Vultural

Jupiter Ascending - 2014 - 3/10

After-hours at the zoo, there will be a shift switch.
Lions and chimps stroll concrete pathways, twirling cage keys, cigarettes dangling from lips.
Inside cages will be humans. On one cage will be a sign reading NON COMPOS MENTIS.
The grinning lunatic within will likely be watching Jupiter Ascending.

Despite atrocious reviews, I told myself it couldn’t be that bad.
Even so, I could go stupid. Apparently not stupid enough.
OK - one day our heroine is scrubbing toilets for a living. Then she finds out she is galactic royalty.
She actually owns planet earth!
Yay! No more taxes, no more waiting in line at the taco drive through, no more living with white trash relatives who want to sell her eggs for drug money.
Does she go that route? Aaaacccckkkk !!
She gets a teenage crush on wolf guy who flies about on magic shoes, she gullibly believes all sorts of lies from supposed relatives who do nothing all day - as they have for thousands of years. TV? Dining? Bathroom? Nope, they just sit around.
Expect lots of overwhelming CGI that adds zilch. Expect endless, overlong fights that are actually quite petty (wolf guy in combat with squads here and there). Expect a script geared for autistic cockroaches. Expect to see name actors sleepwalking their way through this vat of hogfat.
Further evidence of the sad creative decline of the Wachowski siblings.
Jupiter Ascending ain’t Fifth Element, let alone Interstellar or Gravity.
This makes Matrix Revolutions, the Zion crap, appear intelligent.
Yes - I watched it. Idiot.
Hopefully the inevitable porn spoof (Jupiter Ass-Ending) will prove superior.

Finally posted a review -
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me: Extended Blue Rose - igorleoni
This is an excellent edit and should be watched by all Lynch fans.

Note: PM’ing the editor for links seemed to work best for me.

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me: Extended Blue Rose - igorleoni

Filesize = 7.2 GB, Video = 1920 X 1036p AVC, Audio = 317 kbps 2 Channel Stereo AAC, no subs.

This is the second edit I have watched, which attempts to reinsert missing footage into Lynch’s “feature”.
With this director, I am never sure of anything. I find him more maddening than Herzog.
Anyway, the first section of this play out like amateur, community theatre. I don’t know if these performers cannot act, or of they have been directed to emulate drunken cacti.
Once Laura Palmer appears, the acting turns professional, although the story continues to meander somewhat. Just hold on and bear with it.
The truckstop sequence is unforgettable.
The image quality if this is excellent, the audio adequate. Subtitles are unnecessary.
I still suffer enjoyment / appreciate issues with this film. Indeed with this director’s oeuvre, or the director himself, whom I’ve always equated with the unclothed emperor.

Several years ago, Q2 also crafted an extended version of this.
In many ways, it is quite similar, and my comments from 2014 mirror my thoughts toward this edit.
For convenience, I posted my review of Q2’s version before this one.
For Twin Peaks fans, and Lynch believers, both versions are strongly recommended.

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me: Teresa Banks and the Last Seven Days of Laura Palmer - Q2

I am NOT a Lynch fan. I watched S01 when it initially aired 20+ years ago, and was infuriated with Lynch because he did not (or could not) deliver the promised resolution. S02 was longer and messier, which led all but the hard core to believe his concept was rudderless. Ratings dipped, show was canceled, and the subsequent Fire Walk With Me was judged incomprehensible.

Later, internet forums offered explanations for everything, Twin Peaks reputation not only survives, but stubbornly ascends.

Q2 has refashioned FWWM with deleted scenes, outtakes, to better follow Lynch’s vision. Maybe. With Lynch, one never knows.

Video editing really good here. Jump cuts and fades. Some material was never remastered, so do not judge against that.

Audio - Anything by Lynch is worth “listening” to. No exception here. Sound design in FWWM is dazzling. From tiny sounds to noise to the hypnotic roadhouse band. Also solid editing. No quick fade-outs or mid drops. Masterful use of layering music to link new material. I listened on headphones, I cranked the main speakers. Both ways - great.

