Here are my previous comments with more constructive feedback on how to improve the issues:
I think we should see the Malevolence fire its super weapon. I know previously in the thread you said you weren’t a fan, but without seeing why it’s so dangerous it comes off as a bit of “what’s the big deal?” It’d be like if we never saw the Death Star fire its laser in ANH. Cutting it like you did makes the opening sequence have a number of awkward cuts. Honestly the opening of the original episode is one of the strongest parts, and I’d say leave it in.
When Grievous comments on the Jedi’s weakness for caring for their troops, it’s unclear what he’s referring to without context.
The start of Anakin and Ahsoka’s conversation feels very odd, and you can tell it begins mid-sentence
Similarly to the first note, I think we should see the ion cannon actually fire. Especially since a bit later we establish that it is an ion cannon and not just lasers, the absence is noticeable.
All of these issues can be resolved by restoring the original opening to the episode as well as the subsequent firing at the med bay
The cut to when Plo-Koon starts talking in the escape pod at 5:11 feels very abrupt. Going from him speaking to a brief shot of the clone, and then immediately back to him but from a different angle is very jarring.
I would restore the clone’s dialog. Not only does it solve the awkward cut, but the line about how the clones see themselves as expendable is a good pathos building moment. In fact, after going back and reviewing the original episode, I would restore the dialog between the clones and Plo-Koon wherever possible. The aspect of the show is a major theme that will be returned to multiple times, and this early episode is a good spot to establish it. I don’t see why it was cut.
The cut at 6:30 is very abrupt
I can see why you wanted to drop the “they told me this ship was fast” line. It’s… not good. However, correct me if I’m wrong, but I think the original scene holds for just a second longer than what you have here. I think just extending that this little bit would do a lot to not make it seem like the wipe transition is interrupting him.
The cut at 10:09 is very abrupt
This isn’t even your cut. My bad, ignore this point.
Without any dialog about dwindling oxygen, it is unclear why they are just hanging out outside of their pod
As before, I would restore Plo-Koon/clone dialog wherever possible because not only does it help with removing unnecessary cuts, but it serves as the thematic core of the episode.
The cut to Anakin at 21:56 feels sudden
In the original episode, there is an establishing shot of Anakin’s Y-Wing before cutting to his dialog. I think this should be restored.
The sudden cut at 24:45 from “I think we have a problem” to Grievous immediately jumping into an escape ship ends up being a lot more comedic than I think was intentional. I know this is the result of cutting out a huge section of the third episode, but I think it feels awkward. I’d almost say just cut the entire sequence of them chasing Grievous and leave it at him retreating to Separatist space, then transition to Anakin and Ahsoka in the hangar.
I realize on second thought that you can’t just leave it at the retreat, because the plot of the episode is about destroying the
Death Star Malevolence. This one is probably the toughest to deal with because the original shot was not him comedically running away, but running to his fighter to engage. However you can’t really have him fight with Anakin without reintroducing the whole plot of Destroy Malevolence (I agree the stuff inside the ship is not very good.) I think what I would suggest here would be to just leave the brief shot of Grievous entering his ship, instead of having him physically run away. It’s a small change but I think it would make a difference.
The cut at 3:19 coupled with the newly dubbed audio feels awkward
It’s odd that Ventress explicitly addresses Anakin, but Obi-Wan responds
There are two bits of dubbed dialog here: “Master Skywalker” and “I’ve been so lookin forward to another encounter with you.” I would move the former to when she is stalking the two of them off-screen and the camera is on Anakin (3:06), and the latter to when she is running up the stair, as opposed to trying to sort of make it line up with her lip movements for the original dialog (3:18). Then I would cut Obi-Wan’s response entirely.
There’s a very weird sound effect that plays at 4:32 for just a split second
This is a straight forward change. I’m pretty certain it’s just an overlooked artifact from the previous scene transition.
It’s unclear how we got from where the ventress fight left off to where we pick it back up again at 4:36.
The original episode has an establishing shot of them entering the library and her falling to the ground, which you’ve cut. I assume this is because it’s a bit silly that she starts throwing books at them, but I think it’s worth it to keep that sequence to establish a clear continuity (which I believe is very important in making it not feel like a fan-edit.)
It feels noticeable that there are chunks of Ventress’ dialog missing. I know you were trying to cut out references to the betrayal plotline, but I don’t know if this half measure works.
I realized I didn’t include a timestamp, so to be clear I’m talking about the encounter that starts at 4:50. I would replace the new “You’ve served your purpose” with the original “Really?” It fits better with the flow of the conversation.
The tonal shift at 5:55 is jarring. We go from ominous threat after a narrow escape to a cheerful walk down the walkway. An establishing shot to ease us into the new scene might help
Unfortunately I couldn’t find an appropriate establishing shot from the movie that would fix the tonal shift problem.
It almost feels like Ahsoka is interrupting Yoda at 18:08
I think this is caused by the fact that the camera lingers on Yoda, and Ahsoka starts talking while his mouth is opening (making it appear that he’s about to say something else.) I noticed that this is another line that was redubbed over other visuals (which is easier with Yoda because his mouth moves like a muppet, appropriately), so I would maybe try playing around with cutting from Yoda to Ahsoka on a different frame. Perhaps a second earlier so that the camera is on her when she starts talking and we don’t have that lingering on Yoda. However if you do want to linger, try to find a different shot.
Without the first part of the sentence, Obi-Wan’s delivery of his line at 18:41 is weird. I would actually end the episode at 18:40 as Ahsoka and Anakin’s ship takes off
I stand by 18:40 being the better stopping point for the episode
Thoughts on The Duchess of Mandalore
Obi-Wan’s panic in the line “Satine look out!” at 15:03 feels misplaced given that we never really see her in much danger, not to mention the fact that the line doesn’t sound like it’s coming from someone actively engaged in a fist fight. I would cut it entirely.
The elevator ride is odd now for two reasons: First, Satine appears to be disheveled/exhausted despite the fact that in this cut she didn’t do anything. Second, Obi-Wan’s line about almost being killed feels like an overreaction to a quick fist fight.
I know the James Bond-esque conveyer belt scene is cheesy, but I think a lot is lost by removing it.
All of the above is fixed by re-adding the admittedly silly conveyer belt scene
Without the tiny spider-bots, it’s unclear why Merrik blows his cover. The abduction feels sudden given that the audience up until that point has no idea that he’s evil. If you already know the plot of the episode it’s maybe not as bad because you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, but as a standalone story, you need a proper reveal. Also personally I quite enjoyed the scene of Obi-Wan “testing” all the suspects.
Again, I would re-introduce at least some of the small spider-bots, especially since they end up serving a plot functionality. The reveal works a lot better with Merrick being exposed than him just dropping his cover for no real reason.