide to skip a lot of episodes that weren’t as good, and these were on that list. Let’s see if your edit can bring it up to par with the rest of the “good episodes”

“Lasting change can only come from within” Ahsoka is apparently the kind of person who would say the best way to beat systemic failures of the state is to just vote more.

It’s weird to have the Scooby gang talk about discovering a conspiracy, when that whole adventure just happened off screen with no fanfare or attention. I’m assuming that was part of the cut content

“bring all witnesses and evidence of this crime to me in this secluded, private place.” I wonder what will happen.

lmao ENHANCE

“you’ll know the signal when you see it” What is the purpose of being cryptic right now?

Overall I don’t have many inputs on the edits specifically aside from maybe needing to add the scene of the kids actually discovering the corruption instead of just telling us that they did. It’s not the most compelling episode, but that’s because of the source material as opposed to anything you changed. Out curiosity, if this were not tied to the Mandalore plotline which you said you wanted to focus on, would you have included it?

Post
#1474706
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

Thoughts on Massacre:

I was looking forward to checking this one out for a few reasons. First, it acts as a follow up to the Nightsisters arc, and would help me better form an opinion on whether the shuffling of episode order works better or not. Second, your description claims that it is one of your ambitious edits with a new narrative, which I usually have more feedback on.

3:20 It is unclear from the cut what is going on when the scene first cuts to the Lair of Grievous plotline. I know from your notes that it’s supposed to be that the Ventress told the Jedi where Grievous lives, but that is not clear at all from the context given. It almost feels like a non-sequitur since no one had ever even mentioned Grievous. When we eventually cut back to the Nightsisters, they clearly seem preoccupied with their own stuff and give no indication that they are going to or would want to go after Grievous.

5:32 Grievous’ dub here sounds really off, mostly because the audio source you used was from a transmission and has a lot of distortion that Star Wars adds to their holograms (you’d think that they’d have better telecommunication technology with all their future shit but w/e)

Dooku’s conversation with Grievous doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. He says that the Jedi are in his house, then points out that Ventress is at Dathomir (I assume that the implication here is that he is telling Grievous that she is behind the first statement, but that isn’t made clear how that would happen or why) Finally, Grievous’ line about “I will rest when those witches are dead” seems at odds with his line about “I’ll play your little game”, which indicated that he is only doing this at the behest of Dooku instead of for personal vengeance.

You’re right that Dooku never had a personal grudge against Ventress, but I think the original episode gives a fully satisfactory and complete explanation for why Grievous was sent to lead the attack: 1) Grievous’ role is largely as an attack dog for Dooku, the political leader of the Separatists, and Dooku wants them dead. 2) Grievous feels a loyalty to the Separatist cause (ironically arguably more so than any of his actual superiors) and Ventress was a traitor to that cause.

I agree with your notes that while Lair of Grievous as an episode has some great Grievous moments but also a lot of filler that can be removed. However I still think it works better as a follow up to the Assassin plotline or possibly its own standalone story albeit pared down. Here I think it mucks about with the pacing too much by having the Nightsisters content essentially put on pause for 10 minutes after initially starting with them.

On a similar note, including the epilogue with Savage feels sudden and disconnected from the story we had just watched. As per your notes, I understand that you want to build up hype for the upcoming Maul plotline (especially since you separated part 1 of the 4-part story about it), but I think it takes a really excellent and tragic ending that already existed for Massacre and distracts from that emotional gut punch.

I think that this episode reinforced my hesitations regarding putting the Nightsisters arc so early. I think part of the reason it might seem like you need to separate this episode from its quadrilogy is because otherwise there would be a really big gap between when the Ventress/Maul arc is introduced and when it picks up again in the Brothers and Sisters arc, but I would argue there is no harm in having of it hold off until later. I know you said you wanted to spice up the first couple seasons since they are weaker than what comes later, but spreading it out like that ironically does the opposite of this series edit’s claimed raison d’etre: making the whole story feel more focused.

