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Trident

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Join date
4-May-2015
Last activity
13-Jan-2021
Posts
435

Post History

Post
#1370502
Topic
If you need to B*tch about something... this is the place
Time

DuracellEnergizer said:

I thought getting a digital camera would reinvigorate my interest in photography. It’s certainly easier and more convenient than traditional photography. But there’re only so many hills and fields and trees and cloud formations and lakes I can take pictures of, in whatever communities I can visit, before they become monotonous and unstimulating. Because what I really want to take photos of are people, particularly women. And I don’t need an elaborate setup; an interesting looking girl in casual wear at an everyday location would be plenty for me to work with. But I don’t know anyone; I have no friends or acquaintances whom I could ask to model for me, and I haven’t the courage to approach perfect strangers. All this camera’s done is served as a reminder of how isolated and lonely I am.

Had someone come up to me once and ask to take pics. Worked out fine really. Didn’t mind. Was actually kinda flattered.

Sometimes it’s all in the approach.

Good luck man

Post
#1263172
Topic
The Place to Go for Emotional Support
Time

LordZerome1080 said:

I feel a great deal of sadness currently and I have doubts as to my ability to do college, I also find myself feeling more alone than I could have thought possible.

Ah yeah. I get it man. This can be a brutal time for sure. But seriously it gets better. You’ve just gotta get into the groove of things. You’ll do fine once you catch your stride.

As far as being alone goes? Man I know all about that. Seriously this goes into some familiar territory for sure. I wish you’d find some peace in knowing you’re not alone in feeling alone? But that’s probably not the full measure of your need just now. Still. Please have hope. It’s not all black for sure. Time should hand you some journey companions eventually.

Just know I care about you man. I don’t want you feeling down or alone.

Peace.

Post
#1252426
Topic
Satanic Panic! - (A Thread For All Things Satanic)
Time

suspiciouscoffee said:

suspiciouscoffee said:

Off the top of my head, here’s a list of things my parents have told me is satanic over the years (some of which they eventually reneged on).
-Pokémon
-Harry Potter
-D&D
-All non-conservative-protestant-evangelical-Christian religions
-Darwin’s theories, but only some of them
-“emogoth” music
-any music with bad words
-“the world”
-Monster energy drink
-most R-rated movies
-Gays (whoops)
-Anime (because the eyes are dark and creepy-lookin’)
-Foreign policy that isn’t neocon zionism
-“Imperfect” Jews (aka every Jew other than Jews for Jesus)

Something else I just remembered: when I was a little kid, my dad told me that I was never to use the word “awesome” unless I was referring specifically to God, as any other use of that word was basically blasphemy. He eventually relaxed on that, but it took several years.

Pretty much the same call out. And pretty much the same list. Except mother didn’t know anything about Anime. And Harry Potter wasn’t really a thing.

Post
#1252227
Topic
Ask the trans woman (aka interrogate the trans woman)
Time

flametitan said:

Trident said:

flametitan said:

Trident said:

That’s interesting. You see the people I know with dysphoria fall into 2 camps. There are those who accept it’s something, but they don’t think it’s right to fix it (operate) because of their beliefs? And then there are those like that friend of mine who’s still pre-op.

The former group you describe is one I’ve never seen trawling through support groups or general meeting places for trans people. Probably because of that opposition to the treatment that alleviates dysphoria.

As for your friend… I am autistic as well. That’s not a factor in how “sorted through” I am with this. Likewise, you absolutely cannot just jump on board of any sort of operation. It takes a minimum of a year on HRT before any facility capable of it will even consider seeing you. Now, there’s been debate over whether that’s too long, whether such gatekeeping is helpful at all, but the year of HRT before surgery is the standard currently. On top of that, everyone jumps to talking about whether or not someone will “regret” SRS. For the most part, it’s rare that such a thing happens, and as I said on the religion thread, for transfemme individuals it has a lot more to do with pressure from society than them actually regretting it. (It’s a more complicated instance for trans masc detransitioners)

What do you think? Is a year too long? Or not long enough? I mean you’ve been on this road for at least 5 years (if I’ve got that right)? What took the time to get from there to here? What was the aha moment for you when you figured it was time to turn thought to action?

