Vultural

Freeway - 1996 - 7/10

“Look who got hit with the ugly stick!”
Imaginative update of Little Red Riding Hood, finds teenage runaway trying to find safety with grandma.
Chasing her is a pedophile, serial killer, whom she has already fought off once.
Leaving him disfigured, but really p!ssed off.
Reese Witherspoon nails this so hard, and it’s a real shame her later career veered white bread over white trash.
Kiefer Sutherland, as the creepy high school counselor, is perfect as the smiling foil.
Don’t miss those opening Crumb inspired credits!

The Zombie Walks - 1968 - 5/10
AKA - Im Banne des Unheimlichen

Movie opens during church funeral as pallbearers hoist the coffin.
Whereupon gales of laughter issue from the oblong box.
Does anyone investigate? Heck no, they’re British, avoid embarrassment at all costs.
They seal the stiff in the crypt and head to the pub.
Krimi based on Edgar Wallace book is a campy spoof the of genre, as well as Gothic potboilers.

Sure enough, soon as folks wonder if the corpse ain’t dead a skull faced fiend starts killin’.
The movie blasts along with murders, chases, blondes, and dozens of suspects.
Even during simple interviews, filmmakers toss in crazy sets and visuals to distract you.

Though “set” in England, with Lords, Rolls Royces, Scotland Yard, this is a German production all the way.
Not the best Krimi. A nutty film for aficionados of odd.

Swordsman II - 1992 - 7/10
AKA - Siu ngo gong woo: Dung Fong Bat Bai // 笑傲江湖II東方不敗

This, and the Wong Fei-Hung films, helped propel Jet Li to stardom.
Jet Li is the pure warrior, ala Sir Galahad, who wants to cease the interminable battles.
He is an idealist in a world that is dark, bitter, brutal.
Romance strikes and he attracted to a village girl, not realizing she is actually an arch enemy.

Nor that she is / was a man, who castrated himself to heighten his magic powers.
A very beguiling Brigitte Lin.
Swordsplay wuxia actioner, with a lot of wire work. Followed by East Is Red.
Get the Hong Kong original, avoid the US dubbed, dumbed down version.

Bite The Bullet - 1975 - 7/10

1908, the Wild West fades into the sunset, but not before a 700 mile race.
Men and horses, cross country through desert and mountains.
The newspaper sponsoring this offers prize money, and loads the field with their own thoroughbred.
Contestants are an assortment: gunfighter, aging Rough Riders, hooker, vaquero, a Brit.
Cast led by Gene Hackman and James Coburn, bolstered with Ben Johnson, Jan Michael Vincent, Candice Bergen (way too pretty to accept as a prostitute).
Admirable filmmaking, sumptuously photographed, excellent late-era Western.

To Paint Or Make Love - 2005 - 5/10
AKA - Peindre ou Faire l’amour

Guy retires, lives in the city, worries about getting bored.
His girlfriend, out one afternoon painting in rural oblivion, is approached by the blind mayor and given a tour of a house for sale.
Next beat, the guy and his girlfriend buy deserted pastures manor and move to the woodlands.
In other films, this would be slasher setup. If only.
The pair befriend the mayor, his girlfriend, and, for reasons unexplained to viewers, lose their moral compass.
As in, they become “swingers,” mostly one gathers, because they suffer ennui.
Sorta like the energy they put into their performances.
Anyway, attractive visitors soon appear and disrobe.
More jaded souls would think rural sex romps and imagine natives of the Ozarks, or Everglades, or Outback, or Yorkshire in winter, and cringe.
Move yourself to Provence for more appetizing bareback riders.
Well photographed, pretentious fantasy.

Hodgson, William Hope - Little Aquamarine Book Of Agitated Water

For the most part, this is a well chosen collection of Hodgson’s “watery” tales.
A mix of stories and poems, set out in turbulent waves or still pools.
“On The Bridge” opens, and this could be the night watch of the RMS Titanic. Steaming though dense fog, eyes sharp for icebergs. A thousand souls depend on a split second, accurate decision.
Steer southwards, where the fathomless depths hide many a grim scavenger. In “A Tropical Horror,” one rises from the deep and hauls itself aboard.
“The Voice In The Night,” much anthologized, is justly famous. A devoted couple, lost at sea, clamber aboard an abandoned vessel. Salvation, there are provisions and water. They take note that the ship, stem to stern, seems to be covered in an odious fungus. Well, that should be easily cleaned. Matango fans, this!
Plunder from India brings death and anxiety to a small hamlet. Two recent arrivals are curious about the large marble statue that, some whisper, moves during the night. “The Goddess Of Death,” while not set in the seven seas, does splash to a watery conclusion.

