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VVPizza

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20-Dec-2021
Last activity
26-May-2024
Posts
9

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Post
#1569693
Topic
The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!)
Time

Here’s something I’ve been thinking about for a little while-- I love what you’ve done with reconstructing the cut dice sequence, but I missed the short, low-key quote of the main “Star Wars” theme that I thought capped off that moment perfectly.

I was trying to come up with a way to keep the best of both worlds with the score there, and I landed on a snippet of “Torn Apart” that I think strikes the right tone for the scene, and transitions naturally into that melody at the end. This also pairs nicely with the later scene of Kylo in the Falcon-- the fuller version played there starts with the same warmer tone but then develops into darker territory, reinforcing their connection and their painful separation. Together with the bridge scene, I think it could work as a sort of “Han and Son” motif.

I’ve made a mock-up here, please let me know what you think: https://streamable.com/dgithd

Post
#1564099
Topic
The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!)
Time

I personally prefer the draft before the more comprehensive rewrite-- my only notes would be a couple of word substitutions.

I think “sworn / to rebuild the legendary / Jedi Order” sets a more appropriate tone-- to me at least, “reforge” has a more martial feeling to it that doesn’t quite fit the Jedi (or at least, how they ideally should be). Rebuilding feels like a more neutral term, and I think suits the post-Imperial recovery period well.

The other is that I think “New Republic Starfleet” might be swapped for simply “New Republic military”-- like others have mentioned, for many viewers the term “Starfleet” just holds too strong of an association with Star Trek and might pull people out of the film for a moment.

Post
#1554611
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Time

Jar Jar Bricks said:

Well, I for one actually really like this idea. The fact that Leia has a purple lightsaber now shows that she and Luke really did try to get her darkness under control (Va Paad). But perhaps it just felt too overbearing for her.

Which would also explain why she ships off Ben to Luke because she discovers that same shadow is inside of him. And after that fails, she realizes that Rey needs somebody who understands her struggles to help her, not somebody who would whip out his lightsaber when he senses how much potential evil you can cause.

Jar Jar Bricks said:

DZ-330 said:

JEDIT: Plus, it makes Leia look like an even shittier mom knowing the darkness her son is struggling with and pawning him off on someone else.

Yup, that would be the characteristic “every old hero has to fail in the new trilogy” the sequels are so fond of.

It also explains 2 other things:

  1. The emotions on both of their faces in the flashback
  2. As Burbin pointed out, Leia needs a reason why she wouldn’t simply tap into the Force and become a Jedi again once Luke wasn’t coming back. This is as good a reason as any.

Thanks, that was just my reasoning! And I hadn’t seen the Shatterpoint connection before, but that is a pretty nice cherry on top.

EddieDean said:

I’m not sure we should lean into Leia’s darkness as a reason- her struggling with the dark is an unnecessary new wrinkle. Emulating Padmé is grand, but I think the more ambiguity the better here, other than leading into Rey taking on the saber.

Hal 9000 said:

If you pursued that idea, the natural place to inject it would be as Luke talks with Rey fireside. That said, I can’t say I love the idea or want to pursue it here. Too much crammed in, raises many questions.

Fair enough! As much as I’m still fond of the idea, the more I think about it, it feels like a concept that would have been best served in the script revision or reshoot stage, pretty far beyond what’s practical now for fanedit purposes.

This movie introduced a ton of new ideas it doesn’t give time to fully develop, so it’s probably best not to introduce another, lol.

DZ-330 said:

Jar Jar Bricks said:

  • Jannah AI voice to make it clear her company views Finn as their inspiration for rebelling

Finn: I never knew there were more.

Jannah: Deserters? All of us here were stormtroopers. We mutinied at the battle of Ansett Island. We followed what you did. They told us to fire on civilians. We wouldn’t do it. We laid our weapons down.

Finn: All of you?

Jannah: The whole company. One by one… I don’t even know how it happened. It wasn’t a decision, really, it was like…

Finn: An instinct. Feeling.

Jannah: A feeling.


Changing Jannah’s line a bit can give the implication that they weren’t all in the same squad nor deserted at the same time, but they each did what Finn did individually and have been building up their own First Order Refugee Camp with deserters.

Love this, feels like the most elegant way to integrate this beat so far.

The only tweak I’d suggest-- (and it’s a minor one, blame incurable line-editing brain)-- is making the line “We did what YOU did,” which I think matches the tone of the surrounding dialogue a little closer. The delivery focusing on “you” would carry the same implication.

The one snag is that I’m not really familiar with how these voice synthesizers are tuned, so hitting the right delivery might be too impractical. If it’s not worth the effort, the “followed” version should still work great.

Post
#1553982
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Time

That drawing for the ancient texts looks excellent, really great stuff! Should tie that idea together really nicely.

RogueLeader said:

If you mess with Jannah at all, JarJar, these were the changes I was considering for her if you’re looking for ideas:

Finn: I never knew there were more.
[Old Line] Jannah: Deserters? All of us here were stormtroopers.
[New Line V1] Jannah: All of us stormtroopers heard your story.
[New Line V2] Jannah: All of the stormtroopers here heard your story.

Jannah: We laid our weapons down.
Finn: All of you?
[Old Line] Jannah: The whole company.
[New Line] Jannah: Just like you.

I’d love something like this, if it can be integrated well. This stood out to me as a massive missed opportunity in the theater and I know many others felt the same. The new AI lines have a lot less crust, it’s impressive stuff. Kylo’s “You’re a ghost. In a rotting clone.” is just about seamless, for one. (Though I’m very much on team cut-the-clone-line. I’d still advocate for the older “rotting shell/husk” idea. I think the vat of Sheevs does enough.)