Post
#1474700
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

Thoughts on Seven Warriors:

I agree that this is a good introduction to the seasonal theme of bounty hunters, as well as Hondo. However, if you are keeping the original thematic focus for season 2, it seems odd that you would split off the Cad Bane episodes from being included as part of that to be the season 1 finale as opposed to leaving it as Ryloth. If we’re trying to keep thematic cohesion, you properly label season 1’s as “conflicts erupt in the early days of the clone wars”, and the battle of Ryloth feels like a proper capstone to that (This is also one of my hesitations to include the Nightsisters arc in S1). If this was because you wanted to keep each season to 10 “episodes” then I would definitely encourage you to not be too concerned with that aspect; some narrative aspects are going to have more content than others and it would be better to keep them grouped based on those aspects.

I was wondering if you would remove Hondo’s lines about having already met Anakin and Obi-Wan, but after watching the scene again, I think it probably makes up too much of the conversation to not have its absence be extremely noticeable.

Post
#1474109
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

it’d also be good to hear from you what you think does work, because that’s useful reinforcement

This is, unfortunately, more difficult to do than pointing out what doesn’t work. My approach to my reviews was to watch your edit, and when I felt that something didn’t work quite right, hop on over to another tab my legally purchased DVDs of The Clone Wars to see what exactly was changed vs the original. When everything works fine, then I don’t notice the edit at all, which is the goal. I will say that I think your episode selection is a very good one, and focuses on the highlights of seasons 1/2 while leaving out forgettable and bad episode arcs. I’m still not sure how I feel about including the Nightsisters arc this early (and I’ll admit the continuity of their outfits bugs me a bit), but maybe I’ll see how it works together moving forward. I think you’ve also done a really good job trimming out a lot of unnecessary gags and asides that were mostly there to fill out the runtime or make jokes that didn’t always land.

501st

I’m aware that the cuts were deliberate in order to only give a brief introduction to the characters, but what I think this ends up doing is creating a strange half-measure of introduction. What is left is still in the context of setting up and building off of conflicts/plot threads that are now just left dangling in an unsatisfying way. If you really just want the bare minimum of telling us who the characters are, I would almost say go hard in the other direction and leave out Cadets entirely. Rookies was designed to work on its own, so it at least gets the job done. The downside to this would be that 99 just kind of pops up out of nowhere for the finale.

Nightsisters

My recommendation to bring back the invisible fight is one I feel less strongly about than others, so long as you can make the following dialog feel more clear (I also gave feedback on that specifically as well in case you decided to go that direction.) Same goes for the first two fights - just make it feel more natural (I really don’t like the new phrase “let the game begin” and the cut from Ventress saying “begin” to someone else saying “begin” is weird.)

Mandalore

I agree the Dr Evil conveyer belt is goofy, but the way the replacement is handled feels very disorienting and confusing to watch on its own. I’d have to take a really close look at the original scene to see if there’s a way it could be handled better.

artefact

Just gonna point out that there are a number of instances of Star Wars spelling this specific word the American way, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen them use the British spelling of words in general: https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Sith_artifact

Post
#1474022
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

Well that’s season 1; I’m definitely going to take a break for a while after flooding these comments with my feedback. Again I hope I didn’t come off as too critical of the work you’ve done; my primary goal is to make it overall feel more professional and less noticeably a fan project.

Post
#1474021
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

Thoughts on the Future of the Force:

You spelled “artifact” the British way (artefact) in the opening text, which is something I don’t think Star Wars ever does; it’s lightsaber not lightsabre. Based on the times you post I’m assuming you’re European and that’s why you did this.

I see what you’re trying to do with the Ahsoka/younglings scene at the end, but I’m not sure if it works. Despite the McGuffin for the episode being younglings, Ahsoka’s relationship with teaching and/or lightsabers was never a theme that was touched upon. The connection feels… tenuous, especially for what is now a season closer scene.

Post
#1474019
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

Thoughts on a Strike at the Heart:

I still believe the scene of Ahsoka being relegated to guard duty should be moved back here. Having those narrative elements with just absence in between feels wrong. I don’t think you need to justify why Ahsoka was not in the previous two episodes

When robo Seth Green shakes his head, you can tell he’s supposed to be saying something despite having his audio cut. I would either re-add his snark, or cut the shot entirely.

The abrupt way Bane’s conversation with the other bounty hunter begins is jarring. Is there a reason you cut much of the dialog from this scene?