Narrative - What in the hell …
I am convinced there is a tight story in here, but an extended version just pumps more fog into the confusion. FBI subplots seem meaningless to the plot. Just Lynch ridiculing the Feds. I would have dropped references to all agents. Blasphemy, yes, but keep the focus on Laura. Weave the Lodge, especially BOB.

The extended narrative wanders aimlessly for over an hour, then it locks in and grows inspired. The sound mix, the brooding tone, the fatalistic dread. A one-way Noir ticket to Hell.

End of the film, there was more here I liked than disliked. I will also be the first to admit hard core Twin Peaks fans will revel in this extended edition.

Did I enjoy this? No. Did I watch it repeatedly? Yes, twice already, and I may rewatch again.
Do I like Lynch’s work in general? No. Aside from Mulholland Drive, not at all. His whole ouvre is baffling, incomprehensible, self-indulgent, and seems lost in a thicket of brilliant ideas yet incapable of reining them into cohesion. Of course this also helps to explain its enduring popularity.
On the other hand, I watch, and rewatch his movies.

Should you watch Q2’s edit? Absolutely! This is a must!
Yet it you have never watched any season of Twin Peaks, do yourself a favor and watch those first.
Rest assured, if you get confused there are piles of websites and boards to offer answers or suggestions to any questions or puzzles. Maybe. With Twin Peaks, nothing is certain, nothing is as it appears.
One way or another, we are still adrift.

Angel Dust - 1994 - 5/10
AKA - Enjeru Dasuto // エンジェル　ダスト

Japanese thriller about a serial killer who strikes on crowded subways the first Monday every month.
He targets young women, using a hypodermic to inject poison into them.
Nice ratings, notwithstanding, this proved a frustrating mystery.
The female police analyst / profiler is a rather weak soul who has unresolved feelings for an old flame, a psychiatrist who now deprograms “cult victims.”
Director Ishii seems to have been profoundly influenced by David Lynch (Twin Peaks aired a couple years earlier).
A cave, and murder within, recur frequently.
Revelations and subsequent mysteries pop up from time to time. None have any bearing on the murder.
It was like the writing room said, “Oh, here’s a weird idea!” and tossed it into the plot. Repeat. Repeat.
Half the room fell asleep during this one.
I stayed awake - wish I hadn’t.

A View From The Bridge - 2015 - 7/10

Theatre junkies, fill yer boots, man!
Eddie Carbone, longshoreman, arguably at his masculine peak,
Lives with his wife and niece, who has been his ward since her infancy.
Then the family takes in two cousins from Italy.
Overnight, the girl grows from awkward adolescence into young womanhood.
And Eddie, who still views her as something between daughter and playmate has trouble.
Miller’s play is a potent play of repressed sexuality and manly dick swinging.
Mark Strong absolutely searing as the conflicted Eddie.

English subtitles = https://subscene.com/subtitles/national-theatre-live-a-view-from-the-bridge/english/2692000

The Windmill Massacre - 2016 - 5/10

Visitors hop the tour bus to see Holland countryside and picturesque windmills.
Save for a father/son, all are solo passengers.
Deeper into wildwood they go, not noticing the darkening sky until their phones don’t work.
Acceptable Slasher, well photographed and the cast has a couple recognizable faces
Predictable storylines, with a moral underbelly and limited invention.
Nice use of Dutch folklore and an injection of Japanese superstition.
Not top shelf, but good late night watch.

The Cave (The Descent / The Descent 2) - Maniac

Elsewhere, Mikedrew87 offers an extended version of the first film.
Here, Maniac combines 1 & 2 and cleverly continues the narrative.
Claustrophobes, steer clear.

Filesize = 6.5 GB, Video = 1920 X 1080p AVC, Audio = 192 kbps 2 Channel Stereo AC3, no subs.