What took me so long was not having the resources to do so until 2016, and from 2016 to 2018 was about them redirecting and gatekeeping me until I managed to get in their good graces and be allowed a prescription. Had I access to an informed consent clinic, I would have been going along this much faster.

Ah kk

If your friend is pretty firm it’s the right way to go, then they really should pursue it. Dysphoria becoming some other feeling of, “something’s not right,” doesn’t happen.

That’s the big problem with him. He’s not a firm type. I mean take his trying to tell his parents? 2 years running and still nope. He keeps promising himself and keeps talking himself out of it. But at the same time he’s sure he wants the operation. I keep telling him if he can’t commit to talking about it how can he commit to the full operation? It seems like a mixed view to me. It makes me worried.

Sounds to me like procrastination cause by anxiety, or something similar. I know I’ve been in those shoes. That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t pursue HRT or some such.

Definitely anxiety. Maybe I should get him to talk to you? I don’t know how you’d feel about that?

From the people I know who’ve gone through it, it starts off painful (Because their bodies are healing, so of course it’s painful) but when the pain starts to subside, it becomes normal. It’s just kind of a part of you now. It improves emotions greatly, sure, but those improved emotions become the norm, and the individual moves on with their life.

How many years has it been since they’ve made the transition on average? I mean how far past the pain are they in general?

All over the board. Usually the pain subsides after a few weeks or months, and the people I’ve talked to have varied from having just received it to going on years afterwards.

That said, it’s not always that easy to find those who have been post-op for several years, as occasionally they move “past” being trans and just start living their life as their preferred gender identity without thinking about it or identifying as trans at all.

That’s a good point. Funny I didn’t think of it that way.

Post
#1252218
Topic
Ask the trans woman (aka interrogate the trans woman)
Time

flametitan said:

Trident said:

That’s interesting. You see the people I know with dysphoria fall into 2 camps. There are those who accept it’s something, but they don’t think it’s right to fix it (operate) because of their beliefs? And then there are those like that friend of mine who’s still pre-op.

The former group you describe is one I’ve never seen trawling through support groups or general meeting places for trans people. Probably because of that opposition to the treatment that alleviates dysphoria.

As for your friend… I am autistic as well. That’s not a factor in how “sorted through” I am with this. Likewise, you absolutely cannot just jump on board of any sort of operation. It takes a minimum of a year on HRT before any facility capable of it will even consider seeing you. Now, there’s been debate over whether that’s too long, whether such gatekeeping is helpful at all, but the year of HRT before surgery is the standard currently. On top of that, everyone jumps to talking about whether or not someone will “regret” SRS. For the most part, it’s rare that such a thing happens, and as I said on the religion thread, for transfemme individuals it has a lot more to do with pressure from society than them actually regretting it. (It’s a more complicated instance for trans masc detransitioners)

What do you think? Is a year too long? Or not long enough? I mean you’ve been on this road for at least 5 years (if I’ve got that right)? What took the time to get from there to here? What was the aha moment for you when you figured it was time to turn thought to action?

If your friend is pretty firm it’s the right way to go, then they really should pursue it. Dysphoria becoming some other feeling of, “something’s not right,” doesn’t happen.

That’s the big problem with him. He’s not a firm type. I mean take his trying to tell his parents? 2 years running and still nope. He keeps promising himself and keeps talking himself out of it. But at the same time he’s sure he wants the operation. I keep telling him if he can’t commit to talking about it how can he commit to the full operation? It seems like a mixed view to me. It makes me worried.

So I don’t really know anyone who’s gotten to the other side of the procedure. I’ve got no connection with anyone who’s a survivor 3 years on and feeling great.