The librarian’s conversation seems to start very suddenly, and the scene itself is oddly short. I think this could be remedied if Ahsoka’s punishment scene were brought back to this episode.

I would actually consider maybe paring down Anakin and Padme’s “romance” dialog at 7:10. It’s important to the plot so it can’t just be cut, but it’s not good (I don’t know why that task is apparently impossible for Star Wars writers)

13:02 How does Cad Bane know Skywalker?

It’s unclear how the senate hostage situation did anything to aid the holocron heist. It just kind of feels like a sidetrack for no reason. If anything it does the opposite by putting all of Coruscant on high alert and looking for Bane. It also makes the heroes look clueless and incompetent when we transition back to the holocron heist plot because they seem totally unaware that the stuff going down might be related the criminal that evaded capture only minutes earlier.

28:20 The “conversation” with Mace feels very weird here. It doesn’t feel like Mace is speaking in response to Obi-Wan, and Yoda’s reply is strange since the “him” he refers to (Bane in your edit) was not the subject of the conversation. They were discussing the holocron itself and then Yoda refers to the presumed Bane with a pronoun without anyone mentioning him by name. Grammatically it’s strange, and not in the normal Yoda way. I’m not sure why you got rid of the Bolla Ropal plot element that forced the changes to the exchange, but that might become clear next episode.

Post
#1474009
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

Thoughts on Children of Night:

13:32 I know I’m usually one calling for more establishing shots, but I think here it’s actually unnecessary. Since the immediately preceding shot is one of the mother alluding to her revenge, I think that an immediate cut to her call with Dooku would create a smoother transition. It’s almost not even a new scene.

I’m not sure if I agree with the decision to remove the assassination attempt. You mention in your notes that you don’t like adding new “force powers”, but I actually think that this is a fairly explicit example of magic separate from the force that the sisters have access to. It establishes that they have some sort of mysterious abilities totally distinct from what we see in the Jedi/Sith. You say that it just returns to the status quo, which is a little true, but the mother reveals that it is part of a larger plan to make Dooku feel uneasy and vulnerable, thereby necessitating a new assassin. Also, as you point out, it’s just a really fun sequence to watch.

Similarly, I don’t know if cutting the first two challenges is an improvement. It’s a good sequence of events that also highlight how sadistic Ventress is, and how the two brothers were all that remained of a grueling crucible (plus “let the game begin” isn’t a phrase people say and sounds awkward, as is having a second character say “begin” immediately after she does)

49:50 I was about to comment that this cut from one angle to another on the same speaker during the same sentence is distracting, but that’s on Giancarlo Volpe, not you.

Overall I think my commentary on this is similar to the other fan-favorite episodes: it’s better to use a scalpel than a axe. You don’t need to fix what isn’t broken.

Post
#1473951
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

Thoughts on The Death Watch:

Ahsoka being punished for Ryloth as opposed to the incident on Felucia doesn’t feel like it makes a lot of sense. Instead of being reprimanded for acting out of line that led to disaster, it’s for being decisive as the acting senior officer (like she was instructed to do) which led to a victory? I also don’t think the addition of this scene is at all necessary given that there’s no reason for her to be present anyways in what is a personal mission for Obi-Wan. In terms of narrative cohesion, it doesn’t feel great to devote the opening scene of the episode to just explaining why a character isn’t present (as opposed to in the original episode where the opening scenes put Ahsoka into place for a role she would play in the story.)

Post
#1473929
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

I hope my long posts of feedback don’t come off as too negatively critical. I think a lot of what you’ve done is extremely admirable and impressive, I just think there are times where the cuts/changes can be overly aggressive such that the seams become noticeable. I think this project can very well become a genuinely ideal alternative to the originals.

Post
#1473928
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

Thoughts on Resistance on Ryloth

This was another episode I was very curious to watch because you said that you had dramatically changed the story.

The opening is kind of disorienting. This is a general note for the whole series whenever you remove any exposition, but I think that it is important to not rely on the opening text to inform the viewer as to what is going on, and still have the episode itself properly explain everything. The vast majority of viewers just kind of zone out for the opening crawls of Star Wars movies, and they serve as context rather than important exposition. If you closed your eyes at the beginning of the ANH title crawl, you would still be able to easily follow the movie.