Both films have their problems, though #2 suffers less characters (meals), who also tend to get snuffed quicker. This should have been “Aliens”, instead it was send in the subs.
Video quality is fine. Shadows and blacks stayed that way.
Audio, I couldn’t understand half of what the characters said, unless I was barking at the screen myself, urging them to be quiet. Subs might have been useful, unless the dialogue proves inane.
What is missing is the surround ambiance in those resonant tunnels.
Maniac has removed a lot of dialogue and down time, #2 does take awhile to get going, though.
Nevertheless, this is a furious ride and a must for cavers and red meat hounds.

Comorbid (Lords Of Salem) - steFANedit

Ingenious reworking of Rob Zombie’s misbegotten Lords Of Salem into a moody silent movie. Zombie’s attempt was laughably pretentious, but steFAN has crafted something between arthouse and indie. A serious blood curse that takes generations to flower.

Video editing solid throughout. Most of the transitions are iris wipes and more consistency would be preferred. Closures are too swift, then there is a lag between opening the next scene. Not a major problem, but this could be smoothed. Also, once or twice only one half of the iris wipe is used.

Fine 2.0 stereo, well thought out musical track. Most of the ambiant cues deftly channel the unsettling tone. No subs, of course, but there are inter-titles. As mentioned by That One Guy, and in the forum thread, there are several misspelled words and grammar errors. These could easily be corrected. Very imaginative fonts are used, a script font as well as a blocky type. The script could be a little bit larger. Neither font is especially difficult to read, yet both require a second or two additional time to visually “decode.” Consequently, most of the inter-titles ought to remain visible on screen a beat or two longer.

One title card in particular goes on far too long, however. The apartment sequence with Heidi and the “three witches” seems to go on and on and on. This really needs to be cut into three edited cards, broken up with facial closeups or hands or clock … The classic rule - show, don’t tell applies.

Cohesive storyline, though the ending was utterly baffling. Perhaps a touch of color during the finale would have clarified Heidi’s fate.

As for enjoyment, know your limitations. Black n white - Silent - a measured pace. This edit is rich in imagery, the tempo is best described as lingering. Passing familiarity with the works of L’Herbier, Duvivier, or especially Dreyer (though Mr Zombie is NOT among that group) will help the curious grasp steFANedit’s conception and execution. Overall, an excellent edit.

Amateur - 1994 - 6/10

Strange, almost surreal mystery with Isabel Huppert as ex-convent nun now making a living writing pornography.
Oh yes, she is also a self proclaimed nymphomaniac and a virgin.
Who does she tell all this to?
A guy with amnesia whose wife (an infamous porn actress) possibly tried to kill him.

Forgetting anything? Mmm, two hitmen. Cop who over-empathizes.
In other hands Amateur could have been a fun, even funny, film.
It did hold my interest throughout, as I wondered what the next turn would be.
Offbeat to be sure, entertaining if you are in the proper mood, but forgettable.

The Ledge - 2021 - 6/10

Two young women, vacationing in the Dolomites, prepare for sheer face ascent.
Then the van pulls in, four guys hollering, breaking out the booze.
999 females out of 1000 would sniff “vacation rape” and quickly leave.
1 in 1000 would go “free booze” and stay.
3 of the guys realize one has psychopathic tendencies, “but he’s our friend.”
Fabulous photography during the ascent, before stalling out.
Beware trailer, unless you need a one minute, highlight reel synopsis.

Rats - 2016 - 6/10

Rodentmentary by fluff documentarian Morgan Spurlock.
Rat infestations in New York, New Orleans, Cambodia, the English countryside …
There’s more and more and more. How come?
More Humans + More Garbage = Billions More Rats!
Couple of nice tidbits when the biologist extracts tapeworms and botfly larvae from rodents.
Oodles more pathogens that easily jump from rat to human.
Speaking of jumping, wait for the peaceful white toilet moment.
Squeamish alert! Spurlock borrows a page from Michael Moore when he travels to an Asian bistro.

Note - I’m a city kinda guy. Our neighborhood has all sorts of midnight varmints.
I have cats. Usually between 2-4. Squealers in this show oughta befriend felines.