I had seen the trailer for Star Wars a couple of times and decided I wanted to watch it.
This would have been summer of 1977.
I went to the Victory Drive-In in North Hollywood. Foolishly, I took the hippie chick along with me, and we were both high.
As soon as the film began, I knew this movie would be terrific. Unfortunately, the hippie chick couldn’t care less about SciFi, let alone Star Wars. For her, the drive-in meant a different experience, and she ignored the fact that we were in an open top convertible.
Star Wars at the Victory was a distracted event, though I enjoyed enough scenes to watch again the following month.

This time, Grauman’s Chinese in Hollywood. Again with the hippie chick, this time, no reefer.
Grauman’s screen size was vast, 90 feet wide or more. The theater also blasted stereo, though I don’t think surround.
We sat in the third or fourth row, dead center, immersed in the film, and deafened by the sound.
Pretty fabulous experience, one that’s stayed in my memory for decades.
Note: the hippie chick and I are still together.

Lord Of Illusions - 1995 - 6/10

Dorothea consults Harry D’Amour, private eye drawn to the supernatural.
Her husband, the great Swann, master illusionist, is afraid of a resurrected evil.
D’Amour investigates, delving into a sleeping cult, murders, sacrifice.
Clive Barker film fuses Horror with Noir, illusion with magic.
Mystery is solid, horror angle well developed. Illusions are beautifully staged, and the Magic Castle makes for an inside joke.
The finale feels rushed and, to be honest, looks cheap.
A one-off (which I wonder about). There ought to have been one or two more D’Amour movies.

The Purple Rose Of Cairo - 1985 - 7/10

Cecilia, unhappy with her lot in the 1930’s, finds escape in the movie house.
Where characters live the glamorous life she longs for.
Then one of the characters, the manly Tom Baxter, steps out of the screen and starts dating her.
Talk about breaking the fourth wall!
One of Allen’s bittersweet comedies displays a keen eye for the 30’s.
From costumes and dialogue, to Depression expectations and Hollywood mythologizing.
Part of the streak of top films he made during a productive twenty year stretch.

Building Jerusalem - 2015 - 6/10

Static documentary about the lead up to the 2003 Rugby World Cup.
Rugby - not Football (Soccer for Americans) - but the more rough ‘n tumble Rugby.
2003 was the year England fielded a strong, albeit aging, lineup and it was their best chance to advance in the tournament against the dominant clubs from the Southern hemisphere.
The film seems for knowledgeable viewers. The game is not explained, scoring is a mystery, and one sees training though not strategy.
Enjoyable as a curiosity, true fans may appreciate more.

Constellations - 2021 - 7/10

Phase two, a different couple, physicist Marianne and beekeeper Roland.
Whereas Peter Capaldi and Zoë Wanamaker were older, perhaps warier, Sheila Atim and Ivanno Jeremiah are younger and seem to slip into intimacy easier.
Again, the audience must keep up with “realities” including those that double back.
Although the older actors work well together, there is a physical, emotional distance between them.
With the younger pair, there is less personal space, although Atim is on fire, and Jeremiah lags in comparison.
There are two OTHER versions of this play, all exploring choice and outcome.
Choose your own adventure.

Constellations - 2021 - 7/10

Marianne and Roland meet at a party, and hit it off … or not.
In time, they form a relationship … or not.
Marianne is a physicist, Roland a beekeeper.
She attempts to differentiate between quantum physics and relativity.
Then she mentions the potentiality of multiverse, which informs this play.
Reality may simply be a series of choices and decisions, and every different choice means a different reality.
No Fate here, only infinite, random realities. The multiverse.