1:56 We cut from blobby watching Mace advancing on the city on foot to Mace standing inside discussing plans. This is confusing because without the context of seeing Mace being forced out of the AT-TE in an assault that we see in the original episode, the viewer is left wondering why he was just walking outside for seemingly no reason. Additionally, Mace’s “we’re going to need help to take the city” line feels very strange by itself without the rest of the conversation he is having with the trooper.

3:12 the “they won’t breach the blockade” dub is very noticeable. The audio mixing does not seem to include any of the distortion from the hologram that the other characters like Palpy seem to have. The conversation itself also seems very strange with its inclusion. Mace is clearly indicating that the way to win the fight is to recruit the resistance, but then the audience is implicitly told “actually no, that’s not what’s important right now. We’re going to focus the next 10 minutes on the blockade that was only briefly brought up as a secondary consideration.” There is a conflict as to what the driving force of the narrative is.

13:13 Mace’s line about postponing the invasion is very odd in the new chronology where he is already advancing on the city. In the previous zoom call, Mace had all but dismissed the reinforcements idea to focus entirely on the resistance fighters (because in the original episode it was made clear that reinforcements simply weren’t an option). To now have him say that they can’t do anything until the blockade is broken feels contradictory.

19:12 The cut from a gesture of good will to the ominous fleet feels very jarring. It almost feels intentionally ironic, which I don’t think is the case.

24:42 Mace’s urgent and specific order for Anakin to destroy the bombers is strange considering that he supposedly hasn’t even gotten close to getting past the blockade (it’d be like telling allied forces to start taking out artillery in Berlin when D-Day hasn’t even happened yet)

I’ve noticed this a few times, but it really stood out to me here: most Clone Wars episodes end on a celebratory note, so to have it go from that to the sad, melancholy music you use for the end credits (as opposed to the original episodes’ fanfare) feels very off.

Ultimately I think splicing the two episodes creates confusion more than anything else, and the conversations that the characters have don’t make much sense given the context of what is going on in the other plot line. The narrative driving force gets muddied and it feels unclear what the characters are working towards as what needs to happen to win.

I think a lot is lost by leaving out Innocents of Ryloth entirely. In the original Ryloth trilogy, it created a very clear bridge in the invasion progression of “reach the planet”->“establish a military presence”->“take the capital.” I feel that that structure creates more building action that feels that the heroes are getting tangibly close to their goal at every step. I definitely think that some of the babysitting plotline and droid hijinks can be pared down, but the episode also has some of the emotional highlights of the entire episode trilogy that are sorely missed by its total omission.

Post
#1473915
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

Thoughts on the 501st Legion:

I was very interested in this episode, because it was the first one where you said you implemented significant changes to the narrative structure, which can be very tricky

Part 1

I think the intro struggles to properly introduce the viewer to the characters. In the first minute we get two separate conversations with characters whom we have no idea who they are. The opening few minutes of the original episode, in addition to opening with an exciting action sequence, does a lot of expository work in terms of setting the stage for who everyone is and what their goals are. It’s also harder to sympathize with Echo and Fives when they go to speak with Shaak Ti because other than an extremely brief conversation with an unnamed authority figure we don’t know saying they’re doing poorly, we can hardly identify with their difficulties. Contrast this with the original episode, which by this point had led the viewer to see the struggles they face, and understand the stress that they are under. I would strongly recommend restoring the original ordering of scenes so that the initial, failed drill takes place before they are reprimanded (also leave in the MC’s introductory exposition)

Heavy’s conversation with 99 feels out of place, given that its narrative purpose is to tell him not to abandon his teammates and embrace who he is. In this new cut, we don’t see his confrontation with the MC (the low point to his internal struggle that the 99 conversation resolves) and we don’t see him ultimately overcome his struggle by embracing his nickname and triumphing by working with his brothers. The conversation with 99 itself is a very awkward way to end the prologue just before a time skip that seemingly drops all the conflict established in what remains of the episode. Additionally, Heavy’s triumph in this episode gives more tragedy to his sacrifice in the next episode.