Honestly, though, I’m against the use of AI-generated performances in general-- especially for commercial use-- but tentatively speaking, non-profit fanedits like this feel like a unique use case to me. Especially with something that could use as much work as TROS. Still, I think it’s definitely wise to remain cautious.

But, at the risk of ignoring my own opinion, I’ve been thinking of an opportunity to tie a few story threads together with an extra line or two in the training flashback sequence.

“She was quick to learn in our training. But as we sparred, a shadow would pass over her. In the end, Leia felt she could better serve the galaxy through diplomacy, as our mother once did. She surrendered her saber to me and said that one day, it would be picked up again, by someone who would finish her journey.”

In juxtaposition with the shot of Leia kicking her brother in the gut and throwing him to the ground, this could imply a struggle with her own pull to the darkness, and their shared concerned look afterward takes on that subtext. This would add another dimension to her wanting to help Rey work through her inner struggle. (Maybe she even regrets her own decision to shy away from the Jedi Path. She learns from her failure and passes it on to her student! Themes!)

I’ve condensed things as much as I could, to avoid overcrowding the narration. Still, here’s the maximalist version, just in case it inspires any other ideas.

“She was quick to learn in our training. We’re our father’s children. For better and worse. As we sparred, a shadow would pass over her. In the end, Leia chose to serve through diplomacy, as our mother once did, and the parents that raised her. She surrendered her saber to me and said that one day, it would be picked up again, by someone who would finish her journey.”

The thought wass that this further emphasizes family legacy, including family of choice, which is significant to this movie in particular. However, including it all would make for too much computer and not enough actor, and most likely tip things into the uncanny and distracting-- just the sort of thing DZ-330 was talking about. Ah well.

(Clearly, the answer is to get Mark Hamill to read it all.)

Post
#1523586
Topic
The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!)
Time

NeverarGreat said:

Interesting idea about the light changing! Something more subtle may be appropriate, since I wouldn’t want to suggest that Rey’s saber goes red.

Fair enough-- I was so invested in the visual symbolism that I didn’t notice how it might be confusing in a literal sense, lol.

NeverarGreat said:
Those are some fair points on the crawl as well. I did try ‘absence’ instead of ‘downfall’, but downfall just sounds more dire and clear that this is a bad thing for the good guys. There are also a lot of ‘s’ sounds on that line. Maybe generalizing the downfall to the plural Jedi would make more sense.

This feels like the best crawl so far to me. The one thing I would suggest is marrying the old ending line with the new. Something like:

“vanquish the shadow now
darkening the stars…”
or
“vanquish the shadow that
now darkens the stars…”

To me this seems like the best of both worlds, and ties into that opening image nicely.

Post
#1522221
Topic
The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!)
Time

This feels like the best crawl so far-- dense with info without feeling forced. Introducing the Republic early does helpthe second paragraph flow better.

I feel like while “Rejoicing in Skywalker’s downfall” does set the right sinister tone for the First Order, it might point too heavily toward later revelations about Luke’s arc following RotJ, where the rest of the movie teases out the mystery. “Skywalker’s abscence” might be a suitable more-neutral phrase. Then again, the First Order having apparent knowledge of said downfall establishes a mystery of its own which gets resolved later, so the trade-off may be worth it.

I would also suggest changing “the return of the Jedi” to “the Jedi Master’s return” or something similar-- with “the last Jedi” already present in the next paragraph, two title drops in one crawl feels a bit too “winking” to me. It would also reaffirm his goal of restoring the Jedi Order, and his prospective role as a mentor to Rey later on.

In a non-crawl-related note, I’ve gotten an idea in my head lately about Rey’s Dark Side connection in the duel which I can’t shake. I’ve been imagining the blue-red flickering on her and Kylo’s faces resolving to primarily red as she taps into that power-- paralleling the color symbolism when Kylo chooses the Dark in the previous scene.

I’ve made a rough mock-up here: https://streamable.com/4t9fi6

It may be overkill to add something like this on top of the new score and sound work, but I thought it was interesting enough to be worth sharing-- and I’m sure someone with more experience could execute the concept better.

Post
#1488816
Topic
KENOBI: A STAR WARS STORY [The Radical "Help Me Obi-Wan Kenobi" Cut]
Time

Anjohan said:

Good to hear, guys. Then we’ll keep it that way.

Second attempt at the line WITH Obi-Wan added. If the “Obi-Wan” still feels out of place I can remove it. To me the line feels more complete with it, but to each their own.

https://streamable.com/uv5jsn

Honestly, the problem I have is that that line reading of “Obi-Wan” in the episode feels a little off. It’s one of the moments the AI voice processing stands out more to me than usual.
For this edit though, it might help to space the “Obi-Wan” out a little further from the rest of the sentence. Probably not as long a pause as the previous version, since the reading is faster, but somewhere in the middle.
I agree that the scene plays better with Vader’s motivation made clearer like this, good stuff.

Second update:

Also, this is a scene i did after ep 2, and the intention is to build The Force theme throughout the film. It starts very light and unfinished, and by the time Obi-Wan becomes his former self the theme grows stronger with him.

This is also the first time in the film I use a Prequel score, to build some suspense and adventure as Obi-Wan embarks on his new oath to protect the second child (35th minute in film structure).

https://streamable.com/6wnzw2

Love this rescore and cut too, great work.