I’m assuming you’ve got more of a connection with people who’ve managed to go the full way. If so? Do you generally get the same solid feedback that it was the right thing to do? Or do you get a mixed message sometimes? I mean how much of a risk do you think you’d be taking if doing an operation? Emotionally, mentally, psychologically, whatever. I guess I’m trying to figure out if this is the lesser of 2 evils? Or if it’s guaranteed happiness and easy pacing from there?

From the people I know who’ve gone through it, it starts off painful (Because their bodies are healing, so of course it’s painful) but when the pain starts to subside, it becomes normal. It’s just kind of a part of you now. It improves emotions greatly, sure, but those improved emotions become the norm, and the individual moves on with their life.

How many years has it been since they’ve made the transition on average? I mean how far past the pain are they in general?

Post
#1252209
Topic
Ask the trans woman (aka interrogate the trans woman)
Time

moviefreakedmind said:

Trident said:

moviefreakedmind said:

Uh, OK this is getting too creepy. I’m done here.

It gets a little hot on the understanding department and it blows your mind? Good God. What a coward.

No. It’s creepy that you’re talking about pedophilia being a “deep love for kids.” Not wanting to be involved in that conversation does not make me a coward.

Sure it does.

Do you have any idea how many times I tried to hint at friends growing up that I had SSA? Do you know you’re giving me the same blow off they did. They thought it was creepy too. Trying to understand someone who isn’t like you shouldn’t be creepy. It might make you feel uneasy? It might strike you as totally the wrong way facing? But it shouldn’t be an excuse to run away and plug your ears.

I mean what if this guy was one of your pals and you never knew? What if he told you in a moment of weakness because he needed your strength to go on? What if he turned his trust to you and you answered like that?

So full of judgment. So full of assuming you knew what he was feeling? So full of assuming you knew better than he did what he truly wanted?

How could a guy like that ever try to get help when that’s the default people brush on to him?

He didn’t choose that path man. He didn’t wake up one day and figure it’d be a good day to be a pedophile. What happened to him was a whole long list of things.

And since I’ve got nothing to do today? I’ll share it with you.

It started with his dad pushing him down the stairs at 4 or 5. It started with his mom working double shifts at work to pay the bills while his dad drank the money.

From there it was watching the fights. It was being picked up as a little guy and thrown across the room.

It was being told he was the reason they didn’t have money. It was watching his older brother getting beat up for trying to defend his mom. It was learning early and heavy that no one wanted him. He learned when young that people didn’t care. He learned that adults did bad things. He learned that adults were monsters.

So when he got older and tried to date? He was terrified. He couldn’t talk to a girl in his teens. He couldn’t see them as anything he could understand. He was afraid they’d make fun of his stutter. They’d tear into his confidence and strip it bare in a heartbeat.

But he wanted affection. He wanted some way to connect. He needed love and wanted understanding. But he couldn’t get it from people in the normal way. He couldn’t trust anyone in a real sense.

So he started making things kind of ideal in his head. He started idolizing a childhood he never had. He started imagining what it was like to be a kid in a place of love. A kid who was safe from hurt.

And from there he started to love that kid. He wanted to be close to that kid. He wanted to share in that experience. He wanted to share in all the toys and games and carefree laughter that a kid in a normal house got on a regular.

He wanted it so bad he could taste it. It became an obsession. It became his fantasy. Something he used to get himself through the day. Because he works with seniors. And their needs are sort of like those of children in a way? But they’re battle-scarred. They’re ornery. They have sicknesses and diseases. They have ticks and are strong and sometimes fight with him in the dementia ward.

But kids? They’re innocent and sweet. They live a pure life with few inhibitions. They say what’s in their hearts. No games. No pretenses. Just honest and raw truth as they see it.

So he pines for that. He wants a connection with that. He wants to orbit that world and live inside it.

But he can’t. He doesn’t dare. He doesn’t want to hurt kids. He wants to protect them. He wants them to go on living in that pure world. He knows he’d ruin it for them. He knows he’d bring adult ideas into that safe place. He knows he’d destroy the very thing he loves most about them.