I understand that the above changes were because you wanted to make the episode serve as an introduction to the new, longer edit, but I think it just takes too much twisting and stretching of the existing material to make work. I don’t think it is necessary to make it so that they ultimately fail in order to get posted at Rishi, as getting a shit posting as your first deployment is just how the military works. In fact, considering they had been threatened with being labelled a “bad batch” if they didn’t shape up, the implication that they never got better means they shouldn’t have been deployed at all (and certainly not at a mission-critical forward base)

part 2

The audio mixing for the “Sarge!” at 11:53 feels off. The fact that the volume drops so suddenly and noticeably feels less like it’s a result of the clone turning away, and more like he’s just lowering his voice. At first I thought that you had dubbed this in, but I checked and saw that it existed in the original episode and sounds fine there. I don’t know what was changed here that caused this issue.

I’m not sure how I feel about the change to the conversation at 13:17. I assume you wanted to drop the cheesy reference to the famous Han Solo scene from ANH, but what’s left makes it look like the “clone” answered the call and then immediately hung up, which doesn’t make much sense.

I don’t think you need to reintroduce the whole eel fight sequence, but I would keep the shot of the clone escapees walking along the cliffside pointing out Rex and Cody’s ship (starts at around 8:17 of the original episode). It makes the later flare scene work a lot better imo if we at least know that they are outside, since up until then we only see them entering the vents.

part 3

Without a time skip between the events of Rookies and this episode, it’s unclear why Fives and Echo are with the 501st, or why they have new armor. Also, the fact that it’s only been about “2 weeks” since they were cadets means that it doesn’t really feel like much of a reunion

I think 99 not having heavy’s medal is another good aspect of the episode that is lost by not having the triumph at the end of their training. It also makes 99’s dialog feel a bit choppy at the end when you have to cut around it

Without at least some of Obi-Wan’s underwater adventure, it comes as an unexplained surprise when we suddenly see Anakin on the surface, as Obi-Wan never told him to come down.

Post
#1473804
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

Assassin

I would consider re-adding at least parts of the scene where Ventress is planting the bombs so that it’s clearer what happened when she triggers them. I assume that it was cut because of the silliness with the droid, but I think it can be added with that aspect of it reduced substantially if not entirely avoided.

I see what you’re doing by dubbing the “It’s so hard to know who to trust these days, isn’t it?” from Hidden Enemy at 15:33, but I think it’s a too noticeable. The calm, collected tone also conflicts with her shout of rage just a second later.

Post
#1473800
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

I understand the logic of why Merrick drops his cover in the new edit, but I still think it feels too sudden to a first time viewer. The way his line is delivered, it definitely doesn’t feel like the big reveal moment that it now has to act as. It’s almost a blink-and-you-miss-it “wait, he’s a bad guy now?” It also creates a blocking continuity error, because we see Satine between Obi-Wan and the window in one shot, but in the next shot she is by the door with Merrick; there is no explanation as to how she was taken past Obi-Wan.

I agree that some of it was redundant, and maybe you shouldn’t add all of it back, but I would definitely be more conservative with which parts get cut, especially when it creates awkward cut transitions like at 5:11, and also contextual information like the fact that their oxygen is dwindling (which makes the scene of them waiting outside the pod make more sense).

Post
#1473793
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

Here are my previous comments with more constructive feedback on how to improve the issues:

Malevolence:

I think we should see the Malevolence fire its super weapon. I know previously in the thread you said you weren’t a fan, but without seeing why it’s so dangerous it comes off as a bit of “what’s the big deal?” It’d be like if we never saw the Death Star fire its laser in ANH. Cutting it like you did makes the opening sequence have a number of awkward cuts. Honestly the opening of the original episode is one of the strongest parts, and I’d say leave it in.

When Grievous comments on the Jedi’s weakness for caring for their troops, it’s unclear what he’s referring to without context.

The start of Anakin and Ahsoka’s conversation feels very odd, and you can tell it begins mid-sentence

Similarly to the first note, I think we should see the ion cannon actually fire. Especially since a bit later we establish that it is an ion cannon and not just lasers, the absence is noticeable.