Incident - 1948 - 5/10

Often categorized as Noir, this low-rent effort is not.
Cheap budget, poor sets, women with bad perms, men with empty heads.
Poverty Row, B-mystery all the way.
Man misses late bus and decides to walk home.
In a case of mistaken identity, he is mugged and beaten, but not robbed.
Later that week, he decides to find out who beat him up, who hired that guy, and who the intended victim was.
Yes, IQ of a cheese sandwich.
Along the way he meets an intriguing female who keeps a few secrets.
Time waster. There are easily 643 better Noirs out there.

Salomy Jane - 1914 - 6/10

Madison Clay, daughter Salomy Jane, along with a pack of horses, travel from Kentucky to Hangtown, California.
1849, makes them original ‘49ers.
No gold in this, but the name Hangtown has an ominous ring to it.
Anyway, Salomy is easy on the eyes, and soon all the love-starved menfolk hover near her.
Meantime, what’s going on? Plenty, partner.
Stagecoach holdup, murder, a stranger bent on revenge, another man looking to finish a feud that began in Kentucky.
What else? Hangings, shootings, horse chases, a posse of vigilantes, sagebrush romance, and the most honorable soul reckons to be Gamblin’ Jack.
Simplistic stories, melodramatic acting, what the hey.
For an early feature, you get your dime’s worth, pilgrim. Lemme tell you.

To be honest, I have been on the lookout for this one for decades.
Primarily because it has Matt Synder, as Salomy’s Pa.

Synder was a few months shy of 80 when this was released, and he can still mount a horse and throw a mean right fist.
With due respect to Pop Taylor, Synder was the earliest born, “steady” film actor.
Meaning, he has several credits, roles with lines, supporting roles, lead roles.
Synder was born in 1835! The imagination goes wild.
Andrew Jackson was in the White House, William IV sat on the English throne, Ncholas I was Czar.
I had wanted to see this film, see Synder, an actual living link to that distant time.
Nor does the film disappoint. The print is in good shape, a few tints, with a fine piano score.

The Duke - 2020 - 6/10

Duke, as in Wellington, as in painting of by one Francisco Goya.
And a casual appropriation thereof by Kempton Bunton, working class gadfly.
He is a loud voice and agitator for sticking up for the little people and the oppressed.
Meanwhile, his own circumstances, his family situation, both are meager.
The editing in this does wonders for giving viewers a glimpse into 1951.
Without lingering so to allow visual flaws to creep in.
Excellent cast, led by Jim Broadbent, in story that is funny, satirical, and deft with its “message” without getting overly preachy.
007 fans, stick around for a brief appearance by Mr. Connery.

Horrors Of Spider Island - 1960 - 3/10
AKA - Ein Toter hing im Netz

Crap-o-rama alert!
Eight showgirls fly from Manhattan to Shanghai.
Enroute, seas turn choppy and their plane crashes. Don’t even ask.
After days adrift, they spy an isle (that looks exactly like Gilligan’s island) and paddle to safety.
Still wearing dresses, makeup, and pearls, they find a cabin, stocked with food!
And a grizzled prospector, caught in a gigantic spider web. Dead, meaning D-E-D.
So what happens? What do you think happens?
One by one they get killed, yet still find time to go swimming naked.
Legendary bad film. Dubbing is atrocious. Shambles courtesy West Germany.

Cronos - 1993 - 7/10

The antiques dealer acquires the statue, inside of which lies a mechanical scarab.
And inside that is an “entity” that grants eternal life, and youth.
The price, though, is bloodlust.
Del Toro’s debut feature is a knockout, an inventive rendering of the vampire legend.
More than a horror outing, this deals with obsession, alchemy, gerontophobia.
Those who live in the US Southwest will catch musings on US / Mexico attitudes.
This director has always been spotty for me. For every fantastic film, there are three clunkers.
Cronos is one of the fantastic ones.

Kronos - 1957 - 6/10

Rather imaginative SciFi, a variation on the invasion theme.
An alien machine (robot or manned, we never know) begins marching across the desert.
It seeks out and absorbs energy: nuclear, electrical, power lines, power grids, explosions.
Nothing the military (US and Mexico) hurls against it seems to slow the machine down.
Special effects are pretty good for the 1950’s, but the “science” is gobbledygook.
Not that kids would catch errors, or teens in the drive-in would notice.
I wish Wade Williams (film & rights owner) would restore this.