So he lives in a torment of his own experience. And lives a sideshow that makes him bitterly depressed.

I hope you understand what I’m saying here. I hope you get it. And I hope you forgive me for being so angry. I don’t really have a beef with you. I really should understand by now that so few people even want to sit and spend time with a leper that it’s really an of-course that most would be this way. I’ve just forgotten what it’s like. I’ve forgotten my first gut-instinct on it too by now.

Peace.

Post
#1252207
Topic
Ask the trans woman (aka interrogate the trans woman)
Time

flametitan said:

There’s a lot of people going on against comparing the pedophilia and SSA point, and that one I’m probably not going to touch with a hot poker until I can better wrap my mind around what my answer is. However, the first question is one I see from a lot of “opposition” to transition, and someone who might be ignorant on it might actually not realize why it’s different.

Trident said:

What’s your take on dysphoria in terms of rating its cause to be physically caused verses psychological?

I mean take apotemnophilia or xenomelia? Both of these are obviously disorders. Obviously. I mean I’d have a hard time thinking anyone anywhere really thinks that wanting to cut your own limbs off is ever gonna be accepted as normal enough to have its own parade. They’re both accepted as caused by physical breaks in the brain. They’re not even so much psychological as physical brain wiring problems.

The problem with comparing to those two is that Body integrity dysphoria (BID) has a serious lack of research behind it; by contrast, Gender dysphoria is well documented by the medical community. Transition is by no means the same as desiring to remove a limb. Ignoring that the non-op segment of the trans community exists, the worst thing srs does is sterilize you, an effect that’s not unique to it, either. It is by no means a desire to disable your body, especially when you look into how much work is put into the neo-genitals (or at least the neovagina. The neophallus is apparently still underdeveloped, hence why the majority of transmasc folk I know are non-op.)

On top of that, while there’s few studies about BID, there seems to be an indication that amputation does not cure BID. Rather, amputation temporarily relieves the patient’s feelings, before returning at some point or another. In contrast, if/when GD persists during transition, it tends to be one of two things. The first is that it overcorrects, in which case fine tuning the individual’s HRT regiment remedies it. I’ve only seen it a handful of times, and when I have, it’s usually because the individual in question identifies as non-binary.
More commonly, in my experience, is that instead that the new point of focus for dysphoria has always caused dysphoria, it just wasn’t as large a source as the others. For example, my shoulders and voice. They’ve always contributed to my dysphoria, but not to the extent that, say, growing facial hair or the lack of breasts have. Now that I’ve been on HRT for nine months, developed small chest buds, and have a proper regiment for dealing with my facial hair (though being able to afford laser and remove it permanently is a long term goal of mine), I’ve focused back on my voice dysphoria, in order to relieve that. After that, the shoulder dysphoria will remain, because there is no cure for shoulder dysphoria. If there were, I probably wouldn’t have to worry about dysphoria at all.

And as far as the, “If there was a pill that cures dysphoria, would you take it?” question… If I follow the question literally, there is such a pill. I do take it. It’s called Estradiol and an Anti-Androgen (though I might try to convince my doc to switch me from Spironolactone to Cyprotone, as I hear it gives better results with less side effects) for transfemme individuals, and Testosterone for transmasc individuals.

Following more the spirit of the question, with a “cure” that somehow eliminates dysphoria and lets one live their assigned gender, that becomes a deeply personal thing that depends on who you ask, how far along they are, and how “acceptable” transition is where they are. For myself, who’s been on this road for almost half a decade now, has access to proper transition care and has been on it for nine months with a generally accepting community… Yeah, no. I wouldn’t trade it. If someone was still trying to come to terms with it, or lives in a situation where pursuing transition might lead ostracize them at best or lead to violence at worst… I can see why they’d rather take a pill to repress those feelings.

But it doesn’t exist. The most effective cure to dysphoria is, and continues to be, transition.