All of these issues can be resolved by restoring the original opening to the episode as well as the subsequent firing at the med bay

The cut to when Plo-Koon starts talking in the escape pod at 5:11 feels very abrupt. Going from him speaking to a brief shot of the clone, and then immediately back to him but from a different angle is very jarring.

I would restore the clone’s dialog. Not only does it solve the awkward cut, but the line about how the clones see themselves as expendable is a good pathos building moment. In fact, after going back and reviewing the original episode, I would restore the dialog between the clones and Plo-Koon wherever possible. The aspect of the show is a major theme that will be returned to multiple times, and this early episode is a good spot to establish it. I don’t see why it was cut.

The cut at 6:30 is very abrupt

I can see why you wanted to drop the “they told me this ship was fast” line. It’s… not good. However, correct me if I’m wrong, but I think the original scene holds for just a second longer than what you have here. I think just extending that this little bit would do a lot to not make it seem like the wipe transition is interrupting him.

The cut at 10:09 is very abrupt

This isn’t even your cut. My bad, ignore this point.

Without any dialog about dwindling oxygen, it is unclear why they are just hanging out outside of their pod

As before, I would restore Plo-Koon/clone dialog wherever possible because not only does it help with removing unnecessary cuts, but it serves as the thematic core of the episode.

The cut to Anakin at 21:56 feels sudden

In the original episode, there is an establishing shot of Anakin’s Y-Wing before cutting to his dialog. I think this should be restored.

The sudden cut at 24:45 from “I think we have a problem” to Grievous immediately jumping into an escape ship ends up being a lot more comedic than I think was intentional. I know this is the result of cutting out a huge section of the third episode, but I think it feels awkward. I’d almost say just cut the entire sequence of them chasing Grievous and leave it at him retreating to Separatist space, then transition to Anakin and Ahsoka in the hangar.

I realize on second thought that you can’t just leave it at the retreat, because the plot of the episode is about destroying the Death Star Malevolence. This one is probably the toughest to deal with because the original shot was not him comedically running away, but running to his fighter to engage. However you can’t really have him fight with Anakin without reintroducing the whole plot of Destroy Malevolence (I agree the stuff inside the ship is not very good.) I think what I would suggest here would be to just leave the brief shot of Grievous entering his ship, instead of having him physically run away. It’s a small change but I think it would make a difference.

New Padawan:

The cut at 3:19 coupled with the newly dubbed audio feels awkward

It’s odd that Ventress explicitly addresses Anakin, but Obi-Wan responds

There are two bits of dubbed dialog here: “Master Skywalker” and “I’ve been so lookin forward to another encounter with you.” I would move the former to when she is stalking the two of them off-screen and the camera is on Anakin (3:06), and the latter to when she is running up the stair, as opposed to trying to sort of make it line up with her lip movements for the original dialog (3:18). Then I would cut Obi-Wan’s response entirely.

There’s a very weird sound effect that plays at 4:32 for just a split second

This is a straight forward change. I’m pretty certain it’s just an overlooked artifact from the previous scene transition.

It’s unclear how we got from where the ventress fight left off to where we pick it back up again at 4:36.

The original episode has an establishing shot of them entering the library and her falling to the ground, which you’ve cut. I assume this is because it’s a bit silly that she starts throwing books at them, but I think it’s worth it to keep that sequence to establish a clear continuity (which I believe is very important in making it not feel like a fan-edit.)

It feels noticeable that there are chunks of Ventress’ dialog missing. I know you were trying to cut out references to the betrayal plotline, but I don’t know if this half measure works.

I realized I didn’t include a timestamp, so to be clear I’m talking about the encounter that starts at 4:50. I would replace the new “You’ve served your purpose” with the original “Really?” It fits better with the flow of the conversation.

The tonal shift at 5:55 is jarring. We go from ominous threat after a narrow escape to a cheerful walk down the walkway. An establishing shot to ease us into the new scene might help

Unfortunately I couldn’t find an appropriate establishing shot from the movie that would fix the tonal shift problem.

