A certain post I made somewhere in the Random Thoughts thread could likely be early signs of what was to come when I came back on 2020.
All I can say is, although I removed my original post, it can still be seen as is quoted, and although it was definitely disproportionate and a sad attempt to get attention, nowadays I REALLY DO SOMETIMES FUCKING FEEL LIKE IT, y’know!
I really don’t want to go into any detail or defame any family members, and the memory is hazy, but when I was young, my warped brain may have interpreted some innocuous things some family member did to me in a, let’s just say inappropriate and rather distressing light. I’m certain I wasn’t actually diddled (and I decline to go into any further detail as this is deeply personal, but I certainly did not like it. perhaps my sick sexual preference got modelled after that or predated it.
My sexual fetishes and sex drive are becoming a damned serious problem. I’m still a virgin and haven’t harmed anyone (other than myself), but those goddamn YouTube fetish videos of some goddamn movie scenes started this downward spiral of psuedo-PMO that turned my life to the dogs.
It seems my whole life revolves around SEX right now. I have no fucking direction which seems to have all started from some addiction.
Let’s just hope I don’t hang myself first thing in the motherfucking morning.
Also, I’m struggling real hard to stay off the net with my problems, also…
THE MEDICATION TEST RESULTS STILL HAVEN’T FUCKING COME YET!!!
IT DOESN’T HELP THAT MY FAMILY IS DIVIDED ON THE MATTER!! ONE SIDE WANTS IT, THE OTHER HALF DOESN’T. AND YES, I’VE TALKED.
All the whole my mental health continues to decay…
I seriously don’t know how much longer I can go on like this. Life really is putting me in the shitter.
If there’s a God, he’ll have some serious reparations both for me and others who have suffered throughout history.
But if he’s testing me… Well that’s definitely something different, and a lot better, to leave this post on a positive note.