As far as physical versus psychological goes, there’s some indications that the brain of a trans individual more closely matches that of a cis person of their preferred gender identity, but from what I recall, the sample had so much variance that it was hard to find a trend for “male brain,” and “female” brain at all.

That’s interesting. You see the people I know with dysphoria fall into 2 camps. There are those who accept it’s something, but they don’t think it’s right to fix it (operate) because of their beliefs? And then there are those like that friend of mine who’s still pre-op.

So I don’t really know anyone who’s gotten to the other side of the procedure. I’ve got no connection with anyone who’s a survivor 3 years on and feeling great.

I’m assuming you’ve got more of a connection with people who’ve managed to go the full way. If so? Do you generally get the same solid feedback that it was the right thing to do? Or do you get a mixed message sometimes? I mean how much of a risk do you think you’d be taking if doing an operation? Emotionally, mentally, psychologically, whatever. I guess I’m trying to figure out if this is the lesser of 2 evils? Or if it’s guaranteed happiness and easy pacing from there?

I like the detail you go into to make things clear. It helps see through that lens a bit better.

Peace.

Post
#1252192
Topic
Ask the trans woman (aka interrogate the trans woman)
Time

moviefreakedmind said:

pleasehello said:

But judging by the reactions, I don’t think anyone is really even willing to consider the perfectly reasonable possibility that Trident is putting forth: that these two completely different phenomena could both be the result of the physical wiring of someone’s brain.

It’s a bad analogy. It’d be better to compare it to people with a desire to torture or hurt people or something like that.

It’s a perfectly fine analogy while yours is so far off the mark you’re shooting backwards. A pedophile can be sadistic, sure. But so can anyone else be. The one I talk to has a deep love for kids. He’d die defending them. He’d be the last one to want to hurt any of them. He fundraises to send money to kids overseas because he tells me this is the only way he can both help kids and stay away from them at the same time. For him it’s a love-affair.

Yes it’s uncomfortable for some of us to think about? But it doesn’t help allowing prejudices to still stay in front instead of looking at what really is the case here.

I mean the big problem through all our history seems to have been when people are too bigoted to talk about things in a rational way. Why are some things not allowed to be talked about? Who says these links can’t be made if they make sense? Who makes those choices for the rest of us?

Post
#1252186
Topic
Ask the trans woman (aka interrogate the trans woman)
Time

Mrebo said:

Not many people have the tolerance for a purely analytical discussion when strong emotions are in play. There’s too much to respond to using a telephone as I am, and one should be wary of derailing flame’s thread. While there may be an interesting analytical matter, whether different conditions are both due to brain wiring doesn’t seem relevant here. Sympathy is going to vary regardless the cause for different conditions.

Those who don’t want to talk about it can just skip it. I’m interested. Others are too. Let the grown-ups talk about it.

Post
#1252184
Topic
Ask the trans woman (aka interrogate the trans woman)
Time

moviefreakedmind said:

RicOlie_2 said:

moviefreakedmind said:

What is SSA? And fuck any attempt to compare or link LGBT orientations to pedophilia. I have no tolerance for that.

Why? He’s not linking them on a moral level, he’s linking them on a psychological level. Clearly, there’s a difference. Both are attractions that are not evolutionary beneficial (neither can lead to procreation if pursued).

Child rape actually can and does lead to procreation. Your church demands that impregnated children not be allowed to terminate those life-threatening pregnancies. So you’re totally wrong there.

You’re missing the point. Totally missing it. Not all pedophiles are rapists just like not all hetro males are either. And it’s not even always about sex. Plus? Pedophiles can be men or women. They can like the same sex? The opposite sex? Or both.

Homosexuality at this point is evolutionarily beneficial since it won’t contribute to overpopulation (which I’m assuming you pretend is a myth). Plus gay couples can adopt and raise children that are orphans, unwanted, or wards of the state.

Are we basing whether or not something is a disorder on whether or not it is “moral” in and of itself? That’s seems awfully arbitrary to me.