It almost feels like Ahsoka is interrupting Yoda at 18:08

I think this is caused by the fact that the camera lingers on Yoda, and Ahsoka starts talking while his mouth is opening (making it appear that he’s about to say something else.) I noticed that this is another line that was redubbed over other visuals (which is easier with Yoda because his mouth moves like a muppet, appropriately), so I would maybe try playing around with cutting from Yoda to Ahsoka on a different frame. Perhaps a second earlier so that the camera is on her when she starts talking and we don’t have that lingering on Yoda. However if you do want to linger, try to find a different shot.

Without the first part of the sentence, Obi-Wan’s delivery of his line at 18:41 is weird. I would actually end the episode at 18:40 as Ahsoka and Anakin’s ship takes off

I stand by 18:40 being the better stopping point for the episode

Thoughts on The Duchess of Mandalore

Obi-Wan’s panic in the line “Satine look out!” at 15:03 feels misplaced given that we never really see her in much danger, not to mention the fact that the line doesn’t sound like it’s coming from someone actively engaged in a fist fight. I would cut it entirely.

The elevator ride is odd now for two reasons: First, Satine appears to be disheveled/exhausted despite the fact that in this cut she didn’t do anything. Second, Obi-Wan’s line about almost being killed feels like an overreaction to a quick fist fight.

I know the James Bond-esque conveyer belt scene is cheesy, but I think a lot is lost by removing it.

All of the above is fixed by re-adding the admittedly silly conveyer belt scene

Without the tiny spider-bots, it’s unclear why Merrik blows his cover. The abduction feels sudden given that the audience up until that point has no idea that he’s evil. If you already know the plot of the episode it’s maybe not as bad because you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, but as a standalone story, you need a proper reveal. Also personally I quite enjoyed the scene of Obi-Wan “testing” all the suspects.

Again, I would re-introduce at least some of the small spider-bots, especially since they end up serving a plot functionality. The reveal works a lot better with Merrick being exposed than him just dropping his cover for no real reason.

Post
#1473682
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

I thought I’d expand upon my thoughts for the feedback you replied to

  • Should we see the Malevolence fire? I’ve always been against it because I don’t like the effect (and it’s a strong enough ship if we just assume it has EMPs plus heavy laser cannons) but perhaps I’d include it once at some point.

The cut as it stands still has direct reference to the “ion cannon” and at the climax we see the weapon about to fire, so it’s clear to the audience that there is something that we weren’t seeing before. Constantly discussing a “super weapon” and then just seeing it use tiny blasters creates a dissonance.

  • What do we think about the Ventress line in New Padawan referencing her past with Anakin? It’s not perfect lipsync but I borrowed this idea directly from Smudger because I thought it referenced their past nicely.

I really like the idea of adding the Anakin line, it just creates the issues I listed before. Having a camera angle change mid-sentence is very odd, and Obi-Wan’s response makes less sense. If you’re going to keep the Anakin line, I might recommend cutting Obi-Wan’s line and, if possible, finding a new place to put it (maybe when she’s creeping up on them?)

  • Is the cost of having a slightly janky arrival of Satine worth the benefit of cutting the Mandalorian Bond Villain device?

This is a general note, and applies to the ion cannon discussion as well: I think it’s better to include a less-than-stellar sequence or bit of dialog than to be forced to cut it in such a way that makes the seams noticeable. The latter makes the final result feel too much like a fan-edit as opposed to a genuine alternative version of the episode (which I’m sure is the goal.) You don’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water.

I can try to give more constructive ideas when I watch more of the original episodes so that I can present alternatives to the noticeable cuts, but these were just my thoughts as I watched the episodes.

Post
#1473658
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

Thoughts on The Duchess of Mandalore:

Obi-Wan’s panic in the line “Satine look out!” at 15:03 feels misplaced given that we never really see her in much danger, not to mention the fact that the line doesn’t sound like it’s coming from someone actively engaged in a fist fight. I would cut it entirely.

The elevator ride is odd now for two reasons: First, Satine appears to be disheveled/exhausted despite the fact that in this cut she didn’t do anything. Second, Obi-Wan’s line about almost being killed feels like an overreaction to a quick fist fight.

I know the James Bond-esque conveyer belt scene is cheesy, but I think a lot is lost by removing it.