I I I: Das Ritual - 2015 - 6/10

Russian film set in remote village beset with plague like wasting illness.
When one sister comes down with the sickness, the healthy sister consults a rogue priest.
Most illness is mental, he declares, if one enters the other’s psyche the cure can be found.
Being marketed as Horror, yet this is not genre true. By any standard, though, a beautiful film to watch.
Scene after scene of marvelously composed images.
For cinematography and atmosphere, I’d boost this to 8/10.

Thus noted, for narrative, I’d kick this down to 4/10.
Damn little happens, and the pace is numbing.
Actors seem little better than somnambulists, serious and plodding.
Scenes and characters are introduced, then abandoned.
The nudging suspicion - “was it all a dream” - whispers after a bit.

Grant, Charles L - The Long Night Of The Grave

Finale to Grant’s homage to golden age, Hollywood monsters.
We are now entering a more modern era. Motorcars are in evidence, and homes are being wired for electricity.
Less welcome, a mummy arrives in Oxrun Station, along with a faithful, handy priest.
A mounting corpse count doesn’t seem to disturb local police.
Character development is all but nonexistent here, which is fine since this echoes Universal characters, who were also one-note.
Of the trilogy, this outing worked best for me, though I will admit I found the mummy dull.
C’mon, best defense, a can of hairspray and a Zippo lighter.

The Masseuse - 2018 - 7/10

Loong is the new temp tech at the Pink Dolphin, brothel in Kuala Lumpur.
He is there to service the TX-59 therapist, an older model android.
Conversations include what it is to be real, genuine, dreams, and a sense of friendship grows.
SciFi short is seen through a humid haze, heightening the theme of what is “real”.
Again, TX-59 is an older model, soon to be retired, but because of the friendship, Loong gives her updates.
Well crafted, thoughtful short, with an ending that packs a punch.

Insurance Investigator - 1951 - 6/10

When a business man accidentally dies, his partner stands to make a windfall.
Double indemnity clause strikes again.
Suspicious, especially since there have been a string of such deaths, an undercover investigator is dispatched.
B-film quickie rolls breathlessly. We know who did it, why they done it, and who the weak links are.
Richard Denning and Audrey Long have the chemistry of high school flirts.
Watchable, Noirish programmer provides an acceptable way to kill an hour.

Leaving - 2009 - 5/10
AKA - Partir

Implausible French melodrama.
Married woman develops the hots for the handyman hired to clear out the barn.
All well and good, but then … love? Really?
She is the wife of a doctor, she is also a physical therapist of sorts, and mother to two teens.
Handyman is illegal worker from Spain, with a prison record.
Say again, love?
Give up the posh life to pick veggies or work as grocery check-out girl because of true love?
Balls.
Characters are in their 40’s and 50’s. Females are hard nosed about money at that age.
The leads have negative chemistry.
Farfetched nonsense.

Best Sellers - 2021 - 6/10

The legendary publishing house has fizzled with its last three releases.
Rumors spread that the daughter, new editor, is unable to carry on her father’s legacy.
Then her assistant an outstanding obligation, forty years overdue.
A famous author, assumed dead, owes the firm a book.
And the female sets out to visit the difficult curmudgeon.
Feel-good dramedy that one watches to see Michael Caine.
His Harris Shaw, burned out, alcoholic, reclusive, mixes Bukowski - Salinger - Hemingway
Enjoyable if you in the mood, and can buy into the fantasy that masses still read in 2021.

Invaders From Mars - 1953 - 6/10

Only young David sees the flying saucer land in nearby sand dunes.
Later, no one believes him when he tries to warn adults that people going to the site, come back strange.
Altered – or possessed. Even his own parents!
I watched this as a child (the perfect audience) and it gave me nightmares.
Kids are never believed, we knew that. And angered parents are sheer menace.
15 years later, I rewatched as part of a 1950’s SciFi marathon. The movie theater was packed, amidst a fog of marijuana smoke. We watched in rapt anxiety.
Even last night, while analyzing and dissecting techniques and effects, the childhood unease was there.