I’m basing it on whether or not it has negative consequences. If something has no negative consequences then I have no problem with it.

What do you think about bestiality?

Actually, never mind. I’m not sure it really matters what you think.

Post
#1252164
Topic
Ask the trans woman (aka interrogate the trans woman)
Time

pleasehello said:

It’s always dicey to mention homosexuality and pedophilia in the same sentence. They’re obviously not the same thing as one is between two consenting adults and the other is completely morally reprehensible. This almost doesn’t need saying.

But judging by the reactions, I don’t think anyone is really even willing to consider the perfectly reasonable possibility that Trident is putting forth: that these two completely different phenomena could both be the result of the physical wiring of someone’s brain.

No one is comparing the two on a moral level and it’s disappointing that we can’t talk about it in a more clinical and analytical way.

Thanks so much. You said it in a much better and plainer way than I did. Maybe that was part of the problem when I first jumped in with both feet instead of trying to be more clear.

Post
#1252163
Topic
Ask the trans woman (aka interrogate the trans woman)
Time

snooker said:

I don’t want to be transgender but I am. If I could just be cis, I would. But I’m not. The only treatment (I can see) is to transition.

The only treatments that make trans people cis are the same ones that make gay people straight. Don’t exist.

I admit, I was a little harsh in my first reply because when I was a kid I had a few run ins with pedophiles. Not fun. I just can’t see myself including them amongst the LGBTQ+ community. They aren’t the same. Being a pedophile isn’t ‘gender-nonconforming’ like the other ones are.

Sorry buddy. I missed this while typing out my essay. Thanks for giving it to me in a plain way. This makes a lot of sense. I understand a lot better.

Sorry for the gut reaction. I didn’t mean to come across so hostile. I’m just a bit sensitive. But it’s all good.

Peace.

Post
#1252158
Topic
Ask the trans woman (aka interrogate the trans woman)
Time

snooker said:

First of all, I’m not a guy.

Secondly, you’ve implied that being gay is a problem in the same way that being a pedophile is. No.

I’m the bad guy for saying this?

Being gay isn’t a serious mental health issue in the way that pedophilia is. Being gay is being different; with nothing inherently bad or damaging to others. Being a pedophile is also different, but bad in every single way and they need serious help.

Also, how am I on a moral high horse if my moral is ‘kids shouldn’t be found attractive’!?

It’s the same from the sense that both start with a person struggling against an identity. Read my other post for a full backdrop. I understand you don’t know me. I understand you don’t know my background or what I’ve been through. And so I’ll accept the same towards you. I’ll try to read you as making this about “them” and “us” in some different way that doesn’t make me flinch. I’m sorry if I get testy about that? But I guess we’ve spent so long trying to understand each other in our group I’m still a bit surprised with the judging that goes on outside our fence. The gut reaction that this guy is somehow a completely different type of person just because his pull is in a slightly different direction from mine.

Because the way you’re reacting is exactly how people used to treat me. It’s the same way. And while I’m glad you’re accepting of a bigger group than others I’ve found? All I’m asking is not to judge those you haven’t maybe met. I mean a guy who’s got a leaning towards kids is a bit of a mystery from our view for sure. But it does make sense when you talk to him. He explains why he feels the way he does. He explains what it’s like knowing you can never have what you want the most. He explains the pain of self-hatred that comes with knowing what you want is no good for those you’re after. It’s his honesty that wins him points here. And it’s that honesty that lets me see myself in him sometimes. Because I grew up feeling the exact same way. I was taught that self-hatred too. I was taught that need to forget about what I really wanted and to try to repaint my walls from the outside. So I totally understand him.

The fact that I get to have my cake if I want it because society’s a different place now? Well that’s great for me I guess? But it still leaves him locked in a place where I once was. And I guess being Side B only helps me understand.

Am I making this any clearer or am I just adding a pile of words on top of something I could probably say in a simpler and easier way if I wasn’t so caught close to it like I am?

Peace.