Without the tiny spider-bots, it’s unclear why Merrik blows his cover. The abduction feels sudden given that the audience up until that point has no idea that he’s evil. If you already know the plot of the episode it’s maybe not as bad because you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, but as a standalone story, you need a proper reveal. Also personally I quite enjoyed the scene of Obi-Wan “testing” all the suspects.

Post
#1473651
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

Thoughts on The New Padawan:

I’m surprised at how well the new intro works. It drops you right into it with little setup, but it actually reminds me a bit of how episodes V and VI begin

The cut at 3:19 coupled with the newly dubbed audio feels awkward

It’s odd that Ventress explicitly addresses Anakin, but Obi-Wan responds

There’s a very weird sound effect that plays at 4:32 for just a split second

It’s unclear how we got from where the ventress fight left off to where we pick it back up again at 4:36.

It feels noticeable that there are chunks of Ventress’ dialog missing. I know you were trying to cut out references to the betrayal plotline, but I don’t know if this half measure works.

The tonal shift at 5:55 is jarring. We go from ominous threat after a narrow escape to a cheerful walk down the walkway. An establishing shot to ease us into the new scene might help

Without the first part of the sentence, Obi-Wan’s delivery of his line at 18:41 is weird. I would actually end the episode at 18:40 as Ahsoka and Anakin’s ship takes off

It almost feels like Ahsoka is interrupting Yoda at 18:08

Post
#1473644
Topic
The Clone Wars: Refocused (v1.5) [100%] - All core episodes COMPLETE! + Thoughts on the new TALES OF THE JEDI
Time

Thoughts on Malevolence:

I think we should see the Malevolence fire its super weapon. I know previously in the thread you said you weren’t a fan, but without seeing why it’s so dangerous it comes off as a bit of “what’s the big deal?” It’d be like if we never saw the Death Star fire its laser in ANH. Cutting it like you did makes the opening sequence have a number of awkward cuts. Honestly the opening of the original episode is one of the strongest parts, and I’d say leave it in.

When Grievous comments on the Jedi’s weakness for caring for their troops, it’s unclear what he’s referring to without context.

The start of Anakin and Ahsoka’s conversation feels very odd, and you can tell it begins mid-sentence

The cut to when Plo-Koon starts talking in the escape pod at 5:11 feels very abrupt. Going from him speaking to a brief shot of the clone, and then immediately back to him but from a different angle is very jarring.

The cut at 6:30 is very abrupt

The cut at 10:09 is very abrupt

Without any dialog about dwindling oxygen, it is unclear why they are just hanging out outside of their pod

The cut to Anakin at 21:56 feels sudden

Similarly to the first note, I think we should see the ion cannon actually fire. Especially since a bit later we establish that it is an ion cannon and not just lasers, the absence is noticeable.

The sudden cut at 24:45 from “I think we have a problem” to Grievous immediately jumping into an escape ship ends up being a lot more comedic than I think was intentional. I know this is the result of cutting out a huge section of the third episode, but I think it feels awkward. I’d almost say just cut the entire sequence of them chasing Grievous and leave it at him retreating to Separatist space, then transition to Anakin and Ahsoka in the hangar.

Post
#1473536
Topic
Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, Sanded Down (Released)
Time

Octorox said:

V2 is available and addresses much of the feedback I’ve gotten on this edit over the years. PM me for a link as always or find it in the usual places (old links should still work).

Full cutlist with new changes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/12dAvtrsxZT66tM_uZ5bRpxFb8Y4e8m5mY6iE7YXKCmE/edit?usp=sharing

Is there a list of just the differences between v1 and v2?

Post
#1277056
Topic
Info: an animation error in Despecialized Star Wars?
Time

I was watching this video on the production of the despecialized videos, and there was one part that really stuck out to me as strange. at the 18:29 mark the video talks about how Harmy had to create new animation to “recreate the subtle movement present in the original footage.” However when the creature lifts his head (specifically at the 18:33 mark) it almost look like its nostril/eye (the vertical slit) is sliding down on its face, staying relatively still on the screen as its head moves. Am I crazy? Did Harmy make a mistake? I believe the original movie used an animatronic so I can’t imagine it would have the same issue unless this is just a weird trick of perspective.