The Devil’s Hand - 1961 - 4/10

Our guy keeps having nightmares of a leggy blonde flouncing around in her sheer nightgown up in clouds.
By chance (ha!) he walks into a doll shop and sees a doll that looks just like that blonde!
The shopkeeper says it belongs to Bianca, and the guy can deliver it if he wants.
Curvy Bianca, still wearing sheer fabric, greets him at the door then flows against our man.
Before he can say he’s got a mousy girlfriend, his mind goes soft and his trousers go stiff.
For devotees of the great devil god, Gamba, this is a must!
Anyone else, this is crap - see through crap - though it is fun for about an hour.

The Scarlet Camellia - 1964 - 7/10
AKA - Goben no Tsubaki // 五瓣の椿

Such an innocent face. Yet underneath the smile simmers the fury.
No bones about this, Shino, under various pseudonyms, is a hunter.
Quarry, men who despoiled her flagrant mother, crushed her father.
Shino’s vengeance is righteous, and she leaves a red camellia beside each corpse.
Measured film (print I saw was close to 3 hours) is broken in two halves.
First section is devoted to Shino, her backstory, her technique.
Second follows Sakichi, the inspector, seeking her, growing to respect her guile and intelligence.
Outstanding classic Japanese film, working on multiple levels.

English subs = https://subscene.com/subtitles/the-scarlet-camellia/english/2692001

Asphalt - 1929 - 6/10

German silent film melodrama about a wayward B-girl and earnest policeman.
The girl is caught at a jewelers, hiding merchandise.
The arresting cop hauls her off to headquarters, where she convinces him to take her home so she can get her papers.
In her rooms, no papers are forthcoming. Instead, she opens wide and pulls him into the scented petals.
Melodramatic plot, great exterior photography of Weimar Berlin.
The real star - or distraction - is Betty Amann.
Like the better known Louise Brooks, she was another American cast for her striking looks.
Unlike Brooks, however, Amann is by turns exotic, hard, and flat out kooky looking.
Her hairstyle features a big curlicue plastered across her forehead, which makes her look cross-eyed.
The story is one of weakness and redemption. There is a moral center to this, in contrast to Pabst’s bleak films.

The Armoire - 2017 - 7/10

Young, aspiring actor moves into spacious (?) Los Angeles apartment.
She buys a few pieces of cheap second-hand furniture, then spies the wooden wardrobe in a parking lot.
Empty inside … or is it?
Short horror is an intense shocker, well timed, excellently cut.
This one would have made a terrific “Night Gallery” episode.

Inherent Vice - 2014 - 6/10

I disliked the book, my bride dislikes Joaquin Phoenix, so what was I thinking?
I was hoping-hoping-hoping for an echo of Boogie Nights.
Paul Thomas Anderson directs, and location setting marks a return to the Los Angeles of the 70’s.
Not to be. Boogie Nights was almost epic in its structure and grandeur.
Inherent Vice is the incoherent ramble of a blitzed stoner. That is fully in keeping with the novel, though.
Seemingly important characters surface, only to disappear. Many story threads wither unresolved.
Overlong, and not especially funny, though it had its moments.
Think shaggy dog yarn. Almost like Big Lebowski - only straight and grim faced.
Good Noirish acting from Phoenix and Brolin not enough.

Prevenge - 2016 - 5/10

Eight months preggers widow starts hearing voices.
Voices urging violence against a seemingly disparate group of individuals.
Motives play out, as does the notion of escaped punishment.
Long patches of dull, interrupted by episodes wildly inappropriate, cringe inducing, tasteless.
There it is. Too much dull, not enough black humor.
BUT - If you’re in the mood for a pregnant slasher film, this is a superior choice.

The Naked City - 1948 - 6/10

Acclaimed Noir, shown in documentary fashion, of a police investigation.
Realism is helped by location shooting across New York.
Open windows and street filming also mean the audio leaves much to be desired.
Story itself is a dry procedural of cops tracking the murderer of a model.
As for Noir camera flourishes and characters, The Naked City is fairly light.
The villains are the most memorable, cops bland.
I was not disappointed, though this reminded me of an OTR show.

Murder In The Larzac - 2020 - 6/10
AKA - Crime dans le Larzac

Local mover & shaker, butcher, mayoral candidate is murdered
Usual duo arrives. Prosecutor (left) and local police captain (right).
The victim was roundly despised and the village is packed with motive bearing suspects.
Middling mystery benefits from professional officers.
(The bane of French mysteries is the two leads sniffing each others pants.)
Conclusion was mediocre, but one seldom expects much from these.

Hackney’s Finest - 2014 - 6/10

Acceptable crime spoof that launches interesting, stumbles at the end.
Rogue copper tries to bust drug courier network.
After a savage interrogation of a suspect, he gets what he thinks is his first break.
He enlists a Russian crew for the dirty work, the courier has a Jamaican connection.
Accents = Cockney, Pakistani, Russian, Chechen, Jamaican, Oxford, dunno what else.
Brace for a degree of incomprehension unless you are a UK local.
Fun ride for much of the film, but budget limitations apparent by the end.
Ran out of energy, laughs, twists.
Caveat emptor - overdose of drug use in this, lot of free basing.

Bad Guys - 2014 - 6/10
AKA - Nappeun Nyeoseokdeul or 나쁜 녀석들

Hardboiled Korean actioner. Oft told concept, but well executed.
Police commissioner offers special deal to three long term convicts:
“For every crime solved, five years will be knocked off the sentence."
The three include a professional assassin, a Gangpae strong arm enforcer, and a serial killer.
Overseeing them is a detective who had been suspended for excessive use of force.
Those expecting violence will be amply rewarded.
Beatings - stabbings - shootings.
Defying the usual K-drama clichés, there is limited romance, few tears. Very plot driven, and it is apparent the writers have numerous ideas they want to explore.
For a couple episodes I worried the characters were going mushy, the sympathy route. Did not happen.
Episodic by nature, yet there is an overall arc to the 11 episodes which gets progressively darker, concluding with an ass-kicking finale.

The Wing Or Thigh? - 1976 - 6/10
AKA - L’aile ou la Cuisse

Gourmet cuisine clashes with fast food and elephants in French farce.
Editor publisher of annual dining guide intends to retire and leave ratings guide business to his son.
The son, however, prefers being a clown in a children’s circus.
Meanwhile, greedy entrepreneur is snapping up regional cafes and turning into his fast food franchise.
Can the gourmet editor save France from going the American diet route?
Fast, funny, best of all, not oversubbed.
Great sequence finds our critic undercover as an American cowboy, wearing pink rodeo garb.

Surge - 2020 - 7/10

A journey of self-liberation? Please.
Overworked, overstressed travel security worker is already running off the rails when we first see him.
Surely his colleagues and supervisors see this. Or maybe they pretend not to.
Within thirty minutes, he is out of control.
Frantic, reckless, dangerous to himself and to others.
Uncomfortable watching, especially since all of us have worked with primed-to-blow coworkers.
Ben Whishaw ought to have received accolades for this. Mainstream viewers will go, “Q who?”

Hell Bound - 1957 - 6/10

The heist unwinds like clockwork. The castaway, the doctor, the nurse.
Military brass won’t know until too late, opiates for injured troops have been lifted.
Street value = 250K. Dreams for druggies, green for smart men. Whatya say?
Sure enough, it’s only a pitch to “investment bankers” from the smooth hustler in a cheap suit.
What could go wrong? Damn near everything.
B-Noir will appeal to buffs of the genre who will nitpick and dissect throughout.
Many scenes involve lengthy tracking shots, clearly meant to pad the film to an hour.
Fine Les Baxter score, often mondo interesto, other times having no bearing whatsoever on the plot.
John Russell, usually in Westerns, owns this one. Smiling, ruthless, violent.
One of my favorite padded sequences involves the burlesque club. Split